


Broken Vows Verse'

by lizibabes



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Drug Use, Future Fic, Infidelity, Insomnia, M/M, Sex, Swearing, accidental drug use due to spiked drink, drinking to cope with problems, hints of depression, not eating due to stress, reckless behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2012-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-28 06:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 146,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the first part of the Broken Vows Verse' and also the fill for the beginnings prompt in my fanfic100 card. Tommy has been in love with his best friend Adam for years. What will he do now that Adam is getting married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Announcement

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> This is the first part of what will be a very long verse'. All the OC' characters are not intended to be based on real people in either Adam or Tommy's real lives. This verse will be filled with angst, hurt and comfort. I'll update the warnings as I go, but this fic will contain an affair, so I'm warning for that from the first chapter, so people can avoid this fic if that's a trigger/issue. Chapters will vary in length.

Tommy POV  
　  
In the beginning everything he said was true, everything that Adam said about him to interviewers was true. They were just friends, the kiss wasn't planned and Tommy wasn't gay. He'd never really given his sexuality much fault until everybody else was. He'd always been easy going, not big on labels, he'd just always only slept with girls and by most people's definition that would make him straight. Then Adam started kissing him and those things he had thought of as facts had started to seem a lot less clear and he found himself questioning his sexuality for the first time in his life. In his twenties and rethinking everything he thought he knew about himself. He thought he was straight, but maybe not, not with the way his heart raced around Adam, not with how his dick got hard on stage.   
　  
He didn't tell Adam, he knows now that maybe he should have, sitting in Adam's house with the whole glamily and watching him smile. His boyfriend, Ben, under his arm. Pretty Ben; slim, tall, but not as tall as Adam, toned, sea green eyes, sandy blonde hair and a ton of acting jobs under his belt. First on the stage and now in films. He probably wasn't after Adam's money and he's proven over the last months, almost a year now that he could handle the pressure of being the spot light with Adam, handle a boyfriend that was always touring. He was perfect for Adam, it made something pang in Tommy's chest every single time he looked at Adam. In the beginning, he and Adam had been just friends, but Tommy has wanted more for over two years now, through two tours and he's never had the balls to say it. To Adam he is as straight as he was in the beginning, before the AMA's, to Adam, Tommy is nothing but a friend. He knows it would be a dick move to tell Adam he wants him when he's with someone, but there had been months when they had both been single before Ben was in the picture. Tommy could have said something then, if he'd have pulled his head out of his ass and owned up to his feelings sooner.  
　  
But now it's too late, Adam's happy and he really is happy that Adam has found someone, but it doesn't make watching him be happy with someone else any less of a kick in the balls. So he stands by Monte, talks guitars and pretends to be the good friend Adam thinks he is, instead of the stupid jealous bitch he is these days. It's not like Adam and Ben are something new he needs to get used to, Ben's been in the picture for a long time now. Maybe it's being off tour. They’re on break while Adam works on a third album, a few gigs planned but nothing much. They’re all at home, Ben isn't the long distance boyfriend he was when they got together, he's a constant. It's not like Adam is ignoring his friends for his boyfriend, he still spends time alone with them all, but he brings Ben along to anything where it's a group of them. Which is normal, it's what boyfriends do, but Tommy hates it and he hates himself for that. He lost his chance, he needs to get over it.   
　  
"Tommy, you are so out of it, sleeping badly again?" Monte asks, actually waving a hand in front of Tommy's face to get his attention. He needs to quit zoning out on people because he's moping about Adam. He'll never have him, he can't mope forever, that would be beyond pathetic.  
　  
"Yeah man, insomnia's kicking my ass." Tommy shrugs and it's not a lie, not really. His sleeping pattern has gone to shit ever since tour finished, it's not the reason he's flaking out right now, but it's not like he can tell Monte the truth. He knows Monte wouldn't give him any shit for the kind of late in life questioning his sexuality and deciding he wasn't so straight thing, but he wouldn't approve of Tommy lusting over a guy with a boyfriend, hell Tommy feels like a tool for it. He wishes there was a switch that he could just flip and his feelings for Adam would go away. But life isn't that easy, it's never that easy.  
　  
"Come babysit the kids, that'll make you sleep for a week." Monte suggests.  
　  
"You know I'd do it anyway." Tommy points out and he would. He loves spending time with Monte's family, loves his little girls. They feel like family, the same way his sister and Mom do, even though his sister’s made him an uncle now, he still feels like that to Monte's girls as well. Monte's been letting them call him Uncle Tommy for a while anyways and he loves it, he spoils them a little, but he can't resist. He never thought he would be a baby person when he was younger, but he grew out of that phase, he doesn't remember when it happens. But he really likes kids and babies and he isn't shit with them the way he always thought he would be.  
　  
"I don't need a babysitter but you should come over, jam a little. I have some ideas for the next time we play together. Besides Lisa wants to cook a big family dinner, so you’re invited." Monte shrugs. Tommy loves playing with Monte, they don't do shows that often, haven't in a while because of touring with Adam, but he always looks forward to them. He can't respond for a second though, the casual way Monte just included him as family and means it is still something Tommy is getting used to. He respects Monte in a different way to the other people he truly respects. He kind of looks up to him, not just because he's older or a great guitar player, but because of the kind of man Monte is. He's the sort of husband and father Tommy kind of dreams of being, the kind of person he wants to be.  
　  
"Sounds good." Tommy's nodding, making plans when Adam is suddenly right there, without Ben on his arm for once. He hands Tommy a glass of wine, he hadn't even noticed he'd left his own drink somewhere. He joins in their conversation easily, Adam is always easy to talk to. He's almost as excited as they are when they play other gigs, always supportive. Someone calls to Monte and Tommy finds himself alone with Adam. They’re just talking, nothing big, but he still gets butterflies every god damn time. Isaac comes over with a camera and they pose, Tommy hopes his poker face is good enough not to give anything away.  
　  
"I've not seen you much tonight." Adam comments as Isaac drifts off to harass someone else with his camera.  
　  
"I was mainly here, talking to Monte." He isn't going to point out that they haven't talked much because Adam's been with Ben all night. Ben has always said he liked Tommy, that he was fine with the stage gay, so Tommy doesn't know if there is a real problem between them or if it's just his own jealousy that makes it hard to talk to Ben.  
　  
"The gigs sound like fun and you have some stuff with Ravi to?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Yeah and I'm helping Mike write some songs." Tommy nods. Music is safe, they can talk about music without him saying something stupid about his feelings or about Ben.  
　  
"So you’re taking our time off and really relaxing then?" Adam asks, slight smirk flirting with his lips, eyebrows raised.   
　  
"Fucker, it's not like you’re sitting on your ass either. You’re writing an album." Tommy points out. Tours been over maybe a week and he should want to take it easy, but it's just not in his nature to sit around doing nothing, music is too big a part of his life for him to just sit around and not play. They both know between interviews, making the album and everything he has to do to be a successful rockstar that Adam will be busier than him.  
　  
"Yes, but I'm taking lots of breaks. I didn't do anything this week, went out shopping like once, spent the rest of the time at home in bed." Adam smiles and Tommy tried to mirror his expression, it feels so fake, his smile wooden on his face, but it's the best he can do when he feels sick to his stomach. At home all week with Ben, probably meaning at home, in bed with Ben all week. He is such an asshole, he should be pleased for Adam. Adam would be pleased for him.  
　  
"Only once huh? Guess you couldn't resist new boots or something?" Tommy asks, trying to go for gently mocking, if it falls flat Adam doesn't call him on it. If anything his smile gets bigger, he looks so damn happy and that's all Tommy wants really, because Adam deserves to be happy, even if it's not with him, even if it's been breaking his heart for longer than he's like to think about.  
　  
"I had to pick something I ordered up." Adam smiles and then Sutan comes over to ask them to come to Raja's next show. Tommy slips away at some point, not that he doesn't actually like the conversation about makeup, but because he just needs a break. He goes to the kitchen to get a drink even though Adam's had the party catered so there are waiters he could have asked. Fancy parties aren't really his thing though and it gives him a few minutes to hide, where he doesn't have to talk to one single person. No one stops him or asks him what he's doing, he takes nearly three times as long as he normally would to get a glass, some ice and then fill it with jack. But it takes a little while to get his act together, when he leaves this room he needs to be the easy going bassist, the laid back guy who goes with the flow. Adam's chilled out straight boy, his best friend. He needs to be the man he was in the beginning, the man they all still think he is, but in reality he hasn't been that man in a very long time.  
　  
When he comes out of hiding everyone is gathered around Adam, Ben is under his arm again. Both men are smiling, so happy, so in love and resenting that would make him a piece of shit, so he moves closer, fake smile on his face and glass tight in his hands. Adam looks at him and like he'd been waiting for that he starts to talk.  
　  
"Well everyone, I have an announcement to make." Adam says loudly and everyone goes quiet, Adam doesn't need to yell to get attention, just raise his voice a little and everyone goes silent, eyes on him.  
　  
"In the beginning, when I first met Ben I never imagined I'd be standing here. I'm always touring, Ben has to travel for work. But we made long distance work." Adam smiles again, one hand sliding into the back of Ben's hair, ruffling it while Ben looks at him in a way that Tommy can only describe as adoring.   
　  
"It might seem quick to you all, but I've, ah, asked Ben to marry me and he said yes." Adam beams and the whole room goes crazy. Tommy catches sight of the ring Ben is wearing, he can't see it properly from here, but he has a feeling that was the thing Adam left his house to pick up. He’s known he was going to do this for a while, maybe been engaged for a while and only just told them. This isn't just some post tour party, it's an engagement party. Tommy downs his jack in one swallow and then put the empty glass on the tray the waiters carrying as he passes out champagne so they can toast the happy couple. Tommy takes a glass of that as well, it's not his favourite thing to drink, but right now as long as it has alcohol in it, he's not complaining.  
　  
Adam is engaged, he is going to marry Ben, Tommy really has lost his chance. He should have said something in the beginning, not let them label him when he didn't really label himself. Sexuality is fluid, can change, he just hadn’t had the balls to go for a guy before. Hadn't had the balls to say a thing, not wanting to come across as Bi-curious or something. He knew Adam didn't hate anyone for their sexuality, but he hated being an experiment. He's been too scared to open his mouth and now it was too late, too fucking late.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
He can't believe how happy for him they all are, wide smiles, cheers. God it feels good to have someone to be with, someone out and in the whole celebrity business too. Not to mention Ben is gorgeous, sweet, smart and good in bed. They've made it work through shitty circumstances, he knows this will work, that they can have a happy life together. When he met Ben he had been lonely, in the beginning Ben had just been a substitute for who he really wanted and couldn't have. But it was more now, he loved Ben, he really did. It was easier than he thought it should be maybe. He'd always thought his fights with Brad showed passion, but things hadn't worked with Brad. So maybe Ben's safer, but really is there any harm in playing it safe? He doesn't want to get his heart broken again and Ben will never do that. They'll get married, live their separate lives working, but always have each other to come back to. No more empty houses or dinners for one, going out and trying to find someone, anyone you had a connection with. He couldn't keep the smile off his face.  
　  
"Even though the weddings not for a while. I want to ask a question." Adam tells them, eyes finding Tommy in the crowd again, he looks good, elegant in his shirt and Jacket in a way he rarely is. Adam had mentioned the party would be fancy and Tommy had offered to ditch the T-shirt and jeans look. He was a good friend.  
　  
"Tommy Joe, Can you come up here?" Adam asks and watches as his friends and family make a path for Tommy in the crowd. He walks through it slowly, glass of champagne in hand. He looks a little stunned, probably shocked Adam could keep this a secret till the actual party. He isn't good at keeping good news to himself and Tommy knows that.  
　  
Tommy stands on his other side, he looks almost confused now, which is just adorable. A grown man should not be so damn cute, but it's not like Tommy looks his age or even close to it. Adam doesn't know how he manages to look like that. Hours of sleep at most, bad insomnia, almost never cleaning the makeup off his face before he sleeps, a diet that makes Adam shudder. He's clearly very lucky and Adam could maybe hate him for it a little, if he had been vain about it. But no, Tommy didn't even seem to get how good he looked. Had tried in the past to change himself just to fit in, bulking up when most people wanted to slim down. Metal head Tommy had been hot, he's seen the pictures, but he prefers the way Tommy looks now, so God damn pretty it almost hurts.  
　  
"Tommy, I'd like you to do me the honour of being my best man." Tommy has been his rock on tour for two years, the one he goes to when he wants to talk or just sit quietly without feeling like he needs to talk. Tommy has been there for him and despite how confused Adam's feelings had once been over his best friend, he can't imagine asking anyone else for this, he wants Tommy at his side at the altar.  
　  
Tommy's mouth drops open for a second, he's a quiet guy sometimes, but Adam's not sure he has ever seen him totally speechless.  
　  
"But what about Neil?" Tommy asks for a second, glancing into the crowd.  
　  
"He doesn't trust me with the speech, which proves he's not an idiot." Neil smirks. They talked about it when Adam decide to do all this, ask Ben to marry him, the way he knew the other man wanted, to ask Tommy to be his best man. He loves his brother and Neil is happy for him, even though Neil and Ben have nothing in common. Some days he almost thinks Ben doesn't like Neil, but then a lot of people take Neil's negativity and sarcasm the wrong way to start off with.   
　  
"So what do you say? Will you be my best man?" Adam asks, he can't imagine anyone else doing it, no one he'd want more. Monte, his father, he'll want them to speak at the reception, but he can see Tommy in his head, wearing a suit, handing him a ring.  
　  
"Um of course. My speech might not be great, I'm not all that good at speaking in public." Tommy looks nervous and twitchy and Adam let’s go of Ben to pull him in for a quick hug. Maybe he should have asked Tommy without the audience, he knew there was a chance it would make Tommy uncomfortable, but he had wanted Tommy to be a part of his special day as well, part of the announcement. Tommy only likes an audience when he's playing music, the rest of the time he seems almost shy around big groups of people.   
　  
"Thanks baby, you have plenty of time to work on the speech, it's not like we plan to get married next week." Adam jokes, he has an album to write, interviews to give, festivals to play, their engagement won't be the longest ever, but they’re not rushing into this.  
　  
When he lets Tommy go, the other man is blushing and hiding behind his blonde fringe. It makes Adam chuckle even as the sight tries to still his breath. He can't help finding him beautiful and quickly turns back to Ben before it looks like he's staring. Ben isn't the overly jealous type, but they've had their moments when Ben really didn't like the attention Adam was getting from or giving to other men. Adam doesn't have a wondering eye though, looking at Tommy it's harmless. He's a pretty straight boy, a friend, you can look and appreciate pretty things without wanting them or having them. Like if he goes to an art gallery, he looks at all the paintings, but he doesn't buy them all and take them home. It's better to be careful today though, he doesn't want a happy day to turn sour because he's looking at someone he can't even have if he did want them, for far too long.  
　  
"Thank you, Tommy, he was really hoping you would say yes." Ben smiles, reaching out to shake Tommy's hand. He has a beautiful all over tan that Adam loves and it makes Tommy's hand look shockingly pale.  
　  
Tommy nods and flees back into the crowd, Adam smiles, he really does hate standing up in front of a room full of people unless he has a guitar or a bass in his hands. He's so happy, he's in a room filled with people he loves, work going well, his career doing better and better. He has a fiancée that loves him, that puts up with him travelling all the time, the late nights, the occasional crazy fan who takes things too far. Ben fits in with his life perfectly. Ben stays with him while people come over to congratulate them both, everyone seems so happy for them both and Adam can't keep the smile off his face.  
　  
It's just over an hour after his announcement when Brad and Sutan stumble over, they're both clearly smashed and hiding it very badly. Tommy appears between them with a bottle of water in each hand, which he passes to each of the drunk men now clinging to him. They both kiss him loudly, smacking noises included on the cheek.  
　  
"You’re smashed." Adam smirks.  
　  
"We're celebrating your engagement." Brad grins, Adam had told Brad before his other friends. Even though things between them are long in the past, he didn't want to risk hurting his ex by surprising him with the news. As fun as shocking people with the news has been, he knew some people had to know before the party, his parent's, Neil, Lane and Brad. All for very different reasons, but he is glad he told them. They all reacted as he'd hoped, pleased for him and they'd all kept the secret for the past week.  
　  
"You already knew." Adam points out.  
　  
"Doesn't mean I can't celebrate now." Brad giggles and he actually pokes his tongue out, he really is drunk. He thinks it would probably be most men's worse nightmare to have one ex, one very drunk ex stand in front of their fiancée, but it's not for Adam. They might not be best friends, but Brad has been nothing but supportive of his relationship since it began and Ben seems to like Brad. He's admitted before to feeling intimidated, but it hasn't caused any problems.  
　  
"Tommy's driving us home." Sutan announces and then for reasons known only to them it would seem Sutan and Brad both kiss his cheeks again, just as loud as the first time.  
　  
"More escorting in a taxi. I've been drinking too. And I don't know why they keep doing that." Tommy frowns as he tries to wipe his face, smeared now with lipstick or lip gloss, something red on one side, pink and shimmery on the other, all while helping both Sutan and Brad standing straight.  
　  
"It's because you’re pretty, Tommy Joe." Brad says brightly and they kiss him again, more makeup smearing onto his pale cheeks. He can hear Ben giggle a little, he hasn't really been around Brad, Sutan and Tommy at the same time before. Sutan and Tommy bonded almost instantly and have been calling each other their life partner since God knows when. In the beginning Brad and Tommy hadn't been as close. Brad had made a lot of jokes about closeted twinks, about Tommy being Adam's new toy boy. They'd clicked once Brad made a little effort to get to know Tommy and it always made Adam smile to see them all together, he loved it when his friends all got along. All his most important people loving each other.  
　  
"I'm not cute." Tommy protests, which just gets him another kiss from each man while they practically coo at him. Adam's laughing so much he doesn't notice Sutan and Brad stumbling forward and pulling Tommy with them. They both manage to kiss him, a set of slightly wet lips on either cheek and he can tell by their breath they've been drinking more than champagne. They hug Ben next, once again dragging Tommy along, but at least no one gets kissed. Then they are back in front of him and Brad is frowning.  
　  
"You’re his best man, you have to kiss him goodbye." Brad says firmly.  
　  
"I don't think that's how it works." Tommy mutters, glancing at the drunk limpets on his arms, at Adam and at Ben. He licks his lips looking nervous.  
　  
"It's okay, I'm not that possessive. Give him a kiss or they'll never let you take them home." Ben encourages. He'd always been fine with Adam kissing Tommy on stage, fine with the fact that lots of his friends kiss hello and goodbye. He likes that Ben gets it, that a kiss isn't always sexual, it can mean a thousand other things.  
　  
"A proper kiss, no tongue, but on the lips." Sutan demands.  
　  
Tommy looks at Ben again, clearly a little uncomfortable even though it wouldn't be the first time they had shared a closed mouth kiss off stage. Adam decides to take the pressure off Tommy. After all Ben is right. So stubborn as they both are, Sutan and Brad will not leave until they see Adam and Tommy have a proper goodbye kiss. He dips down and presses his lips to Tommy's. It's different from being kissed by Brad or Sutan, not because it is on the mouth or because Tommy's mainly sober. He can't put a name to the feeling, he just knows his stomach clenches as their lips meet. He licks his lips as he pulls back, can taste jack and lip gloss from Tommy's mouth. Apparently pleased now, Sutan and Brad start tugging on Tommy's arms ready to leave. Adam waves at them, tongue still flicking out every few seconds to get a taste of something that's probably long gone by now and just in his head.  
　  
He doesn't look at Ben, not sure what expression will have leaked through onto his face. He was kissed by Brad and Sutan, Ben told Tommy to kiss him, he has nothing to feel guilty about. Being engaged doesn't mean he can't kiss people, it's a friendship thing, it's fine. So why does he feel like he just cheated? Why is kissing Tommy so different?  
　  
"I do not envy him that drive home. He's a good friend." Ben says lightly.  
　  
Adam forces a smile back in place, planning to lock the weird feeling from kissing Tommy away some place, not to look at later, but never to look at again.  
　  
"Yeah, he is." Adam agrees, glancing back in the direction of the doors. Tommy is already gone and he snaps his eyes back to Ben. He doesn't think you should feel longing like this when your best friend leaves a room. He takes Ben's hand and asks him to dance. He tries to keep his mind on the man in his arms, but he keeps seeing brown eyes in his head, tasting whisky sweet kisses on his lips. His smile feels brittle and false, but no one seems to notice. Everyone caught up in what should be one of the happiest days of his life.  
TBC…


	2. Aftermath.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of the Broken Vows Verse' and also the fill for the insides prompt in my fanfic100 card. Tommy has been in love with his best friend Adam for years. What will he do now that Adam is getting married. Tommy's reaction to Adam's announcement once he is alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> This is the second part of what will be a very long verse'. All the OC' characters are not intended to be based on real people in either Adam or Tommy's real lives. This verse will be filled with angst, hurt and comfort. I'll update the warnings as I go, but this fic will contain an affair, so I'm warning for that from the first chapter, so people can avoid this fic if that's a trigger/issue. Chapters will vary in length.

Tommy POV  
　  
It felt like somebody was tearing his insides apart, like they had just reached into his gut with some Freddy Kruger style gloves on and started shredding. So he was in a taxi in between Brad and Sutan with a fake smile plastered on his face, when all he wanted was to be alone. He was keeping up a mask, but inside, fuck inside, he felt like he was bleeding out. He should have seen this coming, it wasn't like there was anything stopping Adam from getting married and he was a romantic, he wanted monogamy, a life with someone. Adam proposing to Ben made perfect sense, but it didn't make it feel any less like Adam had punched into his chest and torn out his heart. And that was so fucking unfair of him, he shouldn't blame Adam for the pain he was feeling. It's not like he knew about Tommy's feelings for him or hell even his sexuality, because Tommy had made sure he didn't know those things.  
　  
"He looked so happy. I wonder how he proposed." Brad smiles and Tommy can see that his smile is so real. Adam's actual ex, a man who had him, was loved by him, he's really, genuinely happy for Adam. Tommy doesn't want to think about how shitty of a person he must be that he isn't really happy for Adam. He wants to be, because Adam really deserves to be happy, but his brain and his heart just can't agree on this. His head knows that Adam is happy and that him being happy is a great thing. But his heart is a jealous little bitch that's mad because Adam is happy with someone else, someone who isn't him.  
　  
"I bet it was romantic." Sutan smiles.  
　  
Tommy is sure it was, it's Adam, no fucking way he would propose and have it be anything other than perfect. It was probably the most romantic moment in Ben's life so far, the wedding will be the same, their marriage will be too, full of romance. Adam is a romantic on the inside, just as much as he is sexual on stage. The envy he's feeling right now makes it feel like the inside of his chest is coated in acid and it's eating away at him.  
　  
"I'm just so happy for both of them." Brad slurs and Tommy stays quiet. He's playing by the rule of ‘if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all’. And right now all he feels inside is bitterness, jealousy, cold nasty emotions, he feels ashamed of himself for thinking these things, feeling this way. He won't spread his poison by letting any of it out.  
　  
The taxi pulls up outside of Brad's place and Tommy finds himself being dragged out of the taxi while Sutan hands over cash.  
　  
"What happened to everyone going home?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Boring, I want a sleepover and you love to cuddle bitch, so don't even front." Brad says cheerfully, while Sutan nods in agreement.   
　  
He isn't sure a sleepover with Brad, Adam's ex and best friend, and Sutan, one of Adam's other best friends is what he needs. It sounds like a bad idea, he should get a taxi, go home. And what, cry himself to sleep? He's determined not to be that pathetic and maybe leaving a really drunk Brad and Sutan alone would be a bad idea. He said he was going to look after them, so he will and maybe if he keeps busy enough he'll manage not to think at all, manage not to think of Adam and what he's probably going to do with Ben, his fiancé, after the party. He doesn't argue, just lets them drag him upstairs. Brad still trying to be a good host even though he's smashed. He gets them makeup remover, lets them shower, finds clothes that won't really fit, but that'll be comfortable. Tommy thinks Brad probably manages to be a better host, drunk of his ass than Tommy would sober.  
　  
They all get into Brad's bed, there's not a lot of room, but it's warm which is all that really matters to Tommy. They put him between them and put project runway on the TV, it makes him think of nights in with Adam, of Ben in bed with Adam. He hides his face in Sutan's neck, pretending to just be tired, but just needing an excuse to hide his face. He's not sure if he's sober enough to hide how he's feeling right now. It seems harder to hide out of his fancy clothes and his makeup, like all that stuff is a mask that can keep him safe and now he's not safe. He is so glad Brad and Sutan are drunk right now, normally they would see through him in a second. By the time they've sobered up, he thinks he'll be past the shock, it'll be easier to lie then. He's not much of a liar, people seem to think he's not good at it, but he is, can be anyway when he really wants to be. He's hidden his crush on Adam long enough, he can hide this, these hurt feelings.  
　  
Brad pets the arm Tommy has by him as he watches TV, not even looking at what he's doing as soft fingers run over the ink on his arm. Sutan strokes his hair as well, the combination of both is pretty relaxing, that and the booze in his system has him feeling pretty sleepy. He shuts his eyes just listening to his friends insulting people on the TV and giggling, it makes him smile a real smile. Moments like these, simple but so fucking good, they make him happy. His smile dips though, when he remembers he wouldn't have any of this if not for Adam. They were Adam's friends first, he gave this to Tommy, good friends, amazing people, this life. Adam's done so much for him, the least Tommy can do is be pleased for him. He falls asleep thoughts still jumbled and wakes up to a hangover and a mind that's no less confused. He stays for coffee, watching Brad trying to move around his kitchen without making a sound and Sutan at the kitchen table doing his makeup. He loves them both, but he can't be around them right now, so he leaves before breakfast. He goes home to an empty apartment, he can afford to live alone now so he does, he's not really sure if he likes it yet. He's so used to being around other people that it doesn't really feel right living completely alone yet. He kicks off his boots and crawls under the comforter; a plus side of living alone being that there is no one there to question his behaviour. He can sulk and be hung over and no one will know.  
　  
The last person he expects to call him is Neil. But two hours after he crawled into his bed, he's crawling out from inside his cocoon of blankets when his phone won't stop ringing and it's Neil's name flashing on the display.  
　  
"Neil, what the fuck?" Tommy groans.  
　  
"That answers the ‘are you hung over’ question, cool I can skip it." Neil laughs.  
　  
"I was sleeping, motherfucker, this better be good." Tommy flops back into bed, cradling his phone close with one hand, he tries to cover himself up in tangled blankets with the other. It's November, its freaking cold already, he hates winter so much.  
　  
"This is like a work call you dick. I need your schedule for some shows." Neil explains. Tommy groans, there is no way he can remember the shows he has with Ravi off by heart so he crawls out of bed again to get them, hating that he wrote it all down when he was in the living room, he should keep everything in grabbing distance of his bed. He gives up on getting more sleep, so he starts making coffee while he organizes shit with Neil.  
　  
"So dude, freaking out about your best man speech yet?" Neil asks, as Tommy scribbles down the last place he has to be, that they know about right now. They’re doing a few one off shows, some award stuff as well, playing after Adam gives some interviews. Busy few months between that and playing with Ravi, he wonders how wedding stuff will fit in with him, how it'll fit in with Adam's busier schedule.   
　  
"Only a little, I mean I have a while." Which is a bullshit answer, he hasn't even really thought about his speech, too freaked out over Adam getting married to have time to freak out about anything else.   
　  
"If you need any embarrassing stories about him just let me know." Neil offers.  
　  
"Neil, I'm not going to embarrass him at his wedding." Tommy sighs. Fuck he said yes to being best man, he'll have to stand at Adam's side at the altar, hand over a wedding band to Adam to give to Ben, then he'll have to talk about how great it all is. He feels sick to his stomach, stops pacing his kitchen and sits down, hoping it'll help slow the rolling in his stomach.  
　  
"You’re too nice, man. A best man is meant to embarrass the groom." Neil points out.  
　  
There are a lot of things a best man is supposed to do and plenty of things he isn't. A best man isn't meant to want to fuck the groom, he wishes he'd had a good reason to say no, a good reason that he could actually tell other people. He thinks maybe if he wasn't in love with Adam he would be thrilled about being his best man, love that his best friend had picked him. But he doesn't want to be picked out as Adam's closet friend, he wants to be his lover, but Adam's already picked Ben and there is nothing he can do about that now.  
　  
"You know Adam's gonna be hell till he gets married. All the stuff he needs to organize and you have to help with. He's going to call you constantly to talk weddings, make you dress up and give a speech. After the diva shit he's going to pull on you, you deserve to mock him a little." Neil coaxes, Tommy's stomach dips, fuck, Adam is a worrier, he'll worry about every aspect of the wedding, he'll call Tommy. They’re going to have to talk about Adam's wedding over and over again for months, it'll get rubbed in his face all the time, because nobody knows he doesn't want to hear about it.   
　  
"I think I'm going to be sick." Tommy blurts out as he tastes bile on his tongue.  
　  
"Hang overs are a bitch. Go throw up and go back to bed." Neil orders before hanging up, clearly not wanting to overhear Tommy being sick. Tommy drops his phone on the table, glad that Neil thought to blame his hang over. He doesn't think he'll make it to the bathroom, so he stumbles over to the sink. He has nothing but coffee, last night’s booze and bile to bring up, it makes his throat burn and his eyes water. Once he's done he fumbles the tap on, wanting it gone, wanting the smell gone. He has to grip the sink tight to stay on his feet, his whole body feels shaky and weak. Fuck, he needs to pull himself together before someone catches on to him. Things aren't about to get better, people will only be talking about the wedding more, he needs to learn to deal with it.  
　  
He gets himself a glass of water and goes back to his room. He strips out of his clothes, now soaked in a clammy sweat, he thinks a shower might freshen him up, but he feels way too tired, too drained to even think about it, so he just slips into some clean sleep pants and a T-shirt and gets back into bed. He falls asleep staring at his phone where he left it just behind the glass of water. When he wakes up, the glass is half empty, like maybe he drank some when he was half asleep and his phone is flashing. He picks it up and then rolls onto his back to look at it. One text… From Adam.  
　  
*Neil said you were sick. Hope you feel better soon. Lunch this week? oxo*  
　  
Adam is way politer than Neil, there is no way Neil said he was unwell, he would have told Adam about the hangover, but Adam's nice enough not to point out when someone being sick is self-inflicted. Tommy sighs, lunch with Adam is something he'd normally text a yes back to straight away, he loves spending time with him. He's not even sure now that it'll be just them, maybe it'll be Adam and Ben. Lots of couples do stuff together with each other’s friends. Maybe they both want to talk about the wedding, he's not sure if he's ready to start making plans with them both.   
　  
He can't just ignore Adam though or blow him off and even the idea of avoiding him for weeks to get space hurts, another reminder of just how bad he has it. He gets ready to reply, thinking about lying for a few seconds before he just bites the bullet and agrees to lunch. Adam texts back, giving him two days to recover and telling him where to meet him. He has no idea if this is just a meal between friends or a wedding thing and he doesn't have the energy to work it out, so he puts his phone down and hides under the covers again. He should get up, eat, shower, but if he does, he'll have to think and he doesn't want that. If he sleeps he doesn't have to think for a while, so he blocks out the world till he drifts off.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
He's glad he managed to get a private booth, he wants to be able to talk to Tommy without looking over his shoulder to see if anyone is listening, he wants to ask if Tommy's feeling better without it ending up all over Twitter. If the fans thought Tommy was ill Twitter would exploded, mainly genuine concern with a few crazies thrown in. He sits fiddling with his phone, half sure Tommy won't show up, which is irrational, just because Tommy's never normally late doesn't mean he's not coming just because Adam beat him to the restaurant. It's not like they had a fight, but Tommy hasn't text him since the party, didn't let him know he'd gotten home okay, so Adam had text him after hearing from Neil and they haven't talked since. It's two days, they've gone longer, but he's feeling paranoid after the party. A nagging little voice inside telling him that something is wrong.  
　  
He spots a very blond head and grins when he takes a proper look and it is Tommy, decked out all in black, oversized sunglasses on his face even though they’re inside. He's lead over to the table and Adam stands up, to hug him the way he always does, is careful to keep the kiss he brushes to Tommy's cheek well away from his lips, his stomach still does a weird little flip, but it's been doing that for years, so he ignores it. That weird sense of guilt isn't there this time, so he figures the moment at the party was just a fluke. He sits down, smiling, feeling happier, Tommy sitting down opposite him in the booth. It's not till they're sitting that he notices Tommy looks a little pale, not that he's ever tan, but this is noticeably paler than normal for him.   
　  
"Are you still sick?" Adam asks, Neil had told him Tommy was hung over, but maybe the drinking the night before hadn't made Tommy ill, maybe he'd been getting something. It would explain why he'd been so quiet, even on Twitter.  
　  
"No, I'm fine, just a few late nights." Tommy shrugs, it looks like he almost hesitates to take the glasses off, his hand stopping half way to his face for a moment before he moves it and pulls them off. Adam frowns, the light makeup he has on does nothing to hide the darkness forming under his eyes from lack of sleep, Tommy is good enough with makeup, but not good enough to hide that.  
　  
"Insomnia again, baby?" Over the years he's seen how bad Tommy's insomnia can get, bouts where he hardly sleeps at all, for days and even weeks. It had been hell on him on tour, wide awake when the rest of them slept in the bunks, when they had shows to do. Always the last to go to bed at night, some of the others tried making bets with each other, about if they could go to bed after Tommy at night and through two tours it has never happened, not while he's sleeping badly. Adam still has to push him to take naps so that he doesn't end up collapsing or getting sick. Tommy still fights him now on it as much as he did the first time. He often wonders when they're not on tour, who nags Tommy to take care of himself. Living alone, no girlfriend that he knows of and his family will never push him on it. Thinking after all these years that he can handle his illness. Adam worries though, he likes looking after all his friends and Tommy needs it more than most seen as he won't look after himself.  
　  
"Little bit." Tommy shrugs, picking up a menu, he's seen that move before, Tommy's hiding from him, which means a little is probably more like a lot.   
　  
"Anything I can do to help?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Nah, I'll be fine. I need to go shopping for Lisa's birthday present. I saw her and the kids yesterday, but she didn't drop any hints." Tommy frowns.  
　  
"We could go shopping after this, I hate to be a stereotype, but I am good at the whole shopping thing." Adam smirks.  
　  
"Don't you have work? Or wedding stuff?" Tommy asks, putting the menu down and fiddling with the edge of it.  
　  
"I have time." Hell right now, he'd probably call up and cancel any plans he did have if it meant helping Tommy. He just wanted to see him smiling and happy, he looked so drained right now.  
　  
"Okay, cool." Tommy nods, they both order. Tommy some spicy beef dish because he can eat anything, little shit. Adam plays it safer with chicken, it's a while before the wedding, but he wants to look good for it, not like some fat lump in his suit.  
　  
He orders wine even though he knows alcohol is empty calories, but splitting a bottle might do Tommy some good, relax him a little. Adam can see the tension in his shoulders. It seems to ease a little about half way through the meal, they eat, talk and drink a little. It's nice, relaxed. Tommy is always easy to be around, always has been, even back when Adam was crushing hard and single and being around Tommy had reminded him of how alone he was. He has Ben now, a man he loves and it makes it easier to keep his crush on Tommy where it belongs, hidden away with all the other things he doesn't like to think about.  
　  
After dinner they head to some nearby shops, a little giggly from the wine. They wonder around trying to look like they’re not even a little tipsy. Tommy doesn't like half of the things Adam picks out, but finally he finds a gorgeous vintage dress and matching shoes. It's exactly her style according to Tommy and Adam agrees that it is beautiful. The shop can even gift wrap it and send it to Tommy's house for him, so they don't have to carry it anywhere. Which is good because Adam isn't ready to go home, dragging Tommy into a few men’s shops. Tommy pouts a bit, but Adam can see the sparkle in his eyes and he keeps laughing when Adam does silly poses when he tries stuff on. Even though Tommy didn't actually have a bad time shopping, Adam suggests they go for a drink to make up for the shopping. They don't go to a club, just a quiet bar. They talk about music, their friends, sipping whiskey and ordering some food when it gets later. It's funny how what was meant to be just a lunch turns into a whole day. He didn't plan on it, hasn't called anyone or text anyone else all day.  
　  
He orders a car to drive them home, he doesn't want to get a taxi and neither of them drove to lunch. It’s a good job that they didn't, seen as they've both drunk way too much to be driving. Neither of them are falling down drunk, just over the limit and a little tipsy. He has the car drop off Tommy first and gets out of the car to say goodbye.  
　  
"I had a good day." Tommy smiles at him, it's such a pretty smile, full pouty lips, his whole face lighting up as he smiles, eyes twinkling. He's breath taking and Adam can't resist tugging him forward for a hug.  
　  
"I'm glad. I hate it when you’re sad." He doesn't need Tommy to say it, he knows he gets frustrated and upset when he can't sleep to the point where it's affecting his health.  
　  
"Not sad." Tommy argues, voice muffled against Adam's chest. He loves how tiny Tommy is, a mixture of soft skin and flesh, hard bone and firm muscle, perfect. He puts his hand on Tommy's chin, getting him to look up, meet his eye.  
　  
"Not anymore." Adam decides, because he can't see any sadness in Tommy's face now. He squeezes Tommy a little tighter, glancing at the driver; he has to go.  
　  
"I better go, baby. Go get some rest." Adam orders, he strokes Tommy's cheek, soft and stubble free and on impulse, kisses him goodbye. His lips pressing softly to Tommy's; it lingers, his tongue flicking out just to taste, he tastes like whiskey again. It lasts longer than maybe a goodbye kiss between friends should, but Adam has to literally pull himself away from Tommy. He takes a stumbling step backwards, looking at Tommy and seeing his flushed face. He wants to kiss him again, fuck.  
　  
"I'll, ah, see you around." He waves awkwardly jumping into the car. He sits inside watching till Tommy goes into his apartment block before getting the driver to take him home.   
　  
He gets home and inside on auto-pilot, when he sees that his machine is flashing. He hits the button and lets it play while he starts hanging his jacket up.  
　  
"Hey baby, just got home from an interview. Just going to sleep so don't call back. I just wanted to say night. I hope you had fun at lunch."   
　  
Adam stops in his tracks, keys half way to the hook. Ben; he's so sweet, not arrogant for an actor, sweet instead and he wants to marry Adam, be with him forever. And he's spent the day with another man, just a friend, but still, he's not even thought of Ben today, too busy worrying about Tommy. He kissed him; he kissed him as well. It wasn't an innocent kiss, he doesn't cheat. He sits down, taking a deep breath. Was kissing Tommy cheating? If it was, why the hell did he do it?

TBC....


	3. The Interview.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt friends on fanfic100. Tommy still isn't coping with Adam's engagement and it's about to get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Really long fic that will included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

Tommy POV  
　  
He was planning on just having a lazy day, hadn't decide what to do till he checked twitter. All the fans were tweeting about Adam and some interview he was giving on some talk show today, it seemed Adam had been teasing the fans about it and they all want to know what Adam will be talking about, the next album, the tour, the awards he's up for. Tommy doesn't know, didn't even know his friend had an interview. So he finds out what channel the shows on and he makes a coffee, sitting down ready to watch. He has to sit through almost an hour of some bright, way too cheerful woman chatting away to a bunch of people he doesn't even care about and then Adam walks on stage, looking sexy and smooth in tight jeans and a dark shirt and suddenly Tommy is paying attention.  
　  
They do ask about the album, which makes Tommy smile, too many interviewers don't ask about the music and he knows that it bothers Adam when they clearly don't care about the music. The ones just looking for gossip. He grabs the remote so he can record the interview, telling himself it's normal to want to see a friend happy on TV. He just likes his friends to be happy and Adam is so clearly happy to be chatting away about the next album, the writers and artists he's working with, his face glows.   
　  
And then Adam gestures with his hand and something catches the light. The silver band he knows Adam has been wearing on his ring finger ever since he got engaged. The woman sees the flash, just like Tommy and probably everyone else watching does and she asks about it. Adam smiles and Tommy feels his heart sink. Adam's normally so private about his relationships, trying to keep the media out ever since Idol and Drake. But Ben is famous too, so he guesses this time it's different, Ben isn't hiding from the press because he's famous in his own right, not off Adam's back. Tommy's always liked that about the other man, the fact that he doesn't seem to be using Adam for fame or money. He's sure Adam won't give a straight answer, he would have told his friends he was going to tell the world, but it seems like Tommy's wrong about that.  
　  
"I'm engaged." Adam says with a huge smile and the audience goes wild, Tommy feels like he is going to be sick as the host claps excitedly like a child at a birthday party. Adam has just handed her an exclusive that will drive the public wild. People have been asking Adam if he would get married ever since it became legal, had asked his views on it a thousand times and now he's here, telling the world about his plans to marry Ben.  
　  
Tommy feels frozen, everybody knows now, all the fans will know, it makes it feel real in a way it didn't before. He'd known Adam was getting married, but it hadn't really sunk in, not like it is now. He picks up his phone and goes straight to Twitter, he has so many messages, all of them asking about Adam and Ben, did he know, did he see the interview. They all have so many questions, more than the woman interviewing Adam has and Tommy doesn't know how to reply to any of them. He's Adam's friend, his best man, he should have something happy to say, congratulate Adam. He doesn't, he logs out of Twitter without replying to anyone or tweeting anything and then he turns off his cell. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. He gets up, taking his coffee to the sink and dumping it out into the sink. He doesn't want to drink coffee right now, his stomach is churning and he knows this isn't the reaction of a friend. Sure friends can get jealous of their friend’s partners, but this, the way he feels, it's not coming from the fact he and Adam are friends, it comes from a place that wants more from Adam than friendship.  
　  
He opens the cupboard and pulls out an unopened bottle of whisky and takes it back to the sofa with him. He's feeling the need to get shit faced as fast as possible, he doesn't care how pathetic drinking alone in the middle of the day is, he needs to do this. He needs to drink till he can't feel the jealousy, till he can be a good friend and fake like he's happy for Adam when he's not. He puts the interview onto play again, because he's a fucking masochist. Bottle to his lips before Adam even comes in to view, no ice, no mixer or chaser, just straight whisky from the bottle, it burns like fuck going down, but he's not drinking to enjoy it, he's drinking to get drunk.   
　  
　  
Adam looks so happy, care free and comfortable, Ben is good for him. Tommy could have never made Adam feel like that even if he had got his act together sooner and gone after Adam. He might be cool with liking men, but he isn't out, he probably wouldn't be able to deal with interviews like this, people all up in his private life. Adam answers like it's no big deal, Tommy stutters over any question that isn't music related. He'd look like an idiot if he went on some talk show, he'd embarrass himself and embarrass Adam. Ben won't ever do that, when he gets asked about his engagement he'll be as cool and calm as Adam is about it. Ben has a sharp wit and is charming, sophisticated in a way Tommy couldn't ever hope to be, in a way that fits in with Adam and his life perfectly. Ben is a lot of things that Tommy will never be and he's perfect for Adam. He should be so happy that his friend has found someone so right for him, but he isn't. All he can think of is the kiss Adam laid on him after their day out, that hadn't been for an audience, it had been real and he can't forget it, that damn kiss has haunted his dreams for days and he always wakes up hard. He takes another drink, hoping to block out the memory of a kiss that means too much to him, but probably didn't mean anything at all to Adam.  
　  
He sits and he drinks and he watches the interview over and over again. He does it all day, he only leaves the sofa when he has to pee, each time it gets harder to walk to the bathroom, he blames the fact he didn't eat breakfast or lunch, even though he knows damn well it's all the whisky he's been drinking. He knows the interview shouldn't be effecting him like this, so what, his best friend’s getting married, he's the best man, he should be happy about that, happy for his friend, but he can't be because he thinks he might be fucking in love with Adam and hearing him tell the world about being engaged to Ben? Seeing him smile because he plans to spend the rest of his life with Ben? It breaks his heart. So he sits and he drinks and when he's near pass out drunk he picks up his cell again and goes onto Twitter. Adam's voice still in the background, the interview playing on a loop, because he can't stop watching it.  
　  
@AdamLambert congratulations dude. See you at the wedding.  
　  
He thinks it sounds right, like something a friend would say. It's not outing himself as best man yet, he'll let Adam tell the fans that one if and when he wants. It's Adam's wedding, he can answer the big questions, deal with the fan reactions. Adam's Twitter is probably going madder than his is, but he doesn't look, he just signs straight back out, he's done his part to keep everyone happy, to act like everything is normal. He even stared at his message for a few minutes to make sure it was all spelled right and had to redo congratulations, he doesn't want people to know he's trashed. Fuck if Adam knew that he was home alone, drinking whisky from a bottle, what would he think? And since when did Tommy's life sound like the lyrics to country music. He starts the interview over again, bringing the bottle to his lips again, it doesn't burn like it did before, he's too drunk to feel the burn of the alcohol, but still sober enough to feel the burning in his heart over the fact he'll never have Adam. So he drinks more, hoping what got rid of one burn will work on another.   
　  
He passes out on the couch, the bottle dangerously empty in his hand and Adam's voice still coming from the TV. He briefly wishes Adam was really here, that his voice was real, not from the interview, but he takes that wish back in the seconds before the booze pulls him into sleep, he doesn't want Adam to see him like this, he wants Adam to see him as the good friend he looks like on Twitter, not the jealous mess he is in real life.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
He'd talked about announcing their engagement to the public with Ben and Lane. Ben didn't want it to be a secret even though they were planning a long engagement. Lane had insisted it not come out on Twitter or during a show. So the interview seemed like the perfect time, they always asked about Ben at some point. But his ring getting spotted had made for the perfect opening. It made Adam smile when the crowd went wild. He never thought a gay marriage would get such a positive response back when people had been fighting to make it possible. Just because they had the right to do it, didn't mean people liked it or agreed with it. He was sure he was probably getting some negativity somewhere, people saying he shouldn't be allowed to marry Ben, that he shouldn't flaunt his lifestyle, his sexuality, like they were somehow bad things. But he hadn't seen any of that yet and really, people like that could go fuck themselves. No one should have to hide something like love.   
　  
A couple of his friends had called, they had seen the interview, most of them tell him off for not telling them he was going to tell people about him and Ben, but they all seem happy for him, even though they tell him off. The fans on Twitter are going crazy, all of them seem so happy and excited for him, asking question after question. He has a Tweet from Tommy, it appears a few hours after the interview and Adam wonders if Tommy saw it or just heard about it. Tommy congratulating him makes him smile and he's about to Tweet something back, hinting about Tommy being his best man to course more shit, but then he thinks about the last time he saw Tommy and frowns. It was just a fun day out with a friend, that ended in a kiss. He kisses a lot of his friends, but it felt different kissing Tommy. It doesn't matter, he couldn't have Tommy even if he wasn't with Ben, Tommy's not that bendy, he just likes kissing people. Tommy is clearly happy for him and Adam should start acting right, treating Tommy like the friend he is. Tommy could never love him the way Adam could love Tommy and Adam wants to be loved, Ben loves him.  
　  
Ben is waiting for him when he gets home.   
　  
"I saw the interview, you do well live." Ben smiles, leaning up just a little to kiss Adam softly, before pulling away to head for the kitchen. Adam follows, he can smell something cooking and smiles, he's starving and Ben is a great cook.   
　  
"I was pretty nervous, but everyone reacted so well. Twitter exploded." Adam laughs.  
　  
"I noticed, I was sent so many Tweets, I couldn't keep up." Ben smirks.  
　  
"Sorry." Adam grins, wondering over to where Ben is fiddling with a pan of some kind of sauce to sneak another kiss.  
　  
"I'm not, I'm glad people know. Means I don't have to take off my ring or hide. Call you my boyfriend in interviews when they asked, knowing your more than that, I would have hated it." Ben shrugs.  
　  
Adam pours them both a glass of wine, taking a sip and feeling the tension leave him, it's been a long day, it's nice to come home to someone instead of being alone. It's even nicer to have Ben cooking for him after all the interviews he did, one live and a bunch of pre-record ones for other shows. He likes that Ben wants to take care of him, in the past a lot of Adam's boyfriends seemed to feel Adam should always be the one to look after them, Ben isn't like that. They sit and eat in the kitchen, talking about their days. Adam mainly had interviews, Ben had some meeting with a director to talk about a movie he's doing. Some romantic comedy where he plays the leads gay best friend, it has the potential to be pretty big and Adam couldn't be prouder of Ben.  
　  
Once they've finished eating, Adam pours them both another glass of wine and Ben leads him to the living room. The wine gets set down on the coffee table and forgotten about when seconds after they sit down they start to kiss. Ben starts off straddling him, kissing him deeply, his ass rubbing against Adam's rapidly hardening cock as he grinds down. Ben pulls back from the kiss suddenly.  
　  
"Hay, why'd you stop?" Adam pouts.  
　  
Ben stands up and then drops to his knees, pushing between Adam legs.  
　  
"Hmmm thought I'd do something else with my mouth." Ben says with a wicked smirk, that somehow stops it sounding like a line from a cheesy porno.  
　  
"I like that plan." Adam smiles, sighing in relief when Ben unzips him.  
　  
"No underwear?" Ben asks, eyebrow raised.  
　  
"I didn't feel like wearing them with pants this tight." Adam hisses as Ben wraps a hand around his cock, pulling it out and jacking it slowly.  
　  
"You went to all those interviews commando? Imagine if they asked what kind of underwear you had on, they have before." Ben laughs, leaning in and flicking his tongue out teasingly over the head. Adam's head drops back against the cushions.   
　  
"I could have lied or given them a thrill and told the truth." Adam shrugs, he can just imagine the reaction that would get, the look on the interviewer’s face, the fan reaction, it makes him want to laugh. But then Ben licks him again, one hand wrapped around his base holding his dick right where Ben wants it and he's too turned on to laugh right now.  
　  
"Naughty boy, God I love that about you." Ben sighs happily and then his mouth is wrapped around the head of Adam's dick and he can't really think of a damn thing he needs to say. He lets his head rest back, eyes sliding closed as Ben's tongue runs along the vain on the underside of his dick. Wet heat soon engulfs his whole dick and all he can do is moan. He doesn't try and thrust, Ben isn't into getting his mouth fucked, but he is good at giving head, he can't deep throat Adam, which annoyed him seen as he could past boyfriends, but he takes a lot of his length, hands working the rest of him. His tongue performing enough tricks that he doesn't even need the other stuff, what Ben can do with his mouth is amazing.   
　  
He's not sure when it happens, how long Ben's been sucking him for, when a thought slides its way into Adam's mind without permission. He thinks maybe it's triggered by the hand he's moved to rest in Ben's hair, it makes him think of how soft Tommy's had felt under his hand when they kissed, longer and softer than Ben's. Only he doesn't just think about kissing Tommy, he can't quiet manage to keep his mind from conjuring up an image of Tommy on his knees. He's seen Tommy on his knees with a bass in his hands, it's easy to imagine him on his knees in front of Adam. He's felt those soft pouty lips on his a hundred times, enough to have a pretty damn good idea of how they might feel wrapped around his cock. He moans loudly and almost thrusts up, guilt pooling in his stomach even as lust throbs in his groin. This is so fucked up, it's not fair to either man, Tommy's his friend, he shouldn't be imagining getting a blowjob from him and Ben is his fiancée he shouldn't be picturing other men when Ben is on his knees for him.  
　  
He can't help it though, his mind keeps wondering back to the image it has created, Blonde hair a mess, lip gloss smeared all over his face, lips swollen, face flushed. Tommy would be a hot mess down on a knees, the mental image alone is enough to push him closer to the edge. He forces his eyes open, looking down at the brown hair in his lap, he whispers Ben's name, needing to remind himself who he is, Ben, the man who cooked him a romantic meal, the man he is going to marry, he shouldn't have to remind himself. Maybe it's normal, he's sure married couples think about people all the time, thinking something isn't doing it, it isn't cheating, but he knows it would hurt Ben if he ever knew Adam had thought of another man while they were having sex.  
　  
He keeps his eyes open for the rest of the blow job, not letting them fall closed even when he's getting close and they feel heavy. He doesn't keep Tommy out of his head entirely, but he manages to push thoughts of Tommy's lips on him away almost as fast as they drift into his head. His orgasm hits him and he calls out Ben's name, it's good, physically he feels great, but emotionally he feels like shit, he is the worst fiancée and friend ever, he can't believe he's doing this to them both.  
　  
"You look so sexy when you come." Ben smiles, standing up, the bulge in his pants pretty damn obvious.   
　  
"That was amazing, baby." He stands on wobbly legs and pushes Ben to sit down.  
　  
"You don't have to, you had a really long day." Ben says softly as Adam goes down to his knees in front of him.  
　  
"I want to, I'm not too tired." He insists, hands going for Ben's zipper, hoping this might lessen his guilt, as well as just wanting to get Ben off. He is tired, but he loves making Ben cum, bringing him pleasure, he's always loved to drive his lovers wild, unless he leaves them shacking and boneless, he doesn't consider it a job well done and he does have a reputation as a sex God to uphold.  
　  
He leans in licking at the head, teasing the same way Ben teased him, before opening wide and sinking down, taking all of Ben's hard cock into his mouth and throat, sucking hard. As he closes his eyes, listening to Ben moan, he prays that he'll keep his thoughts on the man he is with, not on the man he can never be with. If half the time he's imagining brown eyes, blonde hair and tattooed skin, well Ben will never know, neither will Tommy. Only Adam will and he doesn't plan to tell anyone his guilty little secret. It's only a fantasy; he's only hurting himself.  
　  
TBC…


	4. Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Lover on fanfic100. Thinking he will never be Adam's Tommy decides to find a lover to take his mind off of Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened  
> Really long fic that will included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

Tommy POV  
　  
Waking up hung over on his couch with Adam's face frozen mid laugh on his TV screen had been a low point for him. He'd put the bottle back in the cupboard, made his way to the shower, got cleaned up and then went to get some sleep in a real bed. When he'd felt more human, he'd got up, popped some aspirin and cooked himself some dinner, trying to come up with a plan on how to act a little less pathetic. He finally convinced himself that going out and getting laid would do the trick, maybe he was only obsessing over Adam being with someone because he was lonely. So he called up Mike and asked him to organize a boy’s night out and Mike, God love him, was more than willing to arrange things.   
　  
So he finds himself in a bar, it's not too crowded, the music isn't half bad and he's drinking beers with his buddies. He is going to relaxes and then he is going to get laid. He has a few drinks, just talking shit with the guys, he's been on tour long enough to have missed a lot, so he lets them talk about their lives, catch him up. He likes being able to just sit back and listen. It's less pressure, he's never been the most talkative guy, he can be a bit of a hermit, but at the same time he loves being around his friends. He's at the bar trying to get served when a girl bumps into him. She blushes bright red and looks so mortified, that Tommy thinks even the kind of asshole who would normally give someone shit for an accident wouldn't manage.  
　  
"I am so sorry." Her hand flutters to her mouth; her nails are long, painted a dark blood red, her whole style somewhere between rocker and Goth. She's taller than him in her heels, she's pretty, tall and curvy and exactly what he needs.  
　  
"No problem, you didn't hurt me and I didn't have a drink to spill. No harm, no foul." Tommy shrugs and she smiles, like him not being a dick is the best thing ever.  
　  
"My name's Ann." She offers a hand and Tommy's Mom tried to raise a gentleman, so he shakes it, even though he's not used to that with girls.  
　  
"I'm Tommy." He smiles, she stands next to him in the crowd trying to get to the bar. They talk a little, mainly about whatever song’s playing. She gets served and turns to him.  
　  
"I have to get back to my friends, but maybe you could find me later?" Ann suggests, looking hopeful.  
　  
"Yeah, I'll do that." He nods and Ann gives him another blinding smile before leaning in close, she kisses him, hot and sweet, her blood red lips gliding against his, not demanding, but not hesitant either. She pulls away smiling and blushing and Tommy watches her walk away, appreciating the view before turning back to the bar. It's not till the bartender smirks at him that he realises he has her lipstick smeared on him. It reminds him of tour and Adam. He wipes it off and orders an extra whisky that he downs before he takes the other drinks back to the table. He doesn't tell Mike and the guys about Ann, he still plans to find her, but he wants to work out what had seemed off about kissing her. When the answer comes to him it makes him feel sick, there had been nothing wrong with the kiss, he just got so used to kissing Adam that anyone else feels unfamiliar.  
　  
Some guys Mike gets talking to challenge them to pool and even though Tommy isn't the best, he shuffles into the back room where the pool tables are kept. They’re not betting for a load of money, just rounds of drinks and it all seems pretty friendly. Really friendly if the way one of the guys, Lee, keeps checking out his ass whenever Tommy takes a turn. He's pretty subtle, it takes Tommy a while to realise it's even happening. Lee is in jeans and a band T-shirt, the closest Tommy's come to makeup tonight is the chipped black polish on his nails. But he's definitely looking and Tommy knows just because someone isn't "obviously gay looking" or any bullshit like that, that they’re not.. As the night wears on Lee keeps standing closer, flirting, it's subtle, but it's there. And Tommy's starting to think it won't be a female lover he takes tonight. The thought seems wicked and forbidden and he has to have another drink just to stop his hands from shaking. Ann had been great, wonderful body, great taste in bands. But he can't pretend that lately he’s been picturing breasts and soft curves when he cums alone.  
　  
Ann would have been his dream lover once upon a time, but not tonight, tonight he's looking for something a little harder. Hard edges, not soft curves. When Lee says he's going for a smoke, Tommy meets his eyes, says he needs some air, and asks if Lee wants some company. Lee smiles, slow and dirty and nods. They don't go to the smoker’s area out front, Lee leads the way to the ally beside the bar instead. He leans against a wall, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up.  
　  
"You’re really hot." Lee says casually, blowing out smoke as he talks.  
　  
With Ann he would have done things different, taken things slow, taken her home, he knows how to treat a lover right. But he thinks maybe he and Lee don't need to leave this ally for him to be a good lover, whatever happens they'll both get what they need and walk away. He doesn't think it's different because Lee is a man and Ann a woman, he thinks it’s more just because they are different people, they need and want different things and Tommy wants different things from them.  
　  
"Thanks." Tommy leans against the opposite wall and doesn't try to hide the fact that he's checking out Lee at all. He's taller than Tommy, of course he is, built pretty well, firm muscles, but not bulky like he hits the gym every day. Tommy lets himself look, he never lets himself look, maybe a glance here or there at a hot guy, but he's had no interest in going after a guy or outing himself. He still doesn't want to out himself, but he does want to see what a male lover might have to offer. He needs to get over Adam, needs to kiss and touch someone else, want someone else. Adam tells the world he's Tommy's exception and he wants to prove that wrong, even if he only proves it to himself.  
　  
Lee tosses his cigarette to the ground half smoked and crushes it under his boot. He takes the few steps needed across the ally to bring him into Tommy's space. He puts one hand on the wall beside Tommy's head, but leaves the other down, so he's not blocking Tommy in if he wanted to bolt. He appreciates it, wonders if Lee can tell he's never done anything like this with a man before.  
　  
"I'm not reading this wrong, am I? If I am, feel free to tell me to fuck off now before I make an ass of myself by kissing you." Lee says softly.  
　  
"Lee, if I needed air I wouldn't have gone with someone who was about to smoke." Tommy points out and Lee smiles, chuckling a little before he leans in and seals their lips together. It's a good kiss and Tommy opens up to it, licking his way into Lee's mouth instead of letting the other man have all the control. Lee presses his body closer, till they are groin to groin. He can feel Lee already, half hard in his jeans and Tommy rolls his hips a little, wanting to get a reaction. Lee gasps into the kiss, one hand gripping hard on Tommy's shoulder as he thrusts forward too. Tommy's had a lot to drink, but not so much that he can't get it up and he realises his dick is quickly going from kind of interested, to really interested.   
　  
"Fuck." Lee mutters, breaking the kiss.  
　  
"Something wrong?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Not that I'm assuming you'd want it to go that far. But all my shit's inside. I don't have lube or a condom." Lee explains and oh, he's disappointed because they can't fuck. Tommy hadn't really been thinking about that. Logically he had known they had probably come out here to do more than kiss and grind on each other, but he hadn't really let himself think about what.  
　  
"It's okay, we can do something else." Tommy says, proud that his nerves are staying out of his voice, maybe the whisky is helping with that.  
　  
"I could blow you or like hand jobs?" Lee suggests. Tommy doesn't hook up all the time, but he likes to think when he does, he isn't a jerk, he's a considerate lover, which means reciprocation. As much as he loves to get blown, he doesn't think he's ready to get down on his knees and suck some guy off, especially not a stranger he met in a bar. Hand jobs though, he doesn't think it can be that different from jerking himself off. A dick in his hand doesn't seem that intimidating. So he pulls Lee in and kisses him again and then he reaches down, rubbing over Lee's hard on through his jeans. Lee moans, his mouth leaving Tommy's to trail kisses over his jaw and to his neck. Lee proves himself to be pretty good at multitasking, while he's sucking on Tommy's earlobe and piercings, he also gets Tommy's jeans open and gets a hand in them and under the waist band of Tommy's briefs. He can't help but groan at the feel of a warm hand that's not his own for once on his dick. He tugs at Lee's head, wanting to make out some more. Lee can go back to exploring once Tommy gets a hand on him, he wants to have the kiss to distract him just in case he freaks out.   
　  
He gets into Lee's pants pretty easily, gets a hand on him without really thinking. One second he's concentrating on the feel of Lee sucking on his tongue like its cock and the next he realises that warmth in his hand, yeah that's Lee's cock. It's soft, hard, warm; it's a dick, and it doesn't freak him out at all. It feels better to be touching it than he thought it would. He just does what he likes to do to himself and Lee's moans tell him that it seems to be working for the other man as well. They kiss, hot and a little sloppy, both of them working around the confines of jeans. When Tommy runs his thumb over the damp head of Lee's cock, the other man breaks the kiss with a whimper before attaching himself to Tommy's neck like a vampire, his neck’s pretty sensitive and somehow Lee is finding all the right spots to turn his brain into goo. He doesn't even know how he manages to keep moving his hand, now slick with pre-cum, but he does and Lee's moans get so loud, Tommy worries someone might hear them. Lee seems to have the same concern and he starts biting at Tommy's neck or collarbone whenever Tommy touches him in a way that makes him moan loud or hard, the low moans seem to carry and echo.  
　  
"I'm close." Lee warns, so Tommy just moves his hand faster, proud of himself for having any co-ordination after everything he has had to drink. Lee moans and bites down hard, body shuddering as his cum spills hot over Tommy's hand. It's not gross like he'd been worried it would be, he isn't grossed out by his own cum, but then he knows that doesn't mean he'd like someone else's, but he likes knowing he made Lee cum. Lee slumps heavily against him, clearly boneless, but he doesn't stop moving his hand or mouthing at Tommy's neck. He feels his orgasm building and holds Lee close, moaning just as loudly as Lee had been before as his cum spurts out over Lee's hand as he keeps working him.  
　  
Once they both come down a little they try and clean up a little, trying to wipe the cum off and Tommy thinks they get most of it off them, and luckily none got on his jeans, all of it staying in his pants. Lee leans in again once they’re zipped up and as clean as they are going to get. He kisses Tommy and sneaks a quick grope of Tommy's tiny ass, backing off with a smile, eyes bright. Tommy had never thought being with a guy could just be fun, he'd thought it would be more intense, he doesn't let himself think about why he thought that.  
　  
"I better get back inside before my friends send out a search party." Lee laughs.  
　  
"Tell mine I'm bailing. I need to change my pants, I'm not spending all night covered in dried cum." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"I'll tell them you got sick?" Lee offers.  
　  
"Yeah man, that'd be great." Tommy nods.  
　  
"It's cool, I'm not out either." Lee kisses him again and then he's gone before Tommy can even think of an answer. He leaves the ally and walks to the curb, he should call a taxi, but for some reason his drunk brain seems to think Adam would make a good taxi instead and he calls. Asking for a ride, Adam agrees sounding worried and Tommy sits down on the curb and waits for Adam to arrive.   
　  
He's cold and really starting to feel the effects of the whisky by the time Adam pulls up. He doesn't even notice it is Adam till he rolls down the window and calls out Tommy's name. He stumbles to his feet and Adam leans over into the passenger side to open the door for Tommy, he scrambles in, glad to feel the heaters going fall blast.  
　  
"I'm sorry. Mike was my ride, but I had to leave and I meant to call a taxi, but then I called you and it's late and I'm sorry." Tommy rambles.  
　  
"You’re drunk, I feel better knowing I'm driving you home than some stranger I don't trust. So don't apologize anymore okay, just put your seatbelt on." Adam doesn't sound pissed, so Tommy twists around and does what he's told.  
　  
"Is the reason you had to leave because of a vampire?" Adam asks, and Tommy can't tell anything from his tone. Adam's pulling away from the curb, but Tommy leans up, looking in the mirror and fuck, the left side of his neck and down to his collarbone is pretty much one giant hickey with bite marks, lots of bite marks.  
　  
"Fuck." Tommy groans.  
　  
"You’re single still right? I mean you haven't mentioned a girlfriend. So this was a hook up? I don't know what I thought when you called, but it wasn't that you needed to get away after a hook up." Adam doesn't sound mad exactly, but he doesn't sound happy either. Tommy thinks he owes Adam some kind of explanation, more than just a sorry for calling. He's finding it hard to think though.  
　  
"I think I panicked, but I'm not freaking out. I just, I don't think I wanted to get in a car with a stranger maybe." Tommy shrugs, he's drunk and confused. He's not freaked out about liking what happened with Lee, he's more bothered by the fact it doesn't bother him. If he's Bi, why hadn't he noticed sooner. Adam didn't make him gay, maybe Adam just helped him accept this part of him.   
　  
"Did something happen? With the girl? Are you hurt?" Adam asks softly.  
　  
"I'm not hurt." Fuck, he doesn't want to worry Adam, but it's probably a little late for that.  
　  
"Okay, what was her name?" Adam asked, the cheerfulness in his voice sounds a little forced.   
　  
"Lee." Tommy blurts.  
　  
"Short for Leanne or something?" Adam asks.  
　  
"No, his name was Lee." Tommy says softly and Adam's reaction isn't what Tommy expected, he pulls off the road sharply and stops on the side of the road.  
　  
"His; his name was Lee? Tommy, how drunk are you? Are you fucking with me?" Adam asks, turning in his seat and looking at Tommy like he can look into him and find the answers that way.  
　  
"Why would I fuck with you? And I'm a little drunk, but I knew what I was doing. But yeah, his name was Lee, I fooled around with a guy." Tommy admits. Adam is the one person he is sure won't judge him for this. Only maybe he will, Adam has had enough men use him as an experiment, he might be mad if he thinks Tommy was using the guy to experiment.  
　  
"What happened? How did this happen? I thought you were straight." Adam sounds hurt, which Tommy hadn't thought about. But of course Adam feels hurt, it looks like Tommy lied to him, his best friend.  
　  
"I've never been a hundred percent sure on that label, I was just never comfortable enough in myself to try anything before. It would have made me different from the other guys in the metal bands I was playing in and I didn't see the point. I still like girls, so I never felt like I was missing out. I guess being on tour and stuff, I've got over not wanting to be different." Tommy sighs, trying to un-ball his fists, even as he sits staring at his lap. He can't tell Adam he's attracted to him, that Adam getting engaged made him want to find a lover. There is so much he can't say and he doesn't think he's explaining very well.   
　  
"Well um, I'm glad you’re comfortable I guess." Adam says softly and glancing through his bangs Tommy can see he's signalling, ready to pull out into the road. Adam pulls out and starts driving, the silence in the car is deafening, and he wishes Adam had the radio on.  
　  
"Are you mad at me?" Tommy blurts out, he hates himself a little for wanting Adam's approval over who he sleeps with. He isn't Adam's, he isn't his lover, his anything really. He's his friend, Tommy's gonna be his best man. But Tommy doesn't think he should care so much about what his friend thinks of his sex life.  
　  
"I'm not mad. You were careful right? You used a condom, I'm assuming you topped." Adam sounds awkward and uncomfortable and Tommy can feel his own cheeks getting warm as he blushes over Adam's question.  
　  
"We ah, we didn't fuck. We just made out and like hand jobs." Tommy admits, even though he thinks he should just keep his mouth shut.  
　  
"Oh." Adam says softly and then he stops talking again. It makes Tommy want to scream, Adam said he wasn't mad, but he won't talk to Tommy or look at him. Adam's always chatty, if he goes silent he has a reason.   
　  
Tommy doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything, just bites his lip and doesn't look at Adam. He feels a lot drunker than he had when he was with Lee and it makes it hard to really think clearly. He's always hated it if his friends were mad at him and the fact he's been crushing on Adam forever makes it worse. He wants to make it better, but he doesn't know how, he doesn't know what words will make Adam forgive him. He can't tell Adam the truth, that he'd been looking for a lover to replace Adam in his mind and fantasies. That would make everything worse. He wants to curl up into a ball and disappear, he doesn't regret what happened with Lee, not at all, but he regrets upsetting Adam. Fuck he never should have called Adam in the middle of the damn night to come get his drunk ass from a bar.   
　  
When Adam pulls over, Tommy looks up expecting to be outside his apartment, but they’re not, they’re in some car parking lot, he looks out the window and can see it's some kind of fast food place, he can't tell what it is by the sign and Adam must have been driving the long way to Tommy's apartment because Tommy has never seen the place or driven by it before. He wants to turn to Adam, he wants to ask why they've stopped and why here, but he can't bring himself to look at Adam, let alone talk to him.   
　  
Adam POV  
　  
He'd been worried when Tommy called him, clearly drunk and sounding a little dazed. He'd not even hesitated to offer to go and get him. He'd slipped out of bed and left his lover sleeping. He's not sure why he didn't wake Ben up and tell him, instead he'd left a note, dressed in a hurry and rushed off to get Tommy. He hadn't expected to find him covered in love bites, what looked like bite marks, the signs of a possessive lover. He hadn't been ready for the pang of jealousy he had felt at seeing Tommy all marked up and then Tommy had dropped the bomb; Lee, fucking Lee, he'd almost lost it.  
　  
He'd been feeling hurt, but pretending not to be. Then he noticed Tommy out the corner of his eye. It had looked like he was trying to chew his bottom lip off, face pale and eyes fixed on his lap. He'd looked so upset, so Adam had pulled into the first car park he'd seen, but now he's sitting there and he doesn't know what to say. Tommy looks… fuck, small and sad. He's curling in on himself more and more. Adam kind of feels like a monster, fuck, he didn't mean to upset Tommy, he was just freaking out. He doesn't know what to do, he can't tell Tommy he's a jealous prick.   
　  
"I thought maybe we could get some food." Adam suggests, even though he hates junk food, well it hates him.  
　  
"Um, okay?" Tommy sounds hesitant and nothing like the way he normally does around Adam. He's really fucked this up. Tommy's had his first experience with a guy and Adam has been a dick about it, he doesn't want to be that guy. He should be able to be supportive.   
　  
"Please stop staring at your lap. I feel like I've kicked a puppy." Adam sighs.   
　  
"I'm just embarrassed. I called you to come get me in the middle of the night. Seems like a shitty, bad friend thing to do." Tommy shrugs and he's still not looking at anything but his lap.  
　  
"You are not a shitty or bad friend. Let’s go get some food." Adam sighs, he thinks maybe if they go somewhere Tommy might stop hiding. He knows the late phone call for a pick up isn't all that's bothering Tommy, but Adam's reaction to his hook up, if anyone’s a shitty friend it's Adam. He can't help but smile when they walk into the deserted fast food place and he realizes it's a Mexican fast food place, feels like his luck is changing a little. Maybe Tommy will crack a smile after a few tacos.   
　  
Adam orders and pays, Tommy isn't staring at his lap anymore, instead he seems to be finding his feet fascinating. He wants to turn back time, to hug Tommy when he told him about Lee, tell him that it was okay, that he was pleased. He'd give anything to go back and not act like a jealous bitch, he'd acted like a scorned lover, not a friend and he wants to fix that. He's ordered more tacos and other junk than two people can possibly eat, even if one of the two people is Tommy, but Tommy doesn't even look up when their order shows up. Adam's glad he asked for it to go. He needs to talk to Tommy and he can't do that in here, even though the place is empty apart from the staff. He picks up the slightly greasy bag and heads for his car. Tommy follows, hands in his pocket, lip between his teeth, eyes on the ground. He can't remember the last time he saw Tommy so withdrawn, he hates that it's his fault.  
　  
They get in the car and he hands Tommy some food, prodding at his arm when he doesn't open the burrito in his hand right away.  
　  
"Come on, eat, it'll soak up the alcohol, make you feel better." Adam says softly.  
　  
Tommy hesitates for a second and then he's folding down the paper, taking a bite. He smiles and nods when Adam asks if it's good. Adam doesn't try to talk about what happens yet, he's hoping the food will sober Tommy up a little and make it easier. They eat in silence, but Adam doesn't feel like it's as awkward as it was before, but that might just be wishful thinking. When they've both eaten till they are full, Tommy managing way more than Adam, the way Adam had known he would, Adam gets out the car to dump the trash and comes back to find Tommy fiddling with the radio. He doesn't put on metal or anything, so Adam just leaves it.  
　  
"I'm really sorry." Adam blurts.  
　  
"For what?" Tommy looks confused, it's kind of adorable.   
　  
"I was a jerk. About you hooking up with a guy. I should have been more supportive." Adam sighs.  
　  
"You seemed mad." Tommy says softly, Adam can tell he's trying to hide the hurt in his voice, but he isn't managing it very well.  
　  
"I think I just got pissy because I thought I knew everything about you and somehow I missed that you were a little bendy." Adam sighs and it's not a total lie, he is a little bothered that he didn't notice this about Tommy. He's worried if his own need to label Tommy straight for his own safety had made it harder for Tommy to admit to being not entirely straight and maybe that's why he hasn't said anything. It’s true, but not the full story. But Tommy doesn't need to know the full story, he just needs to understand that Adam isn't pissed at him, that he didn't mean to make Tommy feel bad.  
　  
"I didn't want you to think I'd lied to you. I had just broken up with a girl when I auditioned. I let you think stuff, because I was uncertain and shit. And by the time I was feeling more certain and I don’t know, less afraid of liking dudes, you'd already told everyone I was straight and I didn't want to make waves." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"The fans would go crazy." Adam admits.   
　  
"I know right?" Tommy sighs.  
　  
"But if you want to come out as Bi, I'm totally willing to put up with the crazies." He doesn't want to force Tommy to stay in the closet, when he might have already accidentally done that already over the past years.  
　  
"No, um you’re the only one who knows. My family, the rest of my friends, they don't. I don't plan on telling anyone yet. I kind of want my private life staying private." Tommy says softly.  
　  
"I get that. I won't say anything to anyone." Adam almost can't believe that he's the only person Tommy has ever told, it makes him feel special, he tells himself not to read into shit, but he can't help it.  
　  
"Thank you." Tommy smiles and it makes Adam's heart melt. He can't even remind himself that Tommy is straight anymore, that safety net is gone. He doesn't think this is just an experiment for Tommy, even though he doesn't seem to want anyone to know. Closeted doesn't mean he doesn't really like men, but it does mean he's not ready for a relationship. Adam bites his lip and starts the car, he shouldn't be thinking shit like that, he loves Ben, and he’s marrying Ben. He tries to focus on thoughts of his lover as he drives Tommy home. His fiancé is back at his house, practically their house these days. He's in Adam's bed, wearing his ring, willing to show the whole world he's Adam's. Ben is out, Ben loves him and isn't afraid to show it, what they have isn't perfect, it doesn't always have the fire Adam imagined having when he found the one. But he's too grown up to believe in fairy tales, too old to wait for perfect, he doesn't want to be alone. Ben won't leave him, Ben is everything he needs and he'll never break Adam's heart. He needs to stop thinking about other men, about Tommy.  
　  
He pulls up outside Tommy's apartment, unbuckling and killing the engine. He plans to make sure they’re okay before Tommy leaves. He doesn't want Tommy to go to bed mad or anything.  
　  
"I'm really glad you trusted me enough to tell me about Lee and I was shocked at first, but if you ever need to talk, you can come to me okay?" Adam offers, proud of himself for finally acting like the good friend he wants to be, instead of the jealous lover he isn't.  
　  
"Thanks." Tommy leans over and hugs him, soft blonde hair tickling Adam's face. He pulls away and hops out the car. Adam rolls down his window so he can say good bye. Tommy comes to his side, leaning down into the open window. Adam reaches out, stroking Tommy's cheek, his bottom lip. His pale skin should look washed out in the street lights, but instead it glows. He's beautiful, even a little drunk, rumpled and covered in another man's marks. He wonders if Lee will be who Tommy thinks about when he next jerks off, seen as he's the only man Tommy has ever done anything with. The thought makes him irrationally jealous and he gets the petty urge to give Tommy something else to think about.  
　  
"If I were single I'd offer to help you experiment, see what you like with men. With someone who's safe and knows what they’re doing." Adam say's in a low voice, rubbing over Tommy's full lower lip again. They’re not glossed, hadn't been even before all the food. He wonders if it means Tommy just wasn't wearing any or if Lee smeared it all off. He's sure he doesn't imagine Tommy's eyes going dark at his words and he leans in closer, till his face is half in the car, far from pulling away from Adam's touch. He feels a bone deep satisfaction at the reaction.  
　  
"If you were single, I'd take you up on that offer. Take you up to my apartment with me and get you to prove you’re not all talk about knowing what you’re doing." Tommy says, voice slightly breathless and Adam knows they’re walking a very fine line here, one he's sure neither of them plans to cross, but he can't just leave it at that. He arches up at the same time as tugging Tommy close. He kisses him hard and fast, tongue lapping at slightly swollen lips till Tommy opens up to him. Adam fucks his mouth, sucks on his tongue and uses every little trick to kissing he knows, all the fancy shit he never has time for on stage. When he breaks the kiss, Tommy is breathless, eyes so dark it looks like they are all pupil.  
　  
"See, not all talk." Adam says smugly, but he thinks they both know he wasn't just proving a point.   
　  
"You kiss me all the time." Tommy says softly.  
　  
"You want me to show you something else?" Adam asks.  
　  
"You mean if you were single? Of course. I mean you’re really hot, we're friends so I can trust you." Tommy straightens up and takes a step back.  
　  
"Yeah. I meant if I was single, would you want more?" He's pretty sure he's got at least a few toes over the line.  
　  
"Adam, if you were single I would take you upstairs with me right now and have you fuck me through the mattress." Okay, Tommy's gone and leapt right over their carefully drawn lines. He doesn't even look like he's joking, heat in his eyes. Adam's mouth feels suddenly dry and a small part of him, the part that isn't completely Ben's is wishing he were single.   
　  
"Fucking tease." Adam mutters and Tommy smirks before giving him the flirtiest look he has ever seen on the blonde's face.   
　  
"Not teasing. You’re the one making offers you can't deliver on, not me. I mean everything I've said about if you were single." Tommy takes another step back. Adam uses all of his will power not to get out the car, follow him upstairs and fuck him, show Tommy exactly how good he could make it. He imagines it easily, stepping out the car, kissing Tommy hard. Following him upstairs, taking him to the bedroom. He'd make it so good Tommy would never want anyone else, have him moaning and writhing underneath him, begging to cum. Adam swallows, adjusting the hard on in his jeans.  
　  
"I mean it too, if I were single...." Adam begins, but Tommy cuts him off.  
　  
"But you’re not." Tommy points out.  
　  
"No, I'm not." Adam agrees.  
　  
"You love Ben." Tommy says softly and it feels like he's reminding Adam or maybe asking if he does love Ben.  
　  
"I do love him. I ah should get home and you should go sleep it off." Half of Adam is hoping Tommy won't remember all of this, but he doesn't seem that drunk anymore.  
　  
"Yeah, night, Adam." It looks like Tommy has something else to say, but he doesn't, he just turns around and lets himself into his building.

Adam curses, refrains from punching the steering wheel and drives home. He strips in the bathroom and puts on the pyjamas he left in there. He's still hard but he refuses to jerk off, knowing he won't be thinking about the right man if he does. Thinking of Tommy isn't like watching porn. He walks to his bedroom to find his lover still sleeping, exactly the way Adam had left him. As he gets into bed, he can't help but feel he has done something tonight that he has never done before to Ben. He's cheated on a lover, but worst still, he isn't sure he won't do it again.  
　  
TBC.......


	5. Unfaithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt not enough on fanfic100, the prompt proposition for smut69 and the prompt choices on love100. Having Tommy as a friend is not enough for him, but can Adam have more without losing Ben? He has a proposition for Tommy and Tommy has a choice to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that will include cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

Adam POV  
　  
He wants more than friendship from Tommy, has for a long time. But after the kiss outside Tommy's apartment, he wants more. Having Tommy as a friend is not enough, but he doesn't want to lose Ben. He knows that Tommy can't love him the way Ben does, they can't be happy together the way he is with Ben. Tommy isn't even out, but he knows the sex would be amazing and so a week after the kiss, he calls Tommy up with a proposition that he tells himself is about helping Tommy, not just about wanting Tommy. He waits till Ben is out at some interview before he calls Tommy, he knows this is wrong, knows he shouldn't do it before he even has, but he knows he's going to do it anyway.  
　  
"Hi Tommy Joe. I've had an idea." Adam purrs into the phone.  
　  
"Hey Adam. What?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Well, I'm getting married and I'm settling down. You’re my best man. I need your help with something. I think I can help you, too." Adam says leaning back on the bed.   
　  
"You need to go suit shopping or something? I thought we had ages before that shit started." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"Not shopping, I want one last fling before I commit to Ben." Adam blurts out, if he doesn't say this he never will. He's been texting and tweeting with Tommy all week, but it's not enough for him, he misses the closeness they had on tour, he misses kissing Tommy on stage, the heat between them. He doesn't want to lose Tommy to some other guy now that Tommy is ready to be with a man.   
　  
"And you want me to help you how?" Tommy asks, no judgement in his voice.  
　  
"Well I know you've never been with a man and I know you want to, so I thought we could help each other out." Adam suggests, he hopes Tommy hasn't found time to be with a man in the last week. It's not that he has a virgin kink, he just isn't sure Tommy will go for his proposition if he's found someone already.   
　  
"You want to sleep with me?" Tommy asks, voice toneless.  
　  
"I want you to have a good first time, for all your firsts with a man to be good, enjoyable. I don't want you to get hurt. I'm attracted to you, you have to know that and last week, Tommy you had to feel the chemistry, the spark between us." Adam really hopes Tommy felt it.  
　  
"Okay, say I agree to this, when? Like now?" Tommy asks.  
　  
Adam would love to drive to Tommy's right now, but he had more than a few drinks to get up the confidence to call and proposition his fucking bassist,/best friend/best man, behind his fiancé's back. He is going to hell and he's pretty sure he deserves it.   
　  
"No, but soon." Adam can't believe he's doing this.  
　  
"And it'll be what a one-time thing?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"If that's what you want." It's not going to be enough to get this out his system, he wants to do everything to Tommy, but it's something, more than he ever thought he'd have.  
　  
"Alright, come to my house on Friday. We'll talk." Tommy tells him and Adam grins stupidly, like a middle schooler getting a yes from the first person they ask for a date, but this isn't anywhere near as innocent as a date.  
　  
"Is that a yes?" he wants to be sure, needs to be sure.  
　  
"It's a yes, Adam." Tommy says softly and then he hangs up.  
　  
Adam stands up, heading for the shower, he needs to sober up. On the way there he trips over a pair of Ben's shoes. Fuck Ben, if he ever found out about this he would leave Adam and Adam would only have himself to blame. He really does love Ben, but he wanted Tommy long before he had met Ben and now he knows he can have Tommy, even if it is just one time, he can't just walk away from that. One last fling and then he will be faithful for the rest of his life. He has never been unfaithful before, he hates cheating, hates that he's making excuses for himself, but if he doesn't do this, if he settles for not enough from Tommy when he can have more than friendship once, he'd always regret it. Sex isn't enough for him to leave Ben, he won't leave a man he loves for a man who can only give him sex, so he'll cheat and try not to hate himself afterwards.   
　  
He spends the whole week spoiling Ben, presents, meals out, cooking for him at home and so many blowjobs he thinks his jaw will never stop aching. It doesn't take the guilt away, Ben is so thankful for the attention, thinks Adam is just being romantic because he sometimes is for no reason. The fact that Ben doesn't even seem to think to ask if something is up, has he done something, makes Adam feel like scum. But when Friday finally arrives he has already made excuses not to see Ben, he gets dressed up and heads over to Tommy's, who answers the door in jeans and a T-shirt, but he's wearing makeup, Adam can't tell if he wants to go out first or not from the way he looks. Tommy lets him in, leads the way to the living room without a hug or a hello. He gestures for Adam to sit down next to him on the sofa. There is an open bottle of whisky on the table, two glasses, but neither has been used. He's not sure if that means Tommy hasn't been drinking or if it just means he's been drinking straight from the bottle up till now. He pours them both a drink, Adam picks it up, grateful to have something in his hands so he won't bite his nails or touch Tommy before he's sure he's allowed.  
　  
"Are you okay, Tommy?" Adam asks when his friend doesn't say anything, just sits there, staring at his hands.  
　  
"I'm not good with choices, with making them. You proposition me and suddenly it's like our friendship, I always thought it was enough. Now it's not enough, I want what you’re offering, but I don't know if that's a good choice. You've always said you don't like cheaters and this, it'll make you a cheater, Adam." Tommy sighs.  
　  
Adam takes another sip of his drink, he knows this, knows that he's cheating on Ben. He's cheating just by asking Tommy to make this choice, propositioning him this way, he's being unfaithful to Ben by wanting this, even without touching Tommy he'll still have done something wrong to the man he's with, he knows all that, but he, it's not that he just doesn't care, he just can't not want this. He's afraid he'll always want it, just once might not be enough to get Tommy out of his head.  
　  
"I, ah, get that I've put you in a difficult place by asking you for this. Proposition makes it sound dirty, maybe it is dirty. But yeah, I'm asking you to make a choice and maybe it's unfair of me to do it, but I want you, Tommy." Adam knows he's taken a lot from Tommy over the years, relied on him on tour more than anyone else, it's not like what he's taken, the love Tommy has already given, it's not like that's not enough, but he wants more, he feels so fucking selfish.  
　  
"I know I should say no." Tommy says softly, topping off his own glass, Adam didn't even notice him emptying it.  
　  
"Should?" Adam doesn't want to get his hopes up, but it doesn't sound like Tommy is saying no, Adam had worried Tommy would regret his choice and change his mind after their phone conversation.   
　  
"Fuck Adam, I wouldn't have let you come here just to say no. I know people say shit about me teasing you on stage, but I'm not a tease." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"I know the fans used to say that..." Adam starts only to be cut off.  
　  
"They still do, hell in the beginning I think half your friends wanted to kill me. But that's not what today is about. I've made my choice, it might be the wrong one. But fuck it, it's my choice. I'll live with it." Tommy knocks back the contents of his glass and then he leans forward and kisses Adam softly.   
　  
It's not like he has never kissed Tommy before, far from it, but it feels different this time. He thinks maybe it's because this is the first kissed they've shared after he propositioned his best friend. He doesn't want to think about the fact he's cheating, that this is a one-time fling, one time has to be enough after all this time. He can only do this once, he won't ruin it by thinking about Ben right now. He needs to pretend he's single and just enjoy hooking up with Tommy like this was happening years before he even met Ben, when he was single and alone. He kisses Tommy back, pulling him closer and getting lost in the sensation.   
　  
Tommy pushes him till Adam has his back flat to the back of the couch and then he's moving himself, straddling Adam's lap, bolder than Adam would have thought he would be. He gets with the program quick enough, wrapping his arms around Tommy and pulling their bodies closer together, chest to chest, Tommy's ass flush against his groin. The kiss heats up as he licks into Tommy's mouth, he can taste the whisky he just drank, something sweet underneath that and Tommy. Kissing Tommy has always turned him on, but knowing he won't have to stop, the knowledge goes straight to his dick. His dick is rock hard and trapped in his jeans, pressing against Tommy who doesn't pull away. It's not enough friction against his dick to get him off, but it feels good. His whole body is thrumming with low level pleasure. It feels so good, all he wants is more, more, more and he knows that Tommy will let him take it from him.  
　  
Adam slides his hands up under Tommy's shirt, his back is smooth and warm under Adam's hands and he's greedy for more, more skin and more everything. He wants everything Tommy is willing to give him, he has one day, that's all he's getting so he's making the most of it. He breaks the kiss to strip off Tommy's T-shirt and stops with his hands at the hem of Tommy's shirt. Kiss swollen lips, face flushed and eyes dark, he looks beautiful. Adam never wants to forget how Tommy looks in that moment, in his arms, flushed with pleasure; he thinks Tommy should always look like this.  
　  
He strips Tommy and runs his hands over the newly exposed flesh. When Tommy scrambles off his lap Adam isn't sure what's going on, he thinks maybe he's changed his mind, that he's calling an end to this arraignment, but then he offers Adam his hand.  
　  
"Bedroom." Tommy says softly.   
　  
He takes Tommy's hand, there is no way he's saying no to an offer like that. He had been worried his proposition would ruin their friendship, but it’s okay. Tommy wants it just as much as he does. Adam lets himself be lead to the bedroom, glad that Tommy lives alone now, they don't have to worry about interruptions. Tommy kisses him again, hard and almost desperate. Adam cups his jaw, changes the angle and takes control of the kiss, turning the kiss slow and wet instead. He doesn't stop till he has Tommy moaning into the kiss, then he stops to strip off his own shirt. Tommy just looks at him, almost like he's frozen and Adam has to remind himself that Tommy has never done this with a man before, gone this far. He can't deny the thrill he feels over being the first, it's not his kink, it really isn't. But a stupid possessive part of him likes it. He'll have something no one has ever gotten from Tommy, he'll be his first and Tommy will always remember that, remember him.  
　  
He tugs Tommy close, naked chest to naked chest and then he kisses him, slow and soft, they have all night. Adam made sure he had nowhere he needed to be, they’re completely alone here and Tommy doesn't have a roommate who'll be showing up, they have all the time in the world to get this right. Tommy's hands come up, resting lightly on his chest, he doesn't really do anything, just touching and Adam thinks maybe he's nervous, so he keeps it slow. He kisses Tommy slow and sweet, hands on the soft skin of his waist, but Tommy pulls away.  
　  
"What's wrong?" Adam asks softly.  
　  
"I, ah, this. You’re acting weird." Tommy sighs, rubbing at his bare arms, like maybe he's cold or really fucking nervous.  
　  
"Weird how?" He thought he was in the moment, making the most of this, of Tommy giving him this.  
　  
"All that soft shit, you don't kiss me like that, you don't touch me like that." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"It's your first time with a man, I thought you'd want to ease into things." Adam explains.   
　  
"I've been with a guy." Tommy mutters.  
　  
"Handjobs aren't the same and you know it. I want to look after you, make it good for you. Is that so wrong?" Adam asks.  
　  
"No, but I'm not your boyfriend, this is a fling. I don't need romance and shit." Tommy shrugs again.  
　  
"That doesn't mean I want to hurt you. My first time doing that wasn't so great. I want better for you, you’re my best friend." He loves Tommy, it's all consuming at times, scary, not safe the way it is with Ben. He wants this to be good for Tommy, he'd never forgive himself if he hurt him, not when Tommy only just seems to be excepting he likes men.  
　  
"Fine, be careful with prep and stuff, but quit treating me like I'm going to break. Or like I'm going to bolt. I made my choice, I said yes and I'm not going to back out if you kiss me too hard." Tommy all but growls.  
　  
He doesn't want to piss off Tommy, he hadn't even thought Tommy would say yes to his proposition, had thought he would be settling for only ever having it be not enough between him and Tommy. But like Tommy said, he's made his choice and he doesn't plan to change his mind. So Adam grabs his forearms and drags Tommy close again, kissing him hard, teeth almost clashing with the force. He kisses Tommy hard enough to bruise his lips and then licks into his mouth, he isn't polite about it or gentle and Tommy arches into his touch, kissing back with equal force.   
　  
Adam backs Tommy up to his bed and pushes Tommy back till he stumbles on to the bed, arms splayed. Adam leans down and strips Tommy. He's never seen him completely naked like this before and Tommy doesn't try to hide, he just sprawls out on the bed, pale sink and dark tattoos, the characters should have always been horrifying, but he's never seen Tommy's tattoos as anything but sexy. He wants to lick over the ink, hell he wants to lick all over Tommy. He loves the way the other man is just laid out on the bed, letting Adam look at all of him. He'd always thought of Tommy as being a little shy about his body. But he's laid out like some sort of porn star, only hotter than any porn Adam has ever seen. He strips quickly, nowhere near as shy as he himself had once been about his body. Tommy's eyes go dark as they watch him strip, his hot gaze is enough to turn Adam on even more.   
　  
He gets on the bed, on his hands and knees above Tommy, he presses kisses to the tender flesh of Tommy's belly, trailing them over his hips, sucking on the bone of his left hipbone. He kisses lower till he reaches Tommy's cock, hard and leaking, he can't resist a taste of something he's been fantasising over for years. He laps at the head before sealing his lips around it and sucking hard. Tommy moans, but doesn't thrust up. Adam puts a hand on Tommy's hip anyway, so he can hold him down if he needs to. He likes the feel of Tommy's slim hip in his hand, how small and almost fragile Tommy feels in his hand. Maybe shouldn't turn him on as much as it does. As he sucks on Tommy, he quickly learns that Tommy is very vocal when he's getting his dick sucked. The moans coming out of his mouth have blood rushing to Adam's cock, till it's throbbing between his legs as he works Tommy's dick, when he takes Tommy deeper he gets even more vocal.  
　  
He pulls off briefly to look for lube, while Tommy switches between cussing at him for stopping and begging him to start again. He's glad that Tommy has lube in the top draw, if he'd had to stop and look for it or ask an all but incoherent Tommy he thinks he might have started crying. He lubes up his fingers and goes back to sucking Tommy's cock, distracting him as he adds the first finger. Tommy takes it easily, he doesn't tense and his hips only buck a little. By the time he has three fingers in Tommy he has to use his free hand to pin Tommy to the bed, as he moans and wriggles, apologizing whenever his hips buck a little hard.  
　  
He pulls off of Tommy's cock and rolls the condom on. He gets Tommy to move up on to his hands and knees, knowing the position will be easier on Tommy with it being his first time. He pushes in slowly, stopping whenever Tommy tenses up. He gets all the way in after what feels like days when he knows it was only moments, fights to keep still, holding Tommy close and just letting himself feel Tommy tight around his cock. Adam can't hold still for long though, his hips grinding into Tommy, Tommy's breath hitching as Adam moves. Adam pulls Tommy closer, he knows he should take it slow and easy, it's Tommy's first time, but he can't, it feels too good and Tommy doesn't seem to care.   
　  
"Fuck, fuck Adam, more." Tommy moans, clutching at him, fingers digging into Adam's back. He's thought about this a lot, but he had never imagined that Tommy would be quite this passionate. He's cursing, moaning, begging, moving to meet Adam's thrusts. Slow and careful doesn't seem to be what Tommy wants. Adam's hips are slamming so hard into Tommy. he is sure he'll leave bruises on the other man.   
　  
Tommy arches up into his touch, always moving closer, till there is hardly any space between them. Adam can feel himself getting closer with each thrust, so he wraps his hand around Tommy's cock. Tommy moans louder, his face flushed pink, eyes screwed shut, hair a mess. He looks beautiful, a hot mess, Adam never wants to see him look any other way. He keeps his fist tight, moving it in time with his hips, pumping into Tommy's body as he jacks his cock.  
　  
"Adam, Adam. Fucking Christ Adam." Tommy's hands fist in the covers as he cums, shaking and moaning beneath Adam.  
　  
Adam kisses Tommy's back and neck, his hand slowing to work Tommy through his orgasm, his hips still thrusting hard. He moans, biting down hard on Tommy's shoulder as his orgasm hits him, Ben bitches him out for shit like that, but Tommy moans, arching into it. Adam freezes before the afterglow even hits him. Thoughts of Ben like a bucket of ice water being thrown over him. He has just cheated on the man he loves with a man who can never love him, he feels sick with guilt.  
　  
Tommy POV  
　  
Adam pulls out the second he cums and pulls away. Tommy rolls over onto his back and watches as Adam strips off the condom and throws it in the trash can beside Tommy's bed. He can't read the look on Adam's face, but he doesn't look happy or satisfied. Tommy doesn't know what to think, it had seemed good, like Adam liked it, but now he's not even looking at Tommy. There is cum on his sheets and his stomach, his thighs slick and sticky with lube. He wants to get up and clean himself up or maybe hide the fact that he's totally naked under the covers, but he feels frozen, like he literally cannot move.  
　  
When Adam starts getting dressed, Tommy's stomach sinks, but then really, he shouldn’t have expected anything else. He'd made his choice when Adam propositioned him, he knew it was going to be a one-night thing, one time, not even a night. He shouldn't get upset now because it doesn't feel like enough. He knew; he knew what he was getting into with Adam here.  
　  
"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" Adam asks as he buckles up his belt.  
　  
There's an ache low down, close to pain, flaring a little more every time he moves. It's not the worst pain he has ever felt, but it's not something he can ignore either, he'll be feeling this for days.  
　  
"I'm fine." He sits up a little, not looking at Adam as he finds a T-shirt to cover himself over with. He's not going to tell Adam he's in pain. This isn't a date, the end of a date, it's a hook up, a one off fling with a man who's due to be married. Tommy closes his eyes briefly, he feels like scum, like a total asshole. He's never slept with someone knowing they were with someone else before.  
　  
"Good, um, I should probably get home." Adam's buttoning his shirt and not looking at Tommy at all. He has never felt so awkward around Adam, not even when he realized he had a huge crush on his best friend.  
　  
"Okay." Tommy nods, fuck, this was a bad idea. He's probably ruined their friendship with his choice, he should have never let Adam fuck him. Adam might have been the one to proposition him, but Tommy was the one that said yes, he should have pointed out to Adam that a fling wasn't his style, make his friend see sense, but he'd wanted Adam so much, even if it was only once. He thought once could be enough, but it's not enough, he wants to pull Adam back into bed, to fall asleep in his arms, wake up and fuck him again. He can't do that though, he made his choice, one time and now Adam is leaving, going back to being the dutiful boyfriend.  
　  
"I'll call you in the week. Sutan has a show, he wants us to all come see Raja sing." Adam says softly, shrugging on his jacket. It's such a normal conversation, not at all the sort of think he'd expect after sex, it's like Adam's trying to pretend it never happened already.  
　  
"Cool, I'll see you there." Tommy forces out, even though he wants to scream at Adam, ask him what the hell they just did, why did either of them think this was a good idea. He's in bed, aching from Adam's cock and making plans for a group outing with the Glamily like they didn't just fuck.   
　  
"I can let myself out, so you don't have to get dressed." Adam offers.  
　  
"Alright, see you in the week." Tommy shrugs, feeling hollow.   
　  
Adam doesn't even look at him, he fucking waves and walks out the room. Tommy waits till the door shuts and then gets up. He goes to his bathroom and turns on the shower, stripping out of his T-shirt and climbing in under the hot spray on auto pilot. He washes his hair, cleans the lube and sweat off of his skin, washing the smell of sex off his skin, washing Adam off of him. He doesn't want to smell Adam's sweat on him, his after shave, he doesn't want any more reminders of what happened than he has to. He gets out, dries off feeling an ache with every step. He can feel a sting in his shoulder so he stops by the mirror and twists to look. Adam has left a bite mark on his damn shoulder, he'll have to keep it covered unless he wants people to ask questions.   
　  
He puts on an old T-shirt and some sweats and wanders back to the main room. He turns the TV on to something mindless and sits down, he should make dinner, call his Mom, do something. He sits down and picks up the bottle of whisky instead, ignoring his empty glass and Adam's half empty one and takes a drink straight from the bottle. He doesn't regret having sex with a man or even that the man was Adam, but he does regret how it happen. He's judging Adam a little, for cheating, for his proposition, like having a loving husband to be at home is not enough for him. But he's a hypocrite, he knew Adam would be cheating on Ben if Tommy agreed to sleep with him. He might not be cheating himself, but he knew Adam was when he made his choice.  
　  
He feels pathetic, so desperate to have Adam, even for a while that he's done something he never thought he would, that he had never thought Adam would do. He's so confused, he never thought of Adam as the type of man who would have a fling, cheat on the man he loved, but then again Tommy never thought of himself as the sort of man who would be another's dirty little secret. He feels ashamed of himself and he just doesn't know how to feel about Adam. He knows Adam is a good man, knows Adam loves Ben, so he doesn't get why Adam would want one night with him, when Adam doesn't do one night stands.  
　  
The sex was amazing, but Tommy feels like shit about it. He keeps drinking straight from the bottle, he just wants to forget he did something this stupid. He fucked a man he's in love with, but he can never be with him, he's getting married, Tommy is the fucking best man. He's done a lot of bad shit, stuff he's regretted, but never anything like this. He might have fucked up his most important friendship, all because he can't ever say no to Adam. He hates himself, but even as he keeps drinking, less and less amber liquid filling the bottle as the night goes on, he knows if Adam calls him again, with another proposition, he won't say no, he'll never say no to Adam, no matter how bad a choice or how wrong he knows it is. Now he's had Adam once, he has a feeling once won't be enough.  
　  
Not for the first time since he met Adam he falls asleep on his sofa curled around an almost empty bottle thinking about Adam, the way his lips felt on Tommy's, the way his body feels pressed close. Only it's not just fantasy anymore, he's been with Adam and he has a thousand little details he didn't have before, right there to torture him the moment his eyes slip closed.   
　  
TBC......


	6. Secrets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sixth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Too much on fanfic100, secret for lover100 and wrong for smut 69. Tommy is finding being around Adam too much to cope with and Adam wants more, even though he knows it's wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

　  
Tommy POV  
　  
He wasn't going to go, but Sutan had called and he could practically see the puppy eyes through the phone, so he'd agreed, dragged his ass into the shower, cleaned up, shaved. He'd dressed as nice as he could and used makeup tricks Sutan had taught him to hide the circles under his eyes. And like magic the evidence of too many sleepless nights in a row disappeared. He wishes the way he was feeling was as easily fixed, he's tried hitting the bottle, but that hasn't been working out so well for him. He's not built to keep secrets.  
　  
Adam and Ben were both meant to be going to see Raja sing tonight as well, the whole Glamily had promised to come to the club. If he didn't go people would notice, but the idea of being around Adam and Ben? It was almost too much for him to cope with. A drink to steady his nerves did nothing but make his empty stomach churn. He got a taxi to the club, was relieved that Sutan had put his name on the list and he didn't have to wait in line. He headed straight for the bar and ran into Isaac and Sophia and managed his first genuine smile in what felt like days. When they both pull him into a tiny group hug, Tommy feels a pang in his chest and he finds himself wishing he was still living with them, even if Sophia did make him do yoga. He's not sure living with a happy married couple would be the best of ideas though, not with the way he's been feeling these days. It would be too much, seeing them have the sort of relationship he craved all the time. Too much to live with them every day and keep his secret about what he and Adam did together.  
　  
He had a feeling seeing Adam and Ben together would be too much for him as well, but he couldn't let his friends down. So he had forced himself into the shower, drank a coffee liberally laced with whisky and got dressed. He told himself he had only dressed up because he couldn't show up Sutan by coming to his show looking like a scruffy mess. But he wasn't fooling himself, tight black jeans, a shirt Adam had said he liked before. Perfect makeup, gloss not lipstick on his lips, which was stupid, he wouldn't be kissing anyone, apart from maybe Raja and she never seemed to mind his lipstick smearing all over the place.  
　  
He's regretting agreeing to go before he even got there, but he can't keep running away from Adam his whole life. They work together for Christ sake, he needs to get over Adam and what happened, push his feelings down and just be Adam's friend. He'll just pretended sleeping with Adam, not, not sleeping, they didn't sleep together, he slept alone, Adam probably slept with Ben, his fiancée. Okay, he needs to pretend that getting fucked by Adam was just a really vivid sex dream, nothing comes of dreams, just like nothing can come of his one time with Adam.  
　  
There's a table full of his friends near the stage but he goes to get a beer first, they all have drinks, but no ones on anything hard yet so he decides to fit in and take it easy. The table isn't all couples when he gets there, some of Sutan's friends are single. But the only people he really knows are Isaac, Sophia and Adam and Ben. Two happy couples, he feels like a fifth wheel. Ben is all but sitting on Adam so neither of them get up when Tommy reaches the table, they both wave and from the way Ben giggles and his face flushes Tommy is willing to bet he's more than a little tipsy, Isaac and Sophia both get up and hug him, they both demand kisses as well. They drag him to sit between them, both of them cuddling up to him, he's missed this, missed them since he got his own place. The people around them give them a few looks but no one says anything and Tommy lets himself relax, trying not to look at Adam without being obvious about it. He was right; being around Adam right now does feel like too much. He can't look at Adam without thinking of what they did, even with Ben right there on his lap, it feels so wrong. He's never really felt ashamed of himself before now.  
　  
He's so glad when the show starts; it gives him something to focus on other than Adam and Ben. There are other girls besides Raja and after three acts, there is a break, it isn't till the lights go up that Tommy realizes Ben has somehow managed to get well and truly plastered. Tommy goes to the bar, if Ben is drunk, then he sees no reason to stay sober. He's queuing at the bar when Adam appears at his side.  
　  
"I'm going to get Ben some water, he's a little sloshed." Adam says, smile a little tight and Tommy doesn't think it's over Ben being drunk. It's because things are weird between them.   
　  
"He's a lot sloshed." Tommy says without heat, it's not like he's one to judge. Not when it comes to drinking or hell, anything. He's a little too much in the wrong to be judging Ben of all people.  
　  
"We had some wine before we got here and he mixed his drinks." Adam shrugs and Tommy doesn't know how he can do it, how he can act like nothing ever happened. It's too much for Tommy and even though he's at the front now, close to the bar he turns on his heels and all but runs to the bathroom. Apparently it's too much to ask not to be followed and by Adam no less.  
　  
"Are you okay, Tommy?" Adam asks, coming over to where Tommy stood in front of the sinks, his hands on the counter as he looks at himself, trying to tell himself that he's fine, that going back out into the club won't be too much for him, but he thinks maybe he's wrong, maybe he's lying to himself.  
　  
"I'm fine." Tommy insists.   
　  
"Then why did you run off?" Adam asks and fuck, can Adam really be that clueless?   
　  
"Maybe I'm finding it weird being around you right now, Adam." Tommy mutters, glad the men’s room is empty apart from them; this conversation does not need to be overheard.  
　  
"But, I, you’re my best friend, I don't want to lose you. I didn't mean to make it weird, to hurt you." Adam looks pretty fucking upset and it makes Tommy's chest feel too tight.  
　  
"You didn't hurt me." He lies, because he is hurting, seeing Adam with Ben is too much so close after their night together. He's in love with a man who's in love with someone else and it hurts like hell that he can't have Adam like that. But he can't tell Adam that, he won't ever tell Adam that.  
　  
"So we’re okay? I really want to us to be okay." Adam says softly.  
　  
"We're okay." Tommy says, not because it's true, but because any other answer would have felt like kicking a puppy. Adam looks almost devastated by the idea of them not being able to be friends after they slept together. What they did was wrong, but it's happened now, he can't change it, he needs to move on and surely having Adam as his best friend is better than nothing, even if it does hurt.   
　  
"Then why did you say it's weird?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Because it is, a little, we had sex, it was amazing and it's just complicated. You’re still my best friend, but I need a little distance so we can get back to that. Can you understand that?" Tommy isn't sure what he's saying. He's asking for Adam's friendship, because it's all he can have, he had more once and he both regrets it and doesn't. It was wrong, but it had felt right, until Adam left. He's so confused.  
　  
"I'll give you space. I'll meet you back at the table, okay?" Adam looks so hopeful, so Tommy nods. It's messed up, he knows Adam cares about him, just not in the same way as Tommy cares about him, it's a different kind of love. He watches Adam walk away, he feels like he's always doing that, Adam always leaving first.  
　  
He hides in the bathroom for as long as he can, leaving before Adam or anyone else comes to check on him. He goes and orders a whiskey, by the end of the night, Ben won't be the only one who's had too much to drink. He watches the show, he doesn't look at anyone at his table, he's surrounded by happy couples and he can't even remember the last time he went on a date. His fuck with Adam, the hand job with Lee and nothing for months before that. He tries to tell himself it’s just general jealousy from being alone, but he knows that's wrong, he knows why he really can't look at anyone. He can't look at Adam without seeing what they did together; he can't look at Ben without seeing it either. And then when he looks at Isaac and Sophia, so happily married and it makes him feel like dirt, he doesn't know when he became the sort of guy who would risk ruining a relationship like that, he'd been so selfish and it's almost too much to bear. So he doesn't look at them, but he can hear Ben's soft, happy giggles, he's so happy and Tommy can't help picturing his reaction to what Tommy did with Adam.   
　  
By the time Adam is helping Ben into a taxi with one of his friends who's staying with him, Tommy is pretty drunk, not as drunk as Ben and he thinks he hides it better, but he's pretty damn drunk. They all are. Isaac carries Sophia slung over his shoulder, both of them giggling like mad all the way to the taxi. They’re acting like horny teenagers and if the taxi driver's lucky or unlucky depending how you look at it, he might just get a show in the back of his cab.  
　  
Raja is wrapped around him, tottering a little on her heels having joined them for a few drinks after she had performed, waving off their friends.  
　  
"Come home with me, Tommy." Raja pleads and he knows it's not that kind of offer, but he smirks anyway.  
　  
"Raja, I'm not that kind of boy." Only he kind of is, but Raja doesn't need to know that. It makes Raja smile and he tries to keep his mind from wondering away from his joke and into darker territory.   
　  
"Wicked boy." Raja clucks her tongue at him, but her smile is fond, amused.   
　  
"You want a sleep over?" Tommy asks, it's not like he's never crashed with Raja before.  
　  
"I'm a little ramped up from performing; I won't sleep, so I was thinking we could all get stoned." Raja smirks, wrapping around Tommy in a full body hug, clutching Tommy close to his chest.  
　  
"Cool, I'm in, wait all of us?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Adam's coming as well." Raja tells him brightly and fuck he can't back out now, he said yes, if he says no now, Raja will know something is up.  
　  
Raja doesn't know his secret, doesn't know what Tommy did, fuck Raja would hate him for doing something as wrong as sleeping with Adam when he was engaged. None of his friends would approve of what he did, the idea of losing them all is too much to take, he can't risk it. He needs to keep what he did wrong a secret and that means he needs to act the way he always did around Adam before they slept together. So he stands with Raja, letting her hang off him and waits for Adam to reappear. Adam's smile doesn't falter when he notices Tommy under Raja's arm, he smiles at them both. They get a taxi back to Raja's place, she leaves them alone and returns as Sutan. Tommy's curled up on the couch, boots and jacket off. Adam had fled the room when Raja did, offering to get drinks, the weed, everything they need. He comes back a little after Sutan does, with snacks as well as drinks and weed. Where Sutan got back first he's sat down next to Tommy so Tommy doesn't have to wait and see where Adam would have sat if given the choice, it's wrong of him to want Adam to want to sit next to him.  
　  
When Sutan passes him a lit joint he takes it as well as a beer Adam managed to find somewhere, seen as Tommy doesn't thing Sutan even likes beer. He drinks and smokes and it starts getting easier to forget about secrets and doing the wrong thing. He's warm, comfortable, kind of drunk and high. He's with two men who he really cares about, who he knows care about him, it should be perfect, it should be enough, he should be happy, but he's not.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
The moment he had seen Tommy, his body had done two things; his stomach had churned with guilt and his heartbeat picked up, began racing. He'd felt so guilty, he's been trying to push the encounter to the back of his mind, which hasn't been working. He's tried to focus on the fact that he loves Ben and he really, really does. But when he saw Tommy he'd felt his cock twitch, memories flooding back, Ben had wiggled against him, giggling and whispering filth in Adam's ear, thinking that his body’s reaction had been caused by Ben on his lap. The dirty talk only made it worse and he couldn't believe how wrong it was, that he was getting off on both of them, on Ben and Tommy at the same time. It was dirty and it was wrong, but he couldn't stop it. He'd always had a reaction to Tommy, been attracted, but it's been different. God he knows what Tommy looks like naked, coming apart at the seems, moaning his head off and he can't forget about that.  
　  
When Ben had spent the night getting drunker and drunker, Adam couldn't talk to him anymore. Ben was just slurring nonsense words, it was the way he got when he drank too much, so it had been hard to focus on him, his warm weight in Adam's lap not enough to keep Adam's eyes off of Tommy, he was looking so good, so pretty. Adam had followed him when it seemed like Tommy wasn't talking to him. Tommy said nothing was wrong, that he needed space, but he'd smiled at Adam outside the club and it had felt like old times, but the moment he was left alone with Tommy, without Sutan as a buffer, he had fled. But the more he smokes and drinks, the more he relaxes , the less weird and wrong things feel. He's feeling relaxed and turned on, glad he doesn't run his mouth when he's high, he doesn't want Sutan finding out his secret, they’re close, but he's not sure he'll approve. He loves his friendship with Sutan too much to risk losing it.  
　  
He watches now, as a giggly, somewhat sleepy looking Sutan passes over a fresh joint to Tommy; their legs are tangled together, cuddled up like adorable puppies. Well it's mainly adorable, there are moments when Tommy will move and a strip of his stomach will show and it makes want pool low in his belly. Tommy's lips will wrap around the joint as he takes a hit and Adam has to look away, too buzzed and turned on to risk keeping his eyes on Tommy for too long. His thoughts might be wrong, but they've always been there, to some extent, since the beginning, long before Ben came into his life. He'd always managed to keep the attraction under control, date men that he could really have. And then Tommy called him, drunk and confessing to being with a man that night. Love bites all over his neck, hickeys like someone had marked him, claimed him. It had made Adam jealous and at the same time lust, Tommy liked men. He'd been a little hurt as well, after the first kiss he'd told the world Tommy was straight, he had believed what he was saying. Everyone said he was Tommy's exception, but he wasn't, some stranger had got his hands on Tommy before him. He'd all but forgotten about Ben during that car ride, more so when he'd slept with Tommy, but after it had been filled with both. He loves Ben, he can have the forever he wants with Ben, perfect couple, perfect life. He'll always be happy with Ben, Ben is for lack of a better word safe and Tommy, well, he's not, he's a risk. A straight boy who's decided to question his sexuality at thirty, a closeted cute little rocker dude. They’re friends, so maybe a relationship between them could work, but there are more reasons they couldn't work than they could, so he needs to get Tommy out of his head. He loves Ben, he needs to remember that.   
　  
Then Sutan gets to his feet, petting Tommy's hair and kind of leaning on his head, to help him to his feet. He's wasted, pupils blown. He's a little unsteady on his feet, but still pretty graceful and Adam feels a warm rush of affection for one of his closest friends. Sutan staggers over to where Adam has been sat alone and leans down to hug him. Adam knows he is amazingly lucky to have so many amazing people in his life, including an amazing man who is willing to marry him, willing to promise to be with him forever and Adam is at an age where he wants forever, not a fling.   
　  
"I'm going to bed, you both stink of weed and booze, so you’re staying." Sutan declares loudly.   
　  
Neither of them argue, Adam's sure Tommy, like him is very aware it would be useless. Sutan is stubborn at the best of the times, give him too much booze or weed and it ramps up a level, especially when he's worried. Adam knows it wouldn't be smart to get in a taxi plastered and high, pictures could end up on Twitter, stories could be sold. So he just agrees. Tommy looks half asleep anyway, he'll probably crash out on the couch so Adam will grab what was once Sutan's roommate’s room, but is now just a spare room. He knows Tommy won't mind crashing on the couch, when bouts of insomnia aren't keeping him from sleeping at all, the boy can pretty much sleep anywhere. Adam has lost count of the amount of times he's seen Tommy grabbing a nap somewhere noisy and cramped. They've been making jokes about cat naps since the first tour. But it still makes Adam smile, he's seen Tommy when he can't sleep, pale skin, dark eyes, he always hates that he can't help him, it makes him feel helpless. Tommy doesn't bitch about it though, he'll play music, he'll read, watch movies, clean. Adam wakes up early most mornings, one of the things he misses about tour is getting up early and finding Tommy already awake in the lounge area. He'll go sit by him and cuddle, warm and sleepy and Tommy just melts into him, he loves moments like that.  
　  
Sutan straightens up a little, pecks Adam on the cheek before going back to Tommy for another good night. He feels a small pang of jealousy when Tommy melts into Sutan's embrace the way he does with Adam. He tries to shake it off, Tommy is his friend, he has no right to act like a jealous bitch. Besides, unlike Adam, Sutan doesn't go for straight boys, all almost, not quite so straight boys, whatever. Sutan isn't into Tommy like that, they’re just friends. That almost makes Adam snort out loud, he's Tommy's friend and that didn't stop him from wanting Tommy. But he doesn't think he's wrong about Tommy and Sutan, raunchy music videos aside. Sutan kisses Tommy, loud and smacking and it reminds Adam of Brad and Sutan at his party, drunk and kissing everyone. Ben being amused by them and saying he could kiss Tommy goodbye, because Ben trusts him, fuck.   
　  
Sutan wonders off and Tommy sprawls out, finishing a half smocked joint. He looks relaxed, peaceful, mellowed out by the weed. Adam isn't mellow anymore, he's panicking.  
　  
"Am I a bad person?" Adam asks softly.  
　  
"What? No." Tommy frowns, putting out the joint he's smoking.   
　  
"But I cheated on Ben, that was really fucking wrong, Tommy." Adam points out.  
　  
"Keep it down, do you want Sutan to hear? This is a secret, what happened was a secret, so like be quiet." Tommy hisses, sitting bolt upright.  
　  
"I love Ben." Adam sighs.  
　  
"I know." Tommy says softly.   
　  
"But I still keep thinking about you and I know I shouldn't, I know it's wrong." Adam groans.  
　  
"I don't know what to sa,y Adam, yeah, what we did was wrong, but you’re a good man. You and Ben will be very happy together." Tommy sighs. Even Tommy knows that Ben is perfect for him, everyone knows he and Ben will work.   
　  
"Do you regret it?" Adam asks, because he's suddenly become a masochist apparently.  
　  
"Adam." Tommy groans, sitting up and draining his beer.  
　  
"Please?" He needs to know, he's done something wrong, it was a mistake, but he thinks it won't feel as bad if Tommy doesn't completely regret it.  
　  
"Fuck, I should, I know I should. Maybe I do. You’re in love with Ben, what we did was wrong, it was cheating. But I keep thinking about it, and you. I can't regret that we got to be together that one time." Tommy rambles, his face scrunched up a little, far from the way he was minutes before. Suddenly he looks weighted down by stress and Adam hates that he's made that happen. He gets up and goes to Tommy, he just wants to make him feel better, so he sits next to him and pulls him in for a tight hug.  
　  
Tommy leans into him, his face buried against Adam, warm and tiny and in moments like this, Tommy feels perfect, like he could be perfect for Adam. It makes him yearn for more, when he's already taken too much from his best friend. They can't have forever, they've had their one moment together, a moment they probably never should have had. He doesn't know why Tommy agreed, if it was down to attraction, to wanting to be with a man he could trust not to hurt him his first time. Hell for all he knows, Tommy just wanted him because he was forbidden, off limits, some people get off on that. Maybe that's why he can't bring himself to ask Tommy why he said yes, even though he feels what they did was wrong, he doesn't want to know the answer if it'll be a bad one. Secrets are sometimes best not talked about.  
　  
Tommy lifts his head, meeting Adam's gaze and he can't for the life of him read them, dark pot glazed eyes, maybe there isn't anything to see, maybe he's reading into things when he thinks he sees want in Tommy's eyes. Later he'll blame the booze and the weed, but he knows those are lies, that his own need is what drives him to touch Tommy's face gently and draw him into a gentle kiss. Even a chaste kiss with Tommy makes his heart race wildly. He knows this is wrong, it wouldn't need to be a secret if it wasn't wrong, but he just needs one kiss, to know Tommy is as confused as he is, struggling to hold lust back like Adam is. It doesn't feel like too much to ask for, that he's not the only one wanting something he shouldn't have.   
　  
Tommy kisses him back, but then he pulls back quickly, eyes dark and faced flushed. Adam wants nothing more than to put him on his back and take him again, be with him again.   
　  
"We can't do this." Tommy sighs, his fingers tracing Adam's lips telling a different story, so Adam flicks out his tongue, licking a warm digit, he sees Tommy shudder.   
　  
"It's just a kiss, no one will know." Fuck he's an asshole, a greedy asshole that will take whatever Tommy is willing to give, even though he has a fiancée who is willing to give him everything, love, sex, marriage, a life. But he wants more, even though he knows he's asking too much of Tommy.  
　  
"What if Sutan sees. If you want this to be a secret, stay a secret, we can't do this here." Tommy says softly.  
　  
"Not here?" Adam asks, it's wrong of him to hope for this, so wrong, but Christ, he wants to kiss Tommy again, away from a stage, he wants it to be real.  
　  
"Adam don't, don't ask me that. It was meant to be one time, but I won't say no if you ask me again, I know it's wrong, but I'll say yes." Tommy looks a little panicked and it makes Adam feel sick, how can he do this to a man he loves, put him through this. If this secret comes out, it'll hurt Tommy and Ben, but he wants to have everything. He wants to take all that Tommy can give him and he wants forever, forever he can have with Ben, he loves Ben too, even if his heart doesn't race for Ben the way it does Tommy. He can only have Tommy's body anyway, not his heart.  
　  
"You'd meet me again if I asked?" Adam asks and Tommy just nods. Adam knows it's time to be a better man than he has been lately, to be loyal to Ben, the way he should be. But the part of him that has loved Tommy all along is screaming at him to take whatever he can get of Tommy while he still can.  
　  
"Can we, just one more time and then we'll go back to just being friends?" It’s too much to ask for, no way will Tommy say yes.  
　  
"Okay, just one more time." Tommy nods, face scarlet, eyes on his lap.  
　  
Adam kisses him again. Hoping it'll get rid of the doubts he knows Tommy has. He wants to see Tommy smiling, relaxed, thinks maybe he can fix things, make Tommy happy this way, by giving him pleasure.   
　  
"Not here." Tommy groans, pulling back from Adam.  
　  
"Alright. I'm, ah, gonna go crash in the spare room." Adam says, bolting quickly to his feet. He can't trust himself alone with Tommy, not with his inhibitions lowered by booze and pot, not when Tommy has said yes to being with him again.  
　  
They say goodnight and Adam goes to sleep in the spare room. His thoughts nothing but a mess. Erotic dreams about Tommy, dreams about the perfect future with Ben, never being lonely again. When he gets up in the morning the couch is empty. Tommy's jacket and shoes are gone along with the blonde and it makes Adam think. If he left Ben, took a chance on Tommy, he's sure this is how it would be. Tommy's fine with sex with a man, but dating one, telling the world, he thinks that might be too much for him, he might be wrong, but a part of him is sure, even if he was single he would be Tommy's dirty little secret and he doesn't want that, he needs to date a man who's open, out, proud to be seen with him. Ben has never hidden or lied about what they were to each other, even though he's never really talked much about his sexuality in the media before he met Adam. He hadn't been hiding he was gay or closeted, but he'd never talked about boyfriends. Adam had asked why he was different from the others, Ben had said it was because he knew Adam was the one. He can't walk away from that for a man who will always leave in the morning, it would be setting himself up for heartbreak. He just needs to get Tommy out of his system before the wedding and then it'll be fine, he'll be the man Ben deserves.  
　  
He loves them both, but only Ben loves him back, the choice between them should be simple, it is in his head anyway, but his heart and his dick, well, they’re not having such an easy time with things. He's ignored his dick before, but never his heart, but this time, he knows his heart is being foolish. One last time with Tommy, that's all he'll let himself have, it might be a mistake, but at least it's happening before he walks down the aisle, he tells himself that makes it okay, but he's not sure anything can make a secret affair with your best man okay.  
　  
TBC


	7. Temptation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seventh part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt touch for fanfic100. Even though he's getting married, he can't help but touch Tommy, not when Tommy looks at him like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

Adam POV  
　  
They had started out in Tommy's living room, just talking, acting like they were still just good friends. Then Adam had said something, he can't remember what, just that Tommy's eyes grew heated. Even though he's getting married, even though guilt eats at him every day, he can't help but touch when Tommy looks at him like that. He's no good at resisting temptation, not when it comes to Tommy. He kisses Tommy, slow and deep, as hungry as a starving man. Tommy tastes sweet. Adam thinks it might be his lip gloss, but he can't pull back to ask, can't do anything but be with Tommy from the moment their lips touch. He can't keep his hands off Tommy either; he has a burning need to touch skin, his hands sliding up under Tommy's T-shirt to run over soft warm skin. He feels on fire everywhere they touch. He strips off their shirts so they can touch skin to skin, chest to chest, drinking in the moan he pulls from Tommy at the contact.  
　  
He feels like he's lost in a dream, everything is just warmth and touch and Tommy, the rest of the world has fallen away. They’re naked before they reach the bedroom and neither of them seems to be able to stop touching the other as they make the short walk to Tommy's room and his bed. He kisses Tommy, standing beside the bed, wrapped up in his arms, letting himself get lost in the sensations that their skin touching everywhere causes. When he pushes Tommy onto the bed he goes back, pliant as a rag doll, leaving Adam to find the lube and condoms. He gets Tommy on his hands and knees, preps him slowly, rimming him till Tommy is nothing but a babbling mess, calling out to a god that he doesn't even believe in. He presses into Tommy slowly, wanting to draw out the pleasure for both of them. He holds onto Tommy's hips, rolling his own in a deep slow grind. Tommy's breath hitching every time Adam moves inside him, moaning as Adam finds his sweet spot and grinds against it. Tommy thrusts back, demanding harder, demanding more and Adam can't deny him.   
　  
He touches every bit of skin he can reach as he thrusts, memorizing the feel of Tommy's skin under his hands, he thinks maybe you can be addicted to touching a person and he is, addicted to the feel of Tommy, he feels perfect even in the places he's not perfect and Adam loves touching him, loves that he can make Tommy fall apart from his touch. They don't talk, it seems less frantic this time than the last, now that it isn't all brand new to them, but it's just as good, maybe even better. Adam goes still for a second, his hands touching Tommy stop moving and his hips stop thrusting. Tommy whimpers, a broken, soft sound and then he starts working himself back onto Adam's dick and Adam doesn't try to hold him in place. He watches as Tommy works himself open on Adam's cock, watches his cock going in and out of Tommy's body and feels his balls tighten.   
　  
He takes over again, the touch of his palm firm on Tommy's back apparently enough to get Tommy to slow down and let Adam take over. He slides a hand around to touch Tommy's cock, loving the feeling of soft skin over firm flesh. He comes first, his orgasm rippling through him, shaking him apart, the intensity of it is unexpected. He pulls out slowly and rolls Tommy onto his back. He presses small, biting kisses to Tommy's chest, his mouth drifting lower and lower. He stops his descent to suck a hickey into Tommy's left hipbone, sharp and prominent, skin salty on his tongue from the sweat they've worked up together. He moves lower again, letting his breath blow warm and moist across the crown of Tommy's cock. He presses his lips to the head in a soft kiss, tasting pre-come when he licks his lips after. He circles the base with his other hand and then opens his mouth, sinking slowly down, sucking hard. Tommy gasps a warning, coming almost at the first touch of Adam's lips to the base of his cock. Adam licks him clean and pulls off. Tommy looks so hot, messed up hair and flushed face. But Adam notices more than the afterglow, like the fact that spread out naked he can see that Tommy has lost weight, he can see dark circles under his eyes as well and the dream world he is living in is shattered.  
　  
He knows he's being selfish, coming here like this. He knows if Ben knew it would hurt him. But he knows Tommy as well. He's never gone with a girl who had a boyfriend, never cheated on a girlfriend. He doesn't do things like this, not with men or women. And Adam can see that it's taking a toll on him. He doesn't want to hurt his best friend like that. He gets up, throws away the condom and goes to get a wash cloth, cleaning them both up in Tommy's bedroom before putting the cloth down on the side. He gets back into bed with Tommy, lying down beside him.  
　  
"I have to stop doing this; it's not fair to you or Ben. I should tell him, beg for forgiveness, beg him to still marry me." He can't keep doing this, sleeping with Tommy and being with Ben, it's unfair to both of them. He's had feelings for Tommy for so long, so strong, so intense that they’re almost frightening at times. Tommy is his biggest temptation, the only person he's ever gone against his morals for.  
　  
"No." Tommy looks horrified as he sits up, pulling a sheet up to cover his lap.  
　  
"No what, Tommy Joe?" Adam asks frowning, if Tommy wants to keep doing this, will that make this more than a fling? Would it mean he meant something to Tommy beyond best friend and lover?  
　  
"You can break this off, but you cannot tell Ben. Please Adam, if you tell him and he leaves you, people will ask questions. I can't be responsible for ending your marriage before it begins. Our friends, are families? They would hate me." Tommy looks completely freaked out by the idea and Adam can't blame him, fuck, it would be a nightmare, people taking sides arguing. If he just told Ben he cheated, Ben wouldn't leave it till he had an answer, it would get messy. If he told Ben it was Tommy, even if Ben was willing to forgive him, he'd want Tommy gone. He was writing a third album, planned on having a third tour. Ben would never trust him to resist temptation and resist Tommy. To keep Ben he'd have to lose Tommy from the band, from his life and probably a good few friends with it. He couldn't do that, couldn't make that choice, in that scenario people would hate Tommy, blame him for not leaving so Ben could stay. That wouldn't be right, they are both adults, they both decided to do this, so he's just as in the wrong as Tommy, probably more. Is it worth ruining their lives when Tommy doesn't seem to care if he ends it?  
　  
Tommy isn't saying they shouldn't end it, he's begging Adam not to confess to Ben. Adam thinks about why he wants to confess, the main reason he realizes is to get rid of his own guilt. Telling Ben would make him feel like less of a shit for cheating; it would be a weight off his shoulders. But it won't make Ben happy, he's happy now and he won't be if Adam tells him about the cheating, it'll just ruin the future Ben has planned for them. Would it make Tommy feel better? Make him sleep easier at night and take better care of himself, are those problems even caused by guilt over cheating? If Adam tells Ben it was Tommy he cheated with, will people blame Tommy for his and Ben's break up? Probably. Would some people hate him over it? Again yes, some probably would. So if Adam confesses to Ben, it'll hurt Ben and hurt Tommy, two people he cares about. Owning up to the affair, short as it has been, it looks like the only person it'll make feel better is him. It was selfish to sleep with Tommy to begin with; he doesn't want to hurt Tommy now that he's trying to do the right thing.  
　  
"I won't tell. You’re right, it would just fuck things up. I just feel really guilty." Adam sighs.  
　  
"We all make mistakes, Adam. At least you made yours before you went down the aisle and made your vows. He's a good man, and he'll make a good husband. I'm, me, us, this was all just a mistake. A lot of sexual tension built up on both tours, this fling is just a result of that. Go back to Ben, be a good boyfriend, a good husband and we'll go back to being friends." Tommy says, his voice sounding a little weird, his face unreadable.   
　  
"That simple?" Adam asks, reaching out to touch Tommy's cheek. He wants to be able to remember what Tommy looks like when he's like this. Naked, vulnerable, sharing himself with Adam in a way he has never shared himself with another man. He's let Adam touch every part of him and despite the guilt he's feeling, the irrational sadness over Tommy not asking him to be with him, to stay for good, well he can't see Tommy giving himself to Adam in that way as anything but a gift.  
　  
"That simple." Tommy nods, his hand resting over Adam's on his face, his touch light as he turns his face a little so that he can press a soft kiss to Adam's palm.  
　  
Adam kisses Tommy again, if he does the right thing from now on, this will be their last kiss outside of a stage. He wants to touch Tommy for real once last time, he's been living in a fantasy land, thinking he can be with two men without people getting hurt. His heart feels like it's breaking; he's used Tommy, he thinks he's hurt him, even though Tommy hasn't said anything. Tommy has told him to go back to Ben, to be a good husband once they marry and Adam can't help but wonder what all this meant to Tommy, if it was ever more than sex. They’re so close, he knows Tommy cares about him, loves him even, but Tommy has never said anything to suggest he cares in a romantic way. If he stays with Tommy, left Ben for him, they would both end up hurting, Adam when Tommy couldn't love him enough and Tommy would hurt for the same reason. He'd feel bad for not loving Adam the way Adam needs someone to love him.  
　  
With Ben he can have what he always wanted, dreamed of. A husband, someone who will be with him for the rest of his life. He'll have a future with a home, a family, he'll have forever. He's not saying Tommy can't give someone that, maybe some nice girl, but he isn't offering it to Adam and Ben is. He hates that he's acting like Ben is second prize, not as good as Tommy. But he's been carrying a touch for Tommy for years and even though Ben has found a place in his heart, he hasn't pushed Tommy out of it. Adam is being cruel and he doesn't want to be, so with one last touch of his lips to Tommy's, he pulls away.  
　  
Tommy POV  
　  
Walking Adam to the door and watching him walk away is one of the most soul crushing moments of Tommy's life. He'd felt so panicked when Adam said he was going to tell Ben about cheating. Tommy could lose friends that were like family, his job even. He'd had to convince Adam not to do that. He'd felt like crying when he'd told Adam to go back to Ben, but he could see all the things Ben could do for Adam that Tommy couldn't, like be open about being together. Tommy wasn't anywhere near coming out as Bi, having the whole world as well as the people closest to him think he had lied to them his whole life.   
　  
Ben and Adam will be happy together. Adam probably just had cold feet about getting married, about never being with anyone new again. That's what he tries to tell himself, but he can't help but think of the way Adam touched him when they were in bed, it wasn't like Tommy was just some fuck. Adam had touched him like he was something special. And when Adam had touched him after, when they were talking, Tommy was sure he could feel longing in Adam, like he never wanted to let go, like maybe he never wanted to stop touching Tommy. But Adam's normally open about most things, if he's crushing on someone he tells them, if he loves them he tells them, no matter how far it is into a relationship or friendship. Adam has told him he's pretty, sexy, a good friend, he's never said he had a crush on him or that he felt more than friendship. So Tommy needs to let it go, it's not like he can even give Adam what he would want, what he would need from a boyfriend. He needs to get them back to being friends before he breaks his own heart more than he already has.  
　  
He goes to shower the smell of sex off his body, he can still feel the echo of Adam's touch on his body. The warm water falling from the shower head washing away his tears as they fall.  
　  
TBC


	8. Lust and Jealousy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eight part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt club for fanfic100. One of Adam's friends won't be around before the wedding. So he's planed an early bachelor party in a strip club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

Tommy POV  
　  
A well placed spot light catches Tommy's eyes as he makes his way into the club with Isaac at his side and it blinds him, so he has no idea what it is that makes Isaac gasp.  
　  
"Reminded me again why Adam's having an early bachelor party?” Isaac asks, while Tommy tries to blink to get his vision back.  
　  
"Terrence will be away before the wedding, is fighting to get time off for the wedding. So he's throwing an early party for Adam. I'm in charge of the one before the wedding." And being here makes him think about that, about the fact that he's Adam's best friend, his best man, he's a part of the wedding. It's been fucking with his head a little. He's a part of Adam's wedding, he can't pretend it's not happening, not when he has a role to play. So he needs to forget his and Adam's short fling no matter how much it hurts and move on.  
　  
Ben had called him the day before, Tommy's heart had been in his throat, convinced Ben had found out. But all Ben had wanted was a favour. No stories from either bachelor party in his best man speech. He'd agreed, it wasn't like he didn't owe Ben anyway. Tommy had fucked the guy over big time and Ben didn't even know. Tommy was pretty sure he would do anything Ben asked. So his speech wouldn't even mention tonight. Because someone, predictably Terrence, had decided to throw the party in a strip club, a gay strip club and every male friend of Adam's, gay, Bi or straight had been invited.  
　  
Tommy's been trying not to think about his speech, he's glad he has months before he has to have it finished, he hasn't written one word yet, not really tried. He'd given up after all he'd written the first time was 'sorry the groom fucked me' which he really didn't think was the kind of speech Ben was after and not just because Ben had asked Tommy to try not to swear during it. He felt like a total scum bag, he'd knowingly slept with a man who he knew had a boyfriend. It made Tommy think, that even by some small chance, Adam felt more for him than attraction, that maybe Tommy didn't deserve to be with him or anyone. Adam was a good guy, even if he had cheated and he deserved a good and happy marriage, like Monte and Lisa, Isaac and Sophia. Tommy just didn't think he deserved something like that. He's shown such disrespect for monogamy, for marriage, for all of it just by being with Adam when he knew he shouldn't be. He knows Adam was in the wrong as well, that they had both acted badly over lust and an inability to let old emotions lie. There had been a time, before Ben, when maybe they could have been together, but Tommy hadn't been ready then and he just didn't see it happening now.  
　  
Adam's fans and Ben's fan's loved them together, a bad break up could ruin everyone's career. If Tommy confessed his love to Adam and by some miracle Adam loved him back? The shit storm that would follow when things went public, the way they always seemed to, the love lives of the rich and the famous all over the internet. People would hate Adam, it would cause so much trouble, maybe even ruin the release of the next album, the tour. Fuck it could start off a huge chain of events. If Adam got too unpopular there would be no new album, no new tour and half the people Tommy was coming to see tonight in this club would be out of a job. No tour for Adam would mean he didn't need a band. As he walked to the bar with Isaac he kept thinking of all the people it would effect if Adam left Ben for him.  
　  
Tommy was sure how his Mom would react to him being with a man, being with Adam. She had asked, years ago back when the kiss at the AMA's had happened and he'd been honest, told her it wasn't planned and didn't mean anything. If he was honest with himself, she had looked relived, but it was more than that, he didn't ever want his Mom to think he'd been lying to her then. She might think he'd always been with Adam, some dirty affair that had lasted years. He could see how people wouldn't believe it had only been twice. God, not to mention what she'd think of him for sleeping with a man while he was engaged. Adam's family wouldn't take it well either, as much as they liked Tommy, they loved how happy Ben had been making Adam. Tommy didn't want them to hate him, he spoke to Neil more often than his brother did most weeks, he didn't want all that ruined.  
　  
When he'd said yes to Adam he doesn't think either of them thought about or realised just how many people could get hurt or be affected by what they had done. He couldn't be responsible for fucking with so many lives. So no more sleeping with Adam, no more thinking about telling Adam he loved him. He needed to be a grown up and think about more than his own needs and happiness. Adam might have thought he wanted Tommy, but he'd asked Ben to marry him, that had to mean something. Adam wasn't the type to do that sort of thing on a whim, he had to love Ben a lot, had to think they could have a real future together.  
Tommy looks around the club, at the strippers already dancing on polls that ran through the tables in the booths, at the booths full of his friends, at Isaac at his side. He wasn't ready for any of this to change, to lose any of these people. Adam had been right to say they should stop. Tommy needed to move on. He'd spent long enough licking his wounds. He needed to be Adam's friend again, help with suit fittings and parties at strip clubs. Adam had done wrong, but Tommy knew he'd let the guilt eat at him, so he needed to make sure Adam didn't get bogged down in guilt and confess, it would just fuck things up. He knew Adam would think about what happened more if Tommy didn't act normally, so it was simple really, he'd just act like Adam's friend, show Adam he was happy, not hurting.  
　  
So what if it felt like his heart broke a little more each time he saw Adam? They weren't meant to be. Love wasn't meant to hurt, not the people in love, not the people around them. Adam and Ben made way more sense, they were good together, they weren't hurting anyone. So he'll fake being over it till he got over it, that was bound to happen at some point, broken hearts didn't last forever. He was going to be the best man ever, make sure Adam ended up with Ben, happily married the way he should have before Tommy went and messed it all up. Adam had stood up in front of all their friends, his family and told them he was going to marry Ben. When Tommy looked into his heart and asked himself if he could do that for Adam, tell the world he wanted him and only him for the rest of his life. He couldn't see it, didn't think he could do it. And Adam needed a man who could be with him, be at his side. Tommy wasn't ready to be that guy, Ben was, so he had to make sure they stayed together. That way everyone got to stay happy, apart from maybe him, but he could get over it, he was sure of that and until he did, he would just play pretend. The liquid courage he paid for at the bar would probably help things along nicely.  
　  
He slings an arm around Isaac and leads the way to the others. He's in a fucking strip club full of hot guys shaking their ass in tiny costumes, if he can't have a good time here, then where can he?  
　  
"Tommy, come give us a dance?" Terrence smirks, raising his eyebrows as Tommy reaches the table with Isaac.  
　  
"You can't afford me." Tommy laughs, like any of them believe he'd make a good stripper. He can't dance; sober, drunk, whatever, he has two left feet, always has always will.  
　  
He takes a seat in the booth, ending up squished between Isaac and Taylor, with Adam on Taylor's other side, close, but not too close. Baby steps, he just needs to take it slow. His friendship with Adam had always been so easy, he just needs to get back to that. He's heard people say lovers can't go back to being friends, but he thinks that's more for people who actually dated. They fucked, twice, he doesn't want to lose his best friend over that. No one can really talk, the music as loud as it is they’re all mainly shouting at each other. But it's fun, drinks flowing, a bunch of his friends all together, everything seems blissfully normal. Okay, so every now and then his and Adam's eyes will meet and Adam's smile droops a little, but it's always back in seconds, before anyone else passes comment on it. Tommy thinks maybe he's just reading into things. All they shared, past friendship, was lust and lust isn't enough to last forever, this, this is for the best.  
　  
An hour later he's well on his way to drunk, watching some guy twirl around the poll in front of them, the way his muscles bunch as he performs some of the moves has Tommy very interested. He had known, just like everyone else that they were coming to a strip club, but he hadn't really thought about what that meant, he'd thought about seeing Adam again, how weird it would be. He'd dwelled on his feelings of guilt, his lingering jealousy over what Adam and Ben had. He'd been thinking about a lot of things, possibly futures, ways to get over Adam so they could both have the life they were meant to have. He'd thought about so many things, been so mixed up, confused about everything he was thinking and feeling. That he had somehow forgot that strip club, meant strippers.  
　  
Suddenly Tommy had found his distraction from all his thoughts and feelings. He was in a room filled with incredibly hot men dancing on tables, and unlike Isaac he was sat in the booth texting his wife and trying to not look too much. No Tommy was more than happy to look. A waiter appears with another glass of the whiskey he's been drinking and Tommy raises his eyebrows, confused. He hasn't ordered a drink and none of the guys has got a round in, there's only one drink on the tray.  
　  
"I didn't order that, sorry, there must be a mix up." Tommy says, trying to be loud enough to be heard over the music pumping through the speakers, without being rude and yelling at the tiny guy holding a tray.  
　  
"It's for you. Guy a booth over asked what you were drinking, sweetie." The waiter smiles, putting the drink down in front of Tommy and giving him a big flirty smile. And oh, the waiter’s hitting on him? While bringing him a drink from another guy? Tommy feels himself blushing before the waiter winks at him before walking away, making it a whole lot worse.  
　  
"That's so unfair, I've not been hit on at all." Terrence groans.  
　  
"And Tommy gets two, straight boys." Brad rolls his eyes, he's cuddled up close to Adam's other side.  
　  
"Well I just won a bet with Sophia, so thanks dude." Isaac smirked.  
　  
"What was the bet?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"That you'd get hit on first, before any of the guys, gay or straight." Isaac shrugs.  
　  
"I'm awesome." Tommy smirks.  
　  
"Shouldn't you send the drink back, not lead the guy on?" Taylor asks.  
　  
"Dude, free booze." Tommy points out.  
　  
"He's so young." Adam smirks, patting Taylor on the head.  
　  
Everyone's laughing again and it's fun. They all talk, watch the dancers, a few bets are made in low voices, but Tommy's had enough drinks to encourage them rather than get embarrassed now. He talks to Adam, they’re never alone, but they do talk and it feels almost normal. Anyone listening to them talk would never guess they had slept together, he's sure of that. Tommy's coming back from the clubs bathroom when he walks right into someone and almost ends up on his ass. Firm hands on his arms stop him from going down and Tommy finds himself at eye level with a completely naked, very toned, glitter covered chest.  
　  
"Fuck I'm sorry." He drags his eyes up, not sure he wants to see what else the guy isn't wearing. He's taller than Tommy, brown curly hair, he looks boyish and handsome and Tommy feels a small pang of lust.  
　  
"No problem." The guy smiles, wide and genuine and he hasn't let go of Tommy's arms yet.  
　  
"I wasn't looking where I was going." Tommy admits.  
　  
"It's okay, really, accidents happen." He really is good looking, especially when he smiles.  
　  
"I still feel like an asshole." Tommy shrugs, he's a little drunk, but he should have been more careful, he could have hurt this guy.  
　  
"Well you could make it up to me?" The guy all but purrs, moving forward into Tommy's space, still holding his arms.  
　  
Lust spikes through him hard and fast. Like his body is remembering just how much fun can be had with firm muscles over curves. Panic is close on lust's heels though, only Adam knows he likes men as well as women and Adam is not the only person here he knows tonight. His mouth goes dry from both the lust and panic and he freezes. He can't think of a single God damn thing to say. Luckily for him the guy, the guy who obviously works here, at the club as a stripper, takes a step back.  
　  
"You’re shy, that's kind of adorable. Come buy me a drink if you feel bad. I'll behave until you don't want me to anymore." Friendly but saucy smile, it mixes with the alcohol in his blood and makes him feel flushed. He nods before he can even think it through.  
　  
"My name’s Craig by the way." Craig drops his hold he has on Tommy's arms, but takes a hold of one of Tommy's hands and starts leading the way to the bar.  
　  
"Tommy Joe." Flirting with a stripper in a strip bar might be a bad idea, but he's heard more than one person say, the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone new.  
　  
"Tommy Joe, I like that." Craig smiles, giving Tommy a hungry look.  
　  
He's Adam's best man and this is one of his bachelor parties, this is the sort of shit he should get up to, not sit pining over the groom. He needs to move on, why not start tonight? Even if it goes no further than flirting and drinking, at least he'll get to see if he can do that. Lee, Adam, what he'd had with both men had just been physical, maybe he should try and see if he can have more than that. Can he flirt with a man, date a man? He doesn't know, doesn't want to worry about it tonight. He's in a strip club with his friends, he just wants to have fun, to forget he's hurting, just for a little while.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
"Adam, you might want to watch your boy. Some guys find the straight boy letting them buy him drinks cute, but not everyone will." Brad says, nudging him none to subtly in the ribs before pointing to the bar.  
　  
Tommy is on a barstool, looking relaxed, the tension Adam had noticed in his body earlier completely gone by the looks of things. So Adam doesn't think a guy can be coming on too strong or anything. Then he sees the man with Tommy, leant against the bar, very much in Tommy's space. Adam can tell he's hot and muscular from here, he's wearing nothing but a tiny pair of black leather shorts, that do nothing to hide the impressive bulge or firm ass the guy has. He's the sort of man who should be working at a club like this, good looking, fit, but not too bulky. Adam feels jealousy shoot through him, quick and sharp and he's just about to get to his feet, go over there and, ‘and what’ is the question that stops him.  
　  
Tommy doesn't need to be saved. Cheeks might think Tommy is a totally straight man being hit on in a gay strip club, but Adam knows different. Tommy likes men, not just Adam, he wasn't an exception, just the first to get further than a handjob with Tommy. Not to mention Tommy can probably turn guys down himself just fine, a patron of the club might get pissy about it, cause trouble, but a stripper working at the club wouldn't risk the job by starting a fight. Tommy isn't in danger, so Adam doesn't have that as a reason to make his way across the club and interrupted. To go over and drag Tommy back to their booth just because he's jealous? He can't do that, he's been selfish enough when it comes to Tommy, if Tommy wants to be with other men now, Adam has no right to stop him, no right to make him feel bad about it. He refuses to be any more of a dick about this than he has been already.  
　  
Adam isn't Tommy's boyfriend, he's his best friend, he needs to relearn that role and get it right. Which includes not cock blocking, but just making sure Tommy is safe, doesn't go home with someone dangerous or when he's too drunk to decide for himself. He's let Tommy go, he's trying to make things work with Ben. He might not be able to stop the feelings of jealousy or lust he has for Tommy yet, but he can keep them a secret.  
　  
"He looks happy enough. The guy's not all over him. Hell this is Tommy, everyone loves him. For all we know the singer saw his depeche mode tattoo and they’re chatting about music." He's not about to out Tommy as Bi, from all he's seen Tommy has no plans to be out, doesn't want to be out. Adam won't out him, but he will remember it as a very good reason why he shouldn't be with Tommy. He'd thought about it, leaving Ben, asking Tommy to be with him, but Tommy's a closeted straight boy, he'll fuck a guy behind closed doors, but not hold his hand and call him his boyfriend in public. He isn't mad over it, just knows it would be a big obstacle. Tommy was raised different to Adam, he didn't have parent's who'd guessed he was gay long before he got up the guts to come out. It wasn't easy for Adam to come out, even though he'd been bullied for being gay long before he came out. But he thinks it might be harder for Tommy, his family’s catholic background for one. His age, being in the public eye, he doesn't blame Tommy for not coming out, but it's a reason not to pursue him.  
　  
Fuck being in this club is another. His friends are here, throwing him an early bachelor party because he's getting married. His Mom is already looking at dresses and hats to wear for the wedding, his parents are both so pleased he's getting married, finally settling down. He knows they worried, after a few bad break ups, then being so busy working all the time, they had worried he was alone, would never find someone and Adam had worried about that too. Then he'd met Ben, a man who might not feel like his soulmate, but Adam still loved him. He was attracted to Ben, they worked well together, each understanding and working around the pressures of the others job. That was hard for anyone to find, he couldn't risk all that he had on a ‘what if’ with Tommy. He could end up alone again, people worrying about him and pitying him.  
　  
He can't even imagine going to his Mom and telling her the wedding was off, she'd be so disappointed, she'd try and hide it, for him, but he could read her like a book. After he'd told his dad about proposing they had talked a lot, about marriage, life, so many things, he'd never felt closer to his dad. His parents hadn't had an issue with him being gay, but he thinks they'd been saddened by the fact that back when he'd come out he couldn't get married, have a family. Now he could, he could legally get married, he could adopt, use a surrogate one day if he wanted kids when he was working less. Life was different now, he had more options than he once had. He wasn't getting married just because he could, when he'd asked Ben, he had really thought Ben was all he needed to be happy. Tommy, his crush on his best friend hadn't been something he thought about when he asked Ben to marry him. All he'd been thinking about was being with a man he loved for the rest of his life, it seemed silly to not be with someone fully because he had a crush on his straight friend that had never quite gone away.  
　  
Only now, he's found out, after he got engaged that his straight friend isn't so straight. It shouldn't change things that much, maybe it wouldn't have if Adam hadn't asked to be his first. He had a part of Tommy no other man would have and he couldn't just forget that. He couldn't regret it, oh he regretted cheating, regretted that he was engaged when it happened, but he just couldn't regret being with Tommy, being the first to be with him like that. He can't image how confusing it would be not to always have some idea you liked men, how hard it would be at thirty to find a man who understood and would be gentle. He can't say he just did it out of concern for Tommy, to help a friend, that would be a lie. He slept with Tommy because he always wanted to, maybe he always will.  
　  
Adam's had a lot of failed relationships over the years, some his fault, some his partner’s fault. Some had ended because of both of them, either being in the wrong, not being able to make it work or both of them realising that their relationship didn't work. Sometimes they had failed because of outside pressure, the media for example. But no matter the course they were all still failures. Break ups made for good songs on his albums, gave him something real to write about when writing about relationships, but they don't make for a good life. He doesn't want to fail again, he doesn't want a break up song with Ben's name on to be on the next album. He's stood up in front of everyone he cares about and told them he's marrying Ben, he's told the media, been interviewed about it. If he didn't marry Ben, his friends, his family, the whole world would know he had failed and he's not sure his ego can take that bruising.  
　  
If he didn't love Ben at all, he wouldn't marry him, he's not that heartless, that worried about being humiliated. He didn't just ask Ben because he wanted a husband and Ben could fit the role. When he had asked Ben to marry him Adam had been sure he couldn't want someone more, love someone more. Then Tommy had called in the middle of the night, he'd been so worried at first, the jealous, then lust had taken over. He'd wanted Tommy with a passion he'd never felt for any other lover and he loved Tommy as a friend, but did that really mean he was in love with Tommy? Or that his love for Ben was meaningless? His feelings for Ben were still real, he just had to work on things, find out what it was his heart or body got from Tommy that he didn't get from Ben. He was sure Ben would do anything and everything to keep him happy, whatever was missing, it wasn't Ben's fault, it wasn't because Ben wasn't willing to give him something. Adam knew damn well there was only one problem in their relationship and that was him.  
　  
"Earth to Adam, Terrence wants to know if it would be funny or mean to buy Taylor a lap dance while he's in the bathroom." Brad asks, waving his hand in front of Adam's face.  
　  
He plasters on a smile, trying to focus on the fact he's in a strip club, celebrating the fact he's marrying Ben. He glances over to the bar, trying to be subtle. Tommy's still there, with the stripper. They’re both smiling, laughing, carefree. Tommy hadn't looked like that when they were together, he hadn't given Tommy that.  
　  
"Mean, but funny." Adam shrugs.  
　  
"Funny." Isaac smirks.  
　  
"Wouldn't say that if it was you. But yeah, funny." Cassidy agrees.  
　  
Terrence ends up buying Taylor a lap dance and Adam watches as the younger man’s face gets redder and redder. It's almost cute how embarrassed he is, but he's a good sport about it, even slipping the money Terrence hands him into the stripper’s G-string. They all laugh, clapping and cheering, egging the guy on. The best part being when the stripper finishes, pinches Taylor's cheek and offers a private dance, anytime, anywhere Taylor wants it. Adam didn't actually think the boy could blush any harder, but he does, before stuttering out some vague but polite gibberish.  
　  
"I hate all of you." Taylor groans, accepting the beer Isaac passes him.  
　  
"You can't hate me, it's my party." Adam points out.  
　  
"Fine, can I hate everyone else?" Taylor asks with a sigh.  
　  
"I'm okay with that." Adam shrugs, Terrence glares. But it's not a big deal, Taylor sulks for a minute or two by not talking to them. It lasts at the most five minutes, then he's back to chatting, smiling and laughing. Isaac teases him a little, saying he should have bet on Taylor getting a stripper’s number before he leaves the club that night. It makes Adam think of Tommy and when he looks up and over to the bar, Tommy and the stripper aren't there.  
　  
The sinking feeling in his stomach, the tightness in his throat, both tell him he isn't as over Tommy as he's trying to be.  
　  
TBC...


	9. Lost.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ninth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt outside for fanfic100. He looks fine on the outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that includes cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

Tommy POV  
　  
He hadn't planned to do more than have a drink with Craig, talk a little. But he's three drinks in and hasn't paid for one of them before he knows what's happening. He keeps looking over to Adam and the others, but doesn't see them look at him, he knows he should go back, but he's not ready to go back to playing pretend yet, making out like it's all okay when it isn't. He knows, right now in this moment, that on the outside he looks okay, he wants to stay at the bar until his insides can match his outsides, but he doesn't know how to make that happen. They’re just talking, well Craig is flirting, but it's low pressure. He's not trying too hard to make a hook up happen, so talking to him is fun. He loves his other friends, but being in a strip club with them right now is a little too much.  
　  
He's having a pretty good time when he suddenly feels violently sick. He runs to the bathroom and just makes it to a stall in time. He's throwing up when he hears Craig calling out for him, voice filled with concern.  
　  
"In here." He manages between retches.  
　  
"You went really pale, are you alright? Well you’re clearly not okay. What happened, this isn't from drinking is it. You seem sober." Craig moves a little closer, rubbing at Tommy's back as he heaves.  
　  
He's a little tipsy, but he's not drunk, he can handle his booze. He knows he hasn't had enough to drink to make him be sick. He doesn't know what's wrong with him. He feels weak, dizzy and he can't stop getting sick. When he hears a girls voice he doesn't look up, if he's run into the woman's bathroom then he'll apologize later.  
　  
He can hear Craig talking to her, maybe he's explaining. Tommy sits back on the cold floor, pushing back his bangs that are suddenly wet with cold sweat. He doesn't feel right, nothing feels right, he's hot and cold, skin too sensitive.  
　  
"Tommy, hey Tommy look at me." Craig says softly, waving his hand in front of Tommy's face.  
　  
"Yeah?" Tommy grunts, he doesn't like the lights in here, they’re too bright.  
　  
"This girl thinks her friend might have spiked your drink." Craig tells him, crouching down so he's close to Tommy. He blinks hard, vision blurring, but he can see her. She's pretty, wearing some kind of pink sash over her clothes. He hadn't even noticed a hen party had come in.  
　  
"We came because another girl’s getting married, we saw you and well we're big Adam Lambert's fans. My name's Toni, by the way. Anyway, we thought it'd be rude to bother you guys when you’re on a night out. But Stacy wouldn't leave off. I saw her up at the bar, really close to you. When she came back I saw her put something in her purse." Toni explains, a bad reaction to a drug in his drink makes sense to him, he's used stuff before, but he isn't really into drugs; he likes weed, but he doesn't smoke that often. He doesn't know enough about drugs to know what might be making him feel like this.  
　  
"I need to tell the manager, but I don't want to leave you alone." Craig says softly.  
　  
"I'll stay with him, I promise I'm not a crazy weirdo." Toni says softly.  
　  
Tommy thinks he must lose some time because one minute Craig is gone and he's left with Toni who looks concerned and then Craig is back, telling him it's being dealt with.  
　  
"She said it wasn't meant to make you ill, just horny and relaxed, but I think you should go to hospital anyway. Get checked out, we have no idea what she might have given you or how much." Craig pets his sweaty hair, it feels nice and he nuzzles in to the touch. But when the meaning behind Craig's words set in, icy fear clenches his stomach, makes it churn.  
　  
"No, no hospitals. I just want to go home." He wants his bed, wants to sleep as long as his body will let him. He doesn't want to go to a hospital, be poked and prodded and for it to all end up on twitter or something.  
　  
"It's your call hun, I'd offer to come watch over you, but I have another shift here. I don't think you should be alone." Craig frowns.  
　  
"Adam will get me home, Adam will watch me." Fuck, he should have asked for Isaac, but Isaac would take Tommy to his own place and Sophia would make him go to the hospital or call an ambulance; she'd make him do the sensible thing. He knows a hospital might be a good idea, but he thinks he could sleep this off, he'll be okay. He's sure he can convince Adam just to get a taxi with Tommy back to his apartment. Then he'll be alone and he can lie down, he thinks lying down would be awesome right now, might make the room spin less.  
　  
"I'll get him, if you want to watch Tommy?" Toni offers hesitantly.  
　  
"Yeah, okay." Craig nods. He sits with Tommy, letting Tommy lean against him. He thinks he must have zoned out again, because when he blinks open his eyes, Adam is right in his face. He looks pissed off and concerned at the same time, the anger has him shrinking back, a part of him knows Adam isn't mad at him, but a larger part thinks Adam is pissed at him.  
　  
"Hey, it's okay Tommy, it's okay." Adam says softly. He thinks maybe Adam and Craig talked, but he doesn't hear them. He tries to smile at Toni when he sees her holding open the door, Adam and Craig are helping him walk. Normally he would fight letting two people help him walk through a club, but right now his legs feel like jelly, he feels weak and helpless and he hates it.  
　  
They bundle him into a waiting car and Adam cuddles with him in the back seat. Tommy can't stop shaking, he feels so cold, his body drenched in sweat and Adam is warm. He feels out of control, but he feels safer in Adam's arms. Adam pets his hair, it feels different from when Craig did it, somehow better, he keeps thinking any moment now Adam will tug on his hair and his dick's half hard just thinking about it. He can't really remember why that's a bad idea, but he knows it is. When they get out of the car he thinks Adam must have forgotten why it's a bad idea as well, till he realises he's not getting groped, Adam's just getting Tommy's keys out of his pocket.  
　  
He's not really sure how Adam gets him up the stairs, he knows he's not really helped with the walking thing so far. He thinks Adam might have flung him over his shoulder and carried him the whole way. He's not sure if that's real though, he's not little enough to be carried, is he? He's leant up against the wall beside his door. Adam has one of his big hands on Tommy's chest, pinning him in place, his other hand trying to find the right key, get the door open.  
　  
He zones out again and the next thing he knows he's in his bedroom with Adam, he's on his back on his bed, Adam is cussing and pulling his boots off. He grabs at Adam, pulls him close, he can't help but remember the last time he was in his bedroom with Adam, lust running through his veins, hot and thick. Adam pulls away though and then he's gone. He comes back with a glass of water, he makes Tommy sit up and drink.  
　  
"I'm so sorry this happened to you, baby." Adam says softly, the hand not steadying the water glass starts petting his hair and even after Adam puts the glass down he keeps up the gentle touch; Tommy leans into it. He's missed this, it hasn't even been a long time since Adam touched him, but he's missed it.  
　  
"Not your fault." Tommy says when he remembers what Adam said.  
　  
"It was my party." Adam sighs, he's sat down, close to Tommy and he looks so sad and all Tommy wants is that look to be gone from Adam's face. He doesn't like it when Adam's sad, it doesn't seem normal or right. His brain is muddled though, he knows this isn't Adam's fault, but he doesn't have the words to make Adam see that.  
　  
So he pulls Adam into a full body hug instead. Adam squeaks and flails a bit, but he doesn't fight much and Tommy's a lot like a limpet and he wraps himself around Adam. He likes the feel of Adam's weight on top of him, it's comforting. It feels right, not like he's as adrift as he was before; the drugs make him feel hazy, but Adam makes him feel real. He leans up and kisses Adam, he's turned on and Adam is right there. Adam kisses back, for all of a second and then he's pulling back and he's off Tommy, standing beside the bed. He doesn't know why; he feels so wrong, hurt and confused.  
　  
"You’re mad at me?" He knows there is a reason he shouldn't be doing this, but he can't remember why. Adam looks mad, so maybe they had a fight? His brain is so foggy, he can't concentrate.  
　  
Adam kneels down beside the bed, stroking Tommy's hair off his face.  
　  
"I'm not mad at you, sweetheart. I was mad at me. I shouldn't have kissed back, not even for a second." Adam says, his voice so gentle.  
　  
"I'm sorry." Tommy frowns, he remembers now, Adam is getting married, fuck, it was his bachelor party, fuck, he's not supposed to do this anymore, they’re not doing this anymore. But he's sick of pretending it's all okay when it's not, he loves Adam and his heart is breaking, he just wants things to go back to the way they were before he felt like this.  
　  
"I love you." Tommy blurts out, because he does, because he needs Adam to know and he doesn't think he does.  
　  
"No, baby, you don't need to be sorry. You’re high, your pupils are blown, you keep blacking out. You cannot be blamed for anything you do right now, you don't know what you’re saying or doing. I'm drunk, but I should be the responsible one here. I should look after you properly. You’re high and you kissed me. I should have pulled back when you kissed me. Fuck it, please don't feel bad Tommy, it wasn't your fault." Adam looks so worried about him and he doesn't like that either; he looks sad, worried, almost hurt and that isn't right.  
　  
"It's okay, you didn't do anything." Tommy says firmly, because Adam didn't, he hardly even kissed back, even though Tommy had wanted him to, even though he knows he shouldn't. It's really hard to be a rational adult when he's horny and his head feels like it's been packed full of cotton wool. He meant the kiss, meant what he said and he doesn't want Adam to be sorry about any of that.  
　  
"Okay, it was just a blip, not something either of us need to worry. I'm going to sleep on the couch in case you need me, alright?" Adam says, he looks stressed; worked up. So Tommy agrees and tries to sleep.  
　  
He's awake most of the night, he's not sure if it's because of the drugs or because he keeps thinking about how close Adam is. He knows it would be wrong to go out there and do anything. He and Adam had a fling, but it's over. He tries to convince himself that he only wants Adam now because of the drugs in his system, but he knows it isn't that. But if Adam asks about the kiss, at least Tommy can blame that, Adam already has it seems.  
　  
Adam doesn't ask about the kiss, he stays long enough to ask how Tommy is and then he leaves. Tommy goes back to bed, he feels like someone beat the shit out of him last night. His muscles ache, his fucking bones, everything hurts. He thinks if hair could hurt, even that would throb. He goes onto Twitter and regrets it straight away, people are tweeting pictures of Adam bundling him into the taxi last night. From an outside point of view it looks really bad, he's hanging off Adam, clinging to him and people are already speculating, the fangirls who think they've been together all along saying clearly Adam was taking him home. Tommy knows he needs to say something before it gets out of hand. He doesn't want Ben's fan's jumping all over him and Adam. There are a few nasty comments already, it makes his stomach clench. If Adam left Ben for him, it would be a thousand times worse than this, if their affair was exposed, maybe even worse than that. It makes him feel ill and is a stark reminder of why he can't, why they shouldn't have ever done anything.  
　  
He sends a tweet explaining that his drink was spiked and Adam was just being a good friend and looking after him. He turns his phone off and goes for a shower, gets out and looks in the bathroom mirror. He looks okay, all things considered; a little pale, dark circles under his eyes, but on the outside he looks okay. He's looked worst, he's looked worse when he'd just been hungover. The drugs, whatever the hell they were don't really show on the outside. He feels like shit, but he looks okay, he wishes there were less mornings like this. He doesn't want the way he looks on the outside to match his insides; that would be terrible. He doesn't want people knowing he feels like hell, but some days it bothers him. He feels like he's falling apart. He has no control over his emotions anymore; lust, jealousy, sadness, so many things are mixing together and he feels so down all the time. He's bottling it all up, keeping it inside and he's worried that sooner or later it will all come bursting out. He wants to keep it all inside, keep it hidden, but at the same time he wishes someone could look at him and see that even though he looks alright on the outside, beneath the surface he’s anything but okay.  
　  
He crawls back into bed and turns his phone on again. There's a lot of sympathy, his fans worried about him, wishing him well. Then there are the other comments, people saying he's lying about being spiked, that it's an excuse to cover up being drunk or drug use. No one’s saying Adam was involved, seen as Adam looks pretty sober in the pictures someone must have taken on a camera phone. He's glad people aren't blaming Adam for what happened. In fact there are some people saying Adam should fire his drunken, junkie ass. There are people who think maybe Adam would be better off without him in his band, in his life, as his friend. It hurts, knowing people think of him like this, he knows he shouldn't let complete stranger’s opinions hurt him, they don't know him. But he can't help but think, maybe they’re right, not for the reasons they think. He can't help but remember the way Adam had looked after Tommy had kissed him; he's hurting Adam, messing up his life. He thinks maybe that's almost worse than his supposed drug use messing up Adam's image.  
　  
He turns his phone off again and hides under the blankets. He doesn't know what to do, he's in love with Adam, but Adam has Ben. Tommy suddenly sits up, his head pounding, fuck, he told Adam he loved him and Adam said he was just drunk and high. Fuck, he chooses when he is fucked out of his mind to let Adam know he's in love with him? That is so much worse than kissing him, he was never even meant to tell Adam and he's picked the worst time he could to say it. Adam hadn't thought he'd meant it and Tommy doesn't know what to do, he can't believe he did this. He doesn't even know how he's going to face Adam after he's fucked up like this. Shit, he loves Adam and Adam just thinks Tommy is some stoned idiot that doesn't know what the hell he's saying. Adam hadn't believed him or if he had, he'd chosen to ignore the fact that Tommy had said it. Which makes sense really, Adam loves Ben, not Tommy.  
　  
He thinks maybe he'll just stay here in bed, that way he'll never have to face Adam or the outside world. He can order anything he wants online, without ever having to leave his apartment or go outside. Staying in bed all day, being a hermit who sits at home all day, sleeping all day and playing his guitar all night doesn't actually seem like a bad idea. It's more appealing than leaving and having to actually face the outside world, that's for sure. He doesn't know what to do, his life feels like a mess right now. Physically he feels like hell, so he decides he'll sleep and stay inside until he feels better physically and then once he's past that, he'll try to not fuck up his life more than he already has.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
Ben gets to Adam's house maybe an hour after Adam gets home. He's already picked up coffee on the way home and he's sat in the kitchen drinking the second of the two cups he bought trying to wake himself up a little. He's still in last night’s clothes, Ben comes over and hugs him, hands running over his back gently.  
　  
"Adam, God you look tired. Have you seen Twitter?" Ben asks, letting go and sitting down.  
　  
"Yes, it's gone crazy." Adam groans.  
　  
"So is what Tommy put true? Was he spiked or did he just get trashed?" Ben asks.  
　  
"He was spiked. He wasn't that drunk, a girl saw it happen." Adam is oddly pissed off at Ben for thinking Tommy might have lied. People lie all the time, if he had got drunk enough that someone had to carry him to the taxi and take him home, he wouldn't have said that was what had happened. He knows he's maybe being a little sensitive about Tommy right now, so he doesn't say anything to Ben about thinking Tommy would lie.  
　  
"Wow, that sucks, poor thing. Is he okay?" Ben asks.  
　  
"Yeah, I took him home, made sure he was okay." Adam can't help but remember Tommy leaning up to kiss him, Tommy had looked so out of it, his eyes unfocused, but then he'd focused on Adam. He'd pulled him into a hug and kissed him. And he had wanted to kiss back, Tommy had felt so good in his arms, his lips were so soft. But he'd known it was wrong, Tommy had been fucking spiked, he was high and drunk, he'd had a bad reaction to the drugs as well. He didn't know what he was doing and Adam might have done wrong by Tommy, but he wasn't enough of a bastard to take advantage of Tommy when he was high and couldn't really consent to anything.  
　  
He hadn't been thinking about Ben when he'd pulled back, hadn't stopped kissing Tommy because to do so would be cheating. No, Adam wasn't a saint by any means, but he could never use Tommy for his own pleasure, when Tommy was basically helpless and trusting him to look after him.  
　  
"You’re a good friend." Ben smiles sweetly, takes his hand.  
　  
"I was big enough to carry him. He can be a squirmy little shit. None of the other guys there could have carried him. Made sense for me to bring him home." Adam lies. When Craig, the stripper had come to get him Adam hadn't known what to think and then he'd been told Tommy was asking for him. He'd been so worried when he'd seen Tommy on the floor, skin pale apart from two spots of colour high on his cheeks. His eyes had been dark, all pupil and glazed, feverish. He'd been covered in cold sweat, the sight had been enough to sober Adam up a little. But he doesn't want to focus on the fact that Tommy had asked for him and not anyone else, he was close with a lot of the guys, like Isaac, but he'd asked for Adam. He was probably reading into that though.  
　  
"Well I hope your next bachelor party goes better." Ben smiles, taking Adam's hand in his and lacing their fingers together.  
　  
They have breakfast together, then Ben's agent calls and he has to hurry off to see him. Something about a possible interview for a possible role in a film that might be made. Adam just kisses him goodbye and tries not to think of drunken kisses from a small, blonde and very much stoned men. He goes to shower, feeling horrible after sleeping in his clothes and with his makeup on. He probably looked horrible the whole time Ben was with him, but Ben hadn't said anything, had still wanted to be close to him. He likes that Ben's not just with him for his appearance, because of the way he looks. If Ben still loves and wants him when he looks a mess, it shows that Ben wants him for more than what is on the outside. When you plan to be with someone forever, Adam thinks it should be about more than looks. He won't always look the way he looks now, he'll age, gain or lose weight, his appearance will change. If Ben just loved him for the way he looked on the outside, smoothed and polished, glam, it wouldn't work. Ben loves him for who he is, not how he looks.  
　  
Once he became famous so many men had been interested in him just because of his image. It had been so hard to find someone who was looking beyond the public mask. He'd been on countless dates with men who had only been interested in what they'd seen on stage; the rock God, sex God persona. Adam wanted a man that didn't need him to always be on, a man he could just be himself around. The man he was on stage, yes that was him, but an exaggeration of himself. He needed someone who wouldn't care if he wasn't perfect and Ben was that man. When Adam woke up in bed with Ben, after they'd stayed the night together, bed hair and no makeup, Ben still called him beautiful.  
　  
He's out the shower, in his pyjamas, cleaning the breakfast dishes in the kitchen when he lets himself think about last night again. The kiss isn't that big of a deal, they kiss on stage, sometimes they kiss hello or goodbye, it isn't a big deal or at least it shouldn't be. All those other kisses were before they slept together, it feels different kissing Tommy now. And a kiss on a stage, in front of an audience, is not the same as lying on top of Tommy in his bed and kissing him there. Tommy had started the kiss, but he'd been stoned, which gave him an excuse. Adam knows he should have pulled away when Tommy pulled him into a hug, but he had been drunk and he was weak. He'd been so sure no harm could come from a kiss, but then Tommy had kissed him and he excepted what he'd known all along, that he couldn't just do anything with Tommy anymore, everything was different now, they couldn't just go back to the way things were.  
　  
And Tommy had said I love you, words a little slurred but clear enough for Adam to hear. God he'd wanted Tommy to mean it, for him to mean it in more than a drunken 'I love you, you’re my best friend' way. But looking into stoned, spaced out eyes, he was pretty sure he was getting his hopes up. He'd told himself that if Tommy brought it up in the morning, said it sober, things would change. If Tommy loved him, as more than a friend, maybe he'd grow some balls, leave Ben and risk the embarrassment and ridicule that would come with ending his engagement. He loved Ben, he really did, but he loved Tommy more. But Tommy had acted so normal in the morning, tired, but okay. There hadn't been a single clue on the outside as to how he was feeling inside about Adam though, and he had been too afraid, too chicken shit to ask. He didn't want to face the humiliation of admitting he loved Tommy only to have Tommy tell him he didn't feel the same way, that their fling had just been based on sex.  
　  
He hated that he was being a coward, but he was, he was afraid of so much. He was afraid of leaving Ben and never finding a man who could love him, who wants to be with him for the rest of their lives. He's afraid of asking more from Tommy and risking losing him forever. He's so confused, it seems foolish though, to walk away from a man he knows loves him, for one who has only ever said it when he was so high he couldn't even stand up by himself. He spends the day obsessively cleaning his house and avoiding Twitter. Ben texts him at one point, just to say he's missing Adam and it makes Adam think. He wants a life like that, with a husband who misses him by lunch time even though they were together at breakfast. He wants all the things Ben is willing to give him, they’re the perfect match. He loves Tommy, so much that it hurts, so much that the thought of a life without Tommy in it physically hurts, sharp pains in his heart when he thinks about it. Loving Tommy could destroy his life, it's that strong, that all-consuming. He might not love Ben as much, but it doesn't hurt and he's been hurt so many times before by love, he just can't do it again.  
　  
He texts Ben back, feeling guilty that instead of missing Ben all day, he's spent it thinking about another man. Tommy's ill though, he had a terrible night, so it's only normal to think about the other man a lot today; they’re friends. Only that's bullshit, he thinks maybe he crossed the line from friendship into something else with Tommy a long time ago, since before the affair. They’re not friends or lovers or boyfriends, he doesn't know what they are anymore. He thinks maybe he needs to work out what they are, before he marries Ben. But the lines between him and Tommy are so blurred right now, that he doesn't even know where to look, how to see what is really between them.  
　  
TBC...


	10. Shopping Trip.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt hours for fanfic100 and Yearning for 10_hurt_comfort. Tommy wishes he had more time with Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

Tommy POV  
　  
When Brad had said he needed a straight man's opinion on a shopping trip, Tommy had let himself be guilt tripped into going. Brad had a cousin who'd had a baby boy a few years before. His fifth birthday was coming up and Brad insisted not only did he not know about kids, but he had no clue what a little boy, who was very much a BOY as Brad put it. He was in Brad's words a typical boy, nothing like Brad had been at a kid. Brad said he had no clue what a boy who liked sports and army men would want, seen as Brad had never liked the things other boys his age had liked when he was a kid.   
　  
Even though Tommy didn't have kids and his sister’s was just a baby, Brad seemed to think Tommy was the expert. Brad had two main reasons, one that everyone said Tommy was great with Monte's kids and the second being that Tommy was a total boy. He can't really argue that Monte's kids like him, he loves those little girls, but he's not so sure Brad is right about him being a typical boy. He wears make up, he likes make up, he was never one of the guys growing up. He was the weird guy who liked horror films and heavy metal music. But Brad had sounded pretty desperate and he didn't normally ask Tommy for favors, so he'd agreed. Brad had promised it would only be a few hours anyway, he thinks even he can handle shopping for a few hours, hell he can handle anything for a few hours.   
　  
When he'd agreed he hadn't known Brad had asked Adam as well. Brad can't think Adam knows anything about the sort of thing he wants to buy. But when Tommy meets Brad outside of the shop Brad had mentioned, Adam was there as well. So maybe he was wrong, he can't handle anything for a few hours. He makes a mental note that he's wrong, he can handle almost anything for a few hours.   
　  
"Adam has taste and after we get the kid a present, I figure I'm at the shops I might as well get myself a new outfit." Brad smiles and Tommy doesn't know what else to do but smile and act like it’s okay.  
　  
They head to a kid’s shop first and Brad tells him he can ditch out once the birthday shopping is finished if he wants and Tommy leaps at the offer. They all know he's not big on clothes shopping, especially not for the sort of fancy stuff Brad likes, so he doesn't think it even looks weird or looks like he's trying to avoid Adam. Adam and Brad both know he isn't the type to shop for hours, he buys jeans and makeup in bulk, orders most his shit on the internet. The only think he likes shopping for is instruments. He can spend more than hours looking at guitars and amps.  
　  
He has spent the week since he blurted out that he loved Adam while he was high trying to decide what to do. Half the time thinks he should talk to Adam about it again, fucking yearning to see him, to talk to him. He thinks about it a lot; he could get Adam alone and say it again. Say it sober for once so that Adam doesn't think it was just the drugs talking. But then a huge part of him tells him that he shouldn't. Yes he loves Adam, but Adam has a fiancée. Tommy can't bring himself to do it. Brad keeps asking about the wedding; what Adam has sorted out, what he needs help with and they both look so happy chatting about it. Adam never stops smiling, when he talks about Ben, the film Ben's auditioning for, the plans Ben has for the wedding. It makes him feel like shit. How can he think about ruining all of this? These people are his friends. How can he even think of doing something that will take all this away?  
　  
His life before he met Adam and the others was so different. He was stuck in a call centre, sharing an apartment with two other guys, and longing for something more. Now he has his own place and an amazing job doing something he loves. Adam has introduced him to amazing people as well and he's learned a lot from all of them. From makeup tips from Sutan to Guitar lessons from Monte. He's had amazing times with the Glamily and through the band and dancers he's met even more people; their friends and families. He always thought an affair would just effect the people having the affair; maybe their partners, but he's starting to see that he wasn't right at all to think that.   
　  
He'll hurt so many people if they find out, so he should just shut up, bury his feelings. He did it for long enough before Adam was engaged, before they had sex, he should be able to bury it back down where it belongs again. Tommy feels sick the whole time they’re shopping. He tries to act normal, he talks to Brad and Adam. He points out the things he thinks a little boy would like and he leaves as soon as he can. Brad and Adam walk him to his car. Adam's hug is brief and he feels ridged as a board against Tommy. He doesn't know what to think about that. Maybe Adam doesn't want to be around him now he knows what they had was more to Tommy than a fling. Adam had wanted sex and Tommy has made it weird, he hates the thought that his confession has made things weirder than the sex did. It firms his resolve not to say anything to Adam about love ever again. Going home and getting shit faced seems like a good idea.  
　  
"Thanks for the help, Tommy." Brad says brightly, giving him a tight hug and kissing his cheek. He likes Brad a lot, he's a sweet but snarky guy, Tommy's actually a fan of snarky and Brad's sarcasm is never mean spirited. Some people think he's bitchy, but Tommy likes him. More so now that Brad has stopped making jokes about his sexuality, not that Brad was actually wrong. It had always intimated Tommy that Brad had seemed to see through his lies. Sure a load of the fans thought he was gay and strangers when they saw him in makeup, but the people in his life, his friends and family, they believe him, but Brad hadn't; not to begin with. Now he calls Tommy his straight friend, even though he has other straight friends, apparently Tommy is his favourite.   
　  
"No problem, I hope he likes it." Tommy shrugs, he really does likes kids, always saw himself settling down and having kids, a whole bunch of them once he had the money to look after them. He'd imagined being a cool parent, one that encouraged his kids to do whatever they wanted. He loves his parents, his dad, fuck he misses him every day, but they had thought music was some pipe dream, they'd tried to get him to give up and get a sensible jobs for years. It's one of the things that always made him think he wasn't missing out not going with men. Shit when he was growing up, he hadn't even heard of gay couples adopting, hadn't really thought of surrogates. He'd always thought of that as something straight couples did when they couldn't have kids. He just hadn't known there were other options for him; he's learnt so much since then. Even though he's not out he's supported the fight for equal rights, making gay marriage legal. He can see Adam as a married man, him and Ben happy and stable, adopting a couple of kids. But then maybe they won't, he knows Adam likes kids, but with his job maybe he'll want to wait and he's never heard Ben talk about it. Tommy yearns for the fantasy, finding someone who loves him despite his faults and he knows he has them. He yearns for someone he can have more than hours with, he wants someone who will love him forever. He knows it doesn't always work out that way, but he wants it. He's never managed to make it work, not even close . He's never had a girlfriend he's even thought about having kids with.  
　  
"We'll have to do lunch soon, some drinks, no shopping, I promise." Brad says brightly, hugging Tommy again. Tommy can't not smile back, snuggling into the warmth. He loves cuddling with people, he misses just being able to hug Adam. Ever since they slept together Adam has stopped touching him the way he used to and he misses it. So if someone else wants to hug him, he's more than happy to let them.  
　  
"See you soon, Brad." He pulls back, waves at Adam and gets in his car. He can't get rid of the ache in his chest, the feeling like something is missing. He has a strong feeling that Adam is the thing he's missing. He didn't realise how close they had got until Adam started to pull away from him.   
　  
He drives away with a heavy heart, he doesn't know how he can be lonely; he has friends, family. He's been single this long before and it didn't really bother him. He'd missed sex during those times, got bored of his own hand, but he's never felt really lonely, not until now. He thinks maybe it’s having the small taste of what it could be like to be with Adam. He's gone to bed with Adam, knows how good it is. They’re such good friends, he loves Adam and amazing sex, it should be perfect, it should work, but it doesn't because Adam isn't his. Fuck, he's yearning for a man that he can't ever have and it hurts more than he ever thought it could.  
　  
He gets back to his apartment, considers cooking himself some lunch, but when he opens the kitchen cupboard, all he gets out of it is a glass tumbler. Then he goes to the freezer, gets some ice and pours himself a whiskey on the rocks. He takes the glass and the bottle with him, sitting down in front of the TV. He puts it on just so there's a noise other than his own breathing in the apartment. He'd always thought living alone would be great, that he'd like all the quiet and not having to worry about waking anyone up when he couldn't sleep. But it's so quiet, it's fucking lonely. He can't help but think of all the people he knows who have someone to go home to and he's jealous of them, because he yearns to have that, to have someone who will stay with him for more than a few hours.  
　  
Fuck, he never thought he would feel like this. He's got his dream job, travelling the world actually making a good living doing something he loves. He's managed the biggest dream he ever had, he should be the happiest he has ever been. But he's not, he hopes that maybe he'll be happier when they get some more gigs, but he doesn't know. Maybe he's one of those people who are just never happy, always wanting more than what he's got. Yearning for bigger and better when there's nothing wrong with what he has. He has no reason to be unhappy, but if everything is perfect in his life then why the fuck is he at home alone, drinking by himself in the middle of the afternoon?  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
Hours of torture, being close to Tommy but trying not to touch him, worried that Brad will notice something wrong. Brad has dated Adam. Brad knows what he's like when he likes someone, so he's been terrified all morning that he'll do something to give him away. So he made sure not to touch Tommy, not to talk about anything that might show that Tommy means more to him than he should. They decide to go for lunch after Tommy drives off, a break before they start shopping. Adam doesn't know why every time Tommy leaves it feels like he's taking a part of Adam with him.  
　  
When Brad asked him to go shopping, Adam had jumped at the chance. He needs to talk to someone, Brads one of his best friends and he knows everyone involved. He needs advice, he knows most people wouldn't go to their ex's for relationship advice, but his and Brad's friendship has always been different. Brad was his first love. He changed Adam more than any lover has ever since. Adam had known he was gay long before Brad came along, but Brad had made him feel comfortable, more confident. Brad had convinced him to never give up on the things he wanted. Things had been intense and Adam had thought Brad would be with him forever. In a way, he wasn't wrong, he will love Brad forever, just not in the way he had thought.  
　  
Brad means the world to him and Adam can't think of a better person to come to with this. He wants to tell Brad about having feelings for another man without outing Tommy, explain how he thinks maybe he's more in love with them than he ever has or will be with Ben. He wants to ask if disappointing his family, friends, fans, hurting people by leaving Ben is worth it for this other person.  
　  
"I was pretty drunk at your party, so I'm not sure if I said anything or not. But I'm so happy for you, Adam. I know this is what you always wanted. You’re suited to married life. I'm a little jealous actually. I wish I could find the one." Brad smiles and Adam feels his mouth dry up.  
　  
"Yeah, I always wanted forever." Adam had never really liked casual, he doesn't like meeting someone, sleeping with them and then saying goodbye and never seeing them again, all in the space of just a few hours. He'd found out quickly that it wasn't his style. What he's done with Tommy isn't like him, a few stolen hours here and there, what would Brad think if he told him?  
　  
"I don't think I've ever seen your Mom smile like that. She was so happy, so proud." Brad says brightly and Adam feels his resolve faltering. God he knew Brad liked Ben as much as he had any of Adam's boyfriends, but he hadn't thought Brad would be this happy about Adam asking Ben to marry him. And he had to mention his Mom. She is so happy for him, so proud, he knows she'd worried about him. First when he came out, because she'd known it would be harder for him maybe than it would be for Neil or another straight guy. Then when his job had driven away boyfriend after boyfriend and attracted gold digger after gold digger, his Mom had worried he would never find anyone, never settle. Can he really call it off with Ben and face telling her? She'll be so worried and hurt, disappointed that he couldn't make it work again. It's not like he even knows if he wants to leave Ben, he is in love with him. God all he needs to do is forget about Tommy as more than a friend and make this work.  
　  
"She is excited; she's offered to help with planning, seen as I'm busy with work." Adam forces out, it's true. Fuck he came here to ask if he could leave Ben without destroying his life, his career, hurting too many people. He'd wanted to ask Brad about how he could know if Ben was the one or not, but fuck, Brad is so happy for him, he doesn't know how to bring it up now.  
　  
"Do you think you'll ever get married?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Not yet, when I find the right guy maybe." Brad shrugs, taking a sip of the white wine they ordered.  
　  
"But how do you know he's the right guy?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I don't know, you’re the one who's engaged, how did you know with Ben?" Brad asks.  
　  
"I don't know, Cheeks." Adam sighs, he'd been sat with Ben on the couch, watching TV and he'd been happy, comfortable, content. He'd been thinking he could happily do this every night for the rest of his life. But he hadn't known about Tommy then, that he could have Tommy and that has changed everything.  
　  
"Ben makes me happy, what else is there?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Your heart racing whenever you see them. You can't wait to see them, you miss them all the time when you’re not with them. When they’re gone you yearn for them. I'm sure you feel all that." Brad smiles. And he's right, Adam does feel all of those things, just not for Ben, he feels them for Tommy.  
　  
"Brad, what if I have feelings for someone else?" He asks in a small voice.  
　  
"Adam, please don't tell me you've cheated on Ben?" Brad hisses in a low voice and he's so clearly horrified by the idea of Adam being unfaithful that he freezes up.  
　  
"No, of course not." He blurts out. He can't stand the thought of Brad hating him and he has a feeling Brad will if he admits to cheating on Ben. Fuck, how can he get the advice he needs?  
　  
"But you like someone else? It's probably just cold feet." Brad shrugs.  
　  
"Yeah, you’re right." Adam agrees, feeling like utter scum for lying to Brad. He knows he was wrong to cheat, doesn't expect the person he talks to not to get mad at him for it, but he doesn't want it to end his friendship with someone.  
　  
"Marrying someone is a big deal, you’re bound to get cold feet. But I bet the minute you’re in Ben's arms you’ll forget all about this other guy." Brad says brightly and Adam agrees even though it isn't true. They chat about their plans for the rest of the shopping trip till the food is brought over and once again conversation takes a dangerous turn.  
　  
"Do you think Tommy's okay?" Brad asks.  
　  
No, he thinks Tommy feels upset and guilty over what happened between them. Even though Adam started it, he knows Tommy isn't the type to put all the blame on him, they are both adults, no one made them do it, they’re both in the wrong. He's trying to keep Tommy at a distance, so he won't be tempted, but he thinks that's hurting Tommy as well. His attempts to be a better fiancée to Ben are making him be a bad friend to Tommy.  
　  
"Um yeah, he's fine, what makes you ask?" Adam is starting to hate himself a little bit. Since when did he start lying to Brad all the time?  
　  
"He was quiet. He had his drink spiked, that would shake me up." Brad shrugs.  
　  
"He's quiet a lot of the time. Tommy's not easily shaken." Adam points out, which is actually true.  
　  
"Yeah, I guess you’re right. Don't tell blondie I was being a total mother hen." Brad groans.  
　  
"You really care about him don't you?" Adam asks, a little surprised, he'd had the feeling, back in the beginning that Brad hadn't really liked Tommy.   
　  
"You sound a little shocked, he is my friend, you know." Brad says, pointing at Adam with his fork.  
　  
"I know. I just never pictured you worrying about him. You used to be so catty about him." Adam shrugs.  
　  
"I know it was silly, I realised I was wrong about him." Brad says simply.  
　  
"Okay, you have to tell me now." Adam is well aware that he's being a bit of a hypocrite not wanting Brad to keep secrets from him when Adam is keeping things from Brad.  
　  
"Well, I thought he was leading you on. I mean, Tommy is more your type than Ben, and your marrying Ben. But yeah, I saw this pretty little boy, with his makeup and glitter and I was afraid he was using you to get the job. But then I saw he was talented and kind. I heard about him picking up the pieces when things went bad for you. I realised the straight thing wasn't a game he was playing. I made a snap judgement about him and I was wrong." Brad sighs, he looks like he feels awful, but Adam can't think of a single thing to say to make him feel better. His mind stuck on 'I mean, Tommy is more your type than Ben, and your marrying Ben'. He's sure Brad only means that Tommy is more his type physically, but what if Brads right? What if Tommy is more his type than Ben? What if he's asked the wrong man to marry him? He has to do something before it's too late.  
　  
"Actually scratch that, he's not your type, you do like straight boys." Brad laughs and it's on the tip of Adam's tongue to tell Brad Tommy isn't straight, to ask if he should leave Ben for Tommy. But he can't out Tommy, not to anyone, not even someone as close to him as Brad. Adam doesn't believe in outing people. He doesn't care if someone is the most obviously gay person ever, with parents who are pro-gay right. Even if he's sure nothing bad will happen to them, sure everyone knows anyway, he would not out them. He doesn't believe it's ever the right thing to do, coming out is a personal choice and he doesn't think he has the right to take that away from Tommy or anyone else. So he shuts his mouth and then changes the subject as soon as he can.  
　  
He can't talk to Brad about Ben without giving him the full story. He can't just say he slept with a stranger. Brad would never forgive him for that. He might see why Adam had acted like an asshole, if he knew the guy Adam had been with. If he knew all the facts, he could tell Adam what to do. He's so confused and alone he keeps making the worst choices, ones that hurt people. But he can't tell Brad the full story without betraying Tommy.  
　  
He plays with his food and leaves most of it when Brad's finished. They go shopping and Adam feels like he's on auto-pilot. He thought coming out with Brad might help him work out what the right thing to do was, how he can fix things or help him decide how to hurt people as little as possible. Instead he's just found another person who will be affected if he breaks up with Ben. He spends his hours with Brad trying to think of a way to explain the way he feels about Tommy, the yearning, the love, but without outing him. By the time he goes home, he's no closer to the answer than he was before.  
　  
TBC...


	11. Rebound.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleventh part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Diamond for fanfic100 and loneliness for 10_hurt_comfort. Ben's the kind of guy who gets a diamond ring, Tommy guesses he's the kind of guy who gets a room key.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> : Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. Only Tommy's POV this chapter.

Tommy POV  
　  
He shouldn't be lonely, he has friends and anyway, he's an introverted little hermit who likes his own company, likes having his own space. But sitting at home, alone in his apartment seems like torture these days and he feels lonely all the fucking time. So when Brad asks him if he wants to come to some swank cocktail bar with Brad and his girlfriends, he says yes, even though he knows it really isn't his thing. He has to phone Brad when he's getting ready to ask what to wear, he doesn't really do dressed up or go places that have dress codes. So he listens to Brad and finds the clothes he describes without arguing.  
　  
"You, me, and the girls. You'll be the envy of every other straight man there." Brad laugh's and hearing the other man so happy Tommy wishes he felt the same, that he was care free like Brad instead of always being dragged down by his emotions.  
　  
Having his own place was great most of the time, but it meant he was alone a lot. And sometimes when he was alone with his emotions, he lets himself dwell on them a little too much. Drinks with Brad and some girls will get him out of the house, away from his loneliness. He thinks being with people will be good for him and Adam won't be there, so Tommy won't even spend all night staring at the other man wishing that things were different, that life was more simple.  
　  
"Is this a place I can wear makeup?" Tommy asks, going over to the bag it's all jammed into, it's a little ridiculous how much shit is in there, he blames Sutan. He almost always wears eyeliner, but for certain bars and places he just rocks that, a toned down look. But other places he wears the sort of makeup he would on stage, he finds it fun, like playing dressing up, but a grown up version, not the dirty grown up version of dressing up in the bedroom and fun in a very different way. He likes how such simple things can make him look like a whole different person, it's like attaching different masks to his skin.  
　  
"Of course hunny, do you think I'd go to a place that didn't let the men be fabulous? Also it says something about the people that I know that the manliest person I know asks me about wearing makeup." Brad is smirking, he doesn't even need to see Brad to know it, he'd put money on it. It'd be a safe bet. Brad seems to spend a lot of time smirking at him.  
　  
"I'm manly, I just like pretty things. And you know Neil, he never wears makeup." Tommy points out, one hand holding his cell phone to his ear, the other unzipping the bulging makeup bag, he maybe needs a bigger bag. He's still manly though, he likes beer, boobs, horror movies and fuck gender stereotypes anyway. He spent years trying to be the man he thought he needed to be, who other people told him he should be, he isn't doing that anymore, not when it comes to stuff like this, but he knows Brad is just teasing.  
　  
"Adam says I'm not allowed to call Neil a friend, seen as he's my ex's brother and that's how we met. Even though I hang out with Neil and we do stuff together. Don't ask me to work out Adam's logic though. I think it's some weird sibling thing." Brad laughs.  
　  
"I don't get his logic either." Tommy says, fighting to keep his voice light. When really all he wanted to say was he didn't get Adam at all. One minute he was so sure Adam loved him and that he should fight for Adam, for them. And the next minute he'd think he was nothing to Adam, probably his friend, maybe a play thing. He just wasn't sure, there had been a time when he thought he really knew Adam, knew his place in Adam's life, but things are different now.  
　  
"Well go make yourself pretty for me. But don't take too long!" Brad orders. They chat for a few minutes and then Tommy hangs up to let Brad finish getting ready. He puts on the clothes Brad picked out and then goes back to the makeup bag, trying to decide what mask he feels like wearing. He picks up a lip gloss first, considering it. People always seem to want to kiss him when he wears the gloss and he's not sure that's what he wants to go for tonight. He ends up putting on heavy black eyeliner and dark grey eye shadow. His lips he paints a dark mixture of black and red, almost the colour of old blood. He looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, pouts at himself smirks. He thinks he looks okay, it's not as soft as some of his makeup, doesn't soften him. He likes the idea of being dark and mysterious, not easily approachable. He tries not to think about the fact that Adam probably wouldn't kiss him if he wore this lipstick on stage. Adam would probably lick his face instead, touch him in some other way. But he didn't pick it because of Adam, tonight isn't about Adam.  
　  
He grabs his wallet and his keys, turns off the lights and takes one last look around the place, making sure he hasn't left anything or forgotten anything. The whole place is silent and still, it looks kind of lonely and Tommy's kind of glad to be getting away from it for a while. He'd loved this place when he first saw it, but it's like he's got so used to having his friends all around him when they’re touring, that this just doesn't seem natural. He'd always thought of himself as the sort of person who was happy with his own company, that he didn't need people around him to be happy, but maybe he's wrong about that.  
　  
He takes a taxi to the bar and is soon surrounded by Brad and a group of girls he thinks he's met before, maybe at a party of Brad's or Adam's but he doesn't really know them. He'd forgotten that you could feel lonely in a crowd, it was a lesson he'd learned probably as early as middle school. He's not being left out, Brad's at his side, Tommy on the edge of the booth and they are all talking to him. It's not the conversation topics that are the problem, that are making him feel left out, he doesn't know why, but he just doesn't feel like a part of this group. It's like he's sat with them, talking, nodding and smiling in the right places, but it doesn't feel real.  
　  
The bar's busy and he knows it'll take forever to get served. He offers to buy Brad a drink as an excuse to escape for a little while, without being a dick about it.  
　  
"I'm in the mood for something sweet." Brad smirks when Tommy asks him what he wants to drink.  
　  
"I bet you are." Tommy laughs, winking at Brad. He used to get flustered when Brad joked or flirted with him, but he's got passed that, he's not sure when it happened but it did. It helps that the jokes are less catty these days, just the level of catty Brad uses with the people he likes. He appreciates Brad's a lot more now that it's not being used to make digs about his sexuality.  
　  
Tommy wonders if it would be considered ironic that he didn't start sleeping with men till after Brad stopped implying he was gay. He wonders what Brad would say, he's actually convinced Tommy is straight now, after more than a year of not believing it and now, well he can't claim the straight label with not lying. Luckily he's not big on labelling himself and other people are more than happy to do it for him, stick a label on him, stick him in a box, even if the fit was all wrong.  
　  
He joins the crowd in front of the bar, looking around at all the people in the bar. Everyone's dressed up, without his makeup on he'd probably feel under dressed. A lot of the people around him are wearing glitter, it shines on their skins like diamonds under the lights in the bar. The glitter reminds him of the tour, of Adam, but then most things do. The thought of diamonds make him think of Ben though, something he tries not to do because of the crushing guilt it causes. But he can't help but think of the ring Ben wears. The ring Adam bought for him, diamond and platinum because Ben doesn't like gold, elegant and somehow still masculine. Adam doesn't wear an engagement ring, but it's not like Tommy should need to see a ring on his finger to know he's off limits, he knows that well enough. It's not that he doesn't care that Adam's off limits, was when they slept together, he's just weak when it comes to Adam, too controlled by his heart and dick, completely ignoring his head.  
　  
He's so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice someone stumble or maybe get pushed next to him, either way the first time he notices them is when a large solid body crashes into him. It knocks him off balance and he falls forward, people parting so that they don't get hit by him or the other guy and Tommy is sure he's about to crash face first into the bar when suddenly he stops moving, strong arms holding him up and stopping him from hitting the bar. Tommy gets his feet back under him and the man lets go, getting back onto the bar stall he must have jumped off of just in time to stop Tommy from face planting into the bar. The crowd closes around him, filling the space back up again and he finds himself stood close to the seated man, he leans against the bar, not the best way to get near the front of the bar cue, but he won't complain.  
　  
"Thanks, think you just saved my face." Tommy blurts out, because clearly he's an idiot who can't talk to people.  
　  
"No problem, it's too nice a face to break." The guy smiles at him and Tommy doesn't think he's wrong to think that the guy is checking him out. He's surprised, not because it's a guy, it's not like guys never check him out. But this dude is not the type of guy who looks at him like that, he's good looking. Tommy would guess late thirty's or forty's, but he looks good, dark blonde hair cut short, sharp green eyes, not a spec of makeup on his face and wearing a suit that probably costs more than Tommy's car. He might be a T-shirt and jeans guy, his idea of dressing up being a shirt with buttons and jeans, but he's been around enough people with taste and been dragged shopping with them to know a good suit when he sees one. It's coal black, makes the guy look slick and sexy. Tommy tries not to think about the next time he'll be wearing a suit, when a plain band of some kind will join the diamond on Ben's finger.  
　  
"Fast reflexes, I thought I was going to fall." Tommy admits, not sure why he's still talking to this guy, he's a stranger. Tommy's been having trouble talking to his friends tonight, he shouldn't want to talk to someone he doesn't even know, but he steps closer anyway.  
　  
"I'm glad I could help. My name’s Sam by the way." And Sam is smiling, slow and lazy and it makes a small spark of heat start up in Tommy's stomach. It isn't the lust he feels when he is with Adam, but then nothing ever is. But it shows him what he saw with Lee and maybe with Craig, he isn't just attracted to Adam, he likes men as much as women and he needs to deal with that.  
　  
"I'm Tommy, Tommy Joe." The lust isn't as strong, but maybe, just maybe that's for the best. If he doesn't want the person so damn much that it consumes him, maybe he won't be so damn lonely when they leave him for someone or something else, because everybody leaves, sooner or later.  
　  
Sam holds his hand out and Tommy shakes it. Sam's handshake is firm, but it's not one of those much attempts to break all the bones in his hands that he normally gets from guys. He's not sure why but manly guys see his makeup, see how small he is and a lot of them react badly to it, like he's not man enough for them, but fuck them, he is who he is. It took him long enough to get that, but there are fleeting moments when someone will do something, treat him like he's weak and it'll make him want to show them that he's not weak, he's glad Sam doesn't seem to be like that.  
　  
"I'm in town for work, my colleges brought me here for a drink, but they've got distracted by some pretty girls. You here with friends, Tommy?" Sam asks.  
　  
"Yeah, well with a friend and his friends who I sort of know." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
He talks with Sam while he waits to order his drink and while the bar man mixes his and Brad's cocktail, he ordered something called the candy princess, just to see Brad's face when he brings the drinks back, he doesn't have a fucking clue what's actually in them. He pays for his drinks, goes to say goodbye, goes to leave, but Sam stops him with a gentle hand on his arm.  
　  
"I know you can't ditch your friends, but once you’re done here, if you'd like to come to my hotel for a drink, I'd really like that. No pressure and if I've read you wrong I'm sorry, I thought you were flirting back, but I could be wrong." Sam offers with an easy smile and he isn't wrong, Tommy did flirt back.  
　  
"Yeah, we could do that. Meet up once I finish here." Tommy forces the words out, ignoring the little voice in his head that sounds a hell of a lot like Adam asking him what the fuck he thinks he's doing.  
　  
"I'll be looking forward to it." Sam stands, getting right in his space and he takes something out of his suit pocket, slipping it straight into Tommy's pocket, seen as his hands are full with garishly pink drinks.  
　  
They say goodbye and Tommy goes back to his table, handing Brad his drink.  
　  
"What the fuck is this?" Brad asks.  
　  
"A candy princess." Tommy smirks, sitting down, they both take a sip and moan, it tastes like candy, sweet enough to almost hurt his teeth, with a kick of alcohol not masked by the sweetness.  
　  
He checks his pocket a little later. Sam didn't hand him his business card or something with his number on as a way for Tommy to get in contact with him. He slipped Tommy his room's key card, the hotel name printed on the card as well as its address, it's a fancy hotel and Tommy quickly slides the card back into his pocket. It's pretty obvious that Sam doesn't want him to come meet him in the hotel bar, to take things slow. Sam wants to hook up and Tommy wants to feel insulted, but really he knows how he looks and he flirted with the guy at the bar, it wasn't like any of that screamed I want commitment, he's not even sure he wants commitment. He just wants to feel a little less lonely for a night. So he keeps the key card, still planning to meet up with Sam. This is just the way things are. Ben's the type of guy who gets a diamond, Tommy's the type who gets a room key. Maybe he wants more, but it isn't what he has, so he'll make the best of what he has. Sam might just be a rebound fuck, but maybe that's what he needs.  
　  
When Brad goes to get more candy princess to drink Tommy slows right down, he might have done a lot of stupid things lately but he's not stupid enough to get drunk before he goes to meet a stranger in his hotel room.  
　  
But he is stupid enough to leave the bar alone, hugging Brad before he goes and letting Brad believe he's going home. He feels guilty for lying to Brad, but it's fuck all compared to what he's been doing lately so he doesn't let it stop him. Besides the only person who can get hurt by this lie is him, if Sam turns out to be a murdering psychopath or a reporter, it'll only be Tommy that gets hurt. He gives the taxi the name of the hotel and the address. Hooking up with a guy at a bar might be kind of seedy, but the setting for it isn't seedy at all. Tommy both loves and hates staying in really posh hotels, he likes the luxury, but hates the looks he gets. He's glad he doesn't have to go to the desk or anything, he just walks through the lobby over to the elevator. He has to scan his key card just to get in, which isn't something he's seen before, but he gets now why none of the staff asked what he was doing here. He makes it all the way to the right room before he freezes. Is he really about to do this? Sleep with some stranger to try and forget Adam? He's tried drinking away his feelings, drowning them in liquor, but it hadn't worked, maybe he can lose himself in sex.  
　  
He knocks on the door even though he knows he can let himself in, doing so just doesn't seem right. He hardly knows Sam after all. Moments after he knocks Sam comes to the door, he's still dressed, but he's taken off the suit jacket and his shoes, his hair a little messy, like he's been running his fingers through it, but he looks hot and not at all like Adam, which could make him the perfect rebound. He smiles when he sees Tommy standing there, like he's really pleased to see him, that Tommy didn't blow him off.  
　  
"Tommy Joe, come in." Sam grins, holding the door open for him. Tommy walks into the room, it's huge and clean and so clearly expensive, he has no idea why a guy like this would pick him. Sam could get a lot of guys, classy refined guys that fit into his world, like Ben and it makes Tommy nervous, he doesn't get why Sam wants him.  
　  
"I was starting to think you wouldn't come. I'm glad you did." Sam says as he shuts the door, when he turns and faces Tommy though, he loses the smile.  
　  
"Okay you look really nervous. You get that nothing has to happen here, right? I won't push you into anything, just because you came to my room doesn't mean anything has to happen. I mean, I really want it to, I really want you, but I like my partners completely willing Tommy, for both of us to enjoy everything that happens." Sam says softly, keeping his distance.  
　  
"It's not that I don't want to, I'm just a little nervous." Tommy admits, it isn't smooth, but he figures sticking close to the truth might be a good idea here.  
　  
"Is this your first time meeting someone like this? Coming home with someone you don't really know. Well home for this week anyway." Sam doesn't look judgmental, like if Tommy hadn't been with a man it would be okay or if he'd only dated one person or a hundred, no matter Tommy's experience level, high or low, he's still interested.  
　  
He's never had a boyfriend, but he isn't a virgin in any sense of the word. He hooked up with Lee at a bar, his first real experience with a man, but he hadn't gone home with Lee and it had just been handjobs in an ally way, next to the bar. He didn't want to think of what he'd had with Adam as being the same as this, but it kind of was. They hadn't fallen into bed in the heat of the moment, Adam had called, they'd met up and they'd fucked. He's know Adam a hell of a lot longer than Sam, which made it different, hell the fact that he was pretty sure Sam was single and he'd known Adam wasn't made it different. But at the end of the day, yeah he'd done this before, with girls and guys. He didn't know why it felt different now, like things had changed since he was with Adam, maybe he had changed.  
　  
"I'm not like the world’s biggest slut or anything, but I've done this before." Tommy shrugs, moving a little closer to Sam, trying to swallow down his nerves.  
　  
"Why don't we talk a little?" Sam suggests, he gets them both down, sipping drinks, he hadn't even raised an eyebrow when Tommy asked for a soda and as they talk, he doesn't try to push Tommy to drink, he seems happy for them both to stay sober.  
　  
They don't talk about anything important, but it is enough for Tommy to relaxes, so much so that he's the one who kisses Sam first, hot and hungry. Sam kisses back, but he doesn't try and take over, take control. Tommy feels a little lost for a second, he hadn't realised how used to someone else taking the lead he had got. He's not forgotten how to take charge though and when Sam moans into his mouth, Tommy almost feels confidant again. He breaks the kiss and gets out of his chair that Sam had pushed close to his, back when Tommy had still been acting twitchy. He drops to his knees in front of Sam's chair and watches Sam's eyes go dark.  
　  
"Fuck, you’re something else Tommy Joe, so perfect." Sam's voice is rough with lust, but he sounds like he means it as well and it makes a little of the tight feeling in Tommy's chest loosen. He knows people say all kinds of shit when they’re hooking up, compliments to get what they want, but it's still nice, to feel desirable, to have someone think he's perfect. It's not like Sam has to compliment him. Tommy's already got on his knees for Sam without hollow compliments. He unzips Sam's expensive slacks and slips his hand inside, pulling Sam's dick out of the black briefs he's wearing.  
　  
He hasn't done this a lot, but he has done it before and he's had it done to him enough that he thinks he knows how to make it good. He holds the shaft firmly and then licks over the head, the slit, then down along the vein on the underside of Sam's dick. Every little flick of his tongue has Sam moaning, has more praises spilling from his lips. It's a rush, making someone feel good and the compliments are an ego boost. He likes it, likes being wanted, it makes him feel, he's not sure how it makes him feel, but different than he had felt alone and lonely in his apartment early tonight and that's all he wanted out of this.  
　  
When he sucks Sam into his mouth Sam doesn't buck his hips, they twitch like he wants to, but he's holding back. As hot as it sounds, Tommy doesn't think he can handle someone fucking his face yet, so he uses his free hand to hold Sam's hips down and sucks as much of Sam's length as he can without gagging. He knows he should probably slap a condom on Sam for this, but he thinks Sam's normally the type to be careful when he is hooking up, so he takes the risk. Adam hadn't used a condom when he'd blown Tommy, but he had used them on himself. Tommy shuts his eyes, he doesn't want to think of Adam while he's here, going down on Sam.  
　  
He gets bolder the longer it goes on, sinking lower, sucking tighter, humming the way one of his ex-girlfriends had, around the shaft and it makes Sam writhe. Tommy uses his tongue, using any tricks he can remember, anything that had felt good to him and from the noise Sam is making he thinks he must be doing a good job. And then suddenly Sam's hand is fisted in his hair and for a second Tommy panics thinking Sam is going to take over, force him to deep throat, even though he can't do that, but Sam's hand isn't pushing him down, it's more like he's trying to stop Tommy from moving.  
　  
"I'm close." Sam pants out and Tommy gets it, he needs to pull off if he doesn't want to swallow. Oral without a condom is a risk, but he thinks swallowing might be a bigger one. So he pulls up, sucking hard as he does, he licks one final strip over the head and then starts jacking Sam's dick, the spit and pre-cum making everything slick. Sam thrusts up into his touch and cums calling out Tommy's name, he looks flushed and dishevelled, his cum all over Tommy's hand and some splattered on his fancy suit, but when he takes a deep breath and looks down at Tommy and the mess, he looks fucking delighted.  
　  
"Come here." Sam pants, so Tommy stands, his knees only protesting a little, once he's upright Sam pulls him between his legs, leaning up to kiss Tommy. He's not sure what to expect next, maybe for Sam to blow him or offer to get Tommy off with his hand, he isn't expecting the words that come out of Sam's mouth when he breaks the kiss, his eyes still a little glassy, face flushed and lips swollen.  
　  
"Fuck me." Sam says and he's still soft and he didn't say 'I want to fuck you' he didn't 'I want _you _to fuck _me _.' either, but Tommy is almost sure Sam is asking him to top and it throws Tommy. He's fucked girls, been fucked by a guy but every guy who asked, who hit on him over the years acted like all they wanted was to get Tommy on his back. He's never had a guy say they wanted Tommy to top them and he's a little stunned.  
　  
"We don't have to have sex if you don't want to, if you don't do that with guys the first time or something." Sam says, looking embarrassed that he asked, like he thinks maybe he's fucked things up.  
　  
Tommy kisses him until he is breathless, wanting that look gone from Sam's face. He'd never thought of confident, slightly older guys getting embarrassed in these situations before. Sam had seemed so smooth, confident, like he'd known what he wanted from the moment he laid eyes on Tommy in the bar. Tommy has felt like some inexperienced, fumbling teenager all over again ever since he started hooking up with men. It's kind of nice knowing he isn't the only one who isn't always sure of himself, that even a guy who's out, comfortable with his sexuality, can be unsure.  
　  
"I look like a twink, I'm not used to guys asking me to top." Tommy admits, he thinks maybe if he's going to have sex with a stranger it might be safer this way, if he's the guy on top he doesn't have to worry about the other guy not prepping him right or hurting him.  
　  
"Well I think they’re missing out, the way you held down my hips when you were blowing me? That was fucking hot, you’re stronger than you look. I switch, but I like bottoming a lot, probably prefer it, but if you’re not into it, I wouldn't turn down the chance of fucking you, Tommy." Sam smiles, his eyes crinkle when he does, not wrinkles, not yet, but probably a sign of where they'll be in a few years’ time and suddenly he's curious about just how old Sam is.  
　  
"I want to, I want to fuck you." Tommy tells him, straightening his back and stepping back.  
　  
"This really is my lucky night. God, I want you to just pin me to the bed and fuck me." Sam looks so fucking pleased, like getting pounded by a guy like Tommy would make this the best night ever.  
　  
"One question first, how old are you? I'm just curious." Tommy shrugs, it's not a big deal, he's just generally always known the age of the person he's sleeping with, even hook ups.  
　  
"Thirty nine, almost forty." Forty isn't all that old and Sam doesn't look like some people Tommy knows at that age, it's not that people Sam's age don't normally look good, Sam's just better than average.  
　  
"I'm almost thirty one." Tommy says, even though Sam didn't ask, it only seems fair.  
　  
"You don't look it." Sam laughs in a way that makes Tommy think he knows Tommy's probably heard that a lot. A lot of people say he looks young for his age and he guesses maybe he does.  
　  
"I don't act it either most the time." Tommy shrugs and Sam laughs, it's almost shocking how easy this seems, comfortable in a way he hadn't expected it to be when he decided to come here.  
　  
They go to Sam's bedroom, kissing in the doorway and stripping before they reach the bed and Sam looks good under his expensive suit, all lean muscle and lightly panned skin, he touches Tommy gently, like he's afraid of hurting him or maybe marking up his pale skin. Tommy doesn't want it that gentle, doesn't know how to ask for what he wants with words so he tries asking with his actions. He pushes Sam onto the bed, follows him down and kisses him roughly. Sam seems to get it, to be more than okay with grabbing at Tommy now he's seen that it's allowed. They kiss and touch till they’re both worked up and aching, bodies slick with sweat. Sam gets out a condom and lube, gives them to Tommy and lets him take the lead. He manhandles Sam, liking the way it makes Sam moan and pant. He gets the other man up on his hands and knees, slicks his own fingers up with lube. He's used his fingers on himself, had fingers inside of him, so he's confident that he knows what to do.  
　  
He hadn't really thought about how it would feel, a man tight and hot, slick with lube around his fingers, but it feels good and when he does something to make Sam moan it makes his dick twitch. He has always loved being able to get someone off and getting them off hard. He's been called a bad boyfriend before, but never a bad lover, not even when it ended badly, in screaming matches with every fault, real or not being thrown in his face. He's a good lover, because he enjoys it, enjoys knowing he's giving someone else pleasure. He has always liked going down on girls, sliding his fingers into wet heat, making them crazy with need. It seems he likes making a guy fall apart as much as he always has girls. So much so that he's tempted to see if he could get Sam off like this, just his fingers rubbing against his prostate, thrusting in and out firmly, but Sam is begging, practically sobbing for more. He could add more fingers, but his dick would probably never forgive him.  
　  
Putting on the condom makes him hiss, slicking himself up with lube makes him wince a little, but the pain is worth the pleasure and he's soon pushing into Sam, tight heat gripping at his length. It feels amazing, he had known it would, been sure from just feeling Sam on his fingers. He goes slow, knowing that the stretch of this can feel like too much. It almost kills him to stay still once he's all the way inside Sam, but he does, slow seconds that take forever, but then Sam moves, his voice sounding wrecked as he begs for more, for Tommy to move and Tommy does, thrusting into Sam and letting himself get lost in the pleasure.  
　  
The first time he keeps Sam up on his hands and knees and he makes Sam cum first, his orgasm following not long after. The second time Sam crawls into his lap, rolls the condom down Tommy's cock and then works himself down on Tommy, taking almost all of him in the first smooth roll of his hips. Tommy has no clue who cums first, only that his orgasm white's out his vision and when he opens his eyes Sam is slumped against his chest, panting, his cum slick and warm on Tommy's chest and stomach. They get cleaned up together in Sam's bathroom and Sam looks more than half asleep already, but then after three orgasms Tommy doesn't blame the guy, he's pretty tired himself, not really looking forward to the taxi ride home. He's thinking about getting dressed when Sam speaks.  
　  
"You don't have to, but I was thinking you could spend the night if you want? I sleep better with someone else in the bed anyway." Sam offers, he bites his lip and Tommy has a feeling that Sam means his offer, he isn't just trying to be polite. Tommy thinks of his apartment, the loneliness that is dark and empty rooms, his empty bed and it makes the decision for him.  
　  
"Yeah, I'll stay." Tommy nods and Sam smiles, soft and pleased. It doesn't take away the pain that feels like a constant weight in his chest, but it does make it more bearable, for a little while at least.  
　  
He crawls into bed with Sam, holds the other man when he moves closer under the sheets, they don't talk, they don't have sex again, but for the night Tommy doesn't have to feel so alone, another warm body next to his enough for a while.  
　  
In the morning they have breakfast together, they share a shower. Sam presses him against the cold tile wall, jerking him off, kissing him wet and warm the whole time and Tommy returns the favour. They get dressed, Sam has to work and Tommy has to get back to his life. They leave together, taking the hotel down to the lobby. Sam has a car waiting for him outside, but he doesn't hurry to get in it, he stops to say goodbye, he doesn't try to kiss Tommy, out here on the street, but he can tell Sam wants to. Tommy pulls the key card from last night out of his pocket, offering it to Sam.  
　  
"No, keep it. I'm here all week, maybe I'll see you again." Sam says, pushing Tommy's hand away gently. He should say no, hand the card back despite what Sam is saying, but he doesn't, he slips it back into his pocket. He might not be the guy who gets a diamond, but he can have this, he can have Sam for as long as it lasts without feeling guilty.  
　  
"Maybe." Tommy smiles, he won't make any promises and Sam doesn't ask him to.  
　  
Sam leaves and Tommy gets his taxi home. His apartment is as empty and as lonely as it was when he left it, but then he hadn't expected that to have changed. He can feel the loneliness creeping into him, turning him cold. He run's his fingers over the outline of the card in his pocket, trying to remember that he doesn't need to be the one Adam gives a diamond to in order to be happy, there are other people who want him, who can make him happy, if only for a while. But he wasn't always happy with Adam either, it was only temporary, the happiness leaving him whenever he thought about Ben, the fact that he was with Adam or if he thought about anyone finding out. Worst of all when Adam left, all his happiness seemed to leave with the other man, leaving him cold and alone.  
　  
What he had with Sam, it wasn't much, a week long fling at best. It wasn't love, he doesn't think either of them would fall for the other even if they did have more than a potential week together, but at least it doesn't hurt. And really, right now, when his heart feels like it is breaking, shattering anew every single time he sees Adam or Ben? Well. He'll take anything that lets him hide away from that pain, even if only for a second.  
　  
TBC...____


	12. Rival.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twelfth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt fire for fanfic100 and kiss for one of the writers choice prompts on Lover100. A few important record executives want to meet with Adam and the whole band about being a part of a concert. It's just work, that is until things get personal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. Adam POV only this chapter.

Adam POV  
　  
It's not that often that he's at a club for work reasons, not when he's not touring, but some music executives want to meet him, the band, the dancers and Sutan, Lane and Neil, too, anyone who would be there if they do this. The record company he works for and a few other labels have been approached by a charity who want to put on a concert in aid of gay rights, with a focus of gay teens who commit suicide due to homophobia. His label is up for it, Adam thinks for the good press it could get them alone. Adam wants to do it because if he can help even one person, to stop something like that from happening, then he wants to. The band and everyone else had been happy to talk about it. They’re not just meeting with people from their own label, but others from the other record companies involved. Not all of the acts will be gay or Bi, but they will all be performers that are openly pro-gay rights and anti-bullying. Adam is more than happy to help, he's honoured.  
　  
They get there first, before the executives. So they settle in, order drinks, and catch up with each other. They've all been pretty busy between family and work. Adam's between Sutan and Monte, but he's close enough to hear when Isaac and Tommy start talking.  
　  
"Dude, do you even live at your place anymore? You’re never home when I call your place." Isaac laughs.  
　  
"I always answer my cell. I guess I've been busy this week." Tommy sounds casual, a little too casual.  
　  
"Busy doing what?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"I visited my Mom." Tommy says.  
　  
"Every day?" Isaac throws back.  
　  
"No, twice and I went to see Lisa and the baby." Tommy explains.  
　  
"At night? Come on man, you can tell me, you seeing someone?" Isaac asks and Adam finds himself holding his breath.  
　  
"Kind of? Not really, like friends with benefits?" Tommy admits and Adam glances over. Tommy is blushing, the ghost of a smile on his lips. The pang Tommy's words cause in his chest isn't normal. He's meant to be getting over Tommy, he should be happy his friend has someone. But his chest feels like there is a fire burning inside of it, he's so jealous; he needs to stop this. He can't say anything to Tommy. He wonders if it's a girl or a guy and maybe that's why he won't tell Isaac anything else. Every day for a week sounds kind of serious though. Adam hadn't thought of Tommy as being serious about men, it shouldn't change things, but it does. He needs to find someone to talk to before his head explodes.  
　  
He spots the three men in suits heading towards them, nudges Sutan and soon they’re all standing, shaking hands with the men. Adam notices something right away; one of the men looking at Tommy strangely, he looks at Tommy and sees he looks a little pale. He doesn't know what the fuck is going on, can't help but think maybe this guy did something to Tommy to scare him or something. It makes a fire start building in his gut. God if he finds out Tommy's met this guy before and he did something, he'll rip the guy a part. He might not always make the right choices when it comes to Tommy, but he can't stand the idea of someone hurting him or even making him uncomfortable. Before anything else ever started, they were friends and Adam likes to think they still are; he doesn't let people just hurt his friends.  
　  
When they sit back down Adam moves, making sure he sits next to Tommy so he can keep an eye on him, seen as he's hiding in his hair, a sure sign that he's uncomfortable. He can't help but feel protective of Tommy; he knows Tommy is a grown man, can protect himself and make his own decisions, but it doesn't mean he won't help if he can, if Tommy needs him to.  
　  
The executives introduce themselves, Pete, David and Sam. Adam can't work Sam out; he looks normal now, open and friendly and Adam tries to forget his weird feeling, maybe he was imagining the looks between him and Tommy.  
　  
He makes himself focus, listening to what they have to say. They seem passionate about putting on the concert, not like they’re just trying to make money off an issue that's current. They are getting charities involved, trying to raise awareness and a decent amount of the profits are going to be going to charities, ones that focus on gay teenagers, on bullying. They seem to genuinely want to raise money and make a difference. Of course they are making money from it; they don't try and hide it, so Adam doesn't think they are trying to scam people. A charity event is good PR, but they’re not picking charities that everyone supports. There will be plenty of people who respond negatively to a concert for gay rights. Pete even tells them about security measures.  
　  
"Everyone working for the show will have a back ground check run on them; employees will be searched at the venues, so will the people attending the show. Which we’ll make people aware of before tickets go on sale. People will think we don't trust them, but we have to be careful, protesters and people who are anti-gay rights might try and do something drastic." Pete explains.  
　  
"Security will be tight at the venue, even the acts will have passes at all time, so no one can try and pass themselves off as a performer. We don't want anyone getting hurt. This concert is meant to send out a positive message, we don't want anything negative to happen, to take away from the message of the show." David adds and he's right, if anything bad happens, people won't remember what the concert was for, it won't make them think about the issues, all they'll talk about is the violence, the riot, whatever the bad thing is that happens.  
　  
"We're asking the acts to do some interviews about bullying about sexuality before the concert. They'll be played before, to get some attention and they'll have some numbers for the sort of charities that need donations. They'll be played on screens at the concerts as well, between acts." Pete says brightly.  
　  
"This sounds like an amazing project." It's not something he's seen done before; times are changing, but there is still so much hatred in the world, so if he can help change that, he will.  
　  
"This won't be like the AMA's were, booking openly gay or Bi-sexual acts and then asking them not to be open about their sexuality. It's a charity concert and we are hoping to make a live DVD, with some of the profit going to each charity. So not too much swearing or anything that would make us have to give it too high a rating." Sam smiles, he's a good looking guy, really well dressed. Adam kind of wants to steal his shoes.  
　  
"So they can kiss on stage?" Sutan asks smirking.  
　  
"If that's something you still do now you’re engaged." Pete shrugs.  
　  
"My fiancé doesn't mind. As long as it's just kissing and touching, not rubbing my crotch in a dancer’s face." Adam says, feeling sheepish. Ben had given him so much shit for that, once he'd finally admitted to having seen the AMA awards.  
　  
"There's a charity involved that has been pushing to get Gay marriage legalized in every state." David tells them and Adam feels guilt creeping up on him, people have fought to legalize marriage and Adam agreed with them that marriage shouldn't just be for straight couples. He had cheated on the man he was going to marry; he doesn't know what to think when he puts those things together. People fought so that people like him could get married and he's fucking up his marriage before it has even happened, but then he's sure straight couples do that all the time.  
　  
"Your fiancé is an actor right, maybe he'd like to be in one of the videos." David suggests and the same time as Sam speaks.  
　  
"My sister's apart of that group. Now she keeps nagging me to get married, like just because I can I should." Sam smirks.  
　  
"I'll ask him." Adam says to David. His head is a mess; ask Ben to make a video with him, be the poster child for gay marriage, would it be wrong of him to do it? With what he has done, he doesn't know. He hadn't guessed that Sam was gay and now he's wondering; was Sam looking at Tommy strangely because he was checking him out?  
　  
They talk a little more and Pete tells them he'll get contracts drawn up for them all and keep them all updated on what is happening with the videos and the concert dates. When they leave, Adam and the others decide to stay, have a few drinks, catch up some more, it's nice to be together without the pressure of work. Although he knows Monte is busy with his family and putting on a few of his own gigs, so he's still kind of working and Isaac has said that he and Tommy we'll be doing some more shows with Ravi Dhar and the Heartless soon, maybe even another music video. Adam can remember the first time he saw the first video, Killer. Tommy had looked stupidly hot all beat up and running around from girls chasing him.  
　  
Tommy pulls his phone out almost right after the three other men leave and he excuses himself. Suspicious Adam lies and says he needs the bathroom, but instead he heads off in the direction he saw Tommy go. It takes him a while to find Tommy, but finally he catches a glimpse of blonde hair and he catches up with him. He follows Tommy up on to a balcony, he thought maybe he'd got a text from whoever he's been with all week, but Tommy isn't in his phone, no he's edging into a secluded booth in the VIP area. Adam stays back in the crowd. He looks around, everyone’s looking down at the dance floor, the DJ, so Adam hopes that means that no one will notice him stalking Tommy and post pictures of it on Twitter. Moments later he sees something else that really doesn't need to be captured on film. Sam leans in and Tommy loves to meet him, clearly welcoming the hot kiss Sam lays on him. He doesn't want to get caught listening in, but the fiery anger raging through him has him edging closer, trying to hear what's being said.  
　  
"I didn't know it was this band you were in. I think they asked me to be involved because I'm out. I know you’re not, but don't worry I won't tell anyone. It's your business if you come out or not." Sam says softly and he seems like a nice guy and suddenly the fire burning inside him isn't aimed at Sam, it's aimed at himself. Someone else is with Tommy because Adam didn't have the balls to go after him, because he can't make up his mind between Tommy and Ben. He's afraid to ask Tommy if they could have more, doesn't want the world to know about another failed relationship, but that's all on him, not Tommy, not Sam.  
　  
As angry as he feels, he knows he has no right to be and he won't take it out on Sam or Tommy. But he keeps watching anyway, like some kind of masochist. Watching the way Tommy smiles, ducks his head at what Sam says. God it hurts, he thinks setting his feet on fire would probably hurt less. It's been a long time since Tommy smiled at him like that, since before Adam got engaged.  
　  
"I know you didn't, we, didn't talk work much. I almost had a fucking heart attack when I saw you though. Thank you for acting like you didn't know me." Tommy doesn't look like he has hearts in his eyes for the guy or anything, but he looks happy, he shouldn't feel bad because Tommy is happy. His head knows all the problems, all the reasons why he couldn't, shouldn't be with Tommy, his head knows that this is better for Tommy, but his heart doesn't.  
　  
"None of them know?" Sam asks and Adam can see him reach for Tommy's hand, he doesn't even listen to Tommy's response, he can't take his eyes off of Tommy's hand in Sam's.  
　  
The next thing he notices is that they’re both standing and he quickly hides behind a column, feeling like a tool. As they pass by, he hears Sam speak again.  
　  
"Come see me tonight?" Sam asks.  
　  
"Yeah, I'd like that." He can hear the smile in Tommy's voice, he doesn't know why he follows them, but he does. He catches up with them outside. Sam is getting into a car and Tommy leans in, kissing him goodbye. The door blocks the kiss from most angles and Adam’s glad. If someone else saw this, it's clearly not a kiss between friends, there is a heat behind it that is clearly sexual. Adam doesn't know why he's surprised to see Tommy dominating the kiss, but he is. He's known Tommy long enough to know Tommy generally wasn't submissive with girls, but he has always submitted to Adam, from the first kiss on stage and for a moment, Adam can't help but think of Tommy kissing like that. Adam shivers, he can't remember the last time somebody took charge of him like that. Ben doesn't top and it's not really a problem. Adam loves to top, almost never bottoms, but occasionally he just wants to let go. He can't say that seeing Tommy like this doesn't make him appeal to Adam as a top. To just give in to the fire, the lust, to let someone else take the lead, just for once, he wants that.  
　  
Tommy closes the door for Sam and the car drives off. Tommy turns around and spots him, he hates the way Tommy freezes, the way his smile falters, slipping away like it was never there, like he was never that care free. Adam gestures for Tommy to follow, finding a large doorway to hide in; he's relived when Tommy joins him.  
　  
"So, you know Sam then?" Adam asks, even though he knows Tommy does.  
　  
"Yeah, for a little while. Just like a week." Tommy shrugs and that answers the question about whether he has been with a mystery man or mystery woman all week when Isaac called his apartment.  
　  
"He seems nice." Adam says and it's true, Sam had seemed nice. Adam hates him a little just for being with Tommy, but it would take a better man than he is right now to not hate Sam. He will hide the fact he hates him, it's the least he can do.  
　  
"He is." Tommy nods.  
　  
He wants to ask if it's serious, he doesn't want to know if it's serious, he thinks he's better off not knowing right now.  
　  
"You looked happy, when you were with him." In a way he didn't think Tommy had looked happy with him. Tommy hadn't smiled after they kissed, he'd looked guilty.  
　  
"I am happy when I'm with him." Tommy says softly and Adam isn't sure what to make of that, is Tommy saying he's unhappy the rest of the time?  
　  
"That looked like one hell of a kiss, Tommy Joe. You should do it like that on stage, the fans will go nuts." Adam would go nuts as well, but that's not the point.  
　  
"Kiss you like what? How did I kiss him?" Tommy asks. It suddenly feels like they are standing a lot closer than they were before, but he didn't see either of them move, didn't feel himself move.  
　  
"Like you were going to pin him down and fuck him." It's the only way he can think to describe that kiss; possessive, sexual, dominate, fiery and passionate, like Tommy was going to eat him alive. And Sam, he'd looked like a moth drawn to a flame; completely captivated.  
　  
Right now Adam feels almost the same, his heart not seeming to care that getting closer to the fire that is Tommy will just leave him burned or turn everything to ash, destroy it all.  
　  
"Maybe that's because I am going to pin him down and fuck him." Tommy says; a hint of challenge in his voice and it just makes the fire burn brighter.  
　  
"Fuck." Adam mutters.  
　  
"What, is it that surprising?" Tommy asks, it isn't, shouldn't be. He knows Tommy was anything but passive with his girlfriends, but they had been small, petit women, he knows he's stereotyping, but seeing Sam and Tommy together, before that last kiss he'd assumed Tommy was bottoming for Sam, the way he had for Adam.  
　  
"It's hot." Is what Adam ends up blurting out instead, which he's pretty damn sure isn't what he meant to say. His cheeks feel like they’re on fire and he knows that he is blushing.  
　  
"You think me kissing Sam is hot, or the idea of me topping Sam is hot?" Tommy asks, eyebrows raised and he's moved closer, getting in Adam's face.  
　  
Adam makes a strangled noise and doesn't answer, the kiss had been hot, the idea of Tommy taking charge, pinning a guy down, is hot. He's sure Tommy and Sam look amazing in bed together, but it's not Sam he's picturing Tommy topping, not Sam at all.  
　  
"It does, it turns you on, what happened to only liking to top?" Tommy asks and the smug little shit, he's actually taunting Adam, he's never seen Tommy be so playful about sex, so care free about the fact he's sleeping with men now. He's glad to see it, even if it is winding him up sexually and he knows he won't be getting the release he needs when he goes home, that no one will be throwing him down and fucking him, owning him.  
　  
"I like it the other way around sometimes." Adam admits quietly, even though he can't remember the last time that happened, he likes to top, probably ninety nine times out of a hundred, but sometimes, it's rare but it happens, he craves it the other way around. He doesn't know why, but he had never thought Tommy would be the one to make him want it.  
　  
"When was the last time you, ah." Tommy trails off, but Adam knows exactly what he's asking.  
　  
"Years." Adam sighs. It had been a hook up, just one time after a break up and normally he wouldn't bottom in that kind of situation, but the guy, he'd been something else, the fact that Adam had been high might have helped.  
　  
"Wait so Ben hasn't?" Again Tommy trails off, his eyes wide this time, like he's honestly shocked.  
　  
"He doesn't like it." Adam admits, he thinks maybe Tommy is the last person he should talk to about this, about his sex life, worse his sex life with Ben, but it's like he can't not. He still trusts Tommy above anyone else in his life. Tommy's the person he talks to about his problems, unless the problem’s Tommy. But Adam has confided in him, talked with him about so much, it seems normal to talk to Tommy. A little weird now that he can't pretended the sexual tension is just in his head, weird when he's standing here, talking about Ben, while imagining Tommy kissing him the way he had Sam.  
　  
"So like once you’re married, you'll never bottom again? Guess I know what to get you for your wedding gift. A dildo for when you get an ache Ben won't scratch." Tommy isn't being deliberately cruel, they always joked about stuff before, but now the taunt stings a little.  
　  
"I think Ben would have a fit, and I think the gifts are like meant to be stuff for the couple, not one person." Adam shrugs, feeling awkward.  
　  
"So wait, he wouldn't even use a toy on you? Wait, sorry I asked, that's way too personal." Tommy says, blushing faintly.  
　  
"I thought there was no such thing as too personal between us?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I guess things changed." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"You told me about Lee and about Sam, so why can't you ask about Ben?" Shouldn't they both be able to talk about their lovers? He wants Tommy to keep talking about his relationships if he needs to, it might light a fire in Adam over the jealousy, but he worries. Tommy isn't out, he can't just talk to his friends, like Mike, Dave and Isaac about boy trouble or anything. He wants to show Tommy that no matter what has happened between them, Adam still cares, he'll still be here if Tommy needs to talk.  
　  
"It's different. Lee was a one-time thing. Sam is, I don't know yet and I didn't tell you much." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"We can boy talk, you listened to me talk about Ben before and other boyfriends before him." Adam points out.  
　  
"Fine, would your future husband fuck you with a dildo?" Tommy asks, sounding a little annoyed.  
　  
"No, he's not really a fan of sex toys." Adam says firmly; they can do this, they can talk about their relationships without it feeling weird. Tommy is his best friend, his best man, they should be able to do this.  
　  
"What about fingers?" Tommy asks softly, he doesn't look annoyed anymore.  
　  
"He likes them, in him, but he doesn't, wouldn't do that to me." Adam sighs.  
　  
"Isn't that not fair?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"No, I mean it's just who he is. We like what we like in bed. I'd never expect him to try and change just for me. If he wasn't into it and just doing it for me, I wouldn't like it that way." Adam had asked a few times; the first time Ben had been surprised, but Adam thinks that's because back in the beginning Ben knew more about his public persona and he'd always said in the press that he was a top. He doesn't want Ben to do something just to please Adam, he knows relationships are about give or take, but he doesn't want Ben to do something he didn't want to do, hadn't thought Adam would ever want him to do when they got together.  
　  
"But it's something you want, you never mentioned it before. I didn't know, wouldn't have guessed." Tommy looks thoughtful, but Adam has no idea what he might be thinking.  
　  
"It's not something I want often, so it's not like it's a big deal." Adam sighs, it's something he hardly ever thinks about, but then he sees Tommy, hot as the fucking fires of hell Tommy, making a guy melt, submit, with just a kiss and he aches to feel what Sam must have been feeling.  
　  
"It's weird." Tommy murmurs.  
　  
"What is?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I, it's just I always thought you and Ben were kind of perfect. I didn't think of you and him having problems like that. Not that it's a big deal or a deal breaker, like you said and sex isn't everything. You love him, that's what matters..." Tommy says and by the time he's finished talking, he is looking at his feet. The all too brief flash of confidence totally gone. He's been Tommy's friend long enough to know he has plenty of insecurities, that he isn't always confident. With Sam, Tommy hadn't been hesitant and for long moments after he had still been confident, almost to the point of being cocky. So it looks like Sam is good for Tommy, which makes it kind of hard to hate him, even though Adam really wants to hate him. He knows he helped bring Tommy out of his shell a little, but that was a long time ago, he doesn't think he's done anything to really help Tommy in a long time. Like when Tommy called him late and he gave Tommy a ride, got to hear about Lee. He didn't really talk to Tommy, not about his sexuality, didn't really make sure he wasn't freaking out or having a sexuality crisis. No, he'd just ended up flirting. He thinks maybe he was a shitty friend when it came to Lee, he won't make the same mistake with Sam. He makes Tommy happy and Adam wants Tommy to be happy, more than anything.  
　  
"No one's perfect, baby. I don't think there is a couple alive that's perfect. Perfection is a fantasy, real life might not be perfect, but it's real, it's better." Adam says firmly.  
　  
"You really want me to kiss you like that on stage?" Tommy asks, meeting Adam's eyes again.  
　  
"If Sam won't mind, yeah." Adam nods.  
　  
"Sam won't care. Maybe we should do it like that at the pro-gay rights concert, give the fans something a little different." Tommy suggests.  
　  
"Yeah, okay." Adam agrees. Tommy doesn't normally suggest that kind of stuff for shows; he's always just let Adam do what he wants, gone along with it, submitted sweetly to Adam. This is different, but it's still hot.  
　  
There's a moment of almost awkward silence, before Adam leans in and touches Tommy's jaw gently, running his fingers over the faint stubble along his jaw. He plans to make a quip about Tommy shaving before he kisses him, but the moment he feels the fiery heat of Tommy's skin under his fingers, his mouth dries out and he can't talk. Tommy's skin is hot, when he normally runs a little cold, but the flush of blood in his cheeks makes the skin warm.  
　  
"Would you have let me, if I'd asked would you have let me?" Tommy whispers and Adam's still distracted by the feel of Tommy's warm skin and rough stubble underneath his fingers to get right away what Tommy is trying to ask him.  
　  
"Would I have let you top me?" Adam asks slowly, his body feels like it's swaying towards Tommy.  
　  
Tommy nods slowly and there is a fire in his eyes, lust and a hint of challenge and Adam is as drawn to that flame as Sam was, helpless to resist when almost every part of him doesn't want to. Their mouths are close enough that it wouldn't take a lot to have them meet, for them to be kissing. Instead of closing the gap Adam decides, maybe unwisely to answer the question, he doesn't draw back either.  
　  
"Yes, seeing you like that with Sam? Yeah, I'd have let you top me if you'd have asked." Adam says quietly and then Tommy kisses him, hot and not even a little bit submissive. Tommy's dominating him for the first time, licking into Adam's mouth and he doesn't think Tommy has ever been the one to start a kiss between them that wasn't on stage. Even then, it was never like this, Tommy's tongue slick and hot against his, making his knees feel weak, like maybe if Tommy did this to him on stage, he would be the one with his legs buckling under him and it wouldn't be a joke either. Having Tommy kiss him like this makes him feel like all his bones have been melted, lust burning them to ash like some raging fire. He can't remember the last time a kiss had him feeling like he was about to come in his pants like a teenager, but this one, it does that. Tommy breaks the kiss, looking wide eyed, a little stunned and a lot guilty. Adam's hands come up to his lips, they feel almost bruised, hot and swollen and fuck he wants Tommy to do that again.  
　  
"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Tommy says, still a little breathless.  
　  
"Don't be sorry." He doesn't want Tommy to feel bad, maybe it was wrong of Tommy to kiss him, but he knows Tommy. Knows he wasn't thinking about the reasons why they shouldn't when he leaned in to kiss Adam. Tommy isn't the malicious type, he wouldn't knowingly hurt anyone, the fact that he knows this would hurt Ben, has him looking like he just killed a puppy.  
　  
"But we said we wouldn't." Tommy mutters. Adam doesn't point out that he was the one to call it off, when guilt had eaten at him and he'd started worrying about fucking up all their lives.  
　  
"And you have Sam now." Fuck, he isn't just a cheater, but he's let Tommy Joe cheat as well, he is going to burn in hell, he can practically feel the hell fires licking at his feet.  
　  
"Me and Sam, it's not like that." Tommy says like that explains everything, when really, it explains nothing.  
　  
"We should get back to the others." Tommy says suddenly, pulling away from Adam and he's gone from their hiding spot before Adam can say another word. They hardly even look at each other the rest of the night. Adam, because he's afraid of what he'll do if he looks at Tommy. He's weak, he can't get the kiss out of his head, he wants to do it over and over again. To kiss Tommy till they are both out of breath, to have Tommy kiss him like that again, in a way that had him feeling claimed; owned.  
　  
He doesn't know why Tommy avoids him, doesn't know if his reasons are similar to Adam's or completely the opposite. Adam is sure Tommy probably regrets everything that has happened between them. He was never completely happy when they were together; he always looked tired and guilty. Tommy's kiss hadn't even tasted like whisky this time and Adam can't remember the last time they kissed without the flavour at least being in the back ground. Sam is good for Tommy, it might not be serious yet, but Adam won't be the one to stop it ending up that way. He knows the affair fucked with Tommy's head, he wants to not be the reason Tommy is sad anymore, he wants his friend back and that means not being lovers, at least for them.  
　  
When it gets later and people start going home, Adam leaves with Sutan after hugging all his friend’s goodbye. Sutan asks if he can come to Adam's, but he doesn't say why. Adam agrees. If Sutan wants to talk about something in private, the car is not the place to do it. But Ben isn't at Adam's house tonight, he's in his own place, closer to where his agent works seen as they have a meeting in the morning. The house will be empty, so if Sutan needs to talk about something, they'll have privacy. When they get to his place Adam leads the way to the kitchen, busying himself with getting him and Sutan drinks, before turning to face Sutan, who has sat down at the kitchen table and is watching Adam.  
　  
"So, what the hell was that kiss about?" Sutan asks bluntly. Adam feels one of the glasses slip from his hand; it lands by his foot, shattering on impact as Adam's heart starts to race.  
　  
TBC...


	13. Best friends.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thirteenth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Taste for fanfic100 and #42 relationships for 69_smut. Adam talks, just not to Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. Adam only this chapter, but we'll get back to Tommy in the next chapter.

_A reminder of how things ended last chapter:,i >_

 _"So, what the hell was that kiss about?" Sutan asks bluntly. Adam feels one of the glasses slip from his hand; it lands by his foot, shattering on impact as Adam's heart starts to race. ___

  
Adam POV  
　  
"Shit, shit, shit." Adam curses, trying to pick up the bigger pieces of glass without shredding his fingers.  
　  
"Stay still, I'll grab your broom." Sutan orders. Adam stays still, lets Sutan get a broom and brush all the glass into a corner, away from Adam. Once it's safer to move, he goes and dumps the damp glass shards in his hand in the bin. He just knows he'll be finding bits of glass for weeks now, probably finding them with his feet when he treads on them.  
　  
Sutan doesn't say anything till Adam has scooped up and put all the glass he can in the bin; stays silent through Adam washing sticky alcohol off his hands in the kitchen sink. Without having cleaning up the glass to focus on, his heart starts to beat too fast again. Sutan saw, he saw, Adam is in so much shit, fuck he's going to lose Sutan and maybe everyone else if Sutan tells. He can't imagine any of his friends or family sticking by him after this.  
　  
"Sit." Sutan points at the chair opposite as Adam keeps rubbing the hand towel he keeps near the sink over and over his hands even though they are already dry.  
　  
Adam does as he is told, not wanting to risk pissing Sutan off any further. When he sits down, Sutan pushed his full glass of red wine over to Adam. Adam raises his eyebrows, unsure as to why he's being offered Sutan's glass.  
　  
"You look like you need it more than me." Sutan shrugs and he does, so he takes it. It's hard to just take a sip when he wants to drink the lot in one go, but he doesn't want Sutan to think he's a lush as well as a cheat.  
　  
"I'm guessing from the way you’re freaking out, I didn't misunderstand what I saw when I came looking for you?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"I, I don't know. What do you think was happening?" Adam asked, his mind whirling, God he's so afraid that he'll look at Sutan and see hatred on his face, in his eyes. He knows that maybe he deserves hatred for what he has done. He can even take Sutan hating him, yelling at him, just as long as he knows that when all is said and done, they will still be friends. He hates losing people, thinks maybe he hates it worse when it's his fault he loses them.  
　  
"It wasn't the sort of kiss you give a friend when you’re saying hello or goodbye. It wasn't a kiss to entertain your fans either. I know what it wasn't, but I don't know what it was." Sutan arches one eyebrow at him, curiosity plain to see on his face, but not hatred, not yet.  
　  
"I know I fucked up Sutan, I know that. Please don't hate me for it." God how can he even have this conversation right now. He can still feel Tommy's lips against him, still taste Tommy in his mouth, cheap, sweet lip gloss.  
　  
"Are you two together?" Sutan asks bluntly. Adam doesn't know if he means if they have a relationship still or if he's asking if they are together.  
　  
"Not anymore." Adam admits.  
　  
"Then why were you kissing him?" Sutan frowns.  
　  
"He has someone new. I got jealous. I wanted something from him that I knew they were getting." Just a taste of Tommy's dominate side is enough to have him craving more. Like some kind of junkie and Tommy is his own personal form of crack. Knowing Tommy is in some kind of relationship should put him off, not make him crave a taste more.  
　  
"You have Ben, does Tommy get jealous of that?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"I, ah, I don't know." He really doesn't, he's not dodging the question, he really can't think of an answer. Tommy hasn't ever said anything about Ben or their relationship to make Adam think he was jealous. Hell he hardly ever talks about Ben, is never the one to bring him up. He's always thought the lack of jealousy was because Tommy didn't care about him like that. People don't often get jealous of their fuck buddy’s other partners. Excepted apparently Adam, who goes all green eyed monster over his ex-friend with benefits when he gets someone new. Even tonight, Tommy had been hesitant to ask about his and Ben's sexual relationship. Hesitant, but not jealous.  
　  
"When I met Tommy, first met him in person, I could see that he fit your taste in Ben. Tiny and cute, sexy as hell and a total sweetheart. He was, is, your type. Back then I thought it would only be a matter of time before you got together. I thought he'd be a good boyfriend for you to be on tour with, he's so laid back and you needed someone like that. I thought he could give you the stable relationship you needed." Sutan pauses, his face scrunching up as he frowns again.  
　  
"And then you told me he was straight and I was like wow my bad. Because again I know your taste in men and you were so past the straight boy faze. You didn't want to be an experiment, never again. So I believed you when you told everyone you weren't together. Even when you were mauling him on stage." Sutan sighs.  
　  
"I thought he was straight. I wanted him, so bad it hurt, but I knew I couldn't have his love, not that way anyway. And it worked out well, he makes an awesome friend. I trust him, he's helped me through a lot." Adam can't help remembering every show over the years, the way Tommy would taste different, depending on where they were. In Amsterdam, he always tasted like smoke and pot, it always tasted better licked off Tommy's tongue, but then he'd probably say the same for most tastes. He remembers all the times he was feeling lonely and he just needed someone to cuddle with, to hold and be held. Tommy had always been there when he needed that. There is a distance between them now, that wasn't there when they were touring. The only thing that has changed is that they've slept together. So it's easy to see what has changed things. He's fucked up their friendship, just so he could get a taste of Tommy.  
　  
"Then what happened, why were you kissing him?" Sutan looks confused. Adam knows the feeling.  
　  
"I convinced myself it was just one last fling before I get married." He knows it's more than that.  
　  
"And you picked Tommy for your last taste of single life, even though you’re not single. But he's meant to be straight. What happened, he tell you he wanted to try cock and you volunteered?" Sutan shakes his head and Adam just wants to run and hide.  
　  
"No, um, he did something with a guy. I picked him up, he was drunk and he told me about it. I told him if I was single that I'd be all over him or something like that and he said if I was single he'd let me." God, he remembers that night so well. Tommy all rumpled in his car, faint smell of sex clinging to him. He wanted to lick Tommy's skin, see if he could taste what he was smelling.  
　  
"So he's Bi?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"I guess so, we didn't talk about it much." Adam shrugs, which he knows was a dick move, he should have talked about Tommy's sexuality with him, not jumped him.  
　  
"That kiss I saw, it wasn't the only thing you two did together is it." Sutan says and it's not a question, it's very clearly a statement. Adam wonders how he worked it out after seeing just one kiss.  
　  
"No." Adam admits.  
　  
"How far did it go?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"Pretty far." Adam mumbles.  
　  
"You fucked him; you fucked Tommy Joe, didn't you? Guess I was right about your taste then." Sutan looks a little shocked.  
　  
"It was only a few times, then we ended it." Adam sighs.  
　  
"It doesn't matter how many times it was, Adam. You cheated on Ben, the man you’re meant to be marrying." Sutan says, tone sharp.  
　  
"I know, I know it was wrong. I was going to tell Ben after we ended it. Tommy said not to, that it would mess everything up. He looked so afraid of Ben knowing, of being outed. And I was a coward and I agreed to not say anything." Adam groans.  
　  
"Do you love him?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"Of course I do. I never would have proposed if I didn't love Ben." He did when he asked and he still does, maybe not in the way he feels for Tommy. But a love like the one he has for Tommy will burn out sooner than later, leave the bitter taste of ashes and regret in his mouth. Ben will never hurt him or leave him; he won't have to be lonely.  
　  
"I meant Tommy, do you love Tommy?" Sutan asks softly.  
　  
Yes." Adam whispers, it’s the first time he's ever admitted that to anyone, he can't believe he has now.  
　  
"More than Ben?" Sutan presses.  
　  
"More than anyone." It feels like a weight has lifted off his shoulders, but his heart is still heavy. He's almost glad to be talking to someone about his, but at the same time he is so worried.  
　  
"Then why are you marrying Ben?" Sutan asks and it's a good question.  
　  
"I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm sick of dating. I want something long term, someone who will always be there. I love Ben as well and I can have the life I want with him. Tommy doesn't even want a relationship with me, he isn't an option." Adam explains honestly.  
　  
"How do you know he doesn't, did you talk about it?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"No, but he's not out Sutan. Not to his Mom, his sister, not any of his friends. I know, you know and the guy he's fucking knows." Adam sighs, he can't go back into the closet for anyone, he fought too hard to be accepted to hide away with someone.  
　  
"Tommy's in a relationship, with a guy?" Sutan looks stunned.  
　  
"He says it's not serious, friends with benefits." He feels bad telling Sutan Tommy's private business, but Sutan already saw and Adam is so tired of lying.  
　  
"But he's with a guy?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"Yes." Adam nods.  
　  
"So you weren't his experiment or the only man he wants; not an exception." Sutan says thoughtfully.  
　  
"Doesn't seem that way." Adam agrees. He stares at his hands for a long moment before looking up to meet Sutan's eyes.  
　  
"Do you hate me?" Adam asks, he needs to know, he loves Sutan like a brother, a less annoying, more fabulous brother than Neil was back when he was a kid and they bickered all the time. He loves Neil and they get along great now that Neil is less of a brat and no one is making them live in the same house. Some times with siblings, distance equals love.  
　  
"I don't hate you. I'm pissed as hell at you and to steal a parent’s line, I'm disappointed in you, Adam. You don't cheat, you hate people that do, how could you do this to Ben and Tommy?" Sutan looks like he can't even believe they are having this conversation and to be honest, Adam can't either. Nobody was ever supposed to know, he was meant to get married and be the best husband anyone had ever had. Maybe have some kids when the time was right, maybe adopt or use a surrogate. He wanted that kind of life; he couldn't have that with a man who didn't want the people closest to him, his best friends to know he liked men as well as women.  
　  
"I don't know, I don't know what I was thinking." Adam bursts out.  
　  
"Neither do I, but I can guess what you were thinking with." Sutan says, with the slightest of smirks curling his lips up at the corners.  
　  
"That was a factor. He's like my fantasy guy and I saw a chance to have a taste. I thought once would be enough, but it's never enough." He sips his wine, trying to get the taste of Tommy out of his mouth, even though he's starting to think he's just imaging it now; the taste washed away by now and he just can't forget it.  
　  
"Fuck, I never thought I'd be having a talk like this with you." Sutan sighs.  
　  
"Tell me what to do, how to make this right. How to not hurt people trying to get what I want." Adam begs; he is so confused.  
　  
"You need to talk to Ben, tell him what happened." Sutan tells him, voice firm, authoritative.  
　  
"I can't out Tommy, he'll never forgive me if I tell Ben and it gets out." Rumours spread fast, Ben would tell someone and then they would and it would go on and on till it ended up on TMZ or something like that.  
　  
"Then don't tell Ben who you cheated with, just that you did. If it's over and you’re sorry, tell if that." Sutan sighs.  
　  
"What do you mean 'if' it's over, of course it is." He ended it, in Tommy's bedroom of all places. Surrounded by Tommy's things; his taste, frat boy messy with more than a few rocker and horror touches. He doesn't know why he felt so comfortable in a place that was so the opposite of him, but then again maybe he does know. Tommy being there is what made Adam feel like he fit in.  
　  
"That kiss didn't look like over." Sutan shrugs.  
　  
"That was a one off. Just a kiss." He'd wanted to go down on his knees, taste Tommy, get his best friend’s dick in his mouth and let Tommy take the lead and fuck his face. He wants Tommy to kiss him like that again, but in the privacy of a bedroom and he wants to let Tommy take control. But the fact that he wants things from Tommy, that he still loves him, doesn't mean it isn't over.  
　  
"Then tell Ben there was someone else. Then you have two choices. You can ask Ben to stay, try and work your relationship out, or you can break up with him and see if you can make things work with Tommy. You have to choose. You have to talk to Ben." Sutan insists.  
　  
"I know, fuck. This will be so awful." Adam groans.  
　  
"It needs to be done, sooner rather than later. Hell, before it's too late. A divorce would be uglier than a break up, Adam." Sutan reaches out, takes his hand gently, he's glad that even though Sutan is mad that he doesn't hate Adam, he isn't walking away. He can't stand to lose people.  
　  
"You’re right, I know you’re right." He says, gripping a little harder onto Sutan's hand for support.  
　  
"I'm always right, baby." Sutan teased.  
　  
"I've really fucked up this time, haven't I?" He's going to lose Ben, may have already lost Tommy and it's all his own damn fault.  
　  
"Yes, but it might not be too late to fix it." Sutan says honestly, Adam wishes he had the other man’s outlook on this, because Adam was pretty sure that not only couldn't he fix his relationship, but things were only to get worse once he started talking.  
　  
Even though Sutan is mad at him, he stays the night, they don't say another word about Ben or Tommy and Sutan is gone in the morning long before Ben arrives. When Adam opens the door for him, he looks on the verge of tears and Adam ushers him into the living room, a hand light on the small of his back, his heart already breaking. He sits down next to Ben, taking hold of Ben's hand, trying to ignore the feeling of the ring on Ben's finger, the ring he bought for Ben, got down on one knee and asked Ben to wear it.  
　  
"What's wrong?" He doesn't think Ben has found out about him and Tommy. He knows the reaction to that would be anger, not tears.  
　  
"I had that meeting with my agent and some guy from a studio. They made it pretty clear I was only getting the part because of you. Because being with you ups my fan base and ratings because your fans support me because I'm with you. Basically said if I wasn't marrying you, I wouldn't get the job." Ben says, his cheeks flushing, like he's embarrassed and angry or maybe both.  
　  
"Are you okay?" It's a stupid thing to ask, but he doesn't know what to say.  
　  
"I was humiliated, so not really. I didn't think our relationship affected my career." Ben sighs, leaning in closer and on instinct Adam pulls him closer, trying to comfort Ben. He could never just sit there and do nothing when someone he cared about was hurting.  
　  
Ben starts to cry, apologizing the whole time, saying he's over tired and stressed, a little emotional. When Adam asks if there is anything he can do, Ben just asks him to hold him. They go to Adam's room and get in his bed, but nothing happens, nothing sexual. Adam just holds him, stroking his hair and talking soothing nonsense. He can't tell Ben he cheated, not right now. He can't be that cruel and one day, he thinks it won't make much of a difference to things.  
　  
TBC.....


	14. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourteenth part of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Who? for fanfic100 and #69 tease for lover100. Isaac wants to know who Tommy is sleeping with, Tommy wants to tease Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Author's Notes: Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. Tommy POV only this chapter.

Tommy POV  
　  
Isaac had begged him to come hang out at the house, seen as he hadn't seen Tommy a while, throwing out that Sophie would want to see him too. He feels guilty and he loves them, so he agrees. He ducks outside, saying he'll call the cab, but instead he calls Sam, wanting to let the other man know that he might not make it to his room tonight and if he does, it'll be late.  
　  
"Tommy, I didn't think I'd be hearing from you so soon." He likes the way Sam sounds so pleased to hear his voice, which makes Tommy feel a bit like a tease, seen as he isn't calling to say he's coming over.  
　  
"I'm going to go hang out with Isaac for a bit. I've not seen him much since the tour ended. But I might make it later?" He's not sure he'll be wanted later. Sam isn't really a morning person, but he doesn't stay up all night like Tommy does.  
　  
"If you want, give me a text when you’re done. If I'm up and you still want to come over, I'll send a car for you." Sam offers.  
　  
"Cool, I might be late, will that bother you?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"After that kiss you laid on me earlier I think I'll be up anyway." Sam chuckles.  
　  
"Dude, jokes about your hard on, really?" Tommy laughs.  
　  
"Really not joking, that kiss was a cruel tease, seen as I know you can back it up. Been thinking about you pinning me down on the bed ever since you kissed me. I had to jerk off in the shower, but it hardly even took the edge off." Sam says softly.  
　  
"Now who's teasing?" Tommy asks. Glad the street had been empty when he came out and keeping his voice down just in case.   
　  
"It's not teasing. I fully intend to follow this through. Next time I have you alone in my room, I'll let you do anything to me." Sam taunts.  
　  
"Anything, you’re taking a risk there man. What if I turn up and say I want to play chess?" Tommy teases.  
　  
"I'd say yes, as long as it's strip chess. I used to play with my grandfather. I'm pretty good." Sam laughs.  
　  
"If I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to get me naked." Tommy smirks.  
　  
"That's because I am. I normally do a good job of it. I can be very dedicated when I really want something." Sam sounds a little turned on and Tommy wonders if he's spread out on the big bed Tommy knows is in his room. Maybe naked, touching himself while he talks to Tommy.  
　  
"And you really want me, huh? What do you really want me to do to you, Sam?" Tommy asks. He'd been turned on when he kissed Sam earlier and then the whole thing with Adam, he can't help but still get worked up over him. And now he has Sam teasing him on the phone, he can't help but be turned on by it all, horny and guilty all at once. He can't remember when his life got this complicated.  
　  
"Fuck, anything, I just want to feel you against me, your skin. You’re so fucking hot, pale skin and all that ink. Have I mentioned how much I love your tattoos?" Sam groans.  
　  
"You might have mentioned it a few times. And there was that time you decided to trace them all with your tongue, might have given away the fact that you kind of liked them." Tommy shivers at the tease of the remembered feeling. He can remember Sam's mouth on him so well that it almost feels like Sam's right there with him, touching him again.  
　  
"Someone's feeling cocky. I like it, mmmm the things I'm gonna let you do when you get here." Sam purrs.  
　  
"If you fall asleep before I can come see you, I might cry or die of blue balls. Not sure which." Tommy jokes.  
　  
"I'll put the TV on, order some room service for dinner and lots of coffee. I don't feel like sleeping anyway." Sam says and he sounds happy, like Tommy makes him happy. He can't help but think of Adam's guilty face after Tommy kissed him.  
　  
"Do you have work in the morning?" Tommy asks, trying to focus on the here and now, not his past with Adam.  
　  
"No, I've got the day off, so you can spend the night if you want." Sam offers.  
　  
"You’re just hoping to get woken up with a blowjob." Tommy jokes.  
　  
"I wouldn't say no." Sam laughs.  
　  
"Dude, who are you talking to, because if that's the taxi firm, not sure we should get in a car with one of their drivers." Isaac says, his voice coming from right behind Tommy. He hadn't even heard Isaac come out the club. He turns to face him, not knowing what to say.  
　  
"I'll call you back." Tommy says softly into the phone.  
　  
"Is everything okay?" Sam asks, voice filled with concern.  
　  
"Yeah, it's fine. I just need to go. I'll see you later." He's not about to dump all his emotional baggage on a guy who he's only just met, it's not like they’re dating, they’re not a couple.  
　  
"Who were you on the phone with, Tommy?" Isaac asked.  
　  
"Um, just, no one?" Tommy says weakly.  
　  
"You offer no one a blowjob often? Come on dude, just tell me who?" Isaac doesn't look mad, but he doesn't look happy either and it makes Tommy's stomach knot up tight. He really wishes he'd had more to drink.  
　  
"Sam, I was on the phone with Sam." Tommy admits.  
　  
"Sam who? Not management guy Sam who we just talked to?" Isaac frowns.  
　  
"Yeah, that Sam." Tommy nods.  
　  
"How could you be that irresponsible? You met him like an hour go and you’re offering to blow him over the phone? You hardly even know who he is. I know you do stuff on stage to tease the fans, but this is real life, if you tease a guy you could get hurt, Tommy." Isaac looks practically panicked, but all Tommy can do is let out a sigh of relief. Isaac is mad because he thinks Tommy is experimenting, not being careful about it, not because he caught Tommy pretty much having phone sex.  
　  
"I met Sam before today, in a bar. I wasn't teasing him, Isaac. Not the way you think. I was flirting." Tommy admits.  
　  
"Sam's the person who you've been seeing all week?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"Yeah, but it's just casual." He hates that he's kept a secret from one of his best friends, that he's managed to hurt Isaac, someone he cares about like a brother.  
　  
"Does anyone else know?" Isaac isn't giving a lot away. Tommy hates not being able to read people and right now he can't get a read on Isaac at all.  
　  
"Adam found out today. He saw me kiss Sam goodbye." He'd teased Adam today, he doesn't think he flirted, but he's not sure. He'd been on edge from being around Sam and pretending not to know him, turned on from kissing him. He shouldn't have asked Adam questions about his sex life. Now all he can picture is Adam on his back, legs spread wide as he takes it. He'd had no idea that Adam occasionally liked to bottom. It had thrown him for a loop, made his blood surge with lust. He still can't believe he kissed Adam like that.  
　  
"Have you always been into men?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"No, maybe, it's something, a part of me I had a hard time accepting. I like girls and for me, girls were the easier option. I find women attractive, I like being with them. But yeah, men as well. I just didn't act on it for a long time." He's still having trouble with identifying as Bi; he hasn't even told his Mom yet. After years of insisting he was straight, when forced to pick a label, it's hard to change. Even though he's been with men now, it doesn't take away the old fears he had about being different. He's open in his views on gay rights, he's used to people calling him a fag. But it's different when it's strangers. Some guy in a bar calls him faggot because he wears eyeliner, doesn't really bother him anymore. But if someone he cared about, his friends or family called him queer like it was something dirty, he doesn't know what he would do. His family and friends have never seemed really homophobic to him, but he's heard the stories. Parents who were okay with gay people, maybe had gay friends, but when their son or daughter came out, they kicked them out. It's like some people are fine with people being gay until it's someone in their family.  
　  
"So is Sam the first?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"No." He can't tell Isaac about Adam, he's pretty sure telling Isaac that he's into guys and that he had an affair with Adam all in the same night might make Isaac's head exploded. Not to mention Isaac would be upset that Tommy had kept what was happening a secret and there is no way he'd approve. Isaac was happily married and faithful. Tommy had seen Isaac turn down a dozen or more pretty girls when they were on tour.  
　  
"Then who?" Isaac looks like he's trying to work something out, like how he missed Tommy being into guys.  
　  
"His name was Lee, it was a one-time thing." Tommy shrugs, choosing to leave out the fact that they fooled around in a back ally of a bar having just met.  
　  
"I don't get why you never told me. You know I don't have a problem with anyone being gay." Isaac sighs.  
　  
"I've not told my Mom or my sister. It seemed wrong to tell my friends before them and I just can't find the words. I went to see my Mom, Lisa, and the baby a bunch of times. I kept telling myself that each time would be the time I told them I was Bi, but I go to open my mouth and nothing comes out." He wants to tell them, but then he sees him Mom look at her first grandchild and his throat closes up. His Mom wants that from him, a baby that's half him and half some nice, pretty girl who has his ring on her finger. Even if his Mom can handle him being Bi, he doesn't think she'll ever stop wanting that for him. Wife, kids, a family home, the stereotype of what a perfect, normal family should be. She wants him to be happy, deep down he knows she just wants all her kids to be happy and safe, but maybe his idea of happiness and hers aren't quite the same.  
　  
"So is Sam okay with that? With no one knowing who he is to you?" Isaac asked.  
　  
"He's not my boyfriend. I wouldn't do that to someone; treat a relationship like a dirty little secret." Like his fling with Adam. He wouldn't even call it a relationship. Neither of them really even acknowledging the fact they had fucked once they weren't in Tommy's apartment anymore.  
　  
"So what you said before, in the club when I thought it was a girl you were seeing, that's all true?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"Yeah, it's casual, no commitments, nothing like that." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"I kind of didn't expect this. I always figured if you did swing that way, it'd be with Adam. Like back on the first tour, before Ben. Or is he not your type?" He's glad Isaac seems to be accepting the fact that he's Bi, but he really wishes he hadn't brought up Adam.  
　  
"We're friends." he forces out, trying to act casual.   
　  
"Yeah that makes sense, you wouldn't want to fuck a good friendship, even if there was attraction." Isaac smiles and Tommy wants to hit something, because their friendship is fucked up all ready. Years of onstage teasing and then the lines of friendship had been blurred and Tommy can't make sense of the new lines Adam has drawn.  
　  
"Um, do you still want to hang out?" Tommy asks, hoping his friendship with Isaac is still intact.  
　  
"Of course, but you need to call a cab instead of having phone sex." Isaac laughs.  
　  
They end up back at Isaac's; Sophie is still up and they share a bottle of wine. Isaac doesn't mention Sam once. He feels kind of bad, that Isaac feels like he has to keep a secret from his wife, something he knows Isaac never does. But Tommy doesn't feel ready to be out, not in the slightest. He hates that he's lying to people, keeping secrets and involving other people in it, but he doesn't know what to do. Could his family, friends, the fans all react like Isaac? With easy acceptance? Or would they all get mad because Tommy had kept that part of himself a secret for so long.  
　  
He calls Sam when he leaves Isaac, pleased to find him still awake and before he knows it, a car is pulling up to take him to Sam's hotel. When he gets to the room, he walks in to find Sam walking out of the shower in nothing but a towel. His hair is a little damp, but drying fast. He looks good; toned chest making Tommy feel a little self-aware, can't help thinking of his skinny chest compared to Sam's. But he knows he's being stupid. Sam loves his body, has made it perfectly clear how much he likes it over the past week.  
　  
"I'm glad you weren't teasing about coming here tonight." Sam smiles.  
　  
"I'm a man of my word. Um earlier, when I had to hang up on you, well Isaac came out." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"Did he hear you?" Sam asks.  
　  
"He heard enough to know I was talking to a guy. He asked me who I was talking to." Tommy admits.  
　  
"I don't mind if you told him, I'm out, it's not an issue for me." Sam shrugs.  
　  
"Okay, cool, just thought you should know." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Well, now that's out the way, you gonna stop teasing me, Tommy Joe?" Sam asks.  
　  
"Gladly." Having to tell Isaac who he was seeing, talking to Adam about it; it's been a long day. He's happy to just lose himself in something physical, no more thinking beyond what feels good and where.  
　  
He closes the gap between them, kissing Sam the same way he had outside the club. Sam moans into his mouth, pressing closer, nothing but towel covering and Tommy lets his hands wonder. They've been together enough times that Tommy knows what Sam likes, knows how to drive him crazy. He tugs open Sam's towel, pulls back and Sam whimpers until he realises Tommy is stripping out of his own clothes. Sam gets with the program, helping Tommy get his shit off as fast as he can. Tommy can't help but think about what Adam said, about sometimes wanting to be dominated. He wonders if Adam would submit to him as easily as Sam does or would he top from the bottom? He kisses Sam hard, wanting to blank out the conversation he had with Adam, the kiss they shared. Just because this is a casual thing doesn't mean it's right to think about Adam when he's with Sam like this.  
　  
He gets them to the bed, pins Sam beneath him and licks him open till Sam is begging for more, whimpering into the sheets because Tommy has him pinned on his stomach. He lubes up his fingers and starts slow, even though Sam is already loose. He wants to make Sam lose his mind, wants someone else to be the one to fall apart while he has control.   
　  
"Fucking tease." Sam pants out, turning his head to one side, trying to look back at Tommy who's kneeling between his spread legs.  
　  
"Who's a tease?" Tommy asks, pressing in two lube slicked fingers, right up to the hilt and Sam makes a choked off, moaning sound.  
　  
"Still you; you until you fuck me." Sam groans.  
　  
"A tease doesn't follow through, you know I will. You know I'll fuck you, you just don't know when." Tommy draws, slowly adding a third finger as he talks.  
　  
"Sill a God damn tease." Sam moans, thrusting back, fucking himself on Tommy's fingers.  
　  
"Who me?" Tommy doesn't think he can really pull off innocent when he's naked, hard, between another guys legs, fingering the guy open, but it's worth a shot.  
　  
"Please, Tommy." Sam whimpers.  
　  
"Please Tommy what?" Tommy goads.  
　  
"Please Tommy, fuck me, you fucking tease." Sam moans.

"Close enough." Tommy laughs, he grabs a condom and rolls it on. He doesn't tease this time, just pushes in on one firm thrust, till he's balls deep in tight heat. He doesn't think he could ever get sick of this feeling.  
　  
"Oh God, fuck, feels so damn good. No more teasing, please Tommy, fuck me." Sam babbles and Tommy loves how vocal Sam is in bed, dirty talk and begging is hot and it helps him stay in the moment, focusing on the lover he is with, not the one he once had. Adam doesn't have a place in his bed anymore; they’re over, the kiss meant nothing. It might not be love between him and Sam, but what he has, it's real. Sam isn't on loan from someone else. When Sam is in bed with him, he's Tommy's, no one else's.  
　  
He gives Sam the hard and fast thrusts that he is begging for, snapping his hips forward to nail his prostate. Sam gets so loud, Tommy thinks the people next door are bound to be able to hear him, but he doesn't care if Sam's okay with it. He figures Sam must be because he doesn't make any attempted to muffle the moans and filth coming out of his mouth.  
　  
"So fucking hot, please, just a little more. I'm so close, gonna come on your fucking cock, Tommy." Sam groans so Tommy holds his waist tight, fucks into him harder, faster, doesn't touch his dick, but does get a hand on Sam's nipples, rubbing his fingers over them, pinching them hard enough to cause pain, but he knows Sam loves it. Sam proves how much he loves it when Tommy times a hard thrust with a sharp pinch to Sam's nipples and Sam's orgasm hits. He practically screams before going boneless. Tommy speeds up a little more, till his own orgasm hits.  
　  
He cleans up and gets rid of the condom after. Watching Sam smile blissfully in the bed. He looks like what he is, a man that god fucked hard and loved every minute of it. His face is flushed still, his hair is a mess, and he looks kind of gorgeous like that. Tommy can't help but feel a little smug over the fact that he just made this man come on his cock. He hadn't even touched Sam's dick during the foreplay, too busy teasing his ass with tongue and fingers.  
　  
"Can you stay the night?" Sam asks, stretching lazily. A no pressure offer he has made before. Tommy thinks of his apartment, empty, no one waiting for him to come home, not even a dog or a cat. The only thing waiting being the new bottle of whiskey he bought when he went shopping in the week. If he goes home, he'll have nothing but the bottle for company.  
　  
"Yeah, I can wake you up with that blowjob." Tommy smiles, going back to the bed. They might not have everything he craves, but at least if he stays the night with Sam he won't be alone, won't end up getting drunk and thinking about Adam, wallowing in the past, in what ifs.  
　  
"Mmm, sounds good to me." Sam smiles, cuddling close; a warm body is so much better than an empty bed.  
　  
He's comfortable, he just had great sex. Earlier he told Isaac who he was sleeping with and he didn't lose his friend. It's been a good night, he should be happy. But for some reason he can't sleep, lying awake long after Sam falls asleep snuggled into his side. He can't forget the desire he felt when he kissed Adam, it's like anything else he has ever felt. But Adam isn't his, not when it comes to this. He's Ben's and Tommy can just imagine Ben as he probably is right now, wrapped up in his lover’s arms. Tommy feels almost cheated because he didn't get to have that part of Adam during their fling. He didn't get to just lay in his arms after. Adam was always hurrying out the door, leaving him. Tommy has a feeling Adam stole parts of his heart when he walked away and Tommy doesn't know how to get them back.  
　  
TBC...


	15. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Fifthteen of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt sight for fanfic100 and # 23 Masturbation for lover100. Adam can't get the sight of another man with Tommy out of his head and decides to talk to Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. Adam only this chapter.

Adam POV  
　  
He can't get the sight of Tommy with another man out of his head. He wakes up hard but pissed off from dreaming about Tommy and Sam kissing, with what he thought might happen next time Tommy and Sam were truly alone. The idea of Tommy Doming some hot guy was a turn on. The fact he was with another guy made him jealous and pissy though. So he heads for the shower, planning on turning the cold water on and trying to get his dream to leave his thoughts, to get rid of his hard on.  
　  
He is determined not to masturbate. He will not jerk of to thoughts of Tommy and Sam together, it's just creepy. Creepy but hot, he can't help gripping his dick tightly in his hand as he steps into the shower. He tries to occupy his mind with the task of getting clean, washing his hair, but he fails miserably. It's like he can't keep his mind off of Tommy. To begin with, he keeps seeing Tommy holding Sam down, thrusting into his willing body. But then his brain throws up the helpful image of him in Sam's place, taking everything Tommy has to give. He groans, biting the inside of his cheek to muffle the noise. Adam doesn't mean to, but his hand seems to have a life of it's own, sliding down his stomach and taking hold of his cock again. He's been hard since he woke up and it hasn't gone away in the slightest.  
　  
Adam pictures Tommy on his knees in front of him, his pretty mouth always a sight to see, his eyes dark with lust as he bobs his head up and down, taking in more and more of Adam with each slide. He's never had Tommy in the shower with him, but he can imagine what it would look like, a sight he would never forget. Tommy naked, wet and hard, down on his knees for Adam. He gives up on the idea of not jerking off and speeds up his hand, the mental image of Tommy all too real. He would fuck Tommy's mouth until he came and then he would stumble out of the shower, make a half assed attempted to dry himself and Tommy off before getting into bed and letting Tommy fuck him till he couldn't even remember his own name. His hands slides over his dick easily in the water. It feels so good, and he's so close from the mixture of his dream, his fantasy and his own touch. His legs are shacking as he works his slightly soapy hand over his cock, eyes fluttering shut as he gets closer to the edge.  
　  
He doesn't need sight to get off though, not with the images that are playing through his head of all the things he would like to do to Tommy, would like Tommy to do to him. He comes with a startled cry and narrowly avoids calling out Tommy's name by damn near biting through his lip. He leans against the cool tile that makes up the shower wall, slightly out of breath, his hand moving lazily to work the last drops of pleasure from his body. Adam doesn't stop until it becomes almost painful, then he blinks open his eyes and automatically starts cleaning away every trace of his come. It's not till he has finished that it hits him what he has done. He's jerked off in his bathroom alone, thinking about an ex-lover, a friend, while the man he's meant to be marrying slept in the other room.   
　  
He knows people fantasize during masturbation, but this feels different, if feels wrong. He turns off the water and gets out of the shower, drying himself off a little and wrapping a towel around his waist. He knows it isn't wrong to jerk off when you have morning wood, instead of waking up your partner, but that isn't the issue.   
　  
He can't get the sight of Tommy out of his head. He dreams about Tommy. He jerks off thinking about Tommy, but he's marrying Ben. Even though Ben was upset last night, he wasn't on Adam's mind enough for him to dream about him. He wasn't Adam's first thought when he woke up, and if he's honest, this morning is far from the first time he has jerked off to the thought of Tommy. It started long before he ever slept with Tommy, before Adam had met Ben, before Tommy had been an option. He'd had nothing but his own hand for so long before Ben came along, he'd been too wrapped up on his crush, on what he thought to be a straight man at the time, to do anything about it.   
　  
He isn't over Tommy. He keeps telling himself he'll get over him, but Adam's starting to think he'll never get over Tommy. Every time he sees Tommy with a man or a woman, he won't be able to get the sight of Tommy and the other person out of his head. Adam will be haunted by the sight because he is jealous and always will be.  
　  
The revelation is like a slap in the face. He's not only cheated on Ben, he's fallen in love with another man. Adam has been sure for a while now that he loves Tommy more than Ben, but it hasn't really hit him before. Who would have thought jerking off in the shower would make him think? His love for Tommy isn't going away. Maybe it won't ever go away. It could stay and be a part of him forever. Marrying Ben won't be fair on either of them. He can't love Ben fully while he loves Tommy so completely. Sutan had said he needed to talk to Ben and Adam had let himself be distracted by Ben's bad day, but what he's doing isn't helping Ben or anyone else for that matter. He needs to talk to Ben for real this time.  
　  
Ben deserves the truth. Adam still doesn't believe it is his place to out Tommy, so he'll tell Ben he had an affair, explain that he loves the man he slept with. He will apologize, although he doesn't expect forgiveness. If he was in Ben's shoes, he wouldn't forgive a fiancée that cheated on him easily. He'll leave Ben, face telling his family, friends, fans, the world that another of his relationships has failed and it's his fault, all his fault. God, he things it might destroy him to have to tell his mother that things are over with Ben because Adam had an affair. But it's something he has to do. He's fucked Ben over. The least he can do is have the decency to let people know he is to blame. And then, when things have settled, he'll go to Tommy and beg forgiveness, beg for a second chance he knows he doesn't deserve, but that he wants desperately.   
　  
The door to the bathroom opens and he jumps guiltily. He tries to hide how flustered he is, but from the look on Ben's face maybe he hasn't done a good job.  
　  
"It smells like spunk in here, did you jerk off?" Ben asks, walking over to where Adam is stood at the sink.  
　  
The scent of spunk is in the air still, trapped in the hot mist from where he had the shower on. He nods. There isn't any point lying. He doesn't know what to say. The very sight of Ben has him off balance.   
　  
"If you were horny, you could have woken me up, you didn't need to sneak off to the shower and take care of it yourself." Ben smiles. He reaches out to touch Adam, but Adam steps back. He's not sure he can do this if Ben touches him.   
　  
"Can we talk?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Okay, about what?" Ben frowns, looking worried.  
　  
"Not here." He isn't having this talk in the bathroom, he can't. He goes back into the bedroom and Ben follows him. They sit on the bed, but then Adam decides he doesn't want to be naked for this conversation. He's not stalling, but he doesn't want to feel vulnerable right now. Once he's dressed, he sits back down near Ben, but he's careful not to touch him. He feels like it would be wrong to touch Ben with the hands he just used to masturbate over the sight of another man and not a fantasy man, his ex-lover.  
　  
"I don't know where to begin." Adam admits.  
　  
"Anywhere, just tell me. The look on your face... I'm getting worried, Adam." Ben sighs.  
　  
"Fuck, I, I had an affair, Ben." Adam blurts out.  
　  
"What? When?" Ben asks, going pale.  
　  
"After we got engaged. I told myself it was just a fling, cold feet about getting married. But it wasn't that at all. I love him." His throat feels like it's trying to close up, but he knows this is the right thing to do and it's been such a long time since he has felt like what he is doing is remotely right.  
　  
"Did you ever love me? If you're in love with someone else, did you ever love me?" Ben asks.  
　  
"Of course I love you. When I asked you to marry me, I meant it, Ben. I thought I had a crush on someone I'd never be with. I didn't think it would ever cause problems for us." He had meant every word of his proposal. When he'd put a ring on Ben's finger, he'd been planning on forever.  
　  
"Are you still sleeping with them?" Ben looks shell shocked, wide eyed and pale skin. Adam hates that he's the one who put that look on Ben's face, but he thinks it has to be better that Ben finds out now. It would be so much worse if it happened after they got married, he's sure of that.  
　  
"No, I ended it." Ended it and they still ended up kissing. The sight of him still caused butterflies in Adam's stomach.   
　  
"I can't talk about this right now." Ben tells him, stumbling to his feet.   
　  
Adam can't think of a single thing to make him stay. He stands up, like he's about to go after Ben, but he freezes. Ben needs space. Adam can't wave a magic wand and make the hurt he has caused go away. He sits back down on his bed, trying to think about what he should do. He thinks about calling Tommy, but it seems cheap, tacky to call so soon after breaking the news of his affair to Ben. Besides, the sight of Tommy with Sam isn't the only thing that has been haunting him. The fact that they are together now; if he called Tommy's house right now, would anyone even be in? If he called his cell, would Sam answer or maybe Tommy would and he'd hear Sam in the background, calling Tommy back to bed. It doesn't seem like a smart idea. If he can't stand the sight of them kissing, how will he ever cope with truly knowing that they are sleeping together? There's knowing and then there's seeing or hearing.  
　  
Sure Adam can conjure up the sight of Tommy and Sam together, but the images he jerked off to might not be anywhere near the truth. He has no idea how things are between Sam and Tommy. He can only guess and the only thing he is sure of is that Tommy is happy with Sam, but he's still not out to anyone as far as Adam knows.  
　  
He can't sit still waiting for Ben to come back. He wishes Ben hadn't walked off, that he'd yelled, screamed, maybe even hit Adam. He knows that he fucked up and maybe he should be punished. If Ben hit him, Adam wouldn't try and stop him or hit him back. He wonders if it would make him feel better, less guilty. But then maybe that's his punishment for being the kind of guy who was masturbating to thoughts of an ex-lover while his current lover laid sleeping in his bed. If Ben hit him, yelled, got in his faced and screamed, he might feel better about the shit he's pulled, so maybe it hasn't happened because he doesn't deserve to feel better.  
　  
He considers calling Sutan, to tell his friend he's finally come clean to Ben. But Sutan will ask how Ben reacted. Adam isn't ready to talk about the sight of Ben all but running away from him. He's not sure he's done the right thing. He doesn't feel better. Ever since the realization hit him, triggered by masturbating of all things, that this thing with Tommy runs even deeper than he had admitted to Sutan, he's not felt right. He thought telling Ben would change things, but he still feels like an asshole, that hasn't gone away just because he's confessed. Tommy is still in some other guy's bed because Adam walked over every line there was between them, screwed everything up, probably fucked up any chance he may have ever had with Tommy. But he didn't tell Ben about the affair because he hoped to get back together with Tommy, no. That was about the disgust he was starting to feel with himself. After his talk with Sutan, he'd agreed to talk to Ben, but he'd let Ben's work issues side track him. And now, he'd gone and blurted it out because he felt guilty for jerking off, like that's the worst thing he's ever done, done to Ben.  
　  
When Ben comes walking back into his room not even an hour later, Adam freezes guiltily, like he's been caught jerking off again, when all he'd been doing was sitting there, staring at the wall and trying to make sense of how his life had ended up this messy. Ben looks sad, solemn in a way Adam isn't used to him being.   
　  
"Can we talk? Downstairs?" Ben asks, his voice sounds a little off, like maybe he's been crying. If he has, he's managed to fix his face to hide any signs of it.  
　  
He leaves his bedroom, feeling so unsure. He's expected this to go badly, but he's not sure what he thought would happen if he told Ben about his affair. He's spent so long trying to convince himself that Ben would be better off not knowing, that he's not really sure what he thought would happen. Really he hadn't been thinking, not about the aftermath. He'd dreamed about Tommy, jerked off to thoughts of him. He'd finally realized lying to Ben wasn't going to help anyone. He wanted to avoid hurting Ben, but lying wasn't the way to do that. So he'd planned to tell Ben and he had told him, but now? He didn't know what happened now.  
　  
They go to the kitchen table, and sit on opposite ends of the table. He doesn't think he's ever felt so tense around Ben before, not even when he was having an affair, which he is aware is more than a little fucked up. He doesn't know what to do or say, if there even is anything he can say that will make this situation any better.   
　  
"I'm sorry." Adam croaks out, even though he knows it's stupid, pointless. If someone cheated on him, a simple I'm sorry wouldn't make him feel better. It's just words and no matter how much he means them, it doesn't take away from what he did. He's sorry he cheated, but that doesn't change the fact that he cheated.  
　  
"Are you?" Ben asks.  
　  
"Yes." Adam nods.  
　  
"So you regret sleeping with this other guy, who you love more than me?" Ben sounds pissed. Adam doesn't blame him. He's earned Ben's anger.  
　  
"I regret that I cheated on you, that I slept with someone while I was with you." Adam says slowly.  
　  
"But you love him? You're sorry but you don't regret it. Adam, you asked me to marry you. I told my family, my friends, so did you and we told the fucking world. And now what? You're going to humiliate us both by leaving me?" Ben spits out.  
　  
"I'm not leaving you for him." Adam argues and it's true because he doesn't even know if he could still have Tommy. He's dating Sam now, he's moved on. And Adam doesn't even know if Tommy ever wanted to be with him beyond the sex. "But can you honestly say you want to be with me after what I did?" Adam asks. He does still love Ben, just not the way he should love the man he's going to marry.  
　  
"No, I don't want to be with a man who cheated on me. But I don't want to be humiliated or for anyone to know." Ben sighs.  
　  
"I don't understand." He hadn't seen things going this way.  
　  
"I want us to stay together, well pretend to. Publicly we'll be together, No one will have to know. I mean, if this comes out Adam, it'll ruin both our images. I get dumped, my career will be fucked. I'll be humiliated and it won't do you any good, you'll lose fans. So we stay together." Ben doesn't look happy, he looks devastated. This is Adam's fault. He wants to help Ben, make it better in any way he can, but he doesn't know if he can do this.  
　  
"Ben, that's crazy." Adam points out.  
　  
"No, it's not. I gave you everything. I love you and you've fucked me over. You owe me this, being with you has improved my career; being dumped for whatever twink you've been screwing behind my back, will ruin me. You can't do that to me, Adam, please. Just for a while, till this T.V show thing goes through and after the gay rights concert. They asked me to do a video. It'll be great exposure for me. I know this seems shallow, but I love being an actor. I like being famous. It's all I have now that I don't really have you." Ben starts crying and the sight just about breaks Adam's heart.  
　  
"Okay, okay. We can pretend, for however long you need. When it's time to end it, we'll do it however you want, do it whatever way you think won't hurt your career." He cheated on Ben, he owes him this much.  
　  
"I still want to get married. I want our friends to think everything is okay and our families. Then when you're touring and I'm working more, we'll just say we don't get to be with each other enough. Blame our jobs, then no one has to be the bad guy." Ben says in a rush.  
　  
"You want to get married still, lie to all of our friends?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Don't act like you're above lying to people, Adam," Ben snaps.  
　  
"I deserve that. But marriage is such a big step, Ben. It doesn't feel right." They've only just won the right to get married. It feels wrong to get married for anything but the right reasons. But then, people have been getting married for all kinds of reasons for years, reasons other than love and commitment, the things he had thought he wanted from Ben.  
　  
"You just don't want to lose whoever this man is. You want to be able to just walk away from me and into his arms. God, I can't believe this, Adam. I thought you were the one, that I could trust you. I feel so confused and all I can think about is how breaking up with you could ruin one of the only good parts in my life right now. My job makes sense to me, it's something I've always wanted and loved. I don't want to lose that, be the old news, second rate actor who got dumped." Ben shakes his head.  
　  
He wants to say that their private lives won't affect their jobs, but he knows that's not true. He's seen the way celebrity couples are treated in the media time and time again. Has seen the positives, when a couple gets good coverage, both being promoted and how one member of the couples success can help the other's. And he's seen break ups, seen actors, singers, famous people whose relationships have harmed them. From the media not liking who they are with, to cheats like Adam being crucified.   
　  
"If you told them I cheated, it might only affect me." He won't ever do anything as under hand as blaming Ben for the fact that their relationship had ended.  
　  
"Adam, you cannot be that naive. If people find out you cheated on me, they'll all have theories. People will say I wasn't enough for you, that I drove you to it. My Dad had a mistress for years and my Mother always blamed herself for the fact he 'needed' one, like she wasn't enough." Ben sighs, wiping at the tear tracks on his cheeks.   
　  
"You never told me that." Adam says softly. He doesn't want people to blame Ben for the fact that Adam cheated. He doesn't want Ben to think it's his fault.  
　  
"Well I guess there's a lot we don't know about each other." Ben sighs.   
　  
"I don't know how to make this right, how to make up for what I did. I know I've fucked up, been selfish and just fuck. Tell me what to do to make things better. Just because I love him, I shouldn't have done what I did." He's fucked up everything. He's hurt Ben. He's pretty sure he hurt Tommy as well. He doesn't know how to make it all right.  
　  
"Stay with me, act like nothing is wrong. Marry me and don't tell anyone its all a sham. Then we'll get divorced, the attention from that will boost my career as well. God, I sound so trashy and cheap, like all I'm worried about it fame and money. I just don't want to lose everything." Ben looks so defeated, not at all like the happy bubbly man he normally is and Adam hates that he is the cause of this.  
　  
"Okay, I'll do it. We'll get married, file for divorce while I'm on the next tour, anything you want." Adam agrees.  
　  
"I don't care if you're still seeing your twink. I don't want to know who he is, but I don't care." Ben sounds like he does care, but Adam isn't about to call him out for lying. It's not like he's been the most honest guy lately.   
　  
"I'm not seeing him." Which is true. He's in love with Tommy, but they're not dating and apart from that one kiss they shared after he saw Tommy with Sam, a sight he won't soon forget, might jerk off to forever, but won't forget, he hasn't touched Tommy in forever.  
　  
"Well I don't care if you do, just don't get caught. That would be humiliating, but I have no intention of sleeping with you, so do what you want. There's something else I want." Ben sighs, he looks drained, tired. Adam doesn't know how things have got so messed up. They were happy together once, he doesn't quite get how they ended up here, neither of them happy, but he knows it's his fault.  
　  
"Anything." He's hurt Ben enough that he thinks Ben has the right to ask for whatever he wants.  
　  
"Don't tell him, the guy you were seeing. Don't tell him we're not really together anymore. I don't want him to ask to be really with you. I don't want things to end up more fucked up than they are already, so promise not to tell him," Ben says firmly.  
　  
He doesn't know how to react to that. He's been hiding an affair and now he's told Ben. But he's agreed to lie to everyone, friends and family, about the fact he's with Ben. He's agreed to go through with a sham marriage. What's one more lie? But it's Tommy, and he wants to finally tell Tommy how he really feels, that it wasn't ever just a fling to him. But Ben is his fiancé, the man he cheated on. He owes Ben more, has to make it up to Ben. He shouldn't be thinking of his own happiness with Tommy while Ben is sitting opposite of him, face tear stained and heart broken. He's broken Ben's heart. It seems only fair that he gives Ben whatever he wants.  
　  
"I won't tell him," Adam agrees, even though the words feel wrong in his mouth. Faced with the sight of Ben looking so broken, he can't do anything but agree.  
　  
He knows how to put on a show and Ben is an actor. They can pretended to be the perfect, happy couple for a while, however long it takes. Adam tries to swallow down the feeling that after he gets done playing pretend with Ben, it'll be too late for him and Tommy. Because Tommy is already moving on and Adam hasn't given him a single reason not to. He's already lost Tommy, he can at least do right by Ben.  
　  
TBC......   
　


	16. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part sixteen of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Breakfast for Fanfic100 and Hair pulling for Kinkbingo. Breakfast with his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

Tommy POV

Tommy is as far away from a morning person as it can get, but now that Sam knows he's going to be in town a little longer, he's rented himself an apartment, sick of living in a hotel already. And now that he has an apartment, he has a kitchen and he wants to cook them breakfast. Tommy's not the kind of guy who's about to turn down someone offering to cook for him, but he really doesn't understand why it has to be breakfast and in the morning. He shuffles out of Sam's bedroom when he smells the coffee. He really needs coffee right now. He wonders into the kitchen, doesn't look around, just heads straight for the coffee pot. He doesn't make it. An arm goes around his waist, pulling him against a hard body. A hand fists in his hair, using the grip to pull his head back. In the second before he sees Sam's face, leaning in for a kiss, his mind flashes to Adam, to all the times he pulled Tommy's hair, how it made him feel.  
　  
He bends back to make it easier for Sam to kiss him, but he can't help but realize he hasn't gone all pliant the way he always had when Adam pulled his hair. He's never faked his reaction to Adam on stage. The second Adam pulls his hair, Tommy's brain seems to switch into sub mode and all he wants to do is submit to Adam. He tells himself he doesn't feel that way when Sam pulls his hair because Tommy has always topped in their relationship, but he's not so sure that he's being truthful with himself. He doesn't react the way he does to Adam because Adam's a top, he reacts that way because it's Adam. Tommy doesn't want to be thinking these things, so he tries to focus on the kiss, on Sam, getting as lost in it as he can. Tommy can't seem to make Adam leave his thought completely though, not now, when he's kissing another man, not ever. It's like Adam has taken up camp in his brain and refuses to leave. He doesn't want to feel this way forever.  
　  
Sam ends the kiss, pulling back and letting go of Tommy's hair. He's smiling, so clearly he didn't notice that Tommy wasn't completely with him during their kiss, his mind somewhere else. He feels so guilty, but it's not like he can control his thoughts, but Sam deserves better. They’re not boyfriends, but still it's fucking rude to think about one person when you’re with another.  
　  
"You can get your coffee now. I just wanted a good morning kiss." Sam smiles, ruffling Tommy's hair a little and Tommy aches for bigger hands, pulling not stroking, almost too rough not gentle.  
　  
"Yeah, coffee," Tommy agrees. Clearly he's caffeine deprived, that must be his problem, must be why he can't control his own damn thoughts. He doesn't know what's wrong with him, why he can't shake these feelings he has for Adam.   
　  
"I thought you'd be more interested in breakfast, you eat more than any skinny person ever should." Sam laughs.  
　  
"I like breakfast. I just normally eat it at like noon." Tommy shrugs, pouring himself some freshly brewed coffee; black, but with a ton of sugar.   
　  
"That's lunch time, not breakfast," Sam says, going over to a pan to do something to it. Tommy's not really sure what. He's not exactly handy in the kitchen.   
　  
"It's breakfast if you get out of bed at noon," Tommy points out, sitting down at the kitchen table. Sam's apartment is bigger than his, nicer. Tommy might be doing well for himself, but Sam is doing better. They never meet at Tommy's place, even though they could be alone there. Sam hasn't asked and Tommy hasn't invited him. When they were using the hotel room to meet, he'd told himself it was because of the perks, like room service. Now they go to Sam's place because it's big and doesn't ever have the risk of a photographer lurking around outside. He can't tell Sam that they can't go to Tommy's apartment because he doesn't want to fuck Sam in the bed where Adam had fucked Tommy. Sam doesn't even know about Adam and Tommy has no plan to tell him either. If Sam ever asks to come see Tommy at his place, he'll just have to make up some excuse. What's another lie on top of all the others?  
　  
No one has ever cooked him breakfast, not someone who wasn't family anyway. His Mom would still make him breakfast now, but he doesn't like to hassle her and is hardly ever up at breakfast time, which makes the point mute. But he's never had a girlfriend do it or a hook up. It seems weirdly domestic to be sitting in Sam's kitchen while Sam cooks, asking question to keep him focused on anything but Adam, which only works a little. Talking does help him not fall asleep though, so that's something. He's not sure how to feel about the domestic feeling. They’re not boyfriends, they’re friends now, friends who fuck. It's not like he wants Sam to treat him like shit when they're not in bed together, but he's just not sure about this at all. The only guy other than Sam that he's hooked up with more than once was Adam. Things with Adam had been intense, but he never stayed. He fucked Tommy and left. He'd felt used. He's sure Adam didn't want to make him feel that way, but he does. Sam's never made him feel like that. Sam cuddles up with him after. Sam cooks him breakfast. Adam never did that, not for him at least, maybe he saved that treatment for Ben, the man he's going to marry.  
　  
"Here." Sam sets a plate of delicious smelling fried food down in front of him and then he ruffles Tommy's hair. Once again he can't help but think of bigger, rougher hands, hands that pull, not pet.   
　  
"Thank you," Tommy says softly. He feels so guilty, but it's not like he can ask Sam to stop touching his hair, not without having to answer some questions that he's not ready to share with Sam, may never be ready to tell Sam.  
　  
　  
"No problem, it was worth it just to see you in the morning. You’re kind of cute when you’re annoyed and sleepy." Sam smiles, sitting down opposite Tommy.   
　  
"Sleepy yes, cute no," Tommy insists. They both start eating and talking and it feels nice. Maybe he should be happy about that instead of pointlessly yearning for something he can't have. Maybe the intensity of his and Adam's brief relationship couldn't work in the long run. Fiery passion is all well and good, but the flames have to die out sooner or later and then what are you left with? Nothing but ash and resentment, he doesn't ever want to end up hating someone he loved.  
　  
"So is the breakfast worth getting up early for?" Sam asks.  
　  
"Maybe," Tommy teases, popping the last bite of toast into his mouth.  
　  
"Only maybe? See if I ever cook you breakfast again." Sam smirks and Tommy can tell he's joking. He can read Sam pretty well, most of the time.  
　  
"It was good, really good, but maybe we could make it more of a brunch next time? Spend the morning sleeping. I can think of a few fun things to do in bed instead of getting up for breakfast." Tommy smiles, hiding behind his hair a little. He's not shy, not really, but he's not all that used to flirting with men openly.   
　  
"What kind of things?" Sam asks.  
　  
"I'm sure you can guess," Tommy says casually, picking up his and Sam's now empty breakfast plates.  
　  
"I can do those," Sam tells him.  
　  
"You cooked breakfast for me, least I can do is clean up the plates." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
Tommy washes up the breakfast dishes, and he chats to Sam as he does. He's dated people and spent less time with them than he has Sam. He thinks maybe it's a little fucked up that his best relationship isn't really a relationship, but some casual thing. Cleaning up the dishes isn't enough to stop him feeling guilty. Even though Sam isn't his boyfriend, doesn't have a claim on him, he still feels bad for thinking about another man when he's with Sam. It doesn't seem right to be thinking about Adam while Sam is cooking him breakfast and while sitting there and eating it with him. He doesn't want to feel guilty, he doesn't want to think.  
　  
He walks over to where Sam is still sitting at the table. He tries to pull the chair back a little and when Sam notices, he pulls back his chair for Tommy. He moves to get in front of Sam and then gets on his knees. He's warm, almost content from the breakfast he just ate and the company that came with it. But there is also a dark guilty feeling starting to build cold and icy in his stomach and he wants to stop it from spreading. Even though Sam will never know Tommy had been thinking about someone else through breakfast, he still feels guilty. He's pretty sure that the saying of what you don't know can't hurt you is utter bullshit.  
　  
Tommy shoulders his way between Sam's legs, getting in close and pulling Sam's cock out of his cotton sleep pants. Sam's already half hard and Tommy thinks maybe Sam has been turned on ever since Tommy had taunted him about what they might have been doing in bed, instead of getting up to have breakfast. He wraps one hand around the base of Sam's cock and then doesn't hesitate, sucking first just the head into his mouth before taking more, sucking hard, running his tongue over the underside, flicking his tongue over the sensitive spot right under the head.   
　  
"Shit Tommy, your fucking mouth," Sam groans. Tommy glances up and sees the lust blown eyes, flushed cheeks. He looks totally blissed out. And it makes some of the cold in him disappear. He knows it might only last a little while, but even moments where he feels like his world isn't breaking apart are better than nothing.   
　  
Sam's hand comes to rest lightly on Tommy's head, cupping his skull, fingers threading through Tommy's hair. It makes him moan around Sam's length. But Sam doesn't pull his hair and Tommy doesn't know how he can get Sam to pull his hair. He doesn't think he can make himself ask Sam for that, too afraid what Sam will read into Tommy getting off so hard on something the world has seen Adam do to him, over and over on stages all around the world. He tries asking for it without words. He sinks down, taking as much of Sam's cock as he can and then he goes still, resting his hands flat on Sam's thighs.  
　  
"Tommy?" The question is clear in Sam's voice. Tommy looks in Sam's eyes, willing Sam to get it, to understand what Tommy wants.   
　  
Sam's hips roll slightly, the hand in his hair tightening. Tommy moans, yes, this is so close to what he wants. Sam starts out gently thrusting into Tommy's mouth, while Tommy just opens wider and takes it. The hand in his hair holding him in place, but not quiet pulling, it's almost what he's craving, but makes it almost more frustrating. He wants Sam to be rough, to really fuck his face, to pull his hair so tight that Tommy has to follow wherever he's pulling or risk losing a few hairs. He wants to feel the tingle he gets in his spine when Adam yanks on his hair. He wants to feel like if he wasn't already kneeling on the floor already his knees would go weak, fighting not to fall.  
　  
He's hard in his jeans, but he doesn't touch himself. He wants something more than he's getting. Desperate, pride forgotten, he grabs Sam's hand in his hair and pulls on Sam's hand, making Sam tug on his hair. Sam doesn't say anything, but when Tommy lets go of his hand. Sam pulls his hair again, without Tommy leading things this time. It's hard enough to make his scalp sting and if Sam's cock wasn't stretching his mouth wide he would be letting out a blissed out sigh. Instead he just groans around Sam's cock. And Sam seems to like that. He fucks up harder into Tommy's mouth and Tommy tries to make it good, sucking Sam's hard as he can. It's getting sloppy, spit running down his chin. It feels good, feels even better whenever Sam pulls his hair. Sometimes he just tugs on it and others times he uses the grip on Tommy's hair to change the angle or control how much of Sam he's taking. It's beyond hot. He doesn't care that his knees are hurting from kneeling on the hard tile floor or that his jaw aches and his lips sting, it's all worth it, worth feeling this way, pleasure pain with every pull. He can't wait. He pulls his own cock out of his sleep pants, jerking himself off, even as he sucks Sam hard, his throat swallowing around Sam.  
　  
"Tommy, I'm close, so close. I'm going to come," Sam gasps out, both of his hands tugging Tommy's hair down. Tommy works his hand faster on his cock, wanting to finish with Sam. And then Sam is coming and he pulls almost too hard on Tommy's hair as his orgasm rushes through him and the sharp pull on his hair, hurts, but it's a good kind of hurt and his balls draw up and before he knows it, he is coming all over the floor and his hand, while Sam comes into his mouth. Tommy swallows, the same way he always does when he's with Sam, but some spills down his chin when he doesn't act fast enough, too caught up in his own orgasm not to make a mess.  
　  
He pulls back, but doesn't stand up yet, he feels breathless. This was good, it was hot and he got off, but it still feels like there is something missing and he wants to smash his head into the floor, to make his brain stop. It's like his thoughts never slow down. He has no control over the way he thinks or feels. He wants to be happy like this, but his stupid heart seems to have other ideas, ones that do not involve Sam, even though he's kneeling on the floor right in front of Sam, both of their spent cocks still hanging out, no one hurrying to clean up or cover up. Being around Sam is comfortable, but his heart doesn't race. Sam's a good man, a great lover, but his heart is set on someone else.  
　  
"Mmmm, if that's how you react to me cooking you breakfast, I'll do it every morning." Sam smiles, lazy and sated, clearly very satisfied, so at least Tommy's getting that part right.  
　  
"I'd blow you if you let me lay in and cooked me lunch instead of breakfast," Tommy says and then he finally pulls himself together enough to stand up. His legs feel a little weak, but he'd been kneeling on hard unforgiving tile for long enough that he might even get bruises on his knees.  
　  
"You really do hate mornings, don't you?" Sam laughs.  
　  
"Just figured that one out?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"There's a lot to figure out about you, Tommy. You’re a complicated guy," Sam says, suddenly sounding serious and Tommy sits down, longing for the easy going atmosphere they'd had moments before.  
　  
"Complicated? I'm not complicated," Tommy says, trying to aim for casual.   
　  
"Yes, you are. At first you come across as this laid back guy who's just going wherever the flow takes him, but there’s more to you and I can see it," Sam says firmly, clearly not buying Tommy's bullshit.  
　  
"Maybe you shouldn't." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"Shouldn't what?" Sam presses.  
　  
"You shouldn't try and see the rest of me. Maybe you should just stick to seeing the stuff I show everyone." He didn't think breakfast with his lover would lead to this.  
　  
"Is whatever it is that you’re hiding really that terrible?" Sam doesn't look like he thinks Tommy could have any dark secrets, anything bad hidden away. But he does, Tommy's the guy who's fucked his best friend when they’re about to get married. He's meant to be Adam's best man, stand up in church beside him and watch him marry Ben. He's hurting on the inside, bleeding and raw, grieving the fact that he won't ever have Adam. His heartbreak is something no one knows, not even Adam knows. They share the secret of Adam's infidelity, but Tommy's love for Adam is his secret and his alone. He doesn't want Sam to know about any of it; the cheating, his feelings, anything.  
　  
"No, maybe," he says instead of the truth; 'yes it is terrible, hell worse than terrible'.  
　  
"Is it because you like it rough? Like the hair pulling and stuff?" Sam asks and Tommy could kiss him for the out Sam is giving him.  
　  
"Yeah, it's not something I really advertise, so like no one really knows." Which is true enough. He never told Adam he liked it rough, even though it ended up that way sometimes.   
　  
"Adam pulls your hair on stage. Surely he's noticed something before?" Hearing Sam say Adam's name feels weird. It shouldn't. Sam and some other guys in suits are working with Adam. Of course Sam knows all about Adam, might mention him from time to time. He really wishes that Sam wasn't talking about sex when he brought up Adam.  
　  
"No, Adam doesn't know I like getting my hair pulled. Any genuine reaction that slips out when I'm on stage, he assumes I'm putting it on, playing it up for the audience. I've just never corrected his assumption." And again he's being mainly truthful. Adam has never pulled Tommy's hair during sex. It's something he does on stage. Tommy's pretty sure Adam only does it for the reaction it gets. People like to see Adam hauling him around that way. Adam's never asked if Tommy really likes it, so as far as he knows, Sam's the only person who does.   
　  
"Wow, I bet that could get awkward. If you got hard on stage," Sam says, taking hold of Tommy's hand across the breakfast table and it helps Tommy breathe a little easier. Sam isn't angry or freaked out, everything is okay. He's not ready to be without Sam yet, less than a handful of people know that he's Bi. He can't talk to Adam or Isaac about his issues, not really. He likes having Sam, someone who is completely his. Adam knows about Sam, but he doesn't know him know him. He loves his friends, his family, but sometimes, he just needs this. A man he can sleep with who won't make him talk about sexuality or anything else that has meaning.  
　  
"Adam does all the time. Guy literally has a hard on for performing. If I did or do, the bass would cover it, not too awkward." Tommy shrugs. He needs to find a way to get this conversation away from Adam. It makes him feel twitchy, talking to Sam about a man he had a secret fling with.  
　  
"I can't imagine being up on a stage, hard in front of all those people." Sam smiles faintly. He looks a little turned on, maybe he likes the idea of Tommy on stage, playing his bass, hard as a rock.  
　  
"Breakfast was amazing, but I should probably head back to my place. I've got a gig with Ravi tonight. I need to get some stuff ready." Not to mention the fact that Ravi's picking him up. If he had Ravi come get him from Sam's, there would be questions he wasn't ready to answer. Sam doesn't call him on the abrupt change in topic. He just follows Tommy into the bedroom, watching Tommy hungrily, as if Tommy were stripping of his clothes, not putting them on. Sam walks him to the door, kissing him goodbye, giving Tommy's hair one last yank, a wicked smirk curving his lips up.  
　  
"So have I convinced you that breakfast is better than brunch?" Sam asks.  
　  
"Breakfast is pretty awesome." Tommy agrees. He still hates mornings, but if someone is willing to feed him, fool around with him, it might be worth it. He could learn to like it.  
　  
Sam kisses him one more time, his hand in Tommy's hair, but not pulling it. He likes it, it's good, but it can feel better, he knows it can. He feels guilty for even thinking it, for comparing Adam and Sam. He kisses back, harder, trying to make this something it isn't. Sam doesn't seem to mind. He kisses back, holding Tommy close for a few long moments before Tommy pulls back. He steps back and heads for his car, waving at Sam before he gets into his car. Sam waves back. He looks happy, content and Tommy wishes he felt like that. He's not even sure he can be like that, doesn't remember the last time he was completely happy.  
　  
He drives home, heading to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, which was what had been his version of breakfast when he'd been on tour with Adam. He drinks the first cup leaned up against the kitchen counter; the second he brings with him. He really does need to get his gear ready for the show tonight. Everything has been sorted out apart from what he's going to wear and that's when his cell phone starts ringing, Adam's name flashing on the display. He hesitates for a few seconds, but finally he grabs the phone, answering even though it makes his stomach feel like it's tied itself in a knot by the time he accepts the call.  
　  
"Hi, Adam." Tommy tries to sound calm, sound like this is normal, like things haven't changed between them.   
　  
"It's all so wrong. I tried to do the right thing. I'm trying to be a good man. Why can't I be a good man? No matter what I do, I keep hurting people," Adam rambles out. He's clearly drunk, words a little slurred, voice a little off.  
　  
"Adam, what the hell? You’re drunk at like ten in the morning. That isn't like you man, what's wrong?" He's seen Adam drunk before, but not like this, never like this; in the morning, calling Tommy and talking nonsense.  
　  
"I, we had breakfast and it was so weird and I kept thinking about it, us, Ben. I just wanted to not have to think for a little while. I want to see you. I need to talk to you." Adam sounds so upset, that it makes Tommy's heart ache just to hear it.  
　  
"I have a gig, with Ravi. Sober up and we'll talk. I can't talk to you when you’re like this." He has a feeling that it would go very badly if he talked to Adam when the other man was drunk.  
　  
"Okay, okay I'll drink some coffee, take a nap, but I can see you later? At your place?" Adam sounds desperate and Tommy just can't say no to him, not when he's like this.  
　  
"Yeah, my place, later and you had better be sober." Tommy doesn't want to have to deal with a drunk Adam. He knows from past experience that a drunk Adam is a handsy Adam. Adam trying to feel him up will not help Tommy get over him. If that's even possible, like maybe when you fall in love with him it never goes away.  
　  
"I will be, I promise." Adam's voice sounds rough, like maybe he's been crying, before the call or is about to.  
　  
"Right, I have stuff to do, so I'll see you tonight." His brain is screaming at him not to do this, not to meet Adam, not let Adam come to his place, but he's said it now and he can't bring himself to say he's changed his mind.  
　  
"Kay, bye, baby," Adam murmurs and Tommy can't hold back the slight shiver that runs through him at the words. He hangs up, feeling the phantom feel of Adam's hand in his hair, pulling hard enough to make Tommy's legs buckle. God, he wants this to stop. He should be thinking of Sam after this morning, the thoughtfully cooked breakfast. Instead he's thinking about how easily he had always submitted to Adam on stage, wondering why Adam is the only man who he's ever wanted to submit to. He doesn't react like that to anyone else.  
　  
He spends the time before the show pacing around his house, cleaning up every single room, even the ones that really don't need to be cleaned at all. He feels so restless, like his skin's too tight on his bones, like nothing feels quite right, fits right. He jumps at every little noise, twitchy and on edge all day. When Ravi texts to say he's outside, Tommy all but runs to the car. He doesn't want to be alone in his place anymore. When he's alone, it's too easy to think about the things he doesn't want to think about, too easy to wonder what Adam might want to talk about. He's so grateful when the show starts. He lets himself get lost in the music. These days it's often the only thing he can get lost in. Adam's still in his head when he's up on stage, but the music drowns him out a little.  
　  
TBC…


	17. Mistakes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part sixteen of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Lunch for Fanfic100 and 33# Bottom for Lover100. Lunch with Adam used to feel casual, easy, now it feels like it's all for show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

Tommy POV

He doesn't know whether to be pleased or pissed off when Adam doesn't show at his place. He doesn't know what to do when Adam calls him, asks if they can go to lunch. Most of all, Tommy doesn't understand why he says yes, after Adam stood him up. He'd spent the whole show last night worrying, obsessing over what Adam's drunken rambling might have meant. He'd gone home, half expecting Adam to be waiting there, to tell him whatever was so important. Adam hadn't shown and then Tommy had been woken up by a text asking him to lunch. He should have told Adam to go fuck himself; he wasn't at Adam's beck and call. Instead he'd said yes, set his alarm, trying to get some sleep before he went to meet Adam for lunch.   
　  
Of course he doesn't really sleep, tossing and turning; obsessing over everything Adam has said to him doesn't help, but he can't shut off, can't not think about it. He's never been the type to be able to just let things go. The more he tries to not think about something, the more he ends up thinking about it. He gets up before he needs to, but he's glad he has when he gets a look at his face; pale skin, dark, hollow circles under his eyes. It's not like he wants to dress up to see Adam; they’re just friends and Adam has seen him look worse. He just doesn't want people to take pictures of him like this and start rumours and if he's having lunch with Adam, it's way more likely there will be paparazzi hanging around. Adam's the star, he's just a band member; he's a musician, he's never wanted to be in the spot light. All he's ever wanted is to play music for a living and he has that and somehow he's picked up fans along the way, which is pretty sweet, but he doesn't think he'd like being the star the way Adam is. Tommy still gets to have a life, and relationships that aren't all played out in the media. He can go out without pictures of him hitting every blog there is.  
　  
He can go out for lunch and not worry about looking his best; most the time. Life for Adam isn't like that, which is why Ben is a better fit for Adam. He's used to smiling at the cameras instead of telling them to fuck off when they stick their nose in. Tommy doesn't know if he could live his life like that, have his relationships put under a microscope. Even if Adam had picked him over Ben, Tommy isn't so sure it would be the right decision, if he wouldn't just buckle under the pressure the way so many of Adam's lovers and boyfriends had before him. He's picked up the pieces after a lover left Adam, not because of something he'd done or they'd done, but because of outside pressure. He's hated men for being too weak to be with Adam, for dating him knowing he was famous and then breaking up with him when the reality wasn't what they thought. He would have never forgiven himself if Adam had chosen him over Ben and Tommy had turned out just like all the others, breaking Adam's heart because he wasn't strong enough to be in the public eye all the time.  
　  
Tommy doesn't ever remember feeling this tense before a lunch with Adam; he used to look forward to them, to spending time with his best friend. It hadn't been hard to push his crush to one side, not when he saw how much his friendship meant to Adam. That was one thing he was always so sure about; Adam caring about him, loving him as a friend. Since Tommy joined the band, he's always had Adam's back and Adam his. Tommy has been happy, sad, angry, grieving, everything around Adam and Adam never left, he was always there to offer all he could, but Tommy wanted more and now things don't feel the same at all. He has to make himself get up and leave, go to meet Adam for lunch. Normally he'd be rushing to see Adam, but so much has changed and he doesn't know how to fix things. Doesn't know if he should try and get them back to the friendship they had or if he should try and go for more before Adam marries someone else.   
　  
When he gets to the restaurant, Adam is already there, sat waiting for Tommy and for a moment Tommy lets himself think what it would be like if Adam was his, if he were coming here to have lunch with his boyfriend. The though fills him with a warm feeling, not like the dread he'd been feeling all morning, but then he gets the image of Adam reaching for his hand across the table and Tommy pulling back, because he doesn't want a picture of the moment sent out all over the internet, because he isn't out, he can't have lunch in a restaurant with his boyfriend if he isn't willing to let people know that's what he is.   
　  
He walks over to the table, smile strained; false. He's never felt like he was faking around Adam before, even when he was hiding his interests. He sits down opposite of Adam before he has a chance to get up and hug the way he normally would; half because he doesn't know how he'd react to Adam hugging him and half because he isn't sure Adam will hug him hello the way he always used to. By avoiding it himself, he doesn't have to find out if Adam would have hugged him. Tommy realises this will be their first conversation face to face since Adam saw him kiss Sam and they talked about Adam's desire to bottom once in a while.   
　  
"Hi, thanks for coming. Sorry I flaked out the other night. I passed out. I was really drunk." Adam looks sheepish and Tommy wants to ask if Adam thinks he's that stupid or forgetful. It's not been anywhere near long enough for him to have forgotten the sound of Adam's voice slurring down the phone. It's been hours, not days and he doesn't think weeks or even months would have made him forget the way Adam sounded, like he was falling apart.  
　  
"No problem." Tommy says, like he hasn't been obsessing about the call from the moment he heard Adam on the phone. He remembers a time when he would have called Adam out on his bullshit, wouldn't have bullshitted right back, so it’s clear that Adam isn't the only one who's changed; they both have.   
　  
"So let’s order some lunch." Adam says with a sunny smile, like they’re just two friends meeting up for lunch, like they don't have a history of anything else between them and it makes Tommy feel off balanced.   
　  
Tommy picks up the lunch menu, opens it and then puts it down. So he's meant to just sit here and act like everything is okay, like Adam didn't call him drunk and acting like he had something important to say? This lunch wasn't supposed to just be lunch between two friends. Adam was meant to explain himself.   
　  
"Adam, I didn't agree to meet you for lunch just to sit here and eat, play pretend like you didn't have something to tell me." Tommy sighs. He remembers when sitting across a table from Adam used to be easy, but lately nothing about Adam has been easy.  
　  
"Not here, please. We can talk in private, after." Adam says softly.  
　  
"What, go back to my place?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Yeah, that would work." Adam nods.  
　  
"Every time we go to my place, we end up fucking." Tommy hisses.  
　  
"I can be alone with you without anything happening." Adam says in a defensive tone.   
　  
"Last time we were alone, we talked about my sex life and we kissed." Tommy points out and even though he kissed Adam first, Adam kissed back. Adam was the one who started asking personal questions.   
　  
"I'm sorry, I was caught off guard. I didn't think of you as a top." Adam admits.  
　  
"Well, I didn't think you'd want to bottom. You never said anything to make me even think you'd want that when we were hooking up." Tommy says, shaking his head. The kiss wasn't all him.   
　  
"It's not something I want all the time and you seemed happy to let me lead." Adam shrugs.  
　  
"I would have fucked you." Tommy says, hardly above a whisper.  
　  
"I already told you I'd let you." Adam says. Heat in his eyes and Tommy feels like the heat is burning him across the table, marking him. Adam had said that, he can't forget that Adam said he'd bottom for Tommy.   
　  
"Let’s go talk, in private." Before someone overhears what they're talking about.  
　  
"What about lunch?" Adam asks  
　  
"I'm not hungry anymore." And he isn't, can't even imagine eating lunch right now.  
　  
"Okay, let’s go." Adam nods.  
　  
Tommy doesn't let himself think too clearly, it's easier that way. He hadn't planned this when he agreed on lunch with Adam, but being around Adam messes with his head. He wasn't meant to take Adam home with him, not even after they finished lunch, but now he's ditching lunch completely to take Adam home with him. His whole body is thrumming with anticipation and he wants to say it has nothing to look forward to, but that would make him an even bigger liar. He's thinking about what Adam said, how he wants to bottom, wants to top for Tommy. So he tells himself they can go to his place, do this once, it'll get the need out of both their systems. What's one more time? Adam has already been unfaithful, once more won't make it worse. As for Sam, he wouldn't care if Tommy told him, their relationship isn't like that. They don't owe each other faithfulness.   
　  
He doesn't talk with Adam on the drive to his place. He could blame the presence of the taxi driver if Adam asks, but Adam doesn't ask why he's silent, doesn't ask anything. They sit in silence, like that's normal for two friends who meet up for lunch together. Tommy's starting to think nothing will ever be normal between them and it scares him, but he can't stop. Just like he couldn't say no to meeting Adam, even after he bailed on Tommy the night before. He can't let an opportunity to top Adam pass him by, not when Adam hardly ever bottoms. He's addicted to Adam, gets all messed up when he's around him and a small, wicked, spiteful, dark part of him wants a part of Adam that Ben doesn't have. He'll have an experience with Adam that Ben is stupid enough to let go of. Adam doesn't bottom, the whole world knows that, only he does; sometimes, when he wants to, when he trusts the person and Tommy can have that, would regret not taking it before it was too late.   
　  
He almost snorts at too late, Adam had said this would have to stop once he was married, but he'd also said they would only be together once and that quickly became a lie. Tommy doesn't know when it'll be too late for this, for them, their twisted relationship, built on lies and deceit. When will one of them end it and really mean it's over? When will it really be over? Will there always be what if's, unanswered questions, words unspoken? Tommy can't help but think they will have loose ends till the end of time, because every time they try to untie one, a dozen more unravel.   
　  
They get to his place and Adam pays the driver before Tommy can even get a hand on his wallet. Normally he'd argue about paying his share, but he just shrugs that off this time; he doesn't want to sit here arguing. While he feels like he's about to come completely undone, he needs his apartment and to be alone where no one but Adam can see him. Hell, he's not even sure Adam sees him, sees what this is doing to him, what being around Adam does to him. He leads the way to his apartment, even though Adam has been before. He's kind of in charge here, all ready. Adam's letting him take the lead and Tommy's walked them right past ‘shouldn't’, ignoring the fact they both said it couldn't and wouldn't happen again. They’re both liars; it's the one truth he knows after all this time between them and he wants to laugh at that. The only thing he can be truthful about to himself is that he's deceitful, lying to himself, to Adam, to everyone.  
　  
He goes to the kitchen, Adam trailing behind him; he needs a drink to steady his nerves. He gets a glass, pours in a few fingers worth of JD and downs it before grabbing another glass and pouring out a drink for him and Adam. He slides the glass over to Adam and by the time Adam takes his first sip, Tommy is refilling his own glass, can't even really remember emptying it. He knows this isn't normal or right, the way he's just standing here, silently in his kitchen, drinking with Adam. Why does he need the liquid courage to take Adam to bed? Or does he want to be able to blame the booze after? Will he feel less responsible for sleeping with an engaged man if he can claim what he drank stopped him from thinking straight. It doesn't matter, not really. He's going to do this, made his mind up at the lunch table; all the rest is just a pitiful attempted to justify his actions.   
　  
Tommy puts his glass down on the counter, pushes away from it and then he's crowding Adam against the counter where he'd been leaning and it's so easy, feels right to get in Adam's space, press against him; chest to chest, hip to hip, and kissing him comes naturally. He wonders how something so wrong can feel so right, but he'll think about that later, everything can wait till later, when he's once more alone with his thoughts, after Adam leaves him to go back home, back to Ben.  
　  
He kisses Adam harder, pushes closer, like he can drown his thoughts out if he gets close enough, like he can change things by showing just how well their bodies fit together, but it doesn't work like that. Just because his body fits against Adam's doesn't mean they're meant to be together. He slides his hands up under Adam's shirt, warm skin against his cold hands. He loves being able to just touch Adam, no rules, no one watching, in his apartment when it's just the two of them and he can do what he likes, touch Adam any way he wants to. He can play pretend like Adam's his, for a little while. Adam's his and he's willingly giving himself to Tommy. He pulls back for a second to pull off Adam's shirt, tossing it to the side. Adam's face is flushed, lips shiny and Tommy can't tell if he's tasting the jack he's been drinking or if the sweetness when he licks his lips is from Adam. Doesn't really matter, all that does matters is the lust shining in Adam's eyes, the hunger Tommy can see on his face, a hunger that has nothing to do with missing lunch.   
　  
He runs a hand over Adam's chest, flicks over a nipple and making him gasp. He'll never get sick of the sight of his hands on Adam's skin. He dreams about it sometimes, but in his dreams it's never warm like this. Adam isn't warm the way he always is in real life and in the dreams, he doesn't have guilt festering away in the background, so it's a trade-off really. He kisses Adam again, slower, softer, almost teasing, even though they both know where this is heading. Adam kisses back, but he doesn't dominate the way he normally does and it seems like he wants Tommy to take charge of everything in this encounter. Normally he lets himself be swept up in the whirlwind that is Adam, taken along for the ride, but it's different this time, he's the one leading.   
　  
They end up in his room; he doesn't even really think about it beyond that's where the lube and condoms are and they need those. They’re both sleeping with other people, so it'd be foolish to go bare and he knows it's been a long time since Adam bottomed, so he'll need to be prepped carefully. Tommy might be many things, a liar included, but he won't ever hurt anyone this way. He can't call himself a good man, a good person, not right now, but he does care, he doesn't want to hurt Adam physically. They can tear at each other emotionally, leave each other metaphorically bruised, bloody, ripped to shreds, but he won't hurt Adam. Tommy knows Adam doesn't trust just anyone enough to be with him that way and that means something to him. Adam might not love him, but he trusts him and that means more to Tommy than maybe it should.   
　  
His bed is a mess, but he doesn't think Adam gets a good look at it before Tommy pushes him onto the bed, on his back and crawls up after, trying to get the rest of Adam's clothes off without either of them getting elbowed or kneed somewhere that would put a halt to their plans. He finally manages to get Adam naked, himself stripped down to his boxers and he stops for a second, slows their pace to a crawl, so he can look at Adam, naked and sprawled out in his bed. Nothing has ever looked so beautiful and he thinks maybe it shows on his face, because Adam smiles, soft and kind of sad, his hand reaching out to brush two fingers over Tommy's lips. For one long moment it feels like this means more to Adam than it's supposed to. One last fling, that's all this is to Adam, but when he looks back on this moment he can pretend it was more.   
　  
"Roll over." Tommy says softly, moving so he can reach the drawer he keeps his lube and condoms in, stretching so he doesn't have to leave the bed, like standing up would break the spell they are under.  
　  
Adam rolls over and Tommy's left with a view of the long line of his back and the swell of his ass. He has to take a breath to steady himself, because Adam looks so good, always does, but there’s something about how vulnerable Adam looks in this moment that makes his chest ache and he doesn't know why. He shakes off the weird feeling, pushes apart Adam's legs and crawls between them. He's done this more than once before, but his hands still shake as he flicks open the lube. He needs to pulls himself together, he cannot fuck this up, take the trust Adam is giving him and make him regret it. Tommy takes a deep breath, trying to centre himself, not slicking up his fingers till he feels calmer. He tries to warm the lube a little, because Sam hates cold lube, and Tommy isn't a fan either, so logically Adam will maybe feel the same.  
　  
Tommy teases with delicate touches, his slick fingers brushing close to Adam's hole, but not giving any pressure. Adam moans like Tommy's got him all worked up already and it feels good, driving Adam crazy with just his fingertips. He feels powerful and it's addictive, especially with how powerless he has felt since the day Adam announced he was marrying Ben.   
　  
"Tommy please, baby, do something." Adam gasps out and it draws Tommy back into the here and now. He has Adam naked in his bed, ass up waiting for Tommy to take him; that should be more than enough to keep his attention.  
　  
He doesn't hesitate, working one slick finger into Adam, tight heat around his fingers. Adam tenses a little, but then he relaxes into Tommy's touch. He puts his hand on Adam's back, the one free of lube and he strokes soothing circles into Adam's back as he keeps moving the first finger, until Adam is moving back against his hand. He keeps up the stroking as he adds each finger at it seems to help Adam stay relaxed. He wants this to be good for Adam; if they only have it once and Adam marries Ben, this will be the last time Adam bottoms, so he wants it to be a good memory, the best Adam will ever have.   
　  
"Tommy, I'm ready, please, so fucking ready." Adam whimpers.  
　  
"You want it like this, on your front?" Tommy asks. He knows hands and knees is meant to be the best position if you've not done this before or if it's been a very long time, but everyone has a preference and he wants Adam to be in a position he's comfortable in.   
　  
"No, let me turn over, I want to see you." Adam insists and Tommy's heart flutters a little, because it's a traitor who won't stick to the plan of not loving Adam anymore.  
　  
Tommy moves back so that Adam can flip over. He reaches past Adam for a pillow as well and when Adam settles on his back, he gets it under Adam's hips. It takes him a minute to find the condom, but when he does, he rips open the packet and rolls it on, grabs the lube and slicks up, using more than he would normally to make sure this doesn't hurt. He doesn't want Adam to look back at this and remember any pain, no matter how brief. Having Adam spread out under him like this isn't a memory he'll easily forget and it'll hurt when he looks back on it, but a very different kind of pain.   
　  
"Are you sure you’re ready?" If he's doing this, he's doing it right.   
　  
"Fuck, yes, I'm sure." Adam nods.  
　  
He encourages Adam to wrap his legs around his waist, then he lines up and starts pushing in slow but firm, and he'd thought Adam might tense up, but he doesn't. Adam grabs at him, pulling Tommy closer, small whimpers slipping past his lips.  
　  
"I don't want slow." Adam pants out.   
　  
"Maybe I do?" Tommy taunts, but he thrusts in hard, fast, and Adam moans, nothing but pleasure showing on his face. Far be it for him to not give Adam what he wants, especially when his body is crying out for the same. The time for slow and gentle has past, and Adam's ready, relaxed and he knows what he wants and Tommy knows how to give it to him. He shifts, angling his hips and he knows he's hit the right spot when Adam gasps, eyes flying open, wide and shocked. Tommy smirks, feeling a little pleased with himself; smug even. He keeps thrusting, wanting to make Adam lose control.  
　  
"Tommy, Tommy, shit, Jesus Christ." Adam moans and Tommy has to lean in, kiss him, lick over his lips, and get his mouth open. He never thought Adam would submit to him like this. Adam doesn't do submissive, not on stage and not in his personal life. But he's under Tommy now, taking everything Tommy gives him and begging for more, begging, not demanding.   
　  
He gets a hand between them, fisting Adam's cock and Adam makes a sound that a porn star would envy, pure lust and it makes something in Tommy's stomach tighten. He loves knowing he's the reason that Adam sounds like this. Adam is bottoming for him and he's loving it. He's been with men and he's been with women, but no one has ever got to him like Adam, turning him inside out effortlessly. He's never thought of himself as a bad lover, but when it comes to Adam, he wants to be the best, for this to be so good that Adam always remembers it, no matter who he's with.  
　  
"I'm close, fuck, I'm so fucking close." Adam gasps and Tommy speeds his hand up, thrusts harder. He wants to watch Adam go over the edge because it's him. Adam moans loudly, doesn't try and stay quiet, when his hips jerk as he comes, calling out Tommy's name.  
　  
Adam's body clenching around him, Adam saying his name, and it's all too much and Tommy's orgasm comes crashing through him, even though he would have sworn he wasn't close. He kisses the side of Adam's neck, panting a little, his body shaking a little. He pulls out after a few moments, feeling too sensitive to stay in side of Adam, even though he wants to stay, doesn't want this to end. He cleans up, half expecting to find Adam half-dressed when he comes back from the bathroom, but he's not. Adam's in bed still, naked the way Tommy left him. So Tommy grabs the cloth again, cleaning Adam up carefully, getting in bed behind Adam, who's on his side. Fingers gentle he checks to make sure he didn't hurt Adam.  
　  
"Can I stay?" Adam asks softly, rolling over to face Tommy. He can't read the look in Adam's eyes and Adam has never stayed before.   
　  
"Yeah, of course." Tommy nods. He's not about to kick Adam out of his bed, even if this isn't where Adam belongs.  
　  
Adam wraps his arms around Tommy, pulling him close. He's always loved being cuddled by Adam and right now he's warm and comfortable, still filled with the afterglow from his orgasm. Being held in bed, by a naked Adam, it feels so good, so perfect and he doesn't understand how something like this, that feels so right can be so wrong. He buries his face against Adam's neck, trying to block out everything but this moment, Adam warm and here. In the morning, he'll let himself think about what they were meant to talk about at lunch, but for now, he'll pretend that he won't lose this come morning. Right now, Adam is his.  
　  
TBC...


	18. Fight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> : Part eighteen of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt dinner for Fanfic100, Anger for 10_hurt_comfort and rough for lover100. Dinner with his fiancé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

He's surprised when Ben calls and tells him he wants them to go out to dinner, but he's feeling so guilty over almost telling Tommy about his deal with Ben, when he promised not to, that he says yes. He dresses up, does his makeup, his heart aching, because he did love Ben, still does, but what he feels for Tommy is stronger. He knows he hasn't handled things well, he should have ended things with Ben when he realized he had doubts, not have had an affair, but he has. He's made a mess, now he has to live with it. He hurt Ben, so much, betrayed him in a way that Adam never thought he would. He hates cheating and cheaters, but he went ahead and cheated on Ben and he can't justify that. So dinner’s the least he owes Ben. It might be a sham, but they are still getting married.  
　  
There are paparazzi outside the restaurant when he gets there and he has to plaster on a fake smile, because he really doesn't want to deal with this today. He feels like he's putting on a show for them, like he can't just go to dinner with his faïence and it puts him on edge; he's in a bad mood before he gets inside. He's lead to a table by a man that doesn't make a big deal about who he is and Ben is already waiting at the table for him. Ben looks good, he smiles at Adam when he spots him, but Adam has a feeling it's for the waiters benefit, not his, he smiles back. The problem with dating an actor is he can never tell when Ben's playing a role.  
　  
"Get here okay?" Ben asks.  
　  
"Yeah, apart from the press." Adam shrugs.  
　  
"Sorry, my publicist thought it would be a good idea." Ben says, but he doesn't sound sorry though, doesn't even try to pretend he's sorry.  
　  
"You could have warned me." Adam sighs.  
　  
"Why? You look fine and it's good publicity for your next album." Ben says lightly.  
　  
"I don't like that kind of publicity. I want them asking about the music, not just my relationships." The press has ruined more than one of his relationships. The festival he's agreed to means he'll be in the spot light enough, not just an artist, but a gay artist. It's for a good cause, so he's happy to talk about him when it comes; what it's like growing up gay, dating, relationships, but generally he wishes the media would focus on his musical career, not his relationships.   
　  
"Well you’re famous, your whole life will always be in the spot light, get over it." Ben says sharply, picking up his menu.  
　  
"It will never be something I like." Adam says sourly. He can tell this won't be a nice meal, thinks maybe Ben called and asked for this just because he wants the press to see them leaving here together; the perfect couple, shiny, all dressed up and so fucking perfect. Living their lie in the public eye leaves a bad taste in his mouth.  
　  
"You will learn to put up with it if you want to stay famous, to do better than you are now. Some games you have to play. I thought you understood that." Ben sighed.  
　  
"I don't like games, playing them or being played." Adam mutters.  
　  
"Well you don't have a choice. If you want to be singing to more than an empty bar in some nowhere town, then you have to keep right on playing." Ben slaps down his menu and Adam can't help thinking about Tommy. Their lunch might have been awkward, ended before they even ate, but it didn't make Adam feel like this, like he can't do anything right.  
　  
It doesn't get better after they order. Ben is cold, keeps making little snide remarks and even though Adam knows he deserves it, it still pisses him off. He's trying, doing everything Ben has asked him to do and he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't feel hungry, he feels tense and has to force the food down, but he can't even really taste the food he's forcing down. He's never been passive, when someone gives him shit; he fights back, but he doesn't feel like he has the right. Ben is pissed and he has a right to be, so he just can't argue back. He sits and takes it, feeling his blood boil, he is so angry. He's regretting coming to this damn dinner, regretted it before he's half way through the starter.  
　  
"Why did you ask me to dinner?" Adam asks over dessert, his anger has been slowly building and it's starting to slip out. He's marrying Ben so that his work won't be affected, he's not told Tommy about the deal, his friends and family are clueless about the reason he's marrying Ben. Everyone, even Tommy, think he is marrying Ben out of love. Ben didn't need to drag him out here just to drag him over the coals. He's scum; he gets that; he doesn't need to be told in between fake smiles to waiters and staff that he's a screw up.  
　  
"Couples go out to dinner. Do you want people to know something's wrong?" Ben asks.  
　  
"They will anyway if anyone overhears you." Adam says quietly.  
　  
"Oh, I'm sorry, should I be acting differently, you cheated on me." Ben hisses, glancing around, clearly he doesn't want to be overheard.   
　  
"And I am sorry, but you want to stay together and I'm doing what you asked." Adam points out.  
　  
"Doesn't mean I forgive you. You’re smart enough not to fuck up both our images, that doesn't mean I'm happy with any of this. I called your house last night." Ben sneers.  
　  
"And that has to do with what? So I was out when you called." Adam shrugs.  
　  
"You were with him, the man you cheated on me with. Weren't you?" Ben accuses.  
　  
"I could have been with a friend." Adam sighs.  
　  
"But you weren't, I called your cell phone as well, you'd turned it off, you never do that." Ben says icily.  
　  
"So I was with someone, you said you didn't care if I was with someone else, you only want to pretend to be with me." It's not like he'd planned to sleep with Tommy, just because Ben had said he could keep having affairs; he hadn't planned to. It was still cheating in a way, even if he and Ben weren't a real couple anymore and it's not like Tommy even knew that. He hadn't planned it, never planned to sleep with Tommy, it always just happened. He doesn't get Ben getting angry over something he said he didn't care about.  
　  
"I care about you being careful. If you get caught, I'll be humiliated and you'll look like a hypocrite. You've talked about monogamy for years and then you have an affair. I don't want the world finding out you’re a bullshit liar, do you?" Ben asks and Adam has never seen him look so cold. He never knew Ben could be this way, maybe he didn't know Ben as well as he thought he did. But then Ben had thought he knew Adam wouldn't cheat. They were both wrong and it makes him angry, but he doesn't know why. He's really regretting coming to dinner with Ben.  
　  
"No one will find out." Well someone has already, but he knows Sutan won't tell anyone, let alone the press. He hasn't even asked Adam about it since their last talk, before Adam told Ben about the affair. Maybe he should tell Sutan what's going on, because as angry as Sutan was when he'd found out Adam had cheated, he didn't cut Adam out of his life and he tried to give advice that wasn't all about what he thought Adam should do.  
　  
"What, so you don't take him out, go on dates, dinner like this?" Ben asks.  
　  
He hasn't taken Tommy on a date. Lunch yesterday was as friends, and he feels angry at himself. He pretty much uses Tommy like a booty call, so outside the bedroom he doubts anyone would realize they were anything but two friends.  
　  
"We don't go out on dates." He says through gritted teeth, angry at himself and angry at Ben. He just wants this dinner to be over. He'd loved Ben, a part of him still does and it's clear that Ben hates him now. He's having dinner with his fiancé, anger isn't what should be between them, but it is.  
　  
"Classy, you just fuck him, really nice, Adam. No wonder you couldn't make us work, if that's how you treat a man you say you love." Ben snorts.  
　  
He can't help thinking about the night before; he hadn't fucked Tommy; he'd been fucked. He'd woken up a little achy, but in the best way, his body feeling well used, sated. He'd been relaxed when he'd had coffee with Tommy, leaving so Tommy could get ready for some guitar show he was going to be at all day. Adam had left feeling relaxed, even though they hadn't talked about the night before, but things had seemed okay between them for once, not so painful and he wonders what was so different this time. He doesn't feel relaxed now, just angry, at the whole world it seems. Nothing at this dinner feels right.  
　  
"It's not like I could take him on a date, not without the world knowing that you and me aren't what they all think. We're not the perfect couple, we're a sham." He'd finally have the right to get married, only for it to turn out like this, a marriage for appearances.   
　  
"Well, I hope he's very happy putting out for a man he knows is with someone else. I mean, everyone heard when we got engaged, so I know he knows you’re not single." Ben sneers.  
　  
"He feels bad about it." He's seen the guilt on Tommy's face so many times and it makes him angry at himself; he's hurting his best friend, a man he loves. He thinks maybe he's hurt Tommy as much as he has Ben, but maybe not. Ben loved him once, Tommy just liked him.  
　  
"I'm sure he does." Ben says, disbelief clear in his tone.  
　  
"Can we just leave him out of this? Hate me, fine, I deserve it, but don't talk about him." Adam growls.  
　  
"Protective of your dirty little secret? Cute. I hope he's worth it, we could have had it all, a life as close to perfect as it gets and instead you ruined it, for some pretty piece of ass." Ben laughs, cruel and cold.  
　  
"He's more than a piece of ass to me." Adam hisses. He loves Tommy Joe. He wishes he'd had the courage to make a move years ago, but he hadn't known that Tommy really liked men. Not till the night Tommy called drunk and told Adam about hooking up with a man. He should have pushed sooner, before he had Ben, before Sam. Tommy might say that's casual, but he saw the way Sam looked at Tommy after they kissed and it wasn't the look of a man who planned to be walking away any time soon. And maybe he doesn't have the right to be pissed at that, but he can't help the anger he feels; he's having a hard time controlling any of his emotions these days.  
　  
"Oh I know you said you love him, but you said you loved me, so you can maybe see why I don't believe a fucking word you say. Love doesn't mean shit when it's you saying it, Adam. I don't think you even know what it really feels like to love someone, other than yourself." Ben spits and then he smiles as the waiter appears, ask for the bill, voice cheery, but he can't mask the anger in his eyes.  
　  
Adam waits till they’re alone again and leans across the table, toward Ben. "I fucked up, I know that and I know sorry won't make it better, but don't tell me what I do and don't feel." Adam says angrily.  
　  
"So defensive, it's because you know I'm right. You know you'll fuck things up with him, he'll walk out like so many others or you'll drive him away, you’re just not meant for forever, not built to love like that." Ben sneers and Adam knows a lot of the ugliness is coming from anger, anger he caused Ben to feel, but it doesn't stop it from hurting.  
　  
He pays for dinner, all smiles for the waiter, wonders if he pulls it off, because he needs to get a mask in place and quick. He's not an actor, it's not in his nature to fake things and he only lies when he has to and he still hates it. At least the lie isn't verbal. All he'll have to do is walk out the restaurant, maybe hold Ben's hand and they'll be seeing their pictures all over soon. People talking about they're romantic dinner, having no clue that Adam wanted to leave moments after he sat down. Ben won't let the press see he's anger. Adam's sure he'll be the only one to see that till work takes them their separate ways. A quiet divorce, mourning what they lost, months and months after they really lost it, it's all so fucked up.  
　  
They walk out the restaurant hand in hand, get in the same car as cameras flash. Adam holds his smile till he's a street away, looks at Ben to find his face blank. He drops Ben off at his place. Ben doesn't even say goodbye when he leaves the car and it makes Adam's blood boil, even though it shouldn't. He doesn't want to be angry at Ben, it doesn't feel right. He asks to be taken to Tommy's apartment, not his house. The last time he felt okay, not angry was in Tommy's home, maybe he can get back to that.  
　  
Tommy answers the door with his cell pressed to his ear. He looks surprised to see him, but backs up to let him in.  
　  
"I understand, okay, goodbye." Tommy hangs up, puts his phone on the coffee table and gives Adam a look he can't read.  
　  
"Anyone important on the phone?" Adam asks.  
　  
"No," Tommy says a little too quickly.  
　  
"Was it Sam?" Adam presses.  
　  
"No, I'd have said, I mean Sam knows you’re my friend, I'd have said you were at the door." Tommy shrugs and he seems off; Adam doesn't like it. He came here to let go of his anger, not to get irritated. And after all the things Ben had said, he'd wanted to see Tommy, not just to be comforted, but because he'd wanted to be with him, be around him. He loves Tommy; Ben's wrong about him not being able to love, he wants to feel that now, love not anger. He wants to be with a person, that even though their relationship isn't perfect, it's not bitter.  
　  
"When you say he knows?" Adam trails off.  
　  
"He doesn't know we've slept together, but he knows you know about me and him and that I like guys. I figured you wouldn't want him to know. The more people who know, the easier it is for everyone to find out." Tommy shrugs, sitting down on his couch while Adam hovers close by.  
　  
"Yeah, it's probably better he doesn't know." Adam agrees. He's working for Sam's label. Sam knowing could make things very messy. He sits down, on the same couch as Tommy, but not touching, something feels really off and it makes him feel irrationally angry. He came here to feel better, not worse. And maybe it's not fair to expect Tommy to make it all feel better, but right now Tommy's the only person he feels he doesn't have to pretend around. Which is stupid, he's lying to Tommy, hiding his deal with Ben from him. But Ben had asked he not tell his lover that their relationship was just a charade now.  
　  
"Want a drink? Something to eat? I think I have pizza, somewhere." Tommy offers, not looking at Adam.  
　  
"I just had dinner, I'm fine, but eat if you’re hungry." Adam shrugs, Tommy had looked a little skinnier when he'd seen him naked last night, nothing drastic, but enough to show on his slight thing. Adam doesn't want him skipping dinner just because Adam showed up.  
　  
"Want a drink?" Tommy asks again and he really isn't acting normal and it's putting Adam on edge.  
　  
"If you’re busy, I can go." Adam says, hating that a little of his anger slips into his voice.  
　  
"What, no, I'm not doing anything. I was busy all day, but now I'm just chilling and I ate. I had dinner, with Monte." Tommy gets up. The kitchen's off the living room and it's all open plan, so Adam doesn't have to get up to watch Tommy go to the fridge and get a beer, even though he spots a half empty glass of whiskey next to Tommy's answer machine.  
　  
"Did you have a good day?" Maybe something happened, maybe Tommy's weird mood has nothing to do with him.  
　  
"Yeah." Tommy nods, sitting back down. The gap between them feels so much bigger than it probably is. He can't believe this is the same Tommy who held him close last night. He doesn't understand and he's not in the mood for it at all. If Tommy doesn't want him here, he should just say. Maybe Ben's right and Tommy has gotten sick of him now that he's got what he wanted. Sex is all Tommy has ever said he wanted. They're friends sure, but fucking doesn't make them more, it makes them fuck buddies and no one does something like that forever. He hates that Ben could be right, Tommy will walk away, to someone he can really have, like Sam or maybe a girl, some pretty rocker chick like Adam had always thought he would. Boys for fun, but a girl’s for love and it makes him so angry just thinking it.  
　  
"I offered to leave, I mean it, if I'm not welcome, just say." Adam grumbles, today isn't going how he's hoped. He'd been happy this morning, now he just feels angry and sick of everything. He didn't think it was possible for things to change so quickly.  
　  
"I don't want you to go, I don't know why you’re here, but I don't want you to go." Tommy shrugs, like his answer isn't blowing hot and cold, just like him.  
　  
"You’re acting weird." Adam says angrily and he hates himself for it. Ben pissed him off, he shouldn't take it out on Tommy.  
　  
"I don't know why you came, you didn't say you were coming. One second I'm having dinner alone, then you’re here." Tommy shrugs and Adam wants to call him a liar, there's no food in here or on the table in the kitchen. Tommy wasn't eating dinner when he got here, he was on the phone. He hates that Tommy's lying to him. When did they start lying to each other?  
　  
"I came to see you, but you’re acting like you don't want me here, but then when I ask if you want me to leave, you say no. if you have plans, keep them, I'll go home, sleep." Adam shrugs, like it's no big deal, like he won't be leaving angry if he leaves now.  
　  
"Home, to Ben?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"No, he went to his place after dinner." He doesn't want to talk about Ben, not now, not here and certainly now while he's so angry at him.   
　  
"You ask about Sam, I should be able to ask about Ben without you getting pissy." Tommy mutters.  
　  
"I'm not pissy and Ben and Sam are not the same." Adam all but lives with Ben half the time, is marrying him, had dinner with him tonight. It might all be a lie, but it's a serious lie. Tommy has said Sam is casual.  
　  
"No it's not the same, is it?" Tommy says, shaking his head.  
　  
"Because I'm cheating and you’re not?" Adam asks angrily.  
　  
"Yeah." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"You might not be cheating on Sam, but I didn't cheat on Ben alone. You knew we were together, this isn't all on me!" Adam snaps.  
　  
"I never said it was." Tommy says, anger clear in his own voice.  
　  
"You act like it." Ben acts like it, but Tommy's being weird as well. He feels like Tommy blames them for whet they've done, but he doesn't know if that's true or not.  
　  
"You know what? I've changed my mind, leave." Tommy says, putting his beer down on the coffee table as he stands up and he looks angry. Adam stands, getting in his face, a reaction from Tommy is better than the weird distance that had been between them since Adam first showed up.  
　  
"Do you really want me gone?" Adam asks, lowering his head so he's eye to eye with Tommy.  
　  
"Yes, no, fuck, I don't know." Tommy sounds angry, like he's mad at Adam, but he's moving closer, not away.  
　  
"Make your mind up, you have as much say in this as I do." He's a cheat, a liar, a scum bag, but he hasn't made Tommy do anything. Maybe he shouldn't have offered, but Tommy shouldn't have accepted. He's still a little angry that he doesn't know why Tommy said yes. Hell he's still pissed Tommy didn't tell him he thought he might like guys back in the beginning.  
　  
Tommy kisses him, surging up and smashing his lips roughly to Adam's. He responds just as roughly, grabbing Tommy's smaller body, pulling him closer, hands anything but gentle as they slide under Tommy's shirt. His anger should be gone, he's got what he wanted, hasn't he? But he doesn't know why he's getting this, why he ever gets to be with Tommy and the anger that had started building when he went to dinner stays.   
　  
He breaks the kiss Tommy started and roughly pushed him back onto the couch, following Tommy down and kissing him just as roughly as Tommy had, not caring when it hurts. Tommy wraps his arms around Adam and pulls him closer, his hips jerking roughly and Adam can feel him, half hard in his jeans. Adam's getting there as well. He sits up and starts stripping Tommy; he's not gentle, not like he normally tries to be with Tommy and from the way Tommy's grabbing at his clothes right back, yanking just as roughly on material, that he doesn't want gentle either.   
　  
They tear at each other's clothes, rough and more frenzied than they have ever been. Adam ends up naked first, the denim jeans Tommy still has on rough against the bare skin of his legs and groin, so he fights and struggles, wanting soft skin, not rough, scratchy denim. It's not been that long since he was naked with Tommy, but this feels different. He doesn't know what's changed since this morning, if he changed while he was at dinner, maybe his anger is making this feel different or maybe it's whatever had Tommy acting different. It doesn't feel bad, but it's definitely different. He tries not to think, kissing Tommy roughly instead, pinning him to the couch beneath him, fuck gentle.  
　  
He wants to feel something, maybe he wants it to hurt, he doesn't know. But when Tommy's nails claw down his back roughly, it should piss him off, make him angrier, he can't leave Tommy's marked. He's not with Ben, not for real, but someone else could see Tommy's mark on him. But it doesn't make him angry, no, it makes lust shoot through him, his moans sounding as rough as the way they are touching each other.  
　  
Rough kisses and rougher touches, he doesn't think either of them will walk away from this unmarked and a part of him, the part of him that's angry that someone else gets to be with Tommy is stupidly pleased at the idea of leaving marks on Tommy. Marks that it'll be clear have come from rough sex, marks Sam will see if Tommy is with him like this. He doesn't want to think about what Tommy's sex life with Sam might be like, it'll only make him angry. Instead he sucks roughly on Tommy's skin, his neck, his chest, his hips, leaving marks all over, making Tommy squirm, his dick wet with pre-come. He bites Tommy's hip roughly and then licks over the hurt; there's rough and there's pain, even angry he doesn't want to really hurt Tommy.  
　  
He roughly pushes Tommy's legs up, getting between them and getting his mouth on Tommy's dick. Tommy moans; he's always so damn loud when Adam gets a mouth on his cock and he loves it. He loves hearing Tommy moan, his breathing sounding rough, like he's been running, not just laid out, writhing under Adam. Tommy's thrusts are a little rough, but not enough to choke Adam. He actually kind of likes the rough treatment right now, doesn't even try and pin Tommy's hips down, even though he knows he could.  
　  
Adam doesn't ever remember having sex when he was angry before, but he likes this, likes the passion. The feel of Tommy roughly fucking his mouth is so real, pure feeling, lust, after a stressful day and an angry dinner it's exactly what he needs. Well it is when he gets a hand on his own dick, jacking it as Tommy fucks his face, rougher and rougher, but never going too far, like Tommy knows what he can handle.  
　  
His own hand isn't gentle as it works his cock either; tonight isn't about gentle, this isn't tender love making, it's angry passionate sex and it makes him feel alive in a way he hasn't ever since he walked out of this apartment. He feels like he's losing himself in all the lies he's telling everyone, but this feels real. Nothing but rough touches and heated kisses, sweet ache, small flares of pain, never too much, maybe not enough. He pushes down, taking as much as Tommy as he can. He's not due to sing, not in the studio or on any shows for weeks, so he doesn't have to worry about a rough blowjob or deep throating messing up his voice. He sucks hard, liking the broken sounds that come out of Tommy when he does. He wants to make Tommy come, to be the one responsible for giving Tommy pleasure. He wants to fall asleep with Tommy's taste still on his tongue.  
　  
He grips Tommy's hips roughly, opening his throat up as much as he knows how, taking more of Tommy than he thinks he ever has, after he swallows like that a few times he hears Tommy, voice rough, warning that he's close. He swallows again and then Tommy's hands are in his hair, pulling roughly till Tommy's cock leaves his mouth with a lewd pop and then warm come hits his face as Tommy moans out his name. He doesn't even try and clean it off before he crawls up Tommy's body, kissing him, rough and filthy, come smearing everywhere, but he doesn't care. Tommy's hand pushes between them, wraps around Adam's cock, stroking roughly and Adam's so close already, that it isn't long before his hips jerk roughly and he's coming between them.  
　  
His vision swims, so he closes his eyes, lets more of his weight drop onto Tommy. He's sweaty and sticky, covered in come, but he feels better than he has all day. When Tommy coaxes him up, leads him to the shower, he doesn't argue. Not sure when it left, only aware that his anger had drained out of him at some point. Tommy's hands are no longer rough as he helps Adam get clean and then dry off, towel a little rough on his skin, but he doesn't care, because Tommy's kicking him out after the way he thought he might.   
　  
Tommy doesn't kick him out, he leads Adam to his bedroom, gets them both under the cover, all without saying a word. He doesn't say anything until they are cuddled close, the room so dark he can hardly even see Tommy's face, even though there's hardly even a millimeter of space between them.  
　  
"I'm sorry." Tommy whispers, voice rough, hoarse, maybe from moaning and yelling; he's not sure.  
　  
"For what?" Adam asks. Tommy's using his chest as a pillow, so he can't see Tommy's face, he runs his fingers through Tommy's hair, his hands gentle as well now, like whatever overtook them in the other room has left now. He wants Tommy to know Adam isn't angry anymore, whatever Tommy's sorry for, Adam forgives him.  
　  
"For being weird before. I wasn't mad at you, I shouldn't have taken it out on you." Tommy sighs, voice small in the dark.  
　  
Adam knows the feeling, but doesn't know how to say that without giving away that he's mad at Ben and he can't explain that to Tommy, not now. He won't break another vow he made Ben, when he's already broken their wedding vows before they even made it to the wedding day.  
　  
"It's okay, I'm not angry with you. Do you want to talk about it?" Adam asks. Playing with Tommy's hair always seems to soothe them both.  
　  
"No, I just want to sleep with you, if that's okay?" Tommy asks, hesitant like Adam might say no, like he might leave. It's not till then that it hits Adam that he's never stayed with Tommy, not till the night before; seems like he was the one to change things between them again, but Tommy seems to want him to stay and it makes Adam's heart flutter weirdly in his chest.  
　  
"Yeah, go to sleep Tommy, I'm tired too." Adam whispers, bending down to kiss the top of Tommy's head, his hair soft and still a little damp. He can feel the wetness on his chest, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to move just because Tommy's hair is damp. He really is tired, in so many ways.  
　  
TBC...


	19. Changes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part nineteen of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt weeks for Fanfic100 and #50 relationship for lover100. He has to stay away from Adam and talk to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> : Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. Flash backs in _italics. ___

Tommy POV

It's been weeks since Adam came to his place and Tommy's been avoiding him, not because they almost, kind of fought, not because it got rough. Hell, he's not even avoiding Adam because he feels bad for being with Adam and Sam at the same time, even though he does feel bad about that. No he's been dodging Adam and a lot of his friends for weeks because of a call he got before Adam showed up, a call from Ben's manager.

+++++++++++++++++++

_"Hello, Is this Mr Ratliff?" A cool voice asked._

_"Yeah, this is Thomas Ratliff, who is this?" Being called Mr. Ratliff makes him feel like he's his Dad, makes him feel old and weird.  
　  
"My name’s Ryan Stewards. You don't know me, but I manage Ben. I'm not sure if he's mentioned me." Ryan says and he sounds too smooth, silky, the kind of charm that's clearly fake, oozing from his voice.  
_　  
 _"Um no, he hasn't, we don't really talk much." They never had and Tommy's not sure if he could even face Ben right now.  
　  
"Of course you don't. Well Ben came to see me and told me Adam's been having an affair. I told him a break up would be terrible for his career and it would be. So Ben's going to try and make things work. Ben says he doesn't know who Adam's sleeping with." Ryan's voice is ice cold and Tommy feels his stomach clench.  
　  
"Why are you calling me about Ben and Adam?" Tommy asks. He wonders how Ben found out Adam was having an affair, if Adam knows Ben knows. If Adam had told Ben, surely he'd have mentioned it to Tommy? What have they done to give themselves away?  
_　  
 _"Ben might not be able to work it out, but I'm not that slow Mr. Ratliff and I did some digging. You and Adam are very close, it doesn't take a genius to work it out. I know you’re the other man in Adam's life." Ryan says coldly.  
　  
"I, no, I'm not." They've been careful, haven't they?  
　  
"Don't bother lying to me, I'm not a fool." Ryan sounds a little like he's laughing at Tommy. Phone pressed to his ear, he goes to the kitchen; he needs a drink, some JD to calm his nerves.  
_　  
 _"You can't prove it." Tommy says, pouring himself a drink, taking it over to the couch, so he can sit down.  
　  
"I paid someone to watch your apartment. There are pictures of him coming to your place, staying the night. For most people, I think that would be enough proof." Ryan says casually and Tommy has to put his drink down, because his hands are shaking. He can't remember drinking any of it, but the glass isn't as full as it was when he first had it in the kitchen and he can taste the sweetness of the drink on his lips.  
_　  
 _"What do you want?" Tommy asks, because there is no way this Ryan guy is just calling to say he knows and nothing else.  
　  
"If I think you’re a risk to them, I will destroy your career. I will make sure your name is worthless. I doubt you'll have a job or fans when I'm done. If Adam leaves Ben for you or I even get a hint from Ben that either of you have done something to risk Ben's rep, I will destroy you and Adam. Keep away as much as you can, unless you want the world to know Adam's fucking some 'straight' boy behind Ben's back." Ryan says calmly, like he's not making threats.  
_　  
 _"You can't do that." Tommy insists.  
　  
"Mud sticks. If you mess up LA's favourite celebrity couple, I will do everything in my power to ruin your life, and Adam's too if he steps out of line. I don't care if you keep fucking, just don't get caught. I could do a lot of damage to you both." Ryan promises and he's right, when people sling mud, rumours, scandal, anything dirty, something always sticks and in their world, reputation can be everything. He doesn't want to end up losing his job, doesn't want Adam to go through hell after he's worked so hard to get where he is.  
_　  
 _"I'm not trying to break them up." It's true. He's never asked Adam to leave Ben for him, and he doesn't even think Adam would if he asked. Their relationship, if it can be called that, is complicated, messed up.  
　  
"Well, then it can stay our little secret." Ryan tells him and something about it makes his skin crawl, makes him feel dirty. Someone knocks and Tommy gets up, walking toward the door, and he feels sick with worry. He could have messed up his and Adam's career, all because he can't keep it in his pants, can't make his feelings for Adam go away.  
_　  
 _"I'll be keeping an eye on you both." Ryan warns._

 _"I won't do anything." He says as he unlocks the door. He can't help but feel weird at the idea of someone maybe watching him and Adam, keeping tabs.  
　  
"You had better not or I will make both your lives hell, understand?" Ryan asks and Tommy opens the door and there's the man himself, in the flesh, Adam.  
_　  
" _I understand, okay? Goodbye." He hangs up, hoping he won't piss off Ryan and hoping that no one's watching them, his apartment. Sure friends visit friends, but this late, it'd look bad and he can feel panic rising in him, making his stomach churn.  
　  
But he still lets Adam in, one last time can't make things worse than they already are. If it can, he's not sure how he'll cope.  
　  
_　  
                                                                                       ++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Weeks without Adam feel like months and he's so afraid Adam will end up hating him. Things were so weird last time they spoke, the last time they were together. He's only seen Sam three times in all those weeks, their relationship not feeling quite right since, if he's honest, ever since the night he topped Adam. He doesn't know why, because what they have is casual. Sam hasn't asked for monogamy, they’re not boyfriends. He hasn't been unfaithful to Sam, but things between them are different now. Maybe because when he slept with Adam, he felt so much more, his heart felt like it was in his throat the whole time and holding Adam after? It had felt amazing. He guesses it's the difference between sleeping with someone you love and someone you like that have him and Sam's casual relationship feeling off.  
　  
He just doesn't know what to do and weeks hiding away isn’t helping shit get any clearer. So when Isaac calls, asks if he wants to hang out, just them, while Sophie has a day out with her Mom, Tommy doesn't hesitate to say yes. Once he's with Isaac, sat watching some western on TV, he hesitates. He can only tell Isaac so much, because he can't risk Ryan hearing anything he shouldn't. Ryan could ruin everyone in the band’s life, so he has to be careful. It's not that he doesn't trust Isaac, but secrets are hard things to keep.  
　  
"You remember Sam right?" Tommy says, because it's start talking about his relationship or he never will. He shouldn't be so nervous, it's been weeks since the phone call, weeks since he found out Ryan, the manager, knew about his Adam's relationship, but three weeks isn't enough to have him feeling right. In a world where reputation is key, is everything, guys like Ryan have all the power.  
　  
"Sam, yeah, the concert guy you’re sleeping with." Isaac shrugs and he likes how Isaac doesn't make a big deal about it being a guy that Tommy's with, but then Isaac's cool like that.  
　  
"He's not the only guy I'm sleeping with." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"You’re cheating on the guy we're kind of working for? Smooth move, Tommy." Isaac groans.  
　  
"No, it's not like that. Sam knows he's not the only person I'm with, because we’re casual, neither of us expect monogamy from the other." Tommy says firmly. He can't be offended by Isaac asking if he cheated, maybe he would have been in the past, but that was before he slept with Adam, knowing Adam was in a relationship with Ben. He might not be cheating on someone, but he's cheating with someone, letting Adam cheat.  
　  
"Then what's the problem?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"I didn't say there was a problem." Tommy says grumpily.  
　  
"Dude, I know you, you wouldn't willingly talk about your relationship unless you had to. And there's the whole thing where you've spent weeks avoiding like everyone." Isaac shrugs.  
　  
"I haven't been avoiding people for weeks." Tweets count as socialising, kind of, maybe.  
　  
"You have, so what's wrong, does the other dude want you to dump Sam?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"No, I'm in love with the other guy, but I can't tell him. But I'm starting to think it's not fair on Sam. Yeah, what we have is casual, but I love someone else." Relationships are hard, he kinda hates them, hates when they get messy and hard like this. He wants a relationship like the one Isaac and Sophie have. He knows it's not perfect and they have problems, but it's a hell of a lot happier, cleaner and just better than Tommy's romantic relationships are right now.  
　  
"Why can't you tell the other guy? Does he have commitment issues or something? Think he'll bolt if you pop out the 'L' word?" Isaac nudges him, smile on his face and it's clear Isaac has no idea how big of a mess Tommy's got himself in and he can't even tell Isaac it all, not without getting Ryan involved with shit that he never wants his friend to be involved in.  
　  
"No, it's complicated. He's in love with someone else. Telling him seems pointless, but I don't want to be unfair to Sam." Tommy shrugs, and he feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he hates it. He's always been pretty laid back when it comes to relationships, till he met Adam. Within weeks of meeting Adam, he knew the guy would be important to him, but he never thought it'd be like this, controlling his whole life, he every thought.  
　  
"Shit, sounds like a hell of a mess, Tommy. Maybe you should end it with the mystery guy who loves someone else?" Isaac suggests.  
　  
"I try. I try and walk away and it stops, for a while, but I go back to him eventually, I always do. It's been weeks since I saw him and I feel raw inside. It hurts not being around him." Tommy admits.  
　  
"Does he know that?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"I really don't know." Tommy sighs. He knows Adam so well, but he can't even guess what Adam wants from him, why Adam keeps coming back to him.  
　  
"Then talk to him, tell him." Isaac says firmly.  
　  
"I don't think I can. I don't want to hurt people, Isaac. I think I am anyways and I, this relationship could hurt a lot of people." He runs a hand through his hair, so frustrated. He's angry with himself, because he keeps messing up. He gets a call telling him to back off from Adam and Adam shows up on his door before it finishes. He should have kicked Adam out, told him to leave, but warning fresh in his mind, he just lets Adam in, fucks around with him. He'd had bruises, love bites, teeth marks the next day. He's stupid and weak and he knows it's all going to blow up in his face any day now.  
　  
"Then maybe you should talk to Sam, tell him you’re in love with another guy and ask if he's okay with being with you, knowing you love someone else." Isaac slings an arm around his shoulders, so Tommy guesses how pathetic he's feeling is showing on his face. Relationships aren't meant to be this hard, are they?  
　  
"If Sam calls it off, I might end up alone." Tommy mumbles.  
　  
"Well when did you last see Sam?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"Weeks ago." Same as Adam.  
　  
"Well, you survived, so you don't need a boyfriend Tommy. You won't be alone without one. You have a family and the Glamily and a bunch of friends. Besides, if you said casual from the beginning, well Sam can't be mad at you for feeling for someone else." Isaac says reasonably.  
　  
"I should have come to talk to you weeks ago." Tommy groans.  
　  
"I'm awesome. I'm a relationship expert." Isaac smirks.  
　  
"Smart ass." He elbows Isaac lightly, and he still feels shitty about both his relationship with Sam and Adam, but he feels like maybe he has a plan; talk to Sam. It's something, a place to starts.  
　  
"Seriously man, you've got to not think about Sam's feelings and think of your own. No offence. Sam seems like a nice guy, but if he's got you twisted in knots, hiding away for weeks, maybe he's not right for you." Isaac says softly.  
　  
"I never thought a relationship that was just based on sex could feel so complicated." Tommy admits. He's done casual before and never felt bad about it, but then he'd never dated two people, casually at the same time and been in love with one and not the other, so it's a real mess.  
　  
"So you've gone from sleeping with two people, to nothing, for weeks? That must suck." Isaac laughs.  
　  
"I miss sex." Tommy admits. He's not going to admit he misses falling asleep with someone, not to Isaac; he feels like enough of a wimp as it is. He's a grown man; he shouldn't hide from his relationships for weeks and just hope his relationships will fix themselves.  
　  
"Now you know what tour’s like. I miss everything about Sophie when we're apart, even the stuff that drives me crazy normally." Isaac smiles fondly and Tommy holds in a sigh. Isaac loves Sophie, so much, wouldn't ever cheat on her, hasn't once on any of the tours that Tommy knows of, even though there have been offers, plenty of them. He's not so sure if Isaac would be happy to talk about his relationships if he knew that Tommy was messing around with an all but married man.  
　  
"I'm going to talk to Sam, let him decide if he still wants to be with me. I like him, but it's not love. Maybe I should end it with him, even if he doesn't?" He doesn't know what to do, has been hoping someone will make the hard choices about his relationships for him, ever since he first got the call from Ryan.  
　  
"I wish I could tell you what to do, tell you how to not get hurt, but I can't." Isaac sighs.  
　  
"I wish you could as well, but I've put this off for weeks. I need to do something about this soon." Tommy will talk to Sam first. Their relationship is less complicated; it's just sex. No one's in love, so it shouldn't be as hard to talk to Sam, he hopes it isn't anyway.  
　  
"Relationships aren't always easy, but some of them are worth putting in the effort for, fighting for." Isaac says, shifting so that they’re basically cuddling on the couch. Isaac’s always good for a hug and he never reads into it. With Isaac, a hug is just a hug, comfort, affection. He doesn't think he's been hugged since the last time Adam was in his bed, weeks ago. It makes him feel a little like crying. His emotions have been too close to the surface these past few weeks and he hates how out of control it makes him feel. He wishes he could have a drink to make his feelings hazy, but it's early, if he asked Isaac it'd make him worry. He can last a few hours.  
　  
"Order in, Mexican?" Isaac suggests.  
　  
"Yes, God yes." He needs some comfort food. Isaac is an awesome friend, just offering comfort without making a big deal out of it.  
　  
They watch movies, eat too much, and at some point, fall asleep. He hasn't slept well in weeks, but Isaac makes him feel peaceful. He's full and sleepy and being held by someone he can love without it hurting. He wakes up when he hears a weird noise, which turns out to be Sophie with a camera. Tommy sits up, careful not to wake up Isaac. He walks to Sophie's side and in silence she shows him a few pictures of him and Isaac, all cuddled up, like puppies having a nap.  
　  
"Don't worry. I won't put them on Twitter." Sophie whispers. They leave Isaac sleeping and head for the door, Sophie telling him about her day while he pulls on his shoes and all her Mom's questions about when she'll be made a grandmother has Tommy smiling.  
　  
"You'd be an awesome Mom, you and Isaac would rock as parents, but do it when you’re ready, not her." Tommy's had the baby talk way too many times from his Mom. He's lucky Lisa had a baby, got his Mom off his back a little. He likes kids, wants one or maybe a whole bunch someday. But when he does, he wants them to have it all, two parents that love them, parents who earn enough to make life easy, but parents who are around, not always at work. He knows money isn't the most important thing, but he wants to be a provider for any child he has and he'd like to be in love with the other person as well.  
　  
"Thank you, you’re a sweet heart. I think we'd both be such worriers. But I've seen you with kids, so uncle Tommy can come help out." Sophie smiles and he straightens from putting on his boots, hugs Sophie close. He loves her, the way he loves Isaac, the way you love family.  
　  
"Thank Isaac for the relationship advice, I really needed to talk." Tommy knows Isaac had called him over to relaxes, but it hadn't bothered him to talk about Tommy's relationships, that were anything but relaxing.  
　  
"Borrow him anytime and if you ever want to talk, I'm here as well." Sophie says, hugging him back tightly. Her hugs remind him a little of his Mom, soft and sweet smelling from the perfume she wears. He's glad and grateful that he has people like Sophie and Isaac in his life.  
　  
"Bye." He kisses her cheek and she opens the door for him, watching to make sure he gets to his car okay. He's damn sure she'll make an awesome Mom someday. He likes the idea of being uncle Tommy. He might not be in the right place in his life or have the right relationship to be a Dad right now, but he thinks he'd have things covered as an uncle; he's already spoiling his niece.  
　  
He drives home, planning to visit Lisa and his Mom. He hasn't done more than call them in weeks and it has him feeling guilty as hell about that. But he'll make up for it, buy his Mom flowers, take her to dinner, look after the baby so Lisa can have a night off. He tries to be a good brother and son and he thinks he does okay when it comes to those relationships. He can't help thinking they would all be disappointed with him if they knew about Adam, the affair, the lies.  
　  
As well as seeing them this week, he'll meet up with Sam, because the conversation they need to have, one that is weeks over due , is one better had in person, not over the phone. He has no idea how it'll go, but he needs to be at least that honest with Sam, it's the least he can do. If Sam is okay with having his body and not his heart, he'll have to think about what to do, but one step at a time, because he needs to do this, but he's not going to go from weeks of nothing, to fixing all his relationships in one day.  
　  
He pulls up at his place, feeling restless, so he won't be going to sleep when he gets inside and it's a little late to be calling people. He stops in his tracks when he reaches the door to his apartment, all of his plan's flying out of his head, because someone is sat outside of his door; Ben.  
　  
"Hi Tommy, can we talk?"  
　  
TBC...


	20. Affair.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Enemies for Fanfic100, Envy for 7-deadly sins and #34 Cuddle. Ben and Tommy have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

Tommy forces his feet to move, to walk toward Ben when all he wants to do is run and not stop till he's far, far away. Ben doesn't really react when he sees Tommy, no anger, which is maybe a good sign, but he's not smiling either. Ben's never even been to his place, not with Adam and certainly never alone. He wonders if he asked someone or if he got the address from the book Adam keeps in his office. Tommy's snooped before, always finding it weird to see random celebrities slotted in between friends and family, like Brian fucking May. Adam knows he's snooped, knows why too, and he's never minded. But then Tommy has never done anything with the info he's got out of Adam's book, he's certainly never turned up at anyone's house uninvited.  
　  
"Hey, Ben." Tommy aims for casual, thinks he maybe manages it, despite the guilt and envy that's swirling in his stomach. He's slept with this man's boyfriend; this man gets to have Adam in a way he never will. He's not sure what's stronger, the envy or the guilt, either way, both are making him feel sick, making him long for a drink to calm his nerves.  
　  
"Hi, sorry for dropping by without warning, can I come in? Talk to you for a bit?" Ben asks and he sounds a little sad, not angry and a part of Tommy is worried that something bad might have happened to Adam, but he doesn't think Ben would be the one to come to him, to tell him.  
　  
"Sure." He goes to the door, unlocks it and holds it open, watching Ben stand up and go inside; he never thought this would happen. He's always liked Ben, because he'd always made Adam happy, even though Ben was kind of a rival, an enemy, but Tommy hadn't really felt that when he was just pinning for Adam, but he kind of does now.  
　  
He'd not planned on this. When he'd came home from Isaac’s he was meant to call Sam, ask to see him so that they can arrange meeting up so they can talk, but that'll have to wait. Because Ben was waiting for him, asking to talk, but talk about what? He's not sure he wants to know, if his world’s about to imploded. But he's not foolish to believe that Ben sat on his doorstop waiting for him to get home just so he can talk to Tommy about suits for the wedding or something. God, the wedding, he's meant to stand up there and be Adam's best man, everyone knows he is because he said yes in front of everyone when Adam asked him. Unsurprisingly, he hasn't started his speech for that yet, can't think of a word to say that wouldn't be a lie. He wishes he was still with Isaac, cuddled up in front of the TV, but then he'd rather be anywhere but here.  
　  
"Take a seat, would you like anything to drink; tea, coffee, soda?" He's glad it's late enough that he can get away with having a drink, but he knows Ben doesn't really drink much, so he doesn't offer him a beer.  
　  
"I'm fine, thanks." Ben says, sitting down on the couch, perched on the edge, whole body tense and he doesn't look fine.  
　  
"I'm just going to grab a coffee. I crashed when I was at Isaac's, I need something to wake me up." Tommy says, smiling weakly before bolting to his kitchen. Fuck, he feels weird being around Ben, so much envy he's surprised his eyes aren't green and enough guilt to give himself an ulcer.  
　  
He makes himself a coffee and spikes it with a couple of shots of jack, sniffing the contents with his back to the rest of the apartment. The coffee masks most of the smell of the jack, so Ben probably won't notice. For some reason, he doesn't want Ben to know that Tommy needs a drink just to have a conversation with him. He goes back to where he left Ben and sits in the armchair, sips his coffee even though it's still hot enough to burn right now.  
　  
"I don't know how to say this." Ben says softly and Tommy takes another gulp of too hot coffee, because he thinks maybe he needs some liquid courage, because it's clear by Ben's tone that whatever he has to say, it isn't anything good.  
　  
"Take your time, man." Tommy says, even though he kind of wants to beg Ben to not say anything, everything's already so messed up. He can't help comparing himself to Ben, to the man Adam's chosen for more than sex. He's good looking, well dressed, knows how to handle the press, he's successful and Tommy can't help but envy him. Everything seems to come so easy to him and Tommy feels like he's been fighting everything lately. Fighting for what he wants, fighting to do the right thing. He's never been the jealous guy, he's always been laid back, but he envies Ben so much that it burns. He doesn't hate him though, because Ben hasn't done anything wrong, he has.   
　  
"Adam had an affair." Ben blurts and Tommy feels his blood freeze in his veins.   
　  
"Are you sure?" Tommy croaks out.   
　  
"Adam told me himself. I wanted to know if he told you anything? I know you’re his friend and that it's unfair to drag you into things, but I need to know." Ben sighs and Tommy's heart lurches in his chest. Ben knows about the affair, but not about him.   
　  
"I, Ben. I don't know what to say." Which is the truth, he doesn't know what he can say, but he knows he can't tell Ben about him and Adam. If he tells Ben about what happened, Ryan will ruin his and Adam's careers and he'll be ruining Adam's life, he's happy with Ben.  
　  
"All I want to know is that he told me the truth. I won't ask who he was with, I don't want to know. But I just need to know he's not lying." Ben says softly, his eyes are shiny like he might start crying and he somehow looks beautiful like that and Tommy envies him that too. He's not pretty when he cries, he always thought that was just something they showed in the movies, because they didn't want red faces and snot on TV, but Ben, he looks like he'd still be pretty with tears running down his face.  
　  
"What do you want to know about?" Tommy asks, before he takes another gulp of his coffee. He kind of wishes he'd put more jack in this.  
　  
"He told me it's over, that the person was just one last fling." Ben sighs heavily and Tommy feels like he's being stabbed in the gut, because Adam had said similar to him, back in the beginning, back when they were only meant to be together once.  
　  
"It was never more than sex. He said he was sorry, that the affair was a stupid mistake, all lust nothing else. He said he was thinking with his dick, that the person wasn't important to him. He says he loves me, that he wants to work on things, get us back to where we were before the affair. So I want to know, has Adam said anything? Does he really mean it when he says he loves me and no one else?" Ben asks.  
　  
"We've not talked much lately, but I'm sure he loves you and only you." Tommy says firmly, even as his heart shatters. He's nothing but a warm and willing hole for Adam to fuck. He was a fool to think maybe it was anything other than sex. He's so stupid, loving a man who just wants to get off.   
　  
"I should get him to go get tested. I mean, we use condoms, but from what he said, this other guy's pretty slutty. I'll be so pissed if he's given me something." Ben shakes his head, looking disgusted.   
　  
Tommy feels like the shattered pieces of his heart are being stomped on, ground to dust. Does Adam really think that? Did he call Tommy a slut or did Ben decide that after something Adam said. Adam knows about Lee, his first gay hook up, he'd seen Tommy flirt with the stripper Craig. He knows Tommy's sleeping with Sam and obviously he knows that he put out the second Adam asked. Maybe Adam does think that, it's not like Tommy's done anything lately to make it look like he's anything but easy.   
　  
"If he had something, I'd make him tell me who the affair was and that little tramp would be making one serious enemy. I mean, what kind of dirty little whore lets some guy they know is getting married fuck them? The world knows Adam's marrying me, so unless they live under a rock, they had to know what they were doing is wrong. Adam wears a ring, a ring I got him. I can't believe he cheated on me with some slut." Ben rants, one tear falls and he brushes it off his cheek with an angry swipe of his hand.  
　  
Enemies; Tommy's never had an enemy before, he's been disliked, hated even, but enemies are different. What Ben is saying has him thinking, what kind of selfish slut is he? He doesn't like people who cheat, never has. He's been cheated on and it hurt like hell and now he's been sneaking around behind Ben's back, sneaking around with his future husband. He probably deserves to have an enemy.   
　  
"I'm sorry, you don't need to hear all this." Ben sighs.  
　  
"No, it's okay." And it is, maybe Tommy should hear this, needs to. He needs to hear that he's nothing to Adam, needs to see how much he's hurting a man that he envies. He's been sleeping with Ben's man, but he isn't winning here; if there's anything to be won. Ben has Adam's heart, Adam's dick just likes him. He's an idiot for thinking he was ever more than a convenient fuck to Adam.   
　  
"Well, I should go, thank you for talking to me. I just wanted to know that he was serious about fixing things. He loves me, I know he does, he took me out to dinner the other week and we had such a good time. But I've been holding back, because I wasn't sure it was really over. He said he never loved or cared about this other guy and I believe him. We'll get back on track and it'll be okay. Sorry for blurting all this out to you, but you’re the only person I could think to ask about it. You’re Adam's friend, I knew he'd tell you something. You’re sure it's over like he said?" Ben asks, his eyes bright, so trusting, he thinks Tommy is helping him and it makes Tommy hate himself. How can he envy this man? Kind and sweet, everything that Adam needs. Adam just can't keep it in his pants, really did just want to get fucking around out of his system before he said 'I do' and Tommy was so, so stupid to think it was more; he's a fool. He's not a commentator or an enemy that Ben needs to fight off, because there isn't a fight to have Adam; Ben's already won.  
　  
"No problem, let me walk you out." He stands, his legs feeling weak as he gets up and walks Ben to the door. He's spent so long envying Ben for having what Ben wants that he's failed to see that he just can't have it, because Ben has it. And Ben, he's not Tommy's enemy, he's just the man Adam chose.  
　  
"Thanks, you’re a real sweetheart, Tommy Joe. I freaked out because I'm still a little insecure because of the affair. But I know Adam loves me. He's not leaving me for this other guy. I need to stop worrying about finding my enemy and making them pay and start focusing on getting things back to normal with my faïence." Ben says, smiling slightly and Tommy feels like scum.  
　  
"I'm sure you'll work through it." Tommy says, feeling like he's reading out of a script or something, saying what he knows he should, even though he doesn't feel that way. Acting like everything is okay, when really he's falling apart inside.  
　  
"Bye, Tommy." Ben says, giving Tommy a brief hug and Tommy has never felt lower. If there's something lower than scum, well that's where he's at right now.  
　  
"Bye, Ben." Tommy says softly. He closes the door behind Ben and stands there for a few seconds before he has to bolt to the bathroom, coffee and jack coming back in a rush as he holds on to the cool porcelain as he heaves.   
　  
++++++++++++++++++  
　  
He'd stayed in his bathroom for a long time, heaving till his stomach was empty. He'd got up and brushed his teeth with shaking hands. He'd looked at himself in the mirror and been disgusted. He was pale, dark circles under blood shot eyes. How could he ever think Adam wanted more from him than some no strings attached sex? He'd had to get out of his apartment after that, so figuring seen as he'd probably thrown up all the booze he'd drunk, he'd got in his car and started driving. He didn't know where he was going, just that he needed to be somewhere else other than the apartment. He'd fucked Adam in there and then had sat talking to Ben like he wasn't the bad guy, like Tommy's not the enemy, the villain in this situation.   
　  
He thinks about going to see Mike or Dave, they'd let him sit and brood or try and distract him and they always seem to know when he just wants to cuddle and not talk. But he doesn't want to worry them and he knows they will if he shows up in a mood like this one. They know him too well to be brushed off and it's not like he can tell them why he's upset. They don't even know he's into guys. Maybe he should tell them, it's not like either of them are homophobic, but he doesn't want them to ask if he's seeing a guy. He can't tell them about Adam and Sam, well he's not sure they'd get him being that casual with someone and they might think it's weird if he told them Sam was part of the team working on a huge concert that Tommy would be playing at.  
　  
He can't go to his Mom or sister, even though they both give great hugs. They see right through him when he's upset and pretending not to be. Besides it's late, too late to just show up without an invite. He won't call and ask either, because a call late at night, when you’re not expecting it, well they'll think it's bad news, that's what he always assumes. So he keeps driving and keeps thinking. In the past he would have gone to Adam, but that's really not an option anymore. He's lost his best friend because neither of them can keep their dicks zipped away. He's never had sex with a friend before, he knows how messy it can get, has seen it in other people's relationships/friendships and he should have known better, well he's feeling pretty stupid now.   
　  
He'd go to Isaac and Sophie's, knows that he'd be welcome, even late, but he doesn't want to. He's already put some of his burden on Isaac today, talking to him about a relationship that no one else can know about, because Tommy's not out. He doesn't want to unload on Isaac again, can't tell him why he just needs someone to cuddle him and Isaac would ask. Besides, the last thing he needs right now is to be around a couple. He doesn't want to envy them their happiness just because he's down right now. He loves them, loves how happy they make each other, he doesn't envy them, but right now he can't tell how he's going to feel about anything and he's not about to risk going to see them and making himself feel worse by taking his mood out on them. If he talks to someone, it needs to be someone single.  
　  
Not that he really wants to talk, he just doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts. He wants someone who will hug him without interrogating him about why he needs someone to cuddle him. In the end, he drives to Sutan's, because Sutan is always happy to listen to him talk, but he won't make Tommy talk, he's a big believer in letting people take things at their own pace. He takes a while to get out of the car when he gets there, nervous that Sutan will take one look at him and somehow know that Tommy's broken inside. Sutan sees a lot more than most people and he's not easy to fool. Tommy gets out of the car anyway, he knows the code to get through the door into Sutan's building. He walks up, hands buried in his pockets, feeling small and somehow vulnerable. He can't help playing back everything Ben said and he's feeling worthless. If he'd stayed at home, alone with his thoughts, he probably would have drunk jack till he passed out, but his problems would still be there in the morning, they always were when he tried to drink them away and he was starting to think maybe drinking wasn't as helpful as he thought it was. But even as he stands there and rings Sutan's bell, he knows he won't just give up trying to drink his problems away, because it's not that easy and a small part of him still thinks if he drinks enough, his problems might not go away, but he might at least be able to stop thinking about them.  
　  
Sutan opens the door in a silk robe that looks kind of like a Chinese kimono, black and red, it's pretty cool, it also doesn't even reach his knee. Unless he has something on under that robe, well he's risking flashing. Sutan might be a believer in flaunting what you've got, but he's not the flashing type and Tommy's suddenly worried that he woke Sutan up or maybe interrupted a date or something. He should have called first, he is such a fuck up.  
　  
"Hi baby, I wasn't expecting to see you, everyone's said you've been all hermity for weeks. Come in, I was just in the bath, so I need to finish drying my hair." Sutan babbles happily and Tommy looks up and at Sutan properly for the first time since the door open and notices that Sutan's jet black hair is damp. At least he didn't wake Sutan up and didn't interrupt something important. He startles when Sutan grabs his arm and pulls him into a hug and pulls him into the apartment, shutting the door one handed before wrapping it around Tommy as well. Tommy cuddles close, not caring that Sutan's almost naked, he needs this, needs to be cuddled by someone he knows who really cares about him.  
　  
When Sutan lets go, he tries to act like what just happened wasn't weird, that he didn't need to be cuddled, still doesn't. Sutan guides him over to the couch and pushes Tommy till he sits down, before sitting down next to Tommy, legs crossed so carefully that it answers the question of if Sutan is wearing anything under his robe and the answer is no, he's not.   
　  
"Sorry for coming here so late." Tommy says softly. Ben had said sorry to him, how fucked up is that? He's having an affair with the guy's fiancé and Ben's apologizing to him.  
　  
"Don't worry about it, you’re always welcome, Tommy Joe. Who doesn't like cute visitors?" Sutan smiles, slipping an arm around Tommy's shoulders and Tommy leans in, taking the invitation for what it is and cuddles close.   
　  
It doesn't take away the pain, the self-hatred, the guilt or the envy, but it makes it feel like the world isn't a completely horrible place to be right now. It smooth’s out some the ragged edges and he's so glad he came here. He likes Sutan's cuddles, likes cuddling with someone who's taller than him, but who doesn't remind him of Adam. Sutan and Adam's bodies are different and they cuddle differently too. He's spent hours hugging Adam before, way before they ever had sex. They've been hugging less since the affair started. Apart from the last two times, when Adam had stayed. He'd read too much into that, he's a fool.   
　  
"Want to talk about it, baby?" Sutan asks and he knew Sutan would know something was wrong, but he also knew that Sutan would give him the option to talk or not.  
　  
"No, can we just stay like this? I just really need to be cuddled right now." He doesn't feel embarrassed asking to be cuddled, he would have been once, back when he was trying to be tougher than he was, trying to be manly, because he'd not been comfortable in his own skin back then, hadn't made peace with his slight body and pretty features. He'd hated when people called him pretty, seeing it as too girly to be a compliment, but he's grown out of that.  
　  
"Of course we can, Tommy. You know I love a good cuddle." Sutan smiles softly, then presses a soft kiss to the top of Tommy's head. He doesn't turn on the TV, doesn't go to wash his hair, he just cuddles Tommy close, sits in silence with him. When the first tears slip free, he presses his face into Sutan's chest. Sutan strokes his back soothingly, but he doesn't ask why, he just keeps on cuddling Tommy close and lets him fall apart.  
　  
+++++++++++++++++++  
　  
He walks into the bar and heads for the tables in the back. Ryan's waiting for him, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He puts it down when Ben reaches the table, standing to greet him. Ben sits and waits for the waitress to come over to take his order. She doesn't even look old enough to work in a bar, bright smile, perky and Ben would bet any money that she came to L.A with stars in her eyes, with the dream of becoming a model, actress or singer. He orders a gin and tonic; he doesn't drink often, but right now he feels like he needs it. He makes small talk with Ryan until she gets back with his drink. The moment she leaves again, the mood changes, he feels it shift.  
　  
"Did you do it?" Ryan asked.  
　  
"I did. I can't believe my fiancé is fucking his best man; his straight best man." Ben shakes his head. He thought it was tradition for the best man to sleep with a bridesmaid, not the groom.  
　  
"I showed you the pictures." Ryan shrugs.  
　  
"Oh no, I believe you about it being, Tommy. I just can't believe he strayed so close to home. The guilt was written all over his face when he saw me waiting for him." Ben sighs, sipping his drink, a part of him feels a little bad about telling all those lies to Tommy. But a bigger part reminds him that Tommy is the enemy, he's the one who is making a fool of Ben. He won't let some slutty, supposedly straight, bassist stop him. Adam's the perfect man for him. Together they are the perfect celebrity couple, being together is good for both of them, Ryan's explained time and again, from the beginning really. The sex has always been good and apart from the affair, Adam treats him well. Ryan had said he didn't need to love Adam to be with him, but over time he had fallen for Adam and that just makes him angrier that Tommy tried to ruin it all. If Tommy had loved Adam, he'd had years before Ben was in the picture to get with him. Ryan said Tommy had to be playing a game, that he envied how happy Adam and Ben were, so he was trying to ruin it. Ben wasn't going to let that happen. Adam was his and they could be so happy together, he knew they could be. He just had to make sure Tommy didn't get in the way of their happiness. If he did, he'd learn that Ben wasn't joking, he made for a very unpleasant enemy. He hadn't made it this far in his career by being nice. Ryan had been with him since he'd started out and all the advice he had ever given had helped Ben, so he was confident that Ryan knew what he was doing with this situation.   
　  
"It'll all work out for the best." Ryan assures, like he can read Ben's mind.  
　  
"I know it will." He has till the wedding to make Adam fall in love with him again. They had been in love once, they can get that back. All he needs to do is pretend to forgive him and keep his enemy from stealing his man. He doesn't want his career to be affected, but he also doesn't want to lose Adam to stop dyed blonde little straight boy who doesn't even have the balls to come out. Adam deserves better and Ben deserves the best. Ryan's always saying he does and Ryan knows how to get it for him.  
　  
"I'm glad you came to me with this problem." Ryan smiles. Tommy's made a big mistake messing with them, made two enemies and he doesn't even know it yet, but he will, sooner or later. Ben will make sure of that.  
　  
TBC...


	21. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty one of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt black for Fanfic100 and the prompt passionate for lover100. Sutan throws a party and Tommy and Adam see each other for the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

He's getting ready for Sutan's party, not even sure he wants to go, to be around people right now. But he said yes over a month ago. Ben was meant to come with him, but he's changed his mind. When Adam called him though, he had been a lot less snappy. It was almost like talking to him before everything had happened, it had felt weird, confused him. Ben was acting like Adam had never cheated on him, like he was still in love with Adam. He knows they need to talk about it. Are they together? Does Ben want him? Does he want Ben, does he still love him? So many unanswered questions and he should go to Ben's place, talk to him about what's going on. But he promised to go the party and it's not like one day will make much difference right now.

　

So he puts on a black shirt and jacket, black slacks, does his hair, his makeup, till he feels more like himself. He doesn't know whether to be glad Ben isn't coming with him or not. People are going to ask why Ben isn't with him, when he'd said he'd come and he hates knowing he'll lie to everyone he asks. He'd always thought of himself as an honest person and he thinks he was, until the last few months. Now he's a liar and a cheater and he doesn't know what to do to make it right, to be able to look in the mirror and not hate the person he sees looking back at him. He's not one for black moods normally, even though he truly believes people have a dark and light side, but this is nothing like that. He feels like he's falling into blackness. Lust, all the hot, dirty sex, all the things he craves, maybe it's okay to want those things, but he shouldn't be taking from Tommy; he feels so passionate when he's around Tommy. It's not like sex has ever been bad with Ben, but it's not the same, not as passionate. If Tommy was his, Adam would never be able to keep his hands off of him. But Tommy's not his, he can't ask for that while he's with Ben. Even if he broke his promise to Ben and told Tommy about his deal with Ben, it wouldn't change things. No way will Tommy wait for him to get married and divorced before they can be together.

　

He leaves his place to go to Sutan's party, a black mood engulfing him and he can't seem to shake it off. He hopes he'll be doing more than faking happiness once he's with his friends. When he gets to Sutan's place, he rings the buzzer so that he can be let in. he doesn't expect Tommy to open the door, even though he knows from Twitter that Sutan and Tommy have been hanging around a lot in the past weeks. He knew Tommy would be here, but he's still surprised to come face to face with him so soon.

　

"Hi, Tommy." Adam blurts out and he didn't know those words could even come out sounding awkward. 

　

"Hi." Tommy says quietly. He's dressed in a short sleeved black T-shirt, showing off his tattoos and tight black jeans that probably look amazing on his tiny ass. Tommy all in black, even black shimmery eye shadow is a sight to see and it makes Adam want to ask for things he has no right to ask for. He's a selfish bastard, staying with Ben to make up for what he did and to keep their reputations, but still taking whatever he can get from Tommy. It's not fair, but he's weak.

　

"You should come in." Tommy says after the long silence, he can't ever remember things being so awkward between them and it's all his fault.

　

"Yeah, I should." Adam agrees, waiting for Tommy to step back so he can. When Tommy turns to walk back into the apartment, he can't help but look at him, look at his ass covered in black denim. He feels like such a sleaze. As fake as things are between him and Ben right now, they are still a couple, getting married and he shouldn't be checking other men out. He's dragged Tommy into his mess of a relationship too many times already. Tommy disappears as soon as they are inside and it makes Adam's heart clench, it shouldn't hurt as much as it does to see Tommy walking away from him. There was a time when they had been attached at the hip and he misses it. 

　

"Adam, you’re here." Sutan says brightly, coming over to hug him.

　

"Tommy let me in." Adam says as he hugs Sutan.

　

"About a certain little blonde, we need to talk later. Don't even think of leaving. We'll talk after the party ends." Sutan whispers and Adam wishes he could read his tone better. He can't tell if Sutan is mad, can't even guess what he might have to say.

　

"Okay. I'll stay." Adam agrees softly and then Sutan steps back and back into host mode, smiling and getting Adam a drink. He thinks he might need a few to get through the party and his talk with Sutan.

　

He scans the room and spots Tommy sat on a couch between Sophie and Isaac and they’re both playing with his hair, trying to make tiny little plats. Tommy's smile doesn't reach his eyes and it would take a black hearted person to hurt a man who's already hurting, so Adam tries to stay away, tries not to be jealous over the casual affection Tommy shows his friends, but doesn't show Adam anymore. Having sex is intimate and it should have made them closer instead of pushing them apart. He spends the party smiling and laughing in all the right places and never meaning it. When he catches sight of black clothes and blonde hair, he always looks away. If any one finds it weird that he's not around Tommy at all, then they don't say anything, not to Adam anyway.

　

He manages to avoid being near Tommy, being alone with him, till he goes to the kitchen to get him and Sutan a drink. He can't see most of him through the fridge door, but he can see boots and he recognise Tommy's ass in those tight jeans. He freezes on the spot and when Tommy closes the fridge door, holding two beer bottles by their necks, he looks startled to see Adam standing there. 

　

"Oh, hey, I was just getting a drink for me and Sutan." Adam explains, hating the awkwardness between them. It's like they only have two settings around each other right now; passionate or awkward.

　

"I was getting beers for me and Isaac. Sophie drove, so she's not drinking. I can't find any soda for her though." Tommy says, setting the beers down on the counter.

　

"It's okay, I know where it is. Adam says and then he's right by Tommy, opening the fridge up and trying to ignore how close Tommy is. Trying to bloke out every passionate encounter they have ever had.

　

"It's here, in the bottom draw, behind the fruit." Adam says, pulling the draw open and pointing.

　

"Thanks." Tommy says, grabbing a can and putting it with his beers.

　

"Why are we acting like this?" Adam asks as he shuts the fridge door.

　

"Like what?" Tommy asks.

　

"Like we’re strangers." Adam sighs.

　

"I don't see what else you could want from me, you've already got what you wanted." Tommy shrugs.

　

"What's that supposed to mean?" Adam asks.

　

"I think you know what it means. You’re not stupid, Adam, and I really wish you'd quit treating me like I am." Tommy snaps and then he grabs the beer and the soda and storms past Adam before he can even say something. He knows there is a fine line between love and hate, between passionate and angry, but it wasn't a line he's thought they would cross. But Tommy's more than a little mad at him, his anger as black, as dark as Adam's mood had been before he came to this party.

　

He gets out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke. He replays what Tommy said and he doesn't understand. He wants everything from Tommy, but he doesn't have that. He doesn't get it, doesn't get what Tommy thinks he wanted, what he could have took. As he's pouring himself a larger measure of vodka than the one in Sutan's glass, he has a thought, one as black as winter. They've had sex, is that all Tommy thinks he wanted from him? And if it is that, is Tommy angry because he wanted more? He hadn't ever said he wanted more, but then again Adam had never asked him, had he?

　

He fills the glasses up with coke and he's careful not to give Sutan his drink when he rejoins the party. He can't even taste the coke and it burns his throat, makes heat clear in his chest. For the first time in his life, he doesn't want to be around Tommy. Right now, the passion has died out, because Tommy thinks he's used him for sex. How could he think that? Is that the kind of man he thinks Adam is?

　

Sutan stays close for the whole party, but he doesn't mention Tommy even once. Almost like he knows not to right now. Tommy stays away, hardly leaving Sophie and Isaac's sides and the couple seem to be happy to have him with them. He's never been jealous of Tommy's friendships, but he can't help it tonight. Jealousy is an ugly, black emotion and he hates himself for saying it. He's actually glad when people start to leave, even though he's really not looking forward to talking to Sutan.

　

"Help me tidy up a bit before we talk?" Sutan asks, holding out a black rubbish bag.

　

"No problem." He takes the black bag and starts filling it with empty cans and bottles, leaving the actual glasses for Sutan to collect and put in his dish washer.

　

Once Sutan's home is looking more like it should, Adam sits down on the couch next to Sutan, who looks so serious that he knows this won't be a nice talk. He hadn't thought it would be when Sutan had asked anyway. If Sutan wanted to talk to him alone, face to face, something had to be going on.

　

"Are you still sleeping with Tommy?" Sutan asks bluntly.

　

"It's been weeks." Adam admits.

　

"Did something happen the last time you were together, like a fight?" Sutan asks.

　

"No, he just started avoiding me." Adam shrugs.

　

"Fuck, I was hoping you could tell me what was wrong with him. He said it wasn't Sam, that Sam's been so busy with work that they haven't had time to have problems." Sutan groans.

　

"What makes you think there's something wrong with Tommy?" Adam asks worried.

　

"He's been really quiet, withdrawn, not just the way he can normally be quiet. He came here a few weeks ago and it was obvious something had happened, but we haven't talked about it. I know there's something wrong with him. Are you sure he hasn't said anything to you?" Sutan asks, worry clear in his voice and his eyes. Way back when Adam had introduced Tommy to his friends, Sutan had taken to him right away and they've been friends ever since.

　

"He hasn't said anything. We didn't really talk the last time we were alone for a long time. And today in the minutes we were alone together, he was acting kind of weird." Adam sighs.

　

"That's another thing, what happened to telling Ben about the affair, about Tommy?" Sutan asks.

　

"I told him, not that it was Tommy, but that I'd cheated." Adam says, biting his lip. He can't tell Sutan about his deal with Ben.

　

"So he forgave you or are you just both hiding the break up?" Sutan asks.

　

"Things aren't that black and white, Sutan. He's not forgiven me, maybe he shouldn't after what I did. But he doesn't want to end things." Adam shrugs, going as close to the truth as he can without mentioning the deal.

　

"He doesn't want to end things, but do you?" Sutan says, raising an eyebrow at him.

　

"I don't know. I really don't know anymore." A part of him is in love with Ben, but the passionate relationship he's had with Tommy has shown him that he could have more than he had ever had with Ben. But maybe relationships that passionate aren't meant to last; things with Ben would have lasted if not for Adam having an affair.

　

"Shouldn't you work that out before you get married?" Sutan says gently.

　

"It's not that easy." It really isn't.

　

"Another it's not as easy as black and white? Because from where I'm sitting, you shouldn't marry a man you’re maybe not in love with. It's simple, it's black, you know it is." Sutan all but growls at him.

　

"Just trust me, it's not simple. But you didn't want to talk about Ben and me. This is about Tommy." Adam reminds him.

　

"I know it's about Tommy, but you and Ben could be playing a part in why he's acting weird. He doesn't know I know about the two of you. I've been waiting, hoping he'll bring it up, but he never does. I'm worried, Adam." Sutan sighs.

　

"Have you asked him what's wrong?" Adam asks.

　

"Yes, a dozen times at least, but he just says he's fine." Sutan says and Adam hates how worried he looks as much as he hates the idea of something being wrong with Tommy.

　

"Maybe he's just having an off week?" Adam suggests, hopeful that it could be something that simple. He doesn't want Tommy to be hurting. 

　

"I've seen him have an off week, that's not it this time. He usually has such a lust for life, he's normally passionate about the things he likes, but he's not like that lately. He's like a shell of the man he normally is." Sutan shakes his head and Adam wants to do something to make him feel better and if Tommy is hurting, he wants to take away the pain if he can.

　

"Should I try to talk to him? Or maybe both of us?" Adam asks, because when he tries to talk to Tommy alone, well they don't normally end up talking all that much.

　

"If we both talk to him at once, it'll feel like we're ganging up on him. And I don't want him to think he can't talk to either of us without it getting back to the other. I'm just so worried about him." Sutan sighs heavily.

　

"Then I'll try to talk to him, okay? And I mean talk, and if that doesn't work, then you try again. We'll save both of us talking to him together if that doesn't work. I don't want him to feel like we’re pressuring him to talk. I just want to make it better. Adam says firmly.

　

"Have you ever considered that he might be jealous of Ben? That maybe he's upset because you’re going to marry Ben?" Sutan asks.

　

"He's known I was marrying Ben from the beginning, nothing's changed since then." Adam shrugs, because he's sure for Tommy, things haven't changed. He doesn't know Tommy's reasons for wanting to sleep with him, but he can't see why anything would have changed.

　

"Maybe Tommy's changed, maybe he wants more than what he's getting from you?" Sutan suggests.

　

"He practically accused me of just using him for sex, before in your kitchen." Adam admits.

　

"Kind of makes it sound like he wants more than sex to me, Adam. I mean, why would he be mad at you for using him for sex, if all he wanted from you was sex?" Sutan asks.

　

"He's never said he wanted more." Adam says softly.

　

"Have you asked?" Sutan asks gently.

　

"No, we haven't really talked much about what's between us. We just plan to meet up and it happens, it's never, we don't plan to have sex, it just happens. I think we both know it'll probably happen if we’re alone, but we don't talk about why it happens." Adam sighs.

　

"You need to talk to him." Sutan says firmly.

　

"I know, I will." Adam nods, rubbing his hands over his face.

　

"Soon." Sutan adds.

　

"Yeah, okay, I'll talk to him as soon as I can." Adam sighs.

　

"Want to stay here tonight? Or will Ben be home waiting for you? You look really tired and a little drunk." Sutan sighs.

　

"Ben's staying at his place tonight, he has an early meeting with his manager, Ryan, and apparently the guy hates if he's late and he always is when he stays at mine." Which is all true, he just leaves out the fact that he and Ben haven't shared a bed in weeks. "Can I stay? I'd like to." Adam says softly. He's slept on Sutan's black leather couch before and he doesn't want to be home right now. He feels like his head’s been replaced with a black hole and it keeps taking stuff in, but nothing's coming out, because he just doesn't know what to do to stop everyone from getting hurt. He can't think of one single plan of action that would end with everyone happy and unhurt.

　

"Of course you can stay, I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it." Sutan smiles softly and they get spare blankets and pillows so that Adam can sleep on the black couch. He strips down to his black boxers and gets under the blankets. Sutan stops on his way to his own bed and crouches down next to Adam.

　

"Thank you, for agreeing to try and talk to him. And I do get that decisions aren't always black and white. I just don't want you to get hurt or for Tommy to hurt. And Ben's always seemed like a nice guy. So I don't think any of you deserve the world of pain you’re heading for. I don't want you making mistakes you can't come back from, can't fix." Sutan says with a sad, worried little smile and once again it would take a black hearted person to hurt anyone like Sutan. He's a good man, kind, gentle and he loves with everything he has. Adam's lucky to have him as a friend, lucky to have not lost him when he told Sutan what had been going on between him and Tommy.

　

"Try and get some sleep." Sutan says, kissing him gently on the lips. It's a kiss devoid of any passionate, it's a tender kiss, between friends, meant to comfort, so it isn't meant to be passionate. 

　

"Night." Adam smiles, because he doesn't know what else to say, how to thank Sutan for being there, for him and Tommy. He's glad, that if Tommy has been hurting that he's known he could go to Sutan, because sometimes being around someone you know cares is enough to make you feel better without even talking.

　

If Adam is the reason for Tommy acting weird he doesn't know what to do. Because there is more than passion between them, at least on Adam's side and if he's hurt Tommy, the man he love, his best friend, best man, lover, well his soul belongs in the blackest pits of hell. He doesn't know how he will ever fix anything if he has hurt Tommy. He just wants to take everyone's pain away, but he doesn't know how to. He's made a big mess, maybe played with a few hearts, but he never meant to and all he wants is to find a way to fix it. First thing’s first, he'll do what he promised Sutan and talk to Tommy and from there, he doesn't know what he'll do. He thinks it depends a lot on what Tommy has to say to him. If Tommy did love him, if their relationship was more than just a passionate affair to Tommy, well he knows he'd have to talk to Ben. He doesn't want to hurt Ben or embarrass him, but if he has it, he can't just throw away Tommy's love. It would kill him to turn his back on that, turn his heart black and withered. He's loved Tommy for years, so to be loved back by him would be like a dream, the kind he'd never want to wake up from.

　

TBC...


	22. Sex And Secrets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty two of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Triangle for Fanfic100, #31 Wrong for lover100 and #47 Top for Smut_69. Adam Comes over to Talk, but Tommy doesn't want to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

He never thought he'd be in a love triangle with Adam. He'd always figured if they got together that would be it, for both of them, happily ever after, the end. But it wasn't like that, it never will be, he knows that now. So when Adam calls and says he wants to talk, Tommy should say no, he knows he should, but he doesn't. It's time this triangle ends, this time will be their last, either Adam chooses him or he chooses Ben; he can't have them both. He has a few drinks to steady his nerves before Adam gets there, brushes his teeth so that Adam won't smell it on his breath. It feels like lying, but really, what’s another lie on top of all the mess they have going on? No more though, there has been enough lies, he's having his one last time with Adam and then he's telling him to choose. If Adam picks Ben, at least he'll have one good last memory.

　

He wants to be able to think of Adam without it hurting. So when Adam knocks on his door, Tommy opens it and greets Adam with a kiss. He doesn't let Adam talk, just pushes into his space, gets his arms around Adam's neck and kisses him. 

　

"I came to talk." Adam says when Tommy lets go of him long enough to shut the door.

　

"We can talk after." Tommy promises and he kisses Adam again, licking at his mouth till Adam lets him in.

　

He wants to pretend for just a little while that he's not in a love triangle, that there is no one else for either of them. That he told Adam he liked men before Adam proposed to Ben. It's wrong, they shouldn't, he knows it's wrong, but he wants Adam to top him, in case this all ends today. He wants to give that to Adam and then never let a man top him again, because no one will ever make it feel as good as Adam does. He's wrong to sleep with a man he knows is engaged to be married, but he wants Adam so badly, so badly that the wrong feels so right. He ends the kiss, takes Adam's hand and leads them both to his bedroom. They've been here before and it always feels so right, even though there is nothing right about their love triangle. 

　

He takes the lead to start with, but by the time he's got them both naked, Adam's dominant side kicks in. He pins Tommy to the bed, all dominate top and it makes his body hum. He never feels more alive than when Adam is topping him. He thinks it would feel wrong to be underneath any man who wasn't Adam. It hasn't been a problem with Sam, because he's never asked to top Tommy. He's not sure what he would do if Sam did asked; they've hardly been in contact lately and Tommy knows he has to end things with Sam, sooner rather than later. They might only be casual, but his heart, his mind, his body, it's all Adam's, not Sam's.

　

Adam gets the lube out of the draw beside his bed, slicks his fingers up and starts working Tommy open. It never feels wrong, even though he knows it is. He's in a love triangle with his best friend and a man who comes to Tommy hurting, asking if Adam's affair is really over. It's too much, he feels like crying. Instead he focuses on the feel of Adam's fingers inside of him, stretching him, getting him ready for Adam's cock. He makes himself relax, gives himself over to Adam, trusting the only man he has ever let top him to make it good; it's always good. Good sex doesn't mean it's right for them to be here, but he wants this, as wrong as it is. He should have asked Adam to choose between him and Ben as soon as Adam got here, but he's so afraid that when he does, that he'll lose Adam. The triangle will be over and he'll be alone.

　

He holds Adam close, lets him deal with finding a condom, putting it on. He kisses Adam, slow and deep, loving the feel of Adam on top of him, inside of him. Adam holds him down, rocking his body into Tommy, making the pleasure build. He feels so close to Adam when they are like this. When Adam tops he feels protected, cared for, almost loved, but he knows that's wrong, but he can pretend. They don't talk, they just move together, bodies joined, hands running over soft skin, their lips meeting. Every kiss makes him shake, feels like Adam's touching more than his lips, like Adam's touching his soul. 

　

　

He comes first, without his cock ever being touched, comes on Adam's cock and he can see Adam's face, he looks at Tommy like he's something beautiful, important. While he's coming, high from the orgasm, it feels like the perfect moment, it feels right. Adam feels like he's his and only his. Adam comes moments later, hips jerking, Tommy thinks this the gentlest they have ever been together, nothing frantic, slow sex, almost loving. He hears his phone ringing and rolls out of bed, wrapping a sheet around himself, leaving Adam in his bed, dreading the end of this love triangle, because he's so sure Adam will pick Ben, but it's wrong to go on as they are. He picks up the phone and is surprised to hear Isaac's voice, he sounds frantic and Tommy's chest goes tight, because something must be very wrong to have Isaac sound like that.

　

"Where are you?" Tommy asks.

　

"The hospital, it's Sophie, she fainted when she was in the car, she was only in a friend’s driveway, she is a okay, but they think she hit her head and they won't let me see her. I'm freaking the fuck out, I didn't know who to call." Isaac sounds devastated and Tommy knows Isaac loves Sophie more than anything. He must be so afraid.

　

"Do you want me to come wait with you?" Tommy asks, he loves Isaac and Sophie, they are as good as family to him and he doesn't want either of them to be hurt or sad. He wants to help.

　

"Please, they keep saying she'll be fine, but I can't see her and I'm scared." Isaac admits.

　

"I'll be there as soon as I can." He doesn't care that he's had a drink, he can get a taxi. Talks about love triangles can wait, they don't matter right now, not at all. It's the wrong time, Isaac needs him. He runs into the bedroom, grabs his clothes and pulls them on.

　

"What's going on?" Adam asks. 

　

"I need to get to the hospital, you should go home." Tommy says, pulling on his boots.

　

"What? Why? Is someone hurt, your Mom? Your sister?" Adam asks, sounding panicked. 

　

"Sophia was in an accident." Tommy explains, shoving his keys and his cell into his pocket.

　

"I'll drive you." Adam says instantly, getting out of the bed. Even though it feels wrong to be around Adam when they still haven't talked about the love triangle they've found themselves in. But he needs to get to the hospital and fast. Letting Adam take him will be faster. His friends need him, his issues with Adam can wait.

　

"Okay, hurry up." He feels strange, a part of him is so in love with Adam and thinks Adam loves him back, but the other part is so sure that rejection is on its way that he wants to hurt Adam, use him like Tommy has been. He knows Adam didn't mean to use him, that he should of never said yes to Adam any of the times he did, but his mess of a love life can be sorted out later, once he knows Sophia is okay.

　

Neither of them talk in the car, but Adam takes his hand, holds it as he works the gears. Tommy doesn't pull away, appreciating the comfort being offered. Right now he needs a friend, not a lover and whatever they are now; before things went wrong, they were friends. He calls Isaac when he gets there, finds out exactly where he is. They join him in the waiting room and Isaac doesn't ask why Adam was with Tommy when Isaac called. He just sits between them, he looks lost, so afraid, they sit either side of him and together they wait, three friends waiting on news about a woman they all love, a different kind of triangle. 

　

After an hour, a doctor comes and leads them to a room. Sophie is in a bed, her forehead bruised around white gauze, but her eyes are open and she smiles when she sees them. Isaac runs over to her while the doctor explains that Sophie only suffered a scratch and concussion from the crash, but they want to keep her in for obviation, then he says Sophie wants to explain why she fainted at the wheel in the first place.

　

"I'm pregnant, about twelve weeks." Sophie smiles, looking so beautiful, so happy and Isaac hugs her, looking so happy. Tommy doesn't think they'd been planning to start a family yet, but he knows they've always planned on having kids someday. When Isaac stops hugging her, Tommy and Adam take their turns.

　

"You’re going to be a great Mom." Tommy says softly and he really thinks she will be, as caring and nurturing as she is. He turns and hugs Isaac next. "Congratulations, you'll make an awesome Daddy." He's so happy that Sophie isn't hurt and this, this is perfect.

　

"And you'll make an awesome god father, you both will." Isaac says, glancing at Sophie, who nods and smiles and Tommy feels almost overwhelmed with the love he feels for them, so he hugs Isaac again and then he's hugging Adam and it seems like a normal thing friends would do, but he was wrong to think they could ever be just friends again. Hugging Adam doesn't feel like hugging a friend and they really need to figure out what the fuck they are going to do about this relationship.

　

"I want it to be a secret, just for a little while." Sophie nods and they all agree to keep her pregnancy a secret until Sophie is ready to tell people.

　

Tommy can't help but think that it won't be hard at all for him and Adam; they are both very good at keeping secrets.

　

TBC...


	23. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty three of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt heart for Fanfic100 and #87 life for lover100. Adam knows it's time he made a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

When he goes home and Ben's waiting for him, he doesn't say anything about Sophie; she'd said she wanted to keep it a secret for now, so he's not going to tell anyone. It should feel wrong to lie to Ben, but he's been lying to Ben for a long time. He's feeling off balance. He'd been so worried when Tommy had told him what was going on and then so pleased when they found out that not only is Sophie okay, but pregnant as well. He's so pleased for Sophie and Isaac, a new little life and they want Adam to be one of the Godfathers. He'd been so happy and then on the way home, he'd started thinking. Sophie and Isaac were so in love, a perfectly happy married couple, they have a life together and they are having a baby. Isaac and Sophie, he doesn't think they would ever want a life with anyone else, ever doubt they made the right decision getting together, he has doubts in his heart. 

　

He's marrying Ben, Ben should own his heart the way Sophie and Isaac own each other’s. He wants a marriage like Sophie and Isaac's, he doesn't want a sham marriage, he doesn't want to live his life like this. He asks Ben if they can talk, but Ben says he has to leave, a meeting with his manager Ryan. Adam watches him leave and vows he'll talk to him. There has to be something they can do, some other way out of this mess. He needs at the very least to talk to Tommy, to tell him that he's not really with Ben anymore. He doesn't want to ruin his life, to affect his or Ben's or Tommy's career, but he doesn't think he can do this, marry a man that doesn't have his heart. He's promised Ben he wouldn't tell his lover about their deal, but after all he's done, breaking that promise is not the worst thing he has done.

　

He sits, he paces, he pours himself a glass of whiskey and then doesn't drink it, leaves it beside him till the ice melts and then pours it away, makes a coffee instead. Whiskey reminds him of Tommy, of kissing the sweet taste of Jack from his lips. Ben hadn't even said if he was coming back to Adam's house or not, he doesn't know when he'll talk to Ben, just knows he has to do it; he can't just go on with his life the way it is now. He can't talk to Ben right now, but he can talk to Tommy. So he sits down next to his coffee and picks up his cell. He calls the familiar number and waits for Tommy to answer. Someone answers, but it's not Tommy.

　

"Hey, Tommy's in the shower, want me to tell him you called?" Sam, its Sam. The man he's working for, the man who Tommy is seeing. The same day he had slept with Tommy, he's invited another man to his house.

　

"No, it's okay, I'll call back." Adam hangs up. He'd forgot about Sam, clearly Tommy hasn't. He knows he has no right to be upset. He's marrying Ben and sleeping with Tommy, he has no right to be upset that hours after he left Tommy's bed that Sam has taken his place, but it hurts. 

　

He's in love with one man and marrying another and his heart is breaking. How did his life get so messy? How did he let things get this way? His heart might be breaking, but he knows it's his own fault. He gets up and grabs his car keys, planning to talk to the one person who knows the most about what's going on, Sutan. It's time someone else knows the whole truth, because he thinks he might just crumble under the pressure of all the lies.

　

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

　

He'd called Sam over so they could talk and Sam had turned up early. He'd run out to open the door and let Sam in and then he had dashed back into the shower to wash the shampoo out of his hair, hating being wet and cold. He gets out just in time to see Sam putting down his cell.

　

"It was Adam, he didn't say what he wanted." Sam explains. Smile on his face and Tommy wonders if he'd still smile when he said Adam's name if he knew what Tommy had been doing with him.

　

"Oh, I'll call him back later." Tommy says toweling his hair dry. He doesn't know why Adam would be calling him, they only left the hospital two hours ago. If something was wrong with Sophie or the baby, Adam would have said the call was urgent. Whatever it is, will have to wait, he needs to do this now, he's left it long enough.

　

"We need to talk." Tommy says, sitting down beside Sam.

　

"That doesn't sound good." Sam says slowly.

　

"I'm in love with someone, it's never going to happen, but I think I need to be alone while I'm trying to get over it." Tommy explains.

　

"We both agreed to casual, I'm not going to give you shit for needing me to back off." Sam says calmly.

　

"I'm sorry, I know I've been weird, but, fuck, my fucking life, I don't even know what I'm doing." Tommy sighs, head in his hands. His heart feels like it's breaking, because he can't have Adam, but right now he can't even seem to have a casual relationship with anyone else, he hates this.

　

"Whoever you’re in love with, they seem to have you really messed up. I can't say I'm not sorry to lose you. I had fun, you’re a good guy, Tommy, and I promise I won't make things awkward at work, I promise and when you get over this guy, let me know." Sam says and Tommy's heart lurches. Sam's a good guy, he doesn't deserve to be wrapped up in Tommy's shitty life.

　

"Thanks, I feel like such a fuck up." Tommy admits, he doesn't know how his life got so complicated. He can remember before Adam asked Ben to marry him, when Tommy had been jealous but coping, he doesn't feel like he's coping very well any more.

　

"You’re not a fuck up, love does funny things to people and it's pretty obvious something has your heart all tied up in knots." Sam says gently, he doesn't stay long after that and when he leaves, it feels like a weight has been lifted. He's not risking hurting Sam at least, it's something. Sam even hugs him goodbye, no hard feelings or anything and Tommy wishes everything in his life could go that smoothly, he doesn't want to be the guy who hurts people. He loves Adam and, well, Adam loves Ben, he must if he's marrying him. Tommy doesn't know what to do, how to fix this without someone getting hurt. If he gets hurt more, well, maybe that's what he's owed after all he's done. He doesn't know what to do and he can only think of one person to talk to about all this. Sutan.

　

TBC...


	24. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty four of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Why? for Fanfic100. Adam and Tommy both go to talk to Sutan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

Adam pulls up at Sutan's house and calls to make sure he's in. Which maybe he should have done before he drove here, but he hadn't been thinking. But he gets lucky, Sutan is home. And minutes after Adam has called, he's on Sutan's couch with a mug of hot chocolate because Sutan took one look at his face and said he wasn't having any booze and he was jittery enough without coffee.

　

"I didn't tell you the whole truth about Ben the other day." Adam sighs.

　

"Please tell me you did tell Ben about the affair, I will kick your ass if you lied." Sutan scowls.

　

"No, I told him, everything apart from that it was Tommy. He walked out on me and I thought that was it, that it was all over, the end of me and him. But he came back and he said he wanted a deal. For us to stay together, get married and then divorce later." Adam explains.

　

"What, why?" Sutan asks.

　

"He says if we end it now, that it'll ruin our images. I'm meant to be giving a talk on marriage equality before this concert. I'm meant to be in and Ben's meant to do one with me. He had an audition and the dick said he was only getting parts because of me. He just wants me to stay with him till the film he's up for is released." Adam sighs.

　

"Adam, that is so fucked up. I like Ben, but no. You can't marry a man for image. Why would you agree to that?" Sutan shakes his head.

　

"I know, I thought I could, that I could do it to make it up to him, but I know I can't do it. I loved Ben, but I can't do this. I wanted to talk to Ben, but he went out to see his manager." Adam sighs.

　

"But you are going to end it?" Sutan asks.

　

"Yes, I know I need to." Adam nods.

　

"Does Tommy know?" Sutan asks.

　

"No." Adam sighs.

"Why not?" Sutan asks.

　

"Ben asked me to not tell my lover about our deal." Adam explains.

　

"Why would he ask you to do that?" Sutan frowns.

　

"I don't know." Adam groans.

　

"So Tommy thinks you and Ben are getting married?" Sutan asks.

　

"Yes, I think I've really hurt him, Sutan. I was so worried about trying to make things up to Ben that I forgot to think about how I was making Tommy feel. He's changed and I know it's me not him." Adam sighs, taking a sip from his hot sweet drink.

　

"He's been so quiet and a few people have mentioned he's drinking a lot." Sutan sighs.

　

"I hadn't noticed, but I'm not sure I've been noticing all that I should. I didn't even realize I was hurting him. But the stuff he said at your party and the way he is with me. I know I need to give him space to cool off and I know I need to tell him the whole truth about Ben." Adam feels like dirt and now he's worried, has Tommy really been drinking too much or are people worrying over nothing?

　

"The whole truth, even how you feel about him?" Sutan asks.

　

"I'm not sure if he wants to hear me tell him I love him right now." Adam shakes his head.

　

"Why not, he must feel something for you, Adam. He wouldn't sleep with you when he thinks you’re getting married just for the hell of it." Sutan points out.

　

"I called him and he had a man there, hours after we slept together." Adam mutters.

　

"Could have been a friend." Sutan suggests.

　

"No, I know he's the man Tommy was seeing. I know I can't expect him to be faithful to me, it's not like I gave him that. But it hurts knowing he had him there the same day. I never slept with Ben and Tommy on the same day." But he'd thought about Tommy when he was with Ben. God, he's such an asshole.

　

"You really need to tell him how you feel, what you want from him." Sutan says firmly.

　

"I'm afraid." Adam whispers.

　

"Why?" Sutan asks.

　

"What if I end things with Ben and then Tommy doesn't want me? I don't want to be alone, Sutan. I'm not good at it. I'm so sick of being alone. I can't do it." Adam groans, putting the mug down.

　

"You don't think Tommy wants you, do you?" Sutan asks.

　

"He's not even out, how can we be together?" Adam asks.

　

"Maybe he'll be willing to come out for you." Sutan says.

　

"After the shit I've put him through? And he hates the media, being in the spotlight. He would be in the spotlight if he was with me." Adam sighs.

　

"Well you won't know till you talk to him." Sutan says reasonably.

　

"I know and I will. I know we can't go on the way things are." He'll destroy all their lives if he leaves things the way they are, because everything is already falling apart.

　

"Umm, maybe you'll be talking to him sooner than you planned, he's just text me, he's outside." Sutan says biting his lip, holding his cell phone up.

　

"What? Why is he here?" Adam asks.

　

"I don't know, neither of you ever call till you’re outside. I'm going to let him in." Sutan jumps up and heads for the door. Moments later Tommy's walking into the room, his phone in his hand. He looks up, sees Adam, turns on his heel, and bolts.

　

Adam gets up, runs after him along with Sutan, but he's already in his car, driving away.

　

"Why did he leave like that?" Sutan asks.

　

"I don't know, fuck, I don't know, Sutan." He stares at the road, sick to his stomach. He's fucked everything up. There is no way Tommy wants to be with him. He doesn't even want to be in the same room as Adam. He's not just lost a lover, he's lost one of his best friends, a part of his band. He doesn't know what to do. The only thing he is sure of is that he has to leave Ben. He has to do something.

　

"Come back inside, I'll call him." Sutan sighs, wrapping his arm around Adam. They sit on the couch. Sutan trying to call Tommy, but the line’s busy every time he calls and then he calls again and the phone goes to voicemail. 

　

"Can I stay here till tomorrow? I'll call Ben and talk to him in the morning." Adam sighs.

　

"Of course, stay, I don't think you should be alone right now." Sutan hugs him and Adam thinks that maybe like him, Sutan is a little worried about the idea of Tommy being alone right now. He'd looked so afraid and it makes Adam feel sick. Has he done this? Is he the reason Tommy is so afraid? He doesn't deserve a happy ending with Tommy or Ben or anyone. He deserves to be alone, all he does is hurt the people he loves.

　

He sits there thinking about texting Tommy, not knowing what to say, even what could be said in a text he doesn't do. He does except an invite to lunch with his Mom, he thinks maybe seeing her might make him feel a little better. He falls asleep on the couch and doesn't wake up until his phone starts ringing, Tommy's name flashing on the screen.

　

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

　

He's walking into Sutan's apartment when his cell starts buzzing in his pocket and it's Ryan, he saved his number after the call, he doesn't know what to do. Then he follows Sutan and Adam is right there. Adam is in Sutan's house while Ryan is calling him. He freaks and runs away. Jumps in his car and drives till he finds somewhere to stop and he calls Ryan back, hands shaking he's so freaked out.

　

"Why were you and Adam meeting at Sutan's? Does he know about the affair? Is he helping you?" Ryan asks, but then he never expected hello.

　

"You’re still having me followed?" Tommy asks, looking around like some one’s going to just pop up and announce they are the man or woman Ryan has following him.

　

"Yes, now why were you meeting?" Ryan asks.

　

"I didn't know Adam would be there, I just wanted to see Sutan." Maybe he should have gone to Isaac, but he hadn't wanted to put an ugly burden on Isaac and spoil the good news he got. 

　

"I'll ask again, does he know?" Ryan says firmly.

　

"No, I haven't told him a thing." He was going to, but he hadn't yet.

　

"Good, because if he helps you cause any trouble between Adam and Ben, I will ruin him as well." Ryan snarls.

　

"He hasn't done anything, he doesn't know anything." He can't ruin Sutan's life, his career. He doesn't know what to do and he feels so lost. If he hurts Sutan, he'll never forgive himself.

　

"Well he had better not be involved, I mean it, Mr Ratliff, I will not have Ben's career ruined." Ryan hisses.

　

"I won't do anything, I'll stay away from Adam, from Sutan, just leave them alone." Tommy begs. He can't be the reason why Sutan or Adam gets hurt, be the reason their careers are damaged. He loves them both, in different ways, but he loves them and he can't hurt them.

　

"I'm glad you understand. Keep your distance unless it's about work, I'll find out one way or another if you don't." Ryan says cold.

Just before Ryan hangs up, Tommy thinks he hears another male voice, but he's not sure. He sits staring at his phone for a long time, not knowing what to do, where to go. He can't go to anyone who has a connection to him and Adam without risking their jobs. He thinks about people who the media can't effect their jobs, but none of those people know he's Bi, so he'd have to come out just to talk to them. He doesn't know what to do, who to turn to. He finally starts driving and on his way home, he spots a liquor store. 

　

He pulls over and goes inside, buys some bottles and puts them in the back, not wanting to get pulled over with booze in the front seat. He makes it home without getting into any trouble, carries the bag in and doesn't even pretend he's not planning on drinking till he passes out. He gets into his PJ's, curls under a blanket and cracks open a bottle of jack. He sips straight out of the bottle, doesn't even put the TV on because he doesn't want to watch TV, he wants to get drunk till he can forget about the call with Ryan. Why his cell phone ends up in his hands at two in the morning he doesn't know, all the booze making it seem like a good idea.

　

He dials Adam's number, he doesn't know why, because he knows it's a bad idea, but it's late and he's drunk and he wants to ask Adam why he was at Sutan's. A part of him just wants to hear Adam's voice and for now, that's reason enough when it comes to why he's calling Adam when it's the last thing he should do.

　

TBC...


	25. Leaving You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty five of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt sound for Fanfic100. Tommy calls drunk and Adam goes to talk to Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

The sound of Tommy's voice, clearly drunk and hurting breaks something in his heart. Did he do this? Was seeing him enough to have Tommy crawling into a bottle? He's known he was hurting Tommy, but he'd never heard the other man sound like this before, so broken, lost.

　

"I fucking hate you." Tommy slurs and Adam winces at the bitter sound of Tommy's voice. He sounds like he means it.

　

"Tommy." Adam says softly.

　

"You’re everywhere, even at Sutan's, why were you there? Why did you have to be there? You’re everywhere, all over my life, you’re my job, you were my best friend. There's not a part of my life you’re not in, not even my home. You've been here, been in my bed." Tommy rambles. He sounds angry and very, very drunk. 

　

"I came to see Sutan, to talk to him." It sounds weak, even to Adam, what would the harm be in telling the truth? But Tommy's drunk, now is not the time to tell Tommy about his deal with Ben, the deal he’s planning to break off. 

　

"Fuck, it's like we even think the same, I came to talk as well." Tommy sighs.

　

"About what?" Adam asks, well aware that he might not like the answer. Hell he shouldn't even ask, it's not like he's planning on telling Tommy what he came to talk to Sutan about, not over the phone.

　

"I don't think I even know anymore, there’s nothing to say." Tommy says and he sounds so resigned, like whatever has him drinking can't be fixed. 

　

"Tommy, are you okay?" Ask a stupid question, he half expects to hear the sound of a bitter laugh come out of his phone.

　

"I'm not sure I even know what okay is anymore. Before you, I was okay, it wasn't perfect, but it was okay. And then you happened." Tommy says and Adam’s sure he can hear the sound of liquid in a bottle, like maybe Tommy isn't just drunk, he's still drinking.

　

"Meeting me ruined your life?" Adam asks.

　

"No, meeting you showed me life could be better and that's worse. And anyway, I didn't mean it was okay before I met you, I meant it was okay before I slept with you, now, now everything’s so messed up." Tommy says, surprisingly coherent for someone whose blood was probably more Jack Daniel's than blood right now. His words were a little slurred, the booze affecting the way he sounded, but it was very clear he knew what he was saying. 

　

"I never meant for any of this to happen and I know it's my fault." He starts, only to be cut off by the sound of Tommy snorting.

　

"Get off the fucking cross, Adam, someone else needs the wood. I don't need or want you to be a martyr. I'm a fucking adult, I knew what I was doing was wrong and I did it anyway. You can't fix the things you never did. I can take responsibility for my own Goddamn actions. So fuck you." Tommy all but yells, sounding angry again. As much as it hurts, he prefers the sound of Tommy's anger to his despair and Tommy has every right to be angry at him.

　

"I don't know what to say." Adam admits, it feels like no matter what he says, it'll be the wrong thing right now. Telling Tommy he's leaving Ben won't magically make all the hurt go away.

　

"Then say nothing, maybe it's better that we both just say nothing. We only seem to fuck shit up when we talk." Tommy sights heavily and Adam hears the sound of glass on glass. He hopes it's Tommy putting down whatever bottle he has on his glass coffee table, not refilling a glass.

　

"I'm sorry." It's the only thing that seems right to say.

　

"Yeah, so am I." Tommy's voice is soft again, sad and before Adam can say anything else, he hears the sound of Tommy hanging up. Adam stays frozen, listening to the empty sound of the line gone dead for long moments and then he lets his arm holding the cell drop, trying to take a deep breath, but he feels like he’s been sucker punched. 

　

It sounds like he was right earlier when he talked to Sutan. He'd already lost Tommy, missed his shot and leaving Ben wouldn't change that. Leaving Ben would mean being alone, something that made him feel a little sick, but he was still going to do it, he had to. Surely having nothing was better than having something that wasn't even real? He had to believe that, he had to. He couldn't let his fear of being alone change what he planned to do. Leaving Ben was the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any easier to do.

　

He doesn't know when he falls asleep, but he wakes up to the sound of birds chirping happily outside and Sutan humming in the kitchen. He's meant to be having lunch with his Mom, but he messages her, asking if they can make it dinner at hers and if he can stay for a few days. He loves her even more for not questioning why, just saying yes. Then he messages Ben, telling him to go to the house, to Adam's, that it's important. Ben agrees, but if a text could sound reluctant, then Ben's managed it.

　

"Staying for breakfast?" Sutan asks. 

　

"I'm not hungry and I need to do this before I chicken out. I'm not good with confrontation, not stuff like this and I'm worried if I let myself stay, I'll turn spineless again, think of a reason not to talk to Ben." Adam sighs.

　

"Okay, but are you sure you’re okay to drive? You sound tired, baby." Sutan sighs, looking worried.

　

"I didn't sleep much, Tommy called." Adam admits, he can still hear the way Tommy sounded on the phone when he called; drunk, angry, hurt.

　

"What did he say?" Sutan asks.

　

"Basically? That I ruined his life." Adam says, throat feeling thick as he fiddles with his car keys.

　

"I'm sure he didn't mean it, Adam. He's your friend, was before all this and will be after." Sutan says firmly and Adam thinks he'll be lucky if Tommy does want to be his friend after this, it's more than he dares hope for at the moment. He certainly wouldn't dare to ask for more, that would be asking too much.

　

"I had better go." Adam sighs, he feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he knows he was the one to put the weight there, it's his fault he's carrying these burdens. He wonders if after he talks to Ben, if it’ll feel like some of the weight has been lifted? Or will knowing he's hurt Ben again add to the load? Sutan hugs him before he leaves and Adam's glad, because he needs it. 

　

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

　

The journey home feels like it goes faster than it should. He's walking into his house and it feels like he only just left Sutan's place. Ben is waiting for him, sat on a chair in the kitchen, a cup of coffee near his elbow.

　

"What was so important that you just had to see me now?" Ben asks as Adam sits down opposite him.

　

"I'm leaving you." Adam says softly.

　

"What?" Ben frowns, like he can't believe what he heard, that Adam said that, he almost can't believe it himself. He had thought that if he ever asked someone to marry him that that would be it, for the rest of his life. He didn't picture divorce, he doubts anyone does till it happens and he didn't imagine not even making it down the aisle after the person he asked said yes.

　

"I'm leaving you." Adam says more firmly, the words sounding weird to his own ears, like he's on auto pilot. He didn't have a plan, no script to follow, this is the best he can do. He's never been good at break ups.

　

"We had a deal." Ben all but snarls.

　

"I'm breaking it." He sighs.

　

"Are you leaving me for him?" Ben says through gritted teeth. 

　

"No, it's over, he doesn't want me anymore. I'm leaving you because we will never be happy together and I can't stand up and pretend everything is okay, lie to everyone.” He's been lying more than enough lately.

　

"What am I supposed to do?" Ben asks, his face black, his voice sounding cool, but Adam can see a fiery anger in his eyes.

　

"I don't know. You can tell the press whatever you like. The truth, that I cheated or whatever you think is best. No matter what you say, I'll say it's true. Blame me, because it is my fault. Rip me to shreds in the media, I deserve it and I won't blame you, ever, I know this is my fault." Adam's voice sounds like he's been gargling with gravel. He'd known this would be hard, even if it was for the best, but it hurts, God does it hurt. He had really loved Ben once and even though it's not strong anymore, more like an echo in his heart, he still can't bear hurting someone he cares about.

　

"Just that simple, I throw mud and you agree?" Ben asks.

　

"If that's what you want." Adam nods.

　

"I'll think about it." Ben shrugs. He sounds so colder, he's never heard Ben sound like this.

　

"Okay, I'm going to my Mom's house for a few days, if you want to, um, take any of your things from here." Adam says and he hates this, hates all the necessary steps to separate their entwined lives.

　

"I'll come back tomorrow." Ben says stiffly, standing up and walking away. Adam doesn't go after him, just listens for the sound of the front door slamming. Once he hears that, he lets himself slump against the table; he feels drained. He's done it. He's left Ben, now he just needs to start telling people. He has to tell his Mom, he doesn't even know how to start that conversation. She probably knows something is wrong already, seen as he has asked to stay at her house, something he hardly ever does. It doesn't make it easier to tell her. Adam isn't even sure he'll be able to find the right words when he tries. 

　

He sits and he thinks maybe the sadness he’s feeling is him mourning the loss of the future he had planned with Ben. When he'd proposed, he'd been offering forever, but maybe forever just wasn't meant for him. Maybe he deserves to be alone.

　

TBC...


	26. He

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty six of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt He for Fanfic100. Tommy talks to his Mom and Isaac.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

He's still hungover when he pulls up at his Mom's and the gallon of coffee he drank has hardly even woken him up. His quick makeup job and sunglasses aren't going to fool his Mom, but he needs to try, at least he avoided a hair of the dog drink. He's done some shitty things, especially lately, but he's still not about to turn up at his Mom's house drunk. He's not sure if he could forgive himself if he did that. His Mom has no illusions that he's perfect or anything and she'd still love him if he fucked up, but she'd worry. If he got low enough to turn up at her place drunk, she would know something was wrong with him the minute she smelled alcohol on his breath. A hangover can easily be passed off as a normal late night of partying, which is normal, nothing to worry about.

　

He tries his best to look normal before she opens the door, but when his Mom opens it, he can tell he didn't do a great job. She smiles when she first sees that it's him, but her smile slips almost straight away. Tommy jams his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, hunching in on himself, hating that he makes her unhappy. She hugs him and leads him to the kitchen and starts making coffee while he sits at the kitchen table. He loves her so much and not just because she's willing to make his hungover ass coffee.

　

"Long night?" Dia asks, placing the coffee in front of him, before taking the seat closest to him.

　

"Yeah." He nods, it's true, he had a long night alone, drinking on his couch, hoping to find peace at the bottom of a bottle. He hadn't found peace, hell, after that drunken phone call he may have lost Adam to Ben forever.

　

"Are you okay, baby?" Dia asks, worry clear in her voice.

　

"I'm fine Mom, I just had a long night." Its not really a lie, he did have a long night, okay, so maybe saying he was fine was a lie, but he just doesn't want to worry his Mom, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with that.

　

"I know you get bored between shows, but don't over do it." She says softly, he's not had a gig with Ravi or Mouthlike in what seems like forever. His next gig for Adam is the charity concert, he needs to find a reason to do more than play alone in his room. He can lose himself to the music, even though almost every song finds a way to remind him of Adam.

　

"I won't party too much, I promise." Which is a promise he can keep, unlike so many others, because he hasn't been in the mood to party and can't see that changing anytime soon. Drinking alone isn't partying.

　

"So who were you out with? Anyone special?" Dia asks and Tommy knows what she is hinting at, she wants to know if he had a late night with someone.

　

"Just some guys, no one special." He shrugs, hating this, God he wishes he could just come clean, but he can imagine the way she'd look at him if he told her the whole truth.

　

"Something is bothering you, I've always been able to tell when something was weighing on your mind Tommy, ever since you were a little kid." Dia says, arching her eyebrow at him, she expects an answer and she wants it to be the truth.

　

"It's nothing big, just dealing with some stuff." He admits, because even though it's tearing him apart, it's just relationship problems, the 'just' being kind of laughable.

　

"Girl problems? If she's making you feel this bad Tommy, maybe she's not right for you." His Mom says softly, she doesn't ever butt into his business, for her to say something like that, she has to be really worried, but then he's sat here hungover in her kitchen, in the middle of the week. He wants to make her feel better, he doesn't know what to do, doesn't want to lie, so he just says fuck it, blurt out something true, just not the whole picture. 

　

"He's not right for me. I'm not having girl problems, I have guy trouble, because the person I've been seeing is a He." Tommy says, hands cupping his coffee cup, just waiting to see how his Mom will react. 

　

"He?" His Mom repeats.

　

"Yeah he, I was seeing a guy, I'm not any more and it was never serious." Tommy shrugs, because you can't have a serious relationship with a man who is marrying someone else and what he'd had with Sam had only ever been casual.

　

"Why did you never tell us you were gay?" Dia asks, she sounds hurt.

　

"Bi, I'm Bi." It feels weird to say it, but right. Just because he hasn't been with a woman recently doesn't mean he didn't like the ones he had been. He hadn't faked his attraction to women, he'd just suppressed the fact that he was equally attracted to men for a very long time, too long.

　

"Then why didn't you tell us you were Bi?" he knows when she says us she means her and his Dad and Lisa, even though his Dad has been gone for too long now, he thought the loss would hurt less over time, but it doesn't.

　

"I was afraid, once I realised I was afraid you'd all want nothing to do with me. It wasn't something I hid for years. It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, if it took me that long, how can I expect you to just expect it right away?" Tommy asks, how can he expect his Mom to accept something that he hadn't owned up until recently really. He's known he was attracted to Adam from the day he met him, but he hadn't owned up to being Bi then, not to himself, he sure as hell hadn't told anyone else he was Bi, not till Isaac really, he hadn't talked sexuality with Sam or Lee before him.

　

"Honey, I will always love you, no matter who you date. He or she doesn't matter as long as you're happy, but you don't seem happy." Dia says, taking his hand and he's glad that she doesn't seem to be flipping out over his sexuality, the fact that he's been seeing a he, not a she, it doesn't seem to bother her.

　

"I'm not happy, I love him, but he, he doesn't love me back, can't love me back." Maybe once upon a time, Adam would have loved him, if Tommy had been honest about liking men sooner, maybe they could have had more than they have shared, it maybe could have meant more than sex. But he'd acted too late, Adam had already given away his heart to Ben when Tommy finally owned up to liking men. So he got Adam's body and maybe some people could be happy just getting that, but he is not.

　

"Why can't he love you?" Dia asks, in a tone that shows clearly she can't get how someone wouldn't love him, she's an awesome Mom, always has been, she thinks better of him than maybe she should at times.

　

"He loves someone else." Tommy says quietly, because it hurts to say it, even though he knows it's the truth. Adam wouldn't stay with Ben if he didn't love him. He'll marry Ben and Tommy will be nothing but a memory, a past lover that he hardly ever thinks about.

　

"Oh baby, I'm sorry." She gets up, comes close and hugs him and he's glad he came out to her, that she still wants to be close to him, he'd been afraid she wouldn't. He hugs back, not wanting to let go. He knows he's lucky, he has people in his life that love him, just because Adam doesn't love him, it doesn't mean he has nothing. It just sometimes feels like that, that without Adam, without his love, Tommy is empty. 

　

"It's okay, it'll be okay." He's not sure who he's trying to convince, his Mom or himself.

　

"Whoever he is, he doesn't know what he's missing." Dia says fiercely near his ear and he has to bite his lip, because Adam knows exactly what Tommy can give him and it's not enough to have Adam leaving Ben.

　

He just holds her tighter, taking the comfort she offers, glad despite everything else in his life right now, that they had this talk, because he'd always been worried what his family would think and he's really glad his Mom didn't make a big deal out of him being Bi. He might not be able to tell her who he is in love with, but he can tell her that it's a 'he' that he is in love with and that seems like a step in the right direction.

　

 

+++++++++++++++  
　

Only a day after he'd been thinking about needing to play, Ravi had called to say they had a last minute booking for a show on the weekend, so they were going to have a rehearsal before hand. When Isaac picks him up, he gives Tommy this head to toe look, but he doesn't say shit, not till Tommy's guitar is in the car and they are driving down a busy road, way too fast for him to jump out if he wanted, which is a possibility.

　

"So what's up with you. You don't look like you've slept since I last saw you. Sam keeping you up all night?" Isaac asks.

　

"We broke up." Tommy shrugs. Sam was a good guy, an amazing lover and maybe in another life, Tommy could have loved him, but his heart belongs to someone else already. Sam didn't have a chance, not that he'd wanted one.

　

"He end it or did you?" Isaac asks, he looks a little worried. He hates the fact that he's making so many people who care about him worry. 

　

"I did. He was cool about it, so it won't effect us working with him." Tommy shrugs, he's not all cut up inside about things ending with Sam, he just kind of wishes he hadn't done the things he'd done. It's not that he regrets sleeping with Sam, he just never thought he would be the kind of guy to sleep with two guys at the same time and not in the threesome sense of the same time.

　

"Feel free to tell me to butt out, but why'd you end it? You seemed happy with him." Isaac is one of the only people who know about Sam, he hadn't told his Mom, because he didn't want to explain the nature of his and Sam's relationship, the fact that it was mainly based on sex. He can't talk to Adam about Sam, so really if he's ever going to talk about Sam with anyone, it's going to be Isaac, maybe he'll feel better if he talks about it a little.

　

"When we got together, I was seeing someone else as well. Sam knew, he was fine with it, because we were only casual. But I got to a point where I couldn't do it, be with two people when I know that I'm in love with one of them and it wasn't Sam I was in love with." Tommy admits. Even though Isaac is a happily married man with a baby on the way doesn't mean he won't get how Tommy feels.

　

"So you're with the other guy now?" Isaac asks.

　

"No, he's with someone else." He wonders how Isaac would react if he said Adam instead of he, probably not well. Isaac has always been faithful to Sophie, but does that mean he'll be pissed at Tommy for cheating? He doesn't know, isn't sure if he's brave enough to see.

　

"Another open relationship?" Isaac asks, no judgement in his voice, like he doesn't think badly of them for being with more than one person.

　

"No, we had an affair behind the other guy's back. He told the guy about us and they're making a go of things. But we slept together again after that." Tommy says and winces when Isaac turns sharply, pulling off the road and throwing the car into park.

　

"You're having an affair?" Isaac says, clearly shocked.

　

"I was, it's over, for good this time." He means it, he can't play second best to Ben anymore, he can't, it hurts too much.

　

"Please tell me he isn't married, Tommy?" Isaac asks.

　

"No, he's not." Just engaged, like that's any better.

　

"Does he love you?" Isaac's question makes his heart clench, same as it had when he'd talked to his Mom about it.

　

"He, I don't think so. Sometimes I think he could, but then something happens and I remember that he doesn't, that I'm just fooling myself." Tommy shakes his head. You can't love two people, not like that, not at the same time, he's sure of it and it's clear Adam loves Ben, that's why he's marrying him.

　

"God, you really love him don't you? I can tell by your voice, the look on your face. Your in love with him, even if he isn't in love with you." Isaac sounds almost shocked and Tommy almost hates that Isaac can read him so well right now. This is why he hasn't brought up his feeling with anyone, not really, it hurts too much to have someone else say it, it hurts because it makes it too real.

　

"Can we just get to rehearsal? Ravi will be waiting for us." Tommy sighs.

　

"Tommy if he cheats on the guy he's with, maybe you're better off not having him love you." Isaac says, ignoring Tommy completely. 

　

"Well it's over, so it doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Because it really is over this time, his heart can't take having some of Adam but not all of him.

　

"It matters if you're hurting. If he makes you feel like shit, he is not worth it, Tommy. Who the fuck is this guy anyway?" Isaac is clearly angry and as much as Tommy appreciates how much Isaac cares about him, Isaac is a good friend, but he just can't handle talking about this, can't tell Isaac that the man he's in love is Adam, their boss, their friend.

　

"Lets get going, we'll be late." Tommy says firmly and Isaac looks like he wants to argue, but he doesn't, he just puts the car into drive and turns his indicator on. They're back in the flow of traffic within seconds. Isaac doesn't bring up what Tommy told him for the rest of the trip, neither of them say a word about it or anything else for that matter. The rest of the trip is driven in silence, broken only by the car's radio.

　

Ravi and the others are waiting for them and Isaac doesn't even ignore him a little during the rehearsal, so he lets himself think everything is okay. But he has a feeling that Isaac won't let things just drop, they will be having a talk, whether Tommy likes it or not. He doesn't know what he's going to say when it happens. But it won't be happening today, because they are too busy with practice. When practice is over, Ravi suggests they all go for a drink and Tommy's more than on board with that plan. Maybe being drunk will make it easier to talk to Isaac or maybe he'll pass out and avoid the talk a little longer. Either way, anything has to be better than the way he feels right now. It can't get worse, can it?

　

TBC... 

　


	27. Invite.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty seven of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Dark for Fanfic100, #49 heart for smut_69 and #71 broken for lover100. Something happens that puts Tommy in a dark place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

"Are you sure this will work?" Ben asks, putting down another envelope on Ryan's coffee table. When he'd called to tell Ryan what had happened with Adam, Ryan had invited him over so they could talk about ways to fix the situation with Adam. He can't believe Adam broke their deal and it's probably all because he wants Tommy, his stupid little closet case boyfriend. He still can't believe it, after all that Adam has said about straight boys and experimenting that he went out and slept with Tommy, the little straight guy who was meant to be the best man at their wedding. Anger dark and angry curls through his veins. 

　

"You never had a proper engagement party, it's only normal to have one. And he'll be too embarrassed to admit that he's fucked up when all his friends and family get their invites." Ryan says, eyes dark, laugh cold and it makes a thrill travel down Ben's spine. He likes how ruthless Ryan is, how he won't let Adam and Tommy ruin his career. 

　

"He's away at his Mom's. He might not even realize till it's too late." Ben smiles. Adam had told him to do whatever he wanted about their break up and he’s doing what he wants, by acting like it’s never happened. 

　

"Which is what makes it perfect. He won't want to humiliate himself by telling everyone that his marriage is off, not when everyone will think he's just invited them all to his engagement party." Ryan says smugly.

　

"This could really work." Ben says happily. Being with Adam was meant to improve his career, not drag him through the mud like a called off engagement would do. He hadn't expected to feel anything more than attraction to Adam, but there had been more. He'd been falling in love and Adam had taken his heart and trampled all over it. Adam once had a place in his heart, right up until the moment he broke Ben's trust, hurt his pride and tried to fuck up both of their lives. 

　

"He'll regret trying to walk away from you." Ryan promises, his hand coming to rest gently on Ben's knee and he feels his heart begin to race. Ryan has been so good to him, he'll do anything to help Ben stay famous, get more famous and yes he gets paid too, but Ben knows managers who get paid more and do less.

　

When he leans in to kiss Ryan, all he can think is that if Adam can get his fun elsewhere, then why in the hell shouldn't he?

　

 

++++++++++++++

 

　

He knows it's a dream, but he fights not to wake up, because it's the first good dream he's had in a long time. He's warm, Adam's hands all over him, kissing him gently. They’re in bed, they have all the time in the world, because no one is waiting for them, neither of them have anywhere else to be, anyone else they need to go home to. Adam kisses him lazy, cups Tommy's cock through his boxers, making him shiver and arch up into the touch. Then Adam's mouth is at his ear, whispering filthy promises as he works Tommy's cock, making Tommy's heart feel like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest.

　

"I love you." Adam whispers and Tommy jolts out of the dream, his own hand palming his cock through his boxers. He's rock hard, close to coming, it wouldn't take much. He takes his hand off of himself, he has no interest in jerking himself off to a hazy dream about Adam, not while he sits alone in bed, his heart breaking, his room dark and cold in comparison to the dream he'd been floating in moments before. Reality is cold and dark, at least his is. 

　

He feels like hitting his head against a wall, why would it torment him like that, torture him with images of something he can't have. Sex dreams about Adam are nothing new and he could probably sleep with Adam, call him up and be his booty call, watch him go back to Ben after they’re done, leaving often before the sheets have even had time enough to go cold.

　

But dreams about Adam loving him? What the hell is his brain trying to do to him? He pulls himself out of bed to go take a shower. The cold water is enough to kill off the last of his erection and after that, he turns the temperature up. He hates the cold, but he'd rather freeze than let himself get off over lies his head made up while he slept. He wishes there was a quick fix like cold water to make his heart feel less broken. He can control his body’s reaction to the dream, choose not to jerk off, but he can't choose not to have a broken heart. 

　

Already in a dark mood, he climbs out of the shower and wraps himself in a towel. He gets dressed and goes out to get some milk so he can make coffee, he's not even sure when he ran out. When he gets back, he picks up his post and takes it inside, flicking through to see what is trash and what is real mail before he's even in the door. A thick envelope drops out of the pile as he's shutting the door and he puts the milk down, thinking it'll be easier for him to pick up the envelope and then he freezes. He can already tell it's an invite, an invite with his name on it and he sits down heavily against the door, his heart racing, back against the wall. Knees pulled up, he takes the invite in his hands, opens it slowly, dark thoughts and feelings crowding into his head and heart.

　

He opens up the invite and notices his hands are shaking and God he thought his heart was breaking before, but now, fuck, he's holding an invite to Adam's engagement party in his hands. He clutches the invite tight, wishing the darkness in his heart could spread out and blank everything out. He doesn't want to think, but he can't stop the thoughts and each one shreds his heart a little more, makes him feel more broken inside.

　

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He mutters dropping the rumpled invite, hand raising up to wipe at his face, his cheeks are suddenly wet and he doesn't even know when he started crying. 

　

He doesn't know what to do, he can't go to this party, he can't, he's too broken. But he's the best man and no one knows about his broken heart, they'll all expect him to be there. People will expect him at Adam's side, at Adam and Ben's side. He's meant to give a speech about what a perfect couple they are. How the hell can he do that when Adam’s been fucking him.

　

Tommy's not sure how long he sits at his own front door, unable to make himself stand up, a bottle of milk going warm at his side, letters fanned out all over the floor and one invite crumpled near his foot. He thinks it must be a long time, because when someone knocks at his door, he can hardly scramble to his feet. Knees locked in position he somehow makes it to his feet, trying to wipe the evidence of his break down off of his face.

　

"Who is it?" Tommy calls out, because no one is meant to be coming by today. He kind of hopes it's someone selling shit or a neighbor complaining about him playing guitar and bass late into the night sometimes. He doesn't mean to be a dick about it, it's just in the dark of night he loses track of time, minutes slipping into hours before he even knows it. 

　

"Isaac, let me in, I brought coffee." Isaac yells and dark dread making his stomach tighten into knots Tommy opens the door to let one of his best friends in the world in to his home.

　

"Shit Tommy, what happened to you?" Isaac asked and apparently a broken heart is harder to hide than he thought. Isaac looks at him, at the mail all over the floor and at the invite, the milk and he pushes his way inside before Tommy can even step back. It feels like the connection between his brain has been broken and he's just drifting in the darkness.

　

"Tommy, what happened?" Isaac asks and Tommy's not sure how they made it into his kitchen, but he did, with a takeout coffee cup sitting in front of him. He thinks he might be in shock, he's never felt like the darkness was trying to pull him in before today. 

　

"I, fuck Isaac I can't do this." Tommy whispers. Isaac's a happily married man, with a kid on the way. How will he ever understand this? Tommy's broken heart is his own fault, he should have never opened himself up to Adam like that. He'd offered his heart to a man who was only interested in his body, given himself to a man who had already given his heart away to someone else. It's all so fucked up, broken and dark in a way that Isaac's life just isn't.

　

"I'm not leaving till you tell me why I found you having some kind of break down in your hallway. I'm not leaving Tommy, not till we talk." Isaac says and Tommy can tell he means it, but he doesn't know what to do. Isaac won't leave till Tommy talks, but he can't seem to get the words past the broken shards of his heart in his chest. It looks like they’re both going to be in for a long wait.

　

TBC...


	28. Honesty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty eight of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt How? for Fanfic100 and #83 ring for lover100, He can't stop looking at the ring on Isaac's finger as he finally tells someone everything there is to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

They don't even go to the couch. Isaac just sits down in the hall with Tommy. They end up sat there, legs crossed under them, both of them playing with their coffee cups. Tommy's eyes keep falling on Isaac's ring finger and the band there. A wedding ring, like Adam and Ben will have in a few months’ time. He doesn't know how he's going to make it through that, live through the wedding. 

　

"I'll sit here all day if I have to." Isaac tells him and Tommy's tempted to try it, see if he can out stubborn Isaac, but he's so tired of lying all the time, having no one to talk to about everything in his life. And he doesn't want to keep Isaac here all day when Sophie's waiting at home for him. He should be with his pregnant wife, not sitting in Tommy's hall all day. He remembers Isaac holding Sophie's hand in the hospital, both with rings on their fingers, a symbol of their commitment to each other, a commitment that he and Adam haven't been respecting.

　

"I've been having an affair, with, fuck, Sam knew, he knew I was seeing someone else, but he didn't care. But I ended it with Sam. Please don't hate me, Isaac." Tommy begs. His hands are shaking, so he sits on them to hide the trembling. He still can't take his eyes off of that ring, a shiny band on Isaac's finger. It's mocking him, just like the crumpled up invite on the floor.

　

"Why would I hate you?" Isaac asks.

　

"Because I've been sleeping with Adam, since a little after he told us all he was marrying Ben. I have an invite to his engagement party. I'm his best man and we've been fucking." Tommy admits, feeling sick to his stomach. 

　

"What? How? How did that happen?" Isaac asks. He doesn't sound disgusted, yet, just shocked. 

　

"I told him I liked men and it just happened. We kept saying it wouldn't keep happening and then it would anyway. I don't think I know how to leave him." Tommy admits. He wants to be strong, he wants to walk away from Adam the way he should, but he doesn't know how, because even though he knows Adam will be putting a ring on Ben's finger, he can't stop loving Adam. How do you tell your heart to stop loving someone?

　

"Fuck, Tommy, how could you do that knowing he's marrying Ben?" Isaac asks.

　

"I know. I feel like shit about it. Half the time, I drink till I pass out or I just don't sleep. I know it's wrong Isaac, trust me, I know, but I can't stop loving him." Tommy wants to run, because he feels like a total scum bag and he doesn't want Isaac to hate him the way he hates himself. He knows he maybe deserves it, deserves Isaac's disdain, but he doesn't want to lose one of his best friends.

　

"All those years when you said you weren't with Adam, didn't want to be and all the fans asked about it. You and Adam both said it was just fan service, why wait till he's getting married to start something?" Isaac asks, looking lost.

　

"It took me a long time to accept the fact that I liked men. I didn't want to mess Adam around, if I wasn't sure and by the time I was sure it was too late, Ben was in the picture. So I tried doing my own thing and Adam found out and we talked, didn't talk enough maybe. But he was getting married, we said it'd be just like one last fling." Tommy shrugs. He'd never wanted just a fling, but he'd been willing to take what he could get, has stayed that way for months, but as much as he loves Adam he's not sure he can do this anymore. He doesn't know how to leave Adam, to stop loving him, but he knows how to avoid him, apart from when they’re working. He's lost his chance to be the one to wear Adam's wedding ring, he can't lose his dream job as well.

　

"Do you love him?" Isaac asks.

　

Tommy can't force the words out, but he can nod, which is all he does. It's the truth, he loves Adam, but right now he can't say the words, doesn't know how to say that to Isaac.

　

"Does he love you?" Isaac asks.

　

"I thought maybe he did, but he wouldn't be marrying Ben if he did right?" Tommy asks. He's not stupid, he's in love but he's not stupid. If Adam loved him, how could he marry Ben?

　

"I don't know, Tommy. Fuck, I just can't get how you would do this, you’re not that kind of guy." Isaac still looks shocked.

　

"I wasn't that guy, I didn't use to be. How I changed, I don't know. I think I was just so desperate to be with him that I tried to ignore how wrong it was." Tommy shrugs.

　

"How are you going to stand there while he marries someone else, Tommy? You’re the best man, you’re meant to hold the rings, give a speech about Adam and Ben, how can you do that when you love him?" Isaac asks.

　

"I don't think I can." Tommy admits.

　

"Then what are you going to do, how are you going to handle this?" Isaac still doesn't look like he's going to disown Tommy or anything, and that eases some of the ache in his heart.

　

"I don't know. I keep telling myself that I'll tell him it's over. But how do I do that? How? I want him to pick me over Ben, but that fucking invite tells me what choice he's made already." Tommy says, kicking the screwed up invite away from him.

　

"Then tell him it's you or Ben." Isaac says softly.

　

"I will, Isaac I will. I just don't know how and it hurts knowing I won't be his choice." Tommy rubs at his eyes till he sees little black dots, but it doesn't make things any clearer. He wants to have a drink, but after what he told Isaac, he doesn't want to drink in front of the other man.

　

"You have to bite the bullet, man. It'll hurt like hell if he chooses Ben, but it doesn't look like you’re not hurting now. Me and Sophie will be here for you, if you want to stay with us, anything. But you need to do something." Isaac sighs and Tommy scrambles up to his feet and then drops down beside Isaac, throwing an arm around him in a hug.

　

"Thank you, I was so worried I'd lose everyone if anyone found out. I'll talk to Adam, I promise, tell him he has to choose. If he still wants to marry Ben, I'll leave him, I promise." Tommy says firmly, his head on Isaac's shoulder.

　

"It might hurt, but you’re hurting anyway." Isaac says softly. 

　

"I don't know how to stop loving him." Tommy whispers. 

　

"Not saying you have to stop loving him, Tommy. Leaving him doesn't mean you have to stop loving him at the same time. Maybe one day, you'll stop loving him, but it doesn't have to be the same day as you tell him it's over." Isaac says calmly, his arm around Tommy and all he can see is that ring, the kind of ring he'll never have. 

　

"How? How do I live knowing he'll never love me, Isaac, how?" He's never loved someone the way he loves Adam. It hurts so badly knowing Adam can't love him back. His heart is broken and he doesn't know how to fix it, but as Isaac hugs him tightly, he doesn't seem to have an answer for Tommy, but at least now he knows that he has Isaac, his best friend at his side. Who needs a wedding ring when he has friends? He tries to tell himself he doesn't even need a man in his life like that, but he's not sure he believes himself.

　

TBC...


	29. It's Over.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part twenty nine of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt ends for fanfic100. Tommy is ready to end the affair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

It ends today, he's called Adam, wouldn't take any excuses and now they are meeting at Adam's house. Nothing will stop him from getting there, nothing will stop him from ending things, not even his own breaking heart. He doesn't eat before he heads over to Adam's, he pours out a measure of jack, then pours it down the sink. He promised Isaac he wouldn't use alcohol as a crutch. Instead he makes a coffee, drinks so many cups before he leaves that he can passably blame his jittery hands on the caffeine in his coffee, instead of admitting that he is shaking out of nerves. He feels sick for the whole drive over, feels like something is clawing at the inside of his stomach and by the time he's pulled up to Adam's place, it feels like Freddy Kruger has been playing with his insides. He's heard people say that a break up or a loss made them feel like they'd been ripped apart inside, he hadn't thought they were being literal, hadn't known heartache could cause pain all over.

　

The whole drive over, he just keeps thinking about how Adam will react. Will he be angry? Will he be sad? Or maybe he just won't care, he doesn't know what option is the worst, he really doesn't. Adam's never really gotten all that mad at him. He's never made Adam cry that he's known of. In the past, Adam would care about anything Tommy had to say, but he's not so sure that's the case now. Sleeping with someone should make you feel closer to someone, know more about them. But ever since he went to bed with Adam, the other man has felt more and more like a stranger to Tommy. He doesn't know how to end things with this Adam, and Adam who goes against his own beliefs about monogamy. Tommy doesn't know what to expect from this Adam.

　

Once Tommy has pulled up at Adam's, he can't make himself get out of the car. Not right away. He feels like he's come here to end his own life, not to end a relationship that he should have never let start. Maybe relationship isn't the right word, but it's close, they had sex, Tommy fell in love. Adam arranged an engagement party for another man, the man he loves. Tommy tries to think positive, to make himself get out of the car, but there is no positive, here today, he's ending an affair and trading one type of pain in for another. 

　

He gets out of his car before he can change his mind about coming here, because as much as things coming to an end will hurt, nothing will hurt as much as standing with Adam, as his lover, while he marries another man. Tommy can't do that, the charade that he can has to end, just like the affair. Adam answers the door seconds after Tommy rings the bell, like maybe he'd been waiting for Tommy. He holds the door open, his hello oddly shy. Tommy notices Adam's favourite suitcase in the hall and looks back at Adam. He hadn't known Adam was going anywhere, he wonders if Adam's taking Ben with him, maybe it's not for work, maybe the happy couple are just going for a pre honeymoon holiday. The thought of Adam and Ben in bed together makes him feel a little sick, jealousy, pain and a sorrow so deep in, it makes his bones ache. He will never have that with Adam. He knows that now. 

　

"I stayed at my Mom's for a few days, just got back." Adam explains when he notices Tommy looking.

　

"Is she okay?" Tommy asks, suddenly worried about more than ending things as they walk intoAdam's lounge and take a seat.

　

"Yeah, she's great. I just wanted to visit." Adam shrugs, sitting down opposite Tommy in an armchair. He doesn't ask Adam to explain, it's not like Adam's never stayed over at his Mom's before. He's not here to talk about their families, he's here to talk about them, like there even is a them. What they have he can't really define, but he knows he has to end it, because of Ben.

　

"You asked to see me?" Adam asks, looking more uncertain than Tommy has ever seen him.

　

"It's over Adam, me and you, it has to be. No more 'just one more time' it ends, now. I can't do it." He can't make cheaters of them both anymore, he had thought they were both better men than that. It's about time they ended things and then maybe Tommy will be able to look at himself in the mirror again without hating what he sees.

　

"It's over?" Adam repeats and he looks so pale, like all the color has drained form the skin on his face, leaving him pasty. 

　

"It has to end." Tommy says, voice firmer than he feels. He's focusing on keeping it together on the outside, while he falls apart on the inside.

　

"Why now?" Adam asks and he looks a little like Tommy feels, like this ending hurts him, too. He doesn't look like a man who will just miss the sex, but maybe that is just wishful thinking on Tommy's part. He's trying to make what they had mean more to Adam than it probably ever did. He shouldn't do that though, it won't help him end things.

　

He pulls the invite out of his pocket, creased, screwed up, flattened out and then folded again, it's wrinkled, but still easy to read and he hands it to Adam.

　

"I can't sleep with a man that's getting married, not anymore, it's too fucked up. We need to end our affair." Tommy says, trying to fake like he doesn't care, like that piece of card doesn't make his heart crumble to dust inside his chest. 

　

"When did you get this?" Adam asks.

　

"A few days ago, Isaac got his the day after." Tommy shrugs, not seeing why it matters.

　

"Fuck." Adam says loudly and his hand closes into a fist, screwing the card up much like Tommy had before. Tommy doesn't get that, this isn't what he expected when he imagined coming to end things with Adam.

　

"I ended things with Ben. I didn't send this. I don't know who did." Adam says, looking at the card in his hand like he doesn't understand how it got there.

　

"You ended it?" He doesn't dare believe it, he got an invite to the engagement party, it can't be over. 

　

"I need to talk to Ben, right now. I told my Mom it's over, what’s she going to think if she gets this invite?" Adam says, jumping to his feet. He looks kind of pissed; it's been a while since he’s seen Adam get angry.

　

"You told your Mom it's over?" Tommy asks, because Adam wouldn't do that unless he meant it and if he meant it, well Tommy isn't sure what to think. Adam leaving Ben, that could change things, it could change everything.

　

"Yeah, and I know me and you need to talk, Tommy, but I have to go see Ben and ask about those invites, see who he sent them to and why. I'm going to go to his place, but please stay here and I'll come back and explain everything." Adam says firmly, and it doesn't sound like a lie, because Adam's not just promising to talk, he's asking Tommy to stay. They're in Adam's house, which means one way or another, Adam will be coming back.

　

"Okay, I'll wait." He nods, he came here thinking it had to be the end of them, but if Adam has left Ben, if they are over, then maybe things don't have to end between him and Adam. Adam grabs his keys, his phone and wallet, heading for the door, Tommy follows.

　

"Watch a movie, eat something, whatever, I don't mind as long as you’re still here when I come back." Adam says in a rush.

　

"I'll be here." Tommy nods, because they've never really talked much about what is between them, about Ben and maybe it's a talk that is long overdue. Adam has never really told him why he wanted them to sleep together, why he asked and Tommy has never told Adam why he said yes. They really need to talk about a lot of things, they should have talked about them before, but maybe better late than never. 

　

Adam normally hugs him goodbye, but instead he leans in and presses a light kiss to the corner of Tommy's mouth, sweet and gentle and it makes Tommy's breath catch. He came here to end this, it should be over by now, he planned for it to be over. Instead he goes and sits in front of the TV, turns it on. He's going to sit and wait and he's going to talk to Adam. Every time they end up alone, they sleep together, but not tonight. He's finally going to do more than moan Adam's name or beg to come, he's going to own up to his goddamn feelings, for the first time in forever.

　  
+++++++++++++++++  
　

He can't believe it even though the invite is on the seat next to him. Ben sent out invites to their engagement party and they aren't even together any more. It's over, their train wreck of a relationship is over and he might have been the reason it failed in the first place, but that doesn't give Ben the right to do this. Adam doesn't call Ben or warn him that he's coming over. He isn't giving Ben the chance to avoid this talk the way he thinks the other man might. So he pulls into a parking space, picks up the crumpled invite and makes his way to Ben's door. He knocks hard and after a few minutes Ben opens the door, he looks surprised to see Adam.

　

"Can I come in?" Adam asks, because this is not a conversation they should be having out in the hallway.

　

"If you want to." Ben shrugs, like he couldn't care less.

　

Adam follows Ben into his apartment, notices that there are pictures of him and Ben still around. Ben hasn't taken them down, he doesn't know what to think about that. Does Ben still love him? He doesn't think so, he really doesn't. They go to the kitchen, Ben pours himself a coffee, doesn't ask if Adam wants one and Adam doesn't ask either. He just sits down and puts the invite on to the table. 

　

"Why did you send all of these out? Telling people it was our official party?" Adam asks.

　

"You told me to deal with things, I dealt with them." Ben shrugs. 

　

"I told you it was over." Adam says softly.

　

"You made a mistake." Ben says simply.

　

"No I didn't. Ben, we are not meant to be together. I know I hurt you, why would you even want to stay with me?" Adam asks.

　

"We can't end things till after the concert." Ben says, like relationships just work that way. One person says it's over and another says that it doesn't end yet. 

　

"No Ben, no more pretending." Adam shakes his head.

　

"You'll ruin my career." Ben hisses.

　

"We can't do this! I can't pretend we are happy together." Adam argues. They can't keep doing this,telling the world they’re together even though they’re not. He's cheated on Ben over and over again, that's not a relationship that is working. He's not sure why he ever thought it could work.

　

"You said I could handle this." Ben says sharply.

　

"I said you could tell people what you wanted about our relationship and why it ended. I never said you could keep acting like we are together. I told my family that it's over Ben. I told them." Adam sighs. He knew leaving Ben wouldn't be easy, but he never thought it would be like this.

　

"Well, it's not that simple, who says you get to decide when we are over, who says you get to be the one that ends things?" Ben snaps.

　

"It doesn't work like that, Ben. I ended things between us, you can't just un-end them because you want to." He doesn't get this, he was sure that when he broke Ben's trust that was it, that he'd killed the love that had been between them. So if it's not love between them that has Ben wanting to hold on to them, what is it? Is it really just about image?

　

"We are over Ben, I'm not good for you or right for you. So I'm going to leave and call you sometime this week and by then, I'd appreciated if you decide what you want to tell the press. You still get to say what you want as long as you say it's ended." Adam says softly, standing up. He feels like a total dick, he is a dick, but this is the right thing to do, to end things with Ben. He's not been doing the right thing a lot lately, but this, he knows in the long run that ending things with Ben is the right thing to do.

　

Ben doesn't say anything else to him and Adam gets up feeling awkward, he can't think of a single thing that would feel right to say right now. Everything he thinks of would only make everything worse. So he stays silent, gets up and says nothing, not even goodbye, he just leaves, this is the end. He's walking away from Ben and it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good to hurt Ben, but leaving him feels right. 

　

He leaves Ben's place and drives back to his own place. Tommy's car is still in the driveway, so at least he hasn't left. He opens up the door and heads in, finds Tommy still in the living room. He's sat staring at his phone. He looks pale, almost like he might be sick. Adam doesn't know what to think, it looks like someone punched Tommy in the stomach.

　

"What's wrong?" Adam asks and Tommy looks up sharply, like he was so focused on his phone that he didn't hear Adam come in.

　

"I, we need to talk." Tommy says softly.

　

Adam sits down, worry making his chest go tight, he has no idea what Tommy is going to say, but from the look on his face, it's nothing good.

　

TBC...


	30. Revelations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt What? for fanfic100. Ryan did what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

*Last chapter.* 

*"I, we need to talk." Tommy says softly.*

　

Adam sits down, worry making his chest go tight. He has no idea what Tommy is going to say, but from the look on his face, it's nothing good.

 

　

"What's wrong?" Adam asks again. He sits so he's facing Tommy, who is still clutching his phone tightly in his hand.

　

"Ryan, Ben's manager called me. He knows about the affair; it's not the first time he's called. He says if you go to my place, he'll leak pictures of us together he has to the press," Tommy says in a hollow voice.

　

"What? Ben's manager called you? Why would he call you? What pictures?" Adam has no idea what is going on or why Ryan would call Tommy.

　

"He called me a while back, told me if I broke up your relationship with Ben that he'd do everything he could to ruin us. He's paid people to watch my place," Tommy says, hand pushing his hair back, frustration clear in his every movement.

　

"What? He's spying on us? And what, he has pictures of me going into your place and coming out of it? That proves nothing. Fuck, why would Ryan do that? I mean, what is he thinking?" Adam doesn't think he's ever been more confused. 

　

"He's spying on me, so I don't fuck things up for you and Ben. He really thinks if you leave Ben, it'll fuck up his career. He said Ben didn't know who you were having an affair with, but he'd suspected from the moment Ben told him you'd admitted to cheating and then he looked into it and he's seen you at my place. So I told him I wouldn't break you guys up and then Ben came to see me and it's all so fucked up," Tommy rambles and Adam can't even believe what he's hearing. 

　

"Ryan threatened you?" Adam asks, just to be really clear. His blood’s already boiling, because what did Ryan think he was doing calling Tommy up? He'd told Ben about the affair so long ago, had he gone straight to Ryan? Had Ryan been watching them all this time?

　

"Threatened both of us really, and Sutan once, because he had me followed. I don't think he followed me here, he would have said something on the phone. But he says if anyone helps me or if I ruin things, he'll ruin us." Tommy says, throwing his phone onto the sofa like he can't stand to have it in his hand anymore.

　

"What gives him the right to do that?" Adam asks, a headache forming instantly. Ben shouldn't have involved Ryan and Ryan sure has fuck shouldn't have gotten involved like this.

　

"Nothing gives him the right, Adam, he just took it. Ben's his client and he's ruthless when it comes to protecting his career. And Ben came to see me, asking who you were having an affair with, was it really over? He told me you'd called me a slut and that you were giving things another go. He just wanted to be sure it was over." Tommy looks so upset and Adam feels his heart break. What has been happening? How did he not know this was happening? He'd seen Tommy since then and he hadn't said anything. How have things gotten so bad?

　

"I told Ben I was having an affair, he left, came back and made a deal with me. Said we were going to pretend to be together, get married and then get divorced once his movie and the concert was over. Act like the reason was just work, never seeing each other. We've not been together, not really, for months. I should have known something was up when he made me promise not to tell the man I was having an affair with that we were over. We didn't get back together and I never, never called you a slut. I promise, Tommy." Adam can't believe Ben did that, lied to Tommy like that. He must have known that Adam was seeing Tommy. Maybe Ryan told him.

　

"You've not been with him?" Tommy asks.

　

"Not for months. What have I done? I should have never agreed to that stupid deal. I should have told you, fuck. I feel so stupid. Tell me everything Ryan said to you?" Adam needs to know. He knows he was in the wrong; he cheated, he lied, but he'd tried to do the right thing when he'd told Ben. Then he'd tried to fix things with Ben by doing what he wanted, but that wasn't the right thing to do, he knows that now. He should have made a clean break back then; he's made such a mess.

　

Tommy starts talking, telling Adam everything he can remember from the first call onwards. Right up to the call Ryan had made almost right after Adam had left Ben's house. He can't believe all the things Ryan has said or Ben. He can't believe what he is hearing, can't believe what Ryan and Ben have been saying to Tommy and it also explains some of the ways that Tommy has reacted to him at times. When Tommy accused him of wanting nothing but sex, God; no reason he thought that, no wonder he's been pulling away. From the way he's been acting and from what Ryan has been saying, it's no surprise that Tommy has been feeling used.

　

"I'm so sorry," Adam whispers. 

　

"What for? You didn't make Ryan try and fuck my life over or threaten to or whatever," Tommy shrugs.

　

"I should have never let things get this bad, so out of control. When I told Ben I had cheated, what I should have done then was walk away, not stay and play pretend and if I've hurt you, I'm so fucking sorry." He probably couldn't have fucked up more if he'd actively tried. 

　

"What the fuck? If, if you've hurt me? How can you even say that? I have hated myself for cheating with you when you weren't even cheating. I have felt like shit every time I was weak enough to be with you, even though I thought you were getting married. I've been so scared of doing something to make Ryan decide to hurt us and you’re sorry IF you hurt me?" Tommy all but yells, anger making his pretty features look harsher.

　

"Okay, that was stupid. I keep fucking up when it comes to you and I know it's my fault. I was getting married and maybe I should have never asked Ben. He wasn't the love of my life, but we were happy and I wanted the security of knowing I wasn't going to be alone. I thought what I wanted was stupid, that I wanted too much, so I settled and I hurt Ben and you and I don't know why I can't seem to ever get it right." Adam shakes his head.

　

"I thought Ben was right for you, that he loved you and could be the man you needed, but he sounds like a manipulative little fuck. Every time you try and make shit right with him, he uses it to his advantage. All he cares about is money and fame, just like Ryan and I can't see what you saw in someone like that." Tommy seems to have lost his anger quickly. Now he just looks hurt. 

　

"Ben isn't a bad guy. I don't think he's all bad anyway. Maybe the good I saw in him wasn't real. But what I thought I saw, I liked. He loved me, at least he said he did and he wanted what I wanted, forever with someone and I needed that so much, I think I let it blind me," Adam admits.

　

"Lots of men ask you out, most would give you forever if you asked," Tommy says with a frown.

　

"You wouldn't," Adam says softly. He'd turned men away while he pinned over his straight best friend and then Ben had come along, persistent, knew what he wanted and what he wanted was Adam. Ben had offered up the type of relationship he'd been craving, just two men, together, companionship, sex, someone who was going to stay for the long haul. But now, Adam wonders if that was what Ben really wanted or was it just what Ryan told him he should have?

　

"Who says I wouldn't? I have given you whatever you asked for. You never asked me to stay. All you asked for was sex and then you went back to Ben. I've been your fucking mistress for months, don't act like you wanted more," Tommy all but yells.

　

"Tommy, everyone knows I've been attracted to you from the start. But I thought you were straight. And then you weren't, but I was already with Ben and I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I couldn't pass up a chance to have another part of you if I could. For years all I could have was your friendship and I was greedy with that, with your time, everything. I always want more from you. I told myself I was happy with what I had, but as soon as I could have more, I went for it. But I never dared imagine I could have more than sex from you and maybe I was wrong, but you never acted like you wanted more." Adam's laying his heart on the line, but after all he has been through, Tommy deserves nothing but honesty.

　

"You think I'd sneak around to see anyone else? I don't cheat and I don't sleep with cheaters, but it was you and I would have done anything to be with you, to get whatever I could. Do you have any idea what it felt like being left alone in bed when you had to go back to Ben? It killed me." Tommy won't even look at him and Adam had known he'd fucked up, but not how badly, not till now anyway.

　

"I can't apologize enough. What I did was so wrong and selfish and I swear, even if you never even want to talk to me again, I will not let Ryan get away with trashing your reputation. I will not just let go what he's been doing either. Even if you never want to be in the same room as me again, I will make him pay for what he's done." The thought of losing Tommy in any way breaks his heart, but he means what he's saying. Tommy could walk out of his life forever, he has every right to and Adam would still try his best to stop Ryan from hurting him and to make him pay for the pain he has already caused.

　

"Don't you care about your own image?" Tommy asks.

　

"Of course I care, but at the end of the day, I did cheat, I did something I said I would never do, that I judged others for doing and maybe I deserve a little public hate from Ben's fans. But you didn't cheat. Yeah, you knew I wasn't single, but I just don't think you deserve what Ryan is threatening." He's hurt Tommy so much, a man he's in love with, what did he think he was doing? He doesn't know if he can ever fix this. The one thing he does know is that he won't just let Ryan get away with his threats and spying.

　

"I don't want Ryan and Ben to ruin your career," Tommy says softly.

　

"They can hurt it, but only because I did something wrong. I don't think I'll ruin it, the fans are loyal, they forgive my mistakes and I hope they'll stand by me leaving Ben. I don't think they'd want me with a man that doesn't make me happy. The marriage equality people at the concert might go mad, but at the end of the day, no marriage is better than a sham marriage," Adam sighs.

　

The concert makes him think of Sam and he has to ask, "Are you still with Sam?" 

　

"No, I couldn't be with him. Things were good, but I was never going to love him and I just couldn't do it anymore," Tommy shrugs.

　

"I was so jealous of him," Adam admits.

　

"What? Why?" Tommy asks and Adam can tell, he really doesn't know, he'd been sure Tommy had to know how he felt.

　

"Because he got to be with you," Adam says simply. He’s jealous of every man and woman who has been with Tommy, thinks maybe he always will be.

　

"But he wasn't getting anything you weren't getting as well," Tommy says with a frown.

　

"He could have more and I couldn't. But then I have no right to ask for more. I'm going to Ryan's office in the morning, I can let you know what happens if you want?" Adam offers.

　

"Okay," Tommy nods, he sounds a little confused.

　

"I'll make things right," Adam promises. He's already hurt Tommy, he's going to do his best to stop anyone from hurting Tommy again. It won't get rid of the pain he has caused, but it's all he can think to do. He's fucked up too much to expect forgiveness or anything other than maybe friendship. It makes his heart ache, but it's never been clearer to him that he doesn't deserve Tommy, he didn't even know he was hurting him.

　

"I'm going to go, call me or something after you talk to Ryan," Tommy says standing up, picking up his cell phone and not meeting Adam's eye. How could he have been so blind? What stopped him from seeing that he was hurting Tommy this much?

　

"Okay, whatever you want," Adam agrees, because he is prepared to do anything to get Tommy to not hate him, even though he wouldn't blame Tommy for hating him, he hates himself right now.

　

He gets up as well and walks Tommy to the door, watches him all the way to his car. As he watches Tommy walk away from him, he can only pray that Tommy isn't walking out of his life for good. Adam doesn't know what he would do if Tommy left for good.

　

TBC...


	31. Managers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty one of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Fixed for fanfic100. Adam tries to fix things, but can all the broken things in his life be put back together again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

It's time he fixed his mistakes, well fix what he can. He knows he can't make it all better, take away all the pain he has caused, but he will try. He wants to be able to go to Tommy and tell him that Ryan has been dealt with, that Ben is out of his life. He wants to tell Tommy that he loves him, but once he's fixed things a little. So he's on his way to talk to Ryan, not that Ryan knows that, Adam just plans to go to the manager’s office and confront him.

　

He doesn't really have much of a plan, but he can't wait to think of a plan, because he needs to fix things now. Waiting for things to work themselves out won't work, so he drives to Ryan's office, smiles at the secretary, who recognizes him and sends him on through. She tells him that Ben is with Ryan, seems to think that might be why he's here so Adam goes with it. Maybe confronting Ryan and Ben at the same time is the right way to go.

　

He reaches the door and is about to knock when he hears a noise, a thump and a muffled moan and his jaw falls open a little in shock. If Ben and Ryan are in there, it sounds like they are having sex, which actually makes a lot of sense. The way Ryan has been going after Tommy, it has nothing to do with not wanting to damage Ben's career, at least that's not all it is, this is personal for Ryan as well. Inspiration strikes Adam and he gets his phone out and ready. He opens the thankfully unlocked door as fast as he can, snapping a picture as fast as he can. They don't get a chance to move and he gets a great shot of Ryan and Ben, fucking on Ryan's desk.

　

"Adam," Ben squawks, scrabbling off the desk and grabbing his pants. Adam closes the door behind him. He doesn't want to hurt Ben, it's not like this is Ben being unfaithful and Adam couldn't even judge him if he was. What he's going to do here, is not to hurt Ben, it's to try and fix things with other people. He slides his cell phone back into his pocket and waits for both men to get dressed. 

　

Ryan sits down behind his desk, but he looks a little pale, sweaty. He's not at all the composed manager Adam has been introduced to countless times. Ben hovers at his side looking unkempt, his face flushed and it's clear he's embarrassed to have been caught getting fucked by Ryan in his office.

　

"What are you doing here, Adam?" Ben asks, hands on hips, but Adam has a feeling the pissed off attitude is all a front. Ben hadn't wanted him to know about this or he would have thrown it in his face already, tried to make him jealous or something. He knows what Ben can be like, so he thinks maybe it was Ryan who said they should keep their relationship a secret, even from Adam.

　

"I came to talk to you both and well this actually makes things easier," Adam says calmly. 

　

"It does?" Ben asks, sounding uncertain and glancing at Ryan, like Adam didn't already know that Ryan was the one running things. Ben can be cruel, but he's not as manipulative as Ryan or as plain nasty, not without a nudge in that direction.

　

"The pictures you have of me and Tommy are not nearly as damning, but if you leak them or take them to the press, I will send this photo to everyone," Adam doesn't want to have to do that to Ben, even though he hates Ben for the things he said to Tommy, the way he must have hurt him. He doesn't want to hurt Ben like this, but he wants to fix things for Tommy.

　

"You’re threatening us?" Ben asks, clearly outraged.

　

"No, I'm making a deal. Ryan makes threats. Tommy, Sutan, you threatened them both and that stops now. I don't care if you tell the world I'm a bastard, you don't get to hurt my friends." His image has taken knocks before, he's sure he can come back from anything an angry ex will say in the papers, his fans are loyal. Adam can fix his image, his rep, if they get damaged, but he doesn't want Tommy going through that, the hate he would get from Ben's fans. Tommy knew he was with someone, but Tommy didn't make him cheat, that was Adam all by himself and Sutan is totally fucking blameless. He'll be damned before he lets Ryan go after Tommy or Sutan.

　

"Of course you want to protect your darling little Tommy, gotta protect your whore," Ben spits and Adam is surprised by the venom in his voice. He hadn't known Ben knew the affair had been with Tommy till today, he certainly hadn't known Ben hated him so much.

　

"He's not a whore," Adam growls, because Tommy isn't. He won't have people thinking that, not because he wants to fix things with Tommy, but because it's just not true.

　

"Calm down, Ben," Ryan stays in a steady voice.

　

"I will not calm down. I'm sick of biting my tongue when it comes to him. Perfect little Tommy, the straight boy that you’re fucking and asked to be your best man. You'd have let him stand up there with us when you married me, how could you do that?" Ben yells.

　

"We weren't sleeping together when I asked him," Adam admits softly.

　

"Is that meant to fix things? I actually liked him, just I liked you and you both were making a fool of me behind my back. Did you have a good laugh together?" Ben asks.

　

"No Ben, we didn't laugh, this wasn't a joke to us," Adam sighs and he has a feeling he will never be able to fix things between him and Ben, they will never even be friends again. But maybe that is for the best, Ben isn't the man Adam thought he was, but then Adam isn't the person he thought he was either.

　

"That is where you are wrong, Adam. This whole thing is all one big joke, our relationship is nothing but a stupid joke. You never wanted me, you just had me because you thought you couldn't have him," Ben spits and Adam isn't sure he can argue. He was serious about Ben, he was, but he would have never been with Ben if he had known Tommy was an option. He wonders if Tommy will still be an option after he fixes this.

　

"Back to the matter at hand. You have a picture of me and Ben, I have pictures that make it clear you've been having an affair, coming and going from Tommy's place, staying the night. People would know you had an affair," Ryan says calmly.

　

"It's not real proof, some people would believe it, but others wouldn't especially if I deny it and I would deny it Ryan and it'll make Ben just look like a bitter ex with an axe to grind. My picture could make it look like he's the one having an affair. But if you leave Tommy alone I will never show anyone." He will do anything to fix this for Tommy, anything to show him that he cares. He just can't see Tommy hurt again because of something he did.

　

"You'd do that to me?" Ben asks, sounding shocked.

　

"Only if you do it to Tommy first." Adam shrugs. He can't fix it all, but he'll repair what he can, and he's aware, most things won't be easily fixed. He got lucky here, leverage falling right into his lap.

　

"You really do love him, don't you?" Ben says softly and Adam isn't sure what to say. He is in love with Tommy, but telling Ben that, surely it will only hurt him, but he's done lying.

　

"Yes, I love him," Adam admits.

　

　

"Well, that's something I guess. At least I wasn't passed over for some casual fuck," Ben sighs, he still sounds bitter, but he also sounds like maybe he understands why Adam did what he did. It won't fix things between them, but it's something at least, closure maybe.

　

"How touching, back to business. The photos of you and Tommy never see the light of day and neither does the picture of me and Ben and you don't say a word against Ben to the press," Ryan bargains.

　

"I never planned to trash him in the press. I'm happy for him to say he left me or whatever you think sounds best," Adam shrugs, he can fix whatever they say about him. He always has, he can handle the press, Tommy shouldn't have to handle it.

　

"Fine, Ben left you because you put work first all the time and he's too busy with work himself to be the one putting in all the effort," Ryan suggests. He can tell Ryan doesn't like playing nice with him, but Ryan's smart enough to know when to not take a risk.

　

"That sounds fine to me. I'm a workaholic and I'll say I understand Ben leaving me. It'll be a clean split, no mud-slinging," Adam nods.

　

"Alright, it's settled. I must say though, Ben would have been the perfect man. He's successful, handsome, good with the media and out. You were the perfect out gay couple, a shining example of what it could be like. And you’re trading down to some in the closet bassist who's name people wouldn't even know if you hadn't kissed him at an award show. You've made a big mistake, made the wrong choice," Ben says icily and Adam just shakes his head. Ryan is wrong, Tommy is the right man for him and he is so much more than just some bassist. He just hopes Tommy will want him after all this mess has been fixed a little.

　

"If that's all you have to say, I'm going to leave. Good luck with him Ben, your manager is a snake. Oh and Ryan, go back on this deal and I promise I will do something about it," Adam says firmly and Ryan just nods. He understands, but it's clear he doesn't like it. He just hopes that Ryan keeps his part of the deal and things don't have to get ugly, but if it does and he needs to fight, he will, he'll fight fire with fire, even if it means them both getting burned. He will fix things with Tommy.

　

He leaves Ryan and Ben and heads back to his car. He's dealt with his ex's manager, but now it is time to call his and he knows, is so sure he could bet money on it, that his management is not going to be happy about this break up. But he'll fix things with them any way he needs to, other than getting back together with Ben. After he's talked to them, he will talk to Tommy, tell him what has been fixed and see where they can go from there. He has hopes, but he doesn't even dare to really get his hopes up yet. He might have fixed some things, but all is far from perfect, and he hopes, one day soon, it will be.

　

TBC...


	32. Single.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty two of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt sunset for fanfic100. Adam comes to tell him something, but they don't talk much, even though there is a lot to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.

When Adam calls him and says he wants to talk, Tommy says yes. He wants to know what has happened. He hasn't seen anything on the internet, so their affair is still secret, so he wants to know how Adam fixed things. He needs to know before the worry eats him alive. He's not stopped thinking about Adam and the fact that if he's been telling the truth, then he hasn't really been with Ben for months. Adam hasn't been cheating for a long time. He doesn't know what to make of that. Does it mean he should feel less guilty about what they have been doing? He wishes Adam had told him something sooner. 

　

Adam calls to say he's downstairs and Tommy pretty much loses it. He doesn't have a fucking clue how to deal with any of this. He thought he was in love with a man that was marrying someone else, but Adam isn't marrying anyone. He is so lost, but when he opens his door to Adam, he still can't resist hugging him. It feels like forever since they just hugged. Adam hugs back and Tommy just lets himself relax into it. He's missed Adam's touch, missed being close to him. Eventually he lets Adam go, closes his door and goes to the couch. Adam follows and sits down beside him and it feels right for Adam to be right at his side, but then again he has always felt like being close to Adam was right, even when it was wrong.

　

"I talked to Ryan and Ben. They don't plan to attack us in the media," Adam says softly.

　

"How did you stop Ryan? He was so determined that he would destroy me if you left Ben." He's been afraid of Ryan since the first phone call he got from the manager.

　

"I caught him and Ben having sex in his office. Made Ryan see he couldn't blackmail us without risking his and Ben's reputations." Adam shrugs, like it's no big deal, like he doesn't care that Ben is sleeping with Ryan.

　

"I thought you loved Ben. Why don't you care that he slept with Ryan?" Tommy asks.

　

"I thought I loved him too, but I think I was more in love with the idea of him. I liked the idea of having a happily ever after. I want to be with one person, to love them and no one else ever again. I want forever, but Ben wasn't the man I was meant to have that with," Adam sighs.

　

"Was I just a fuck to you?" Tommy has to know.

　

"No, God no Tommy, you weren't ever just a fuck to me, I promise. I used you, but not because you meant nothing. I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you and I just, I was too weak to not have you when I knew I could." Adam looks sad and Tommy's not sure why.

　

"You never said you wanted more than sex and I couldn't ask for more when you were with Ben," Tommy blurts out.

　

"I didn't think I could ask for more either, but I want more, Tommy. I want more than sex. But I get that we need to talk. I treated you badly and I need to make up for that, so all I'm going to do is ask for a chance. Just give me a chance, please Tommy," Adam pleads and Tommy feels his stomach flutter. God, just the thought of Adam wanting him gives him the chills. Adam is right though, they need to talk a lot. They need to learn to trust each other and if they are going to be together, Tommy needs to come out.

　

"What are you saying? Are you saying you want to date me?" He needs to be sure. He doesn't think they can just get to together and get an instant happily ever after, not after all that’s happened between them. 

　

"Yes. I'm going to have to wait for Ben to announce that we’re over and I don't think we could date openly for a little while, but I do want to date you. Our affair wasn't just about sex for me. I hope it meant more to you as well," Adam says softly, his hand coming to rest on Tommy's arm.

　

"I wanted more than sex, Adam. I've been in love with you for years. I was just too afraid to tell you." He's still afraid now. Telling Adam he loves him is a big deal. After Adam announced that he was marrying Ben, Tommy thought he would never get to tell Adam about his feelings.

　

"You love me?" Adam asks and he looks stunned. 

　

"Yeah, I tried to bury it, because Ben was in the picture and I wasn't out. I wanted you to be happy and I thought Ben would make you happy, so I kept my mouth shut." Tommy shrugs.

　

"I think I've been falling in love with you from the start," Adam says softly and Tommy can't resist, heart racing as he leans into kiss Adam. It turns heated quickly, but winds down slowly minutes later.

　

"We need to talk a lot more, Tommy," Adam says, but his tone isn't all that firm.

　

"We can talk in the morning," Tommy says, taking Adam's ear as he stands up. Adam doesn't say no and they walk into his room and it's brightly lit by the setting sun. 

　

He kisses Adam again and before he knows it, he's been stripped and spread out on the bed. Adam stands beside the bed and starts taking his clothes off slowly and Tommy watches, the glow of the sun set making his skin glow and Tommy can't wait to touch him.

　

As soon as Adam is naked and on the bed with him, Tommy drags him in for another kiss. This will be the first time they have been together and he knows now that Adam is single. He's never been with Adam knowing that he was single before and it’s so different to kiss him and not having that nagging guilt in the back of his mind the whole time.

　

"I want you, please don't make me wait." He's waited long enough and he feels a thrill go through him as Adam goes into Tommy's bedside drawer, pulling out lube and a condom. It's been a little while, not that longest, but it's been long enough for him to miss Adam's touch, to miss the feeling of Adam inside of him.

　

Adam kisses him the whole time he’s prepping and Tommy can't stop moaning into the kiss. His body feels like he’s on fire and he loves the feel of Adam's slick skin against his. The first thrust hurts a little, but the pleasure quickly burns through the pain and he ends up moaning so loudly that he's sure everyone in his damn building will probably hear him, but he doesn't care. Adam is inside of him. Adam says he's in love with him. This could be so much more once they work through the baggage.

　

Adam's body, the sweat on his skin, it all looks beautiful in the glow of the sunset. He can't keep his eyes off of Adam's body. He's in love with this gorgeous man and the idea that maybe one day he could have this every day. Adam wraps his hand around Tommy's cock and starts pumping in time to his thrusts and soon Tommy is nothing but a writhing mess on the bed, hands all over Adam because he just can't stop touching him. Having sex as the sunsets, slowly, not rushed like it has been sometimes, it feels kind of perfect. He knows they have a lot to work through, but right now, none of it matters. Ben is out the picture and Ryan is going to leave him alone and Adam loves him.

　

He's the happiest he has been in months. He almost can't believe that Adam is really here. He kisses Adam hard as he gets closer and closer to the edge, hoping that Adam will feel all the emotion Tommy is pouring into the kiss.

　

"So beautiful," Adam whispers as the kiss breaks so they can both take deep breaths. Tommy is so close and then Adam's thumb rubs just right over the underside of his cock and he comes, clinging to Adam as his orgasm tears through him. Adam moans as Tommy is coming, keeps thrusting and then he's coming to.

　

Adam pulls out carefully, deals with the condom and then he's pulling Tommy against his side, cuddling him close, both of them tangled in each other as the light from the almost set sun plays over their skin. It's amazing feeling like this, happy and in love, lying in bed with Adam and not having to feel guilty over having Adam in his bed.

　

"I want to be with you. I want to watch every sunset with you. Fuck, I sound like such a sap, but I mean it," Adam says, his fingers carefully brushing Tommy's hair off his face. Such a simple touch, but it makes Tommy's heart flutter, the touch about affection, maybe love, but he's sure it's not just about sex.

　

"I want to spend all my sunsets with you, too. I know we have shit to deal with, I know thatwhat we did wasn't right, you were with someone, I should have never slept with you while you were with Ben. But you’re not with him anymore and I need to get past the fact that I slept with someone when I shouldn't have. I feel confused about everything, but I know I want you and I know I love you," Tommy tells Adam, because even though they’re here now, laid out watching the sunset, they still have a long way to go, but they have this, they have each other, so they will work on this till it is a happily ever after.

　

TBC....


	33. Tell The Truth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty three of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt life for fanfic100. Adam and Tommy try to start their lives together, but nothing is ever that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst.

Waking up with Adam in his bed, it feels right, like this is how his life should be, but as he lays there, watching Adam sleep peacefully he makes a choice, something he needs to do, which is why he's up and out of bed, drinking coffee in his kitchen by the time Adam wakes up. They've known each other for years and normally Tommy is never awake before Adam unless he hasn't slept at all, so he doesn't blame Adam for looking worried.

　

"Are you okay?" Adam asks, coming to sit at the table opposite him.

　

"I slept, but I was thinking about my life, about us," Tommy admits.

　

"Is this a good or a bad thing? I really can't read you right now," Adam frowns.

　

"No, it's not anything bad, I don't think. I want to go see my Mom today. I want to tell her you’re not with Ben. I want to tell her we are together," Tommy says softly. He's told his Mom he's Bi, he never thought he would get to that point in his life, but he wants to be honest with her. He's sick of lying. He's had too many lies in his life, lately.

　

"You want to tell your Mom about us?" Adam asks and Tommy's worried he's said the wrong thing, but when he nods Adam surprises him, getting up out of his chair and coming over to hug Tommy tightly. 

　

"What's this for?" Tommy asks, confused. There was a time when he knew everything about Adam, why he did everything, what he felt about everything. He hopes they can get to that place again. It's almost like they need to relearn each other. He wants to relearn Adam and hopes that Adam feels the same. 

　

"You want me to be a part of your life. I never thought you would. I didn't let myself ever think that. Fuck, I want to be a part of your life so much. I want a life with you," Adam says softly.

　

"I thought the same, that you didn't want me. I thought I was just sex to you and then you said you loved me and I'm really fucking confused half the time. But I know I want to be with you and know I want to tell my Mom about us." He doesn't want to hide this relationship from his Mom. He doesn't want to hide such an important part of his life from her.

　

"God I'm so fucking nervous, but I really want to do this," Adam says and Tommy can't help himself, he has to kiss him. Things are far from perfect, but it feels good to be here with Adam.

　

"I have no idea how she's going to react, but I need to tell her," Tommy says as they break the kiss and Adam goes back to his side of the table. 

　

"I'll tell her the wedding is over first, if you want and then we can tell her about us," Adam suggests.

　

"Yeah okay, we'll do that," Tommy nods, because it seems like a good idea. His life is changing so much, so fast, but he wants to tell his Mom about Adam before his life gets turned upside down when he tells the world that not only is he Bi, but he's dating Adam. He doesn't even want to think about how complicated his life is going to get.

　

"I'm so happy you want to tell your Mom," Adam says and the grin on his face makes Tommy smile back in return.

　

"She's an important part of my life and I'm kind of hoping you will be as well, so yeah, she should know about you. I think we've both been lying for long enough. I want to be honest with the people in our life. Shit, I need to call Isaac," Tommy realizes.

　

"Isaac?" Adam asks.

　

"He knew about Sam and he knows about me and you, the affair. I want to tell him first and maybe Sutan and Brad?" He doesn't want any of their friends or family to find out second hand.

　

"We could ask them all over to mine, call it a dinner party, but use it to tell them all in one go," Adam suggests.

　

They make plans over coffee. They will visit Tommy's Mom first, then Adam’s, then they will gather some of their friends and tell them face to face; other people they will tell on the phone. Then Adam will tell the world he's not with Ben or confirm it if Ben has made a statement by then.

　

"When do you want to tell your Mom?" Adam asks.

　

"I'll call and see if she's busy, if she's not then today, I'd like to do it as soon as possible." He wants to get on with his life and he needs to do this first before he can.

　

"Okay, I need to get some clothes, so can we go to my place first?" Adam asks and Tommy nods.

He calls his Mom not long after that and she is free and happy to have him and Adam come over for lunch. He's brought Adam to his Mom's place before, so she doesn't really react to him saying Adam will be coming, she just say it'll be nice to see him. Adam checks Twitter while Tommy is on the phone. Ben hasn't tweeted anything and there are no messages that make it sound like anyone has heard about the break up, but they can deal with that later. 

　

He gets dressed and then they drive his car over to Adam's place. He sits downstairs and waits for Adam to change like he always does, when a thought suddenly hits him. He's never done anything with Adam in Adam's house. He checks his phone for the time, they aren't due at his Mom's place for over three hours, which is plenty of time for what he has in mind.

　

Adam looks surprised to see him when he walks into the room, but he smiles, like he's pleased to see Tommy. He's half dressed, new jeans on and a shirt waiting on the bed, a pretty fancy shirt as well, like maybe he's trying to impress Tommy's Mom. It makes Tommy smile, his Mom already likes Adam, but it's kind of sweet that Adam is making such an effort, like a high school kid picking up his prom date or something. 

　

"Need something?" Adam asks.

　

"Yeah." Tommy moves forward, not telling Adam what it is he needs. As he gets closer, Adam raises an eyebrow at him and Tommy just smirks, getting in Adam's space, close enough to kiss, but waiting for Adam to get it. He can tell when he does, realization spreading across his face before a pleased look creeps in to replace it. He loops an arm around Tommy's waist, tugging him even closer, so they’re chest to chest and he has to tip his face up to make eye contact. Adam is watching his mouth and his gaze is heating up and Tommy's already starting to think that this was a great idea. 

　

"What do you want from me?" Adam asks softly and Tommy can't hold in a chuckle.

　

"Song lyrics, really? Howcheesy do you wanna get, Lambert?" Tommy asks.

　

"I didn't do that on purpose. I was really wondering, because I mean, you could want a hug, a kiss, anything." Adam says with a smile. He looks happy and Tommy didn't think he could be this for Adam, be the man in his life that made him happy, but he already is. He's starting to realize he can be the one to make Adam happy and Adam can make him happy as well, he does make him happy.

　

"I was thinking more in the anything side of things," Tommy says happily.

　

"Do we have time?" Adam asks and it feels nice knowing there is a time limit because they have somewhere to be together, not because Adam has to get back to someone else.

　

"I checked, we have ages before my Mom's expecting us to pick her up. So kiss me already before you do make us late," Tommy smirks, his heart fluttering as Adam's head dips down, ready to kiss him and then Adam's lips are on his, gentle, coaxing and Tommy opens up easily, sucking on Adam's tongue, the way he would his cock and he feels Adam groan, like maybe Adam knows what he is thinking. As much as he loves kissing Adam, he thinks he could spend hours doing it another time, but right now he wants to get his mouth on Adam. He eases back a little, ending the kiss slowly, lips lingering till he finally can bring himself to stop kissing Adam completely. Adam's eyes are dark and heavy lidded. He's turned on and Tommy can already feel his cock hardening in his jeans.

　

Tommy smiles softly and goes to his knees, seeing Adam's surprise before he hits the ground, like maybe Adam wasn't expecting this to be what he wanted to do right now, but he wants to get a taste of Adam so bad his mouth is almost watering. He gets his hands on the zipper and pulls it down, confident about this in a way he never thought he would be. He gets his hand on Adam, loving the feel, hard and warm, skin soft and tip just a little slick. He glances up at Adam before leaning in to lick over the head teasingly. Adam's breath hitches and his hand comes up to cradle the back of Tommy's head, not trying to pull him forward, just resting where it is.

　

He stops teasing after that, taking as much of Adam into his mouth as he can to start with. It's been a little while since he did this for Adam, but not long enough for him to have forgotten what Adam likes or how to handle his length. He's not had many male lovers, but Adam is the biggest, his cock long and hard and kind of perfect in ways Tommy never imagined he'd find a dick. All his life he'd never really thought about his sexuality much; women were beautiful and he liked them and all his friends liked them, he hadn't thought he was different. Meeting Adam had helped open his eyes, helped him become even more open minded than he already was, helped him accept parts of himself that he'd hidden away without even really meaning to.

　

Now he's more than happy to admit that sucking dick gets him off. Adam's cock in his mouth has him hard in his jeans, the heel on his palm pressed to the base to give him some relief. He thinks maybe he's ready to tell the world, maybe not in those exact words. Telling the world he loves sucking dick is maybe going a little far in his attempted to be honest about his sexuality. But he thinks he's ready to admit to everyone that he loves a man, that he loves this man. Every sound Adam makes as Tommy licks and suck nails him right in the gut, sharp burst of lusts that have him genuinely worried that he might come in his pants. He opens his own zipper, pulls his dick out of his boxers and curls his hand around his cock. Hedoesn't have clothes at Adam's place to change into, maybe he should do. He feels a small pang of guilt when he remembers that Ben had his clothes here at one time. He's blowing Adam in what was once Adam and Ben's room, next to the bed they probably fucked in countless times. But this house has always been Adam's place. Tommy has stayed the night here, long before Adam met Ben and he's felt guilty for too long. Adam isn't with Ben anymore, he's with Tommy and if he wants to go down on Adam in his bedroom, he will and he won't let himself feel bad about it.

　

When Adam's hand goes from cupping the back of his head to gripping his hair, Tommy knows he's close, so he sucks harder. He never thought in his life time he would find himself really liking the taste of pre-come, but he does and as he sucks Adam hard, he jacks his cock fast. He's kind of really into the idea that he can do this whenever he wants. Not like in public or anything, but Adam is his to touch whenever he wants now. He's not stealing someone else's man when he gets his mouth on Adam. The surge of possessiveness he feels isstrange, but not unpleasant. He thinks maybe it's going to take a while to get over the fact that Adam is his now.

　

"Fuck Tommy, you look so good on your knees, you make me feel so good. I love that doing this gets you off," Adam pants out, voice a little rough from lust and it makes Tommy shudder, humming around Adam's cock as pleasure snakes down his spine. 

　

"God, I love you so much, I can't believe I almost lost you," Adam whispers and his heart skips a beat. Healmost walked away, because he couldn't play second best to Ben, but he doesn't have to anymore. Adam loves him and he's not trying to hide it. He's ready to tell people, just like Tommy is. He draws back a little, sucking just the head, his tongue rubbing over the ridge underneath and Adam curses brokenly as he comes, his hand tight in Tommy's hair, not holding him in place, it's more like Adam's trying to hold himself together. 

　

He's barely done swallowing when Adam pulls back, dropping down to his knees like he's mirroring Tommy's position, but Adam is pushing at him and within seconds Tommy is on his back on the bedroom floor, Adam's mouth warm and wet around his cock and Tommy's close already from touching himself and Adam is so good at this, pleasure bursting like fireworks under his skin, sparking and he can't even keep his eyes open, totally lost to the pleasure. He babbles out a warning when he feels his orgasm hitting him, but he's not sure what he says even comes out close to anything like a sentence or even words. Adam doesn't seem to care though, swallowing around Tommy's cock, before pulling back to start licking over his cock, like he's making sure he gets every last drop of Tommy's come. Once he's done, he flops down beside Tommy, tucking his own dick away before he does Tommy's, leaving them both unzipped.

　

"I really hope your Mom isn't one of those parents who can just tell when their kid has had sex," Adam says after a while.

　

"Don't say that," Tommy groans, covering his face with both of his hands, but Adam takes a hold of his wrists and pulls them away, pressing gentle kisses to each palm before setting them down on Tommy's stomach.

　

"It'll be fine. As long as you’re happy, your Mom will be happy," Adam says firmly.

　

"I am happy, I know it's not perfect, but when is anything in life ever perfect? I need to tell people, I need to come out and we have to wait and see if Ryan and Ben will keep their word, but I, ah, think we could get things pretty damn close to perfect," Tommy says softly. He needs to get better at telling Adam how he feels, because maybe this mess would have never happened if they had both talked a little more a long time ago. He's not going to make the mistake of keeping how he feels a secret ever again.

　

"I'm really glad I'm making you happy now. I know I hurt you a lot. I want to make up for all the hurt I caused," Adam sighs. Tommy takes his hand gently.

　

"I don't need you to make things up to me. Yeah I got hurt, but I went along with the affair, I never told you I wanted more. You hurt me because I let you. I want to put it all in the past, I don't want to dwell on who did what and why, I just want to be with you," Tommy says firmly and Adam turns his head, kisses him gently and they spend a few minutes on the floor making out like teenagers. They have to get up though, Tommy zipping up while Adam gets dressed. Tommy has to try and tame his hair a little in Adam's bathroom, but by the time they leave he doesn't think it's totally obvious what they had been up to or anything. He even pops a breath mint, handing one over to Adam in the car as they head off to his Mom’s place.

　

When they get there, his Mom opens the door and hugs them both. Adam makes her look tiny when he hugs her and Tommy wonders if that's what he looks like to people when Adam hugs him. Adam makes him feel small, but it's not bad, he makes him feel protected as well. His Mom had made homemade burritos and Tommy has to press a kiss to her cheek because she is the best Mom ever making him his favorite on such short notice. 

　

"So what have you boys been up to?" Dia asks as she sets plates of food down for them all. Tommy almost chokes on nothing, but then she keeps going, "Working hard? Or taking a break? Wedding arangments?” She asks brightly and even though it's better than her asking about his sex life, he still feels himself blush a little. He's going to tell his Mom, but that doesn't mean it's not a little embarrassing.

　

"I broke up with Ben," Adam says, saving Tommy from having to answer right away.

　

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Adam, I hadn't heard." Dia looks like she feels bad and Tommy bites his lip. Ben might have been a bastard to him, but he blames Ryan for more that than he does Ben, so he doesn't really want to talk about Ben right now. He'll only end up insulting him and then feel bad for doing it.

　

"It's okay, the press don't know yet, but my Mom does and I'm going to tell all my friends and family before it hits the press hopefully. Or I'll clear up the rumors if Ben makes an announcement before then," Adam says calmly and it makes Tommy smile a little. Sounds like Adam will be able to deal with this stuff easily, if Tommy can manage to be even as half as calm when he's faced with the press he thinks he'll be doing well.

　

"Well I'm still sorry, the end of the relationship is always hard," Dia says sympathetically and Tommy loves how she cares about his friends.

　

"To be honest, I think maybe he was never right for me. I was in love with someone I thought I couldn't have and it all got pretty messed up. I feel bad for hurting Ben, but it's better that it's over now," Adam says firmly.

　

"You remember I told you I was in love with someone I couldn't have? With a man I didn't think could love me back?" Tommy asks softly. At least he’s already told his Mom he is bisexual. It's one hurdle he doesn't have to jump now. He watches his Mom's face, watches her adding up two and two and her fork is quickly dropped to her plate. 

　

"You two are together? Since when?" She doesn't sound mad, she doesn't sound like anything and it makes Tommy worry.

　

"Since this morning really," Tommy says softly. He doesn't know what he'll do if his Mom hates him for this.

　

"You broke up with Ben to be with Tommy?" His Mom asks Adam and Tommy still can't tell what she is thinking.

　

"Yes, because I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, including Ben," Adam says and Tommy can't help it, he has to take Adam's hand even though it's rested on his table and his Mom can see. It's not like a little hand holding will do any harm.

　

"Did anything happen while you were still with Ben?" His Mom asks and Tommy knows she won't approve, but he won't lie about it to his Mom or ask Adam to lie for him.

　

"Yes and we both know that was wrong and being in love doesn't excuse what we did. We are both aware we made mistakes, but we're starting over, trying to do things right this time," Adam explains and in ways it does seem like they are starting all over from the beginning, because they've never dated before this, never been boyfriends and introduced each other to parents before, but things are changing.

　

"I can't pretend that I'm happy that you boys cheated, but I'm not upset with either of you. It's pretty clear that you both feel bad about it, you don't need me making you feel worse. I want you to both be happy. You’re my baby, Tommy. I don't ever want you to get hurt or do wrong. But you’re human and people make mistakes, as long as you learn from them, that is all that matters," Dia says softly and the knot that had formed in Tommy's stomach starts to untangle. She doesn't hate him or Adam and if she accepts this, Lisa will probably have the same reaction as her. She'll be worried about him getting hurt, seen as his and Adam's relationship started as an affair, but his big sister will support him, he just hopes his friends will as well.

　

"We both feel so bad for what we did and maybe we can't make up for it, but we'll try," Tommy manages. He's never found it hard to talk to his Mom before, but some conversations are just hard to have with anyone.

　

"Well I'm happy for you boys and I'm glad you told me, now let’s eat before your food goes cold," his mother's smile is sunny and her approval means so much to Tommy. Now all he has to do is hope that everyone who matters takes the news so well. 

　

TBC...


	34. Telling Friends.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty four of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt When? for fanfic100. When did this start? Everyone wants to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

When they had made plans to tell their friends, Adam hadn't known how scared it would make him, but he won't let fear control him, so he has invited Brad, Sutan, Terrence, Isaac and Sophie to come to his place for dinner. They all know that Tommy will be there as well, but he doesn't think anyone has guessed that Tommy is anything other than another guest. He gets a recipe for a pasta dish from his mom and cooks for most of the day. Working on the perfect three course meal has helped keep his mind of things. But now people are due to start arriving and he has nothing to distract himself, nothing else can be cooked until people are ready to eat. So when Tommy walks into the kitchen to find Adam stirring a sauce that really doesn't need it, he must read Adam's nerves because he comes right over and hugs Adam.

　

"I needed this," Adam says softly against Tommy's neck because he really does need it. He knows what he did was wrong, he should have never cheated, but he's really hoping that his friends won't hate him when he tells them when he and Tommy started seeing each other. Isaac already knows a lot, so Sophie probably knows as well, but they don't know that Adam hasn't been with Ben for a long time or that he and Tommy have gotten together to try and be a real couple, no more affairs, but an honest, real relationship.

　

"It'll be fine, they might get pissed, but they love us, just keep remembering that part," Tommy tells him and Adam knows that Tommy is just as scared, but he's a lot better at hiding it than Adam is. He'd stopped being good at reading Tommy because he'd stopped trying, but now that they are being honest with each other, now that they are dating he thinks he can read Tommy again. He loves feeling closer to Tommy again.

　

"You’re right, they might get mad at us, but they'll forgive us," Adam nods.

　

"I think they'll all forgive you, but I don't think Brad will forgive me," Tommy sighs.

　

"Why not? He really likes you, I know things were rocky in the beginning and he teased you a bit too much, but he doesn't hate you, he cares about you," Adam says firmly, hand cupping Tommy's chin to make him look Adam in the eyes.

　

"Me and Brad are friends, but he was so happy for you and Ben. I just think he'll be mad at me for ruining things," Tommy sighs.

　

"It takes two to cheat, if he hates you for it he'll have to hate me. You didn't do anything alone, you didn't seduce or trick me. I chose to cheat and you didn't ruin anything. Me and Ben, we weren’t meant to be. He's shown sides of himself that make me see he was never the man I thought he was. Ben isn't right for me, you are and Brad will see that, I know he will," Adam holds on to Tommy a little tighter, only letting go when his doorbell rings. 

　

Isaac and Sophie are the first to show up and she looks beautiful, tiny little baby bump that she lets them touched and Adam is fascinated. He almost can't believe that a little life is growing right under his hand. Sophie looks radiant and Isaac looks so proud and neither of them look surprised to see Tommy setting Adam's dining room table when they arrived, but they don't bring it up. They chat doctor’s appointments and baby names until he gets buzzed by his next guest. Sutan comes straight in and walks past everyone till he reaches Tommy first, hugging him close and then holding him atarm’s length.

　

"You look much better than the last time I saw you. I'm glad baby, I didn't like you looking so ill," Sutan tuts and it makes Adam think. He'd notice dark circles under Tommy's eyes, had noticed weight loss, but he thought maybe it was something to do with Tommy's insomnia being bad at the moment, he should have asked and he will ask about it when they don't have an audience.

　

"I'm sleeping better," Tommy shrugs, a faint blush rising on his cheeks, crawling up his throat and Adam wonders if it’s because he’s thinking about how they have gone to sleep every night that week, tangled up in each other’s naked bodies. Sutan gives him one final look over and lets him go, lets the topic drop and goes to congratulate Isaac and Sophie about the third Carpenter and Adam has a feeling that that little girl or boy is going to be one spoiled child, because it's going to be born into a huge extend families, made up of both the bands that his or her daddy plays in and a ton of other people as well as blood relatives. Adam's still blown away by the fact that he gets to be God-father along with Tommy. It feels like fate, that they were asked to do it together before they were really together.

　

Brad is the last to arrive and he makes the rounds quickly, hugging everyone and asking how they are quickly so that Adam can get on with serving the food. None of them are about to keep a pregnant lady waiting, she's eating for two and has just gotten past her morning sickness, so Adam wants to make sure he gives her a good meal. Over the starter they talk about work and other things going on in their life, but Adam doesn't say anything about Tommy yet. If this all blows up in their faces, he wants to at least have some nice memories of his friends, one last perfect night. He keeps quiet on his real reason for asking them to come over until dessert is almost finished. Adam has surprised himself by being able to eat, he had thought he might be too nervous.

　

"I, ah, I have some stuff to tell everyone," Adam says and swallows hard when the light friendly chat disappears instantly, replaced by silence and all eyes on him.

　

"The wedding is off. I know you all probably got invites to an engagement party, but the wedding was already over then, the invites were a mistake." He thinks that had to be all Ryan's idea, it doesn't seem like something Ben would come up with, but then he doesn't know Ben as well as he thought he did, that has become very clear to him.

　

"Oh God, Adam, I'm so sorry," Brad says softly, looking heartbroken for him and Adam shakes his head, he doesn't need sympathy. 

　

"I was the one who ended it, because I wanted to be with Tommy," Adam blurts out, waiting for the fall out.

　

"When did you break it off with Ben?" Isaac asks.

　

"When did you two become a couple?" Sutan asks next and then Brad aims his question at Tommy.

　

"Since when were you anything other than straight?" Brad asks, but he doesn't sound mad, more curious and Adam doesn't know what 'when' to answer first, there are way too many when's.

　

"I'm bisexual, Brad and it took me a while to get to a place where I could admit it to myself," Tommy answers before Adam can.

　

"You’re really bisexual?" Brad presses, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

　

"He was dating a guy before Adam, so I'd say he's sure about what team he plays on," Sutan says casually.

　

"And I heard him having phone sex with his boyfriend and trust me, it was a dude he was talking to," Isaac smirks and Tommy blushes and Adam does his best to not feel jealous about Sam, he has no right to be. When Tommy was with Sam, Adam didn't have any claim on him.

　

"So everyone knew you were Bi but me? That's so not fair," Brad pouts. 

　

"I didn't know about Adam at first, till Isaac spilled," Sophie says softly and Isaac looks a little sheepish.

　

"It's cool dude, I didn't expect you to keep secrets from your wife," Tommy says and he clearly means it. He's told Adam about talking to Isaac and Adam knows he never thought Isaac wouldn't tell Sophie.

　

"I knew there was drama, but not this much," Sutan sighs.

　

"When did you two get together?" Brad asks.

　

"When I was still with Ben," Adam admits and Isaac and Sophie don't look shocked at all about when the affair started, but then the couple know the post about what has been going on all these months.

　

"You hate cheaters," Sutan points out.

　

"I know and I don't think I'll ever stop feeling bad about it, but I'm with the man I should be with now, so I just really hope you can all forgive all the lies and the cheating and just, support us I guess." They might need support, because calling off a wedding and then telling the world he is dating his formerly 'straight' bass player won't be easy.

　

"Are you going to come out or are you dragging Adam into the closet with you?" Brad asks and Sutan elbows him in the ribs, he doesn't even try to be subtle.

　

"What? I want to know that when Adam left Ben for Tommy that he made the right choice," Brad says, glaring at Sutan.

　

"I've told my Mom, my sister, some friends. And a little while after Ben tells people the wedding is over I'll come out, once the dust has settled. I won't be hiding that I love Adam and I won't ever ask him to hide that we are together." Tommy shrugs, because they have talked about this and Adam knows that Tommy is very serious about coming out. They’re just trying to wait for the right time.

　

"You love him?" Brad asks and Adam notices his whole demeanor change, face, body language and the tone of his voice. 

　

"Yeah I do and before you ask 'since when?' it's been a long time, years, but I only admitted it recently," Tommy says calmly and if he can face reporters like this when he comes out Adam thinks he'll handle the media just fine. 

　

"Well, I can only speak for myself, but about damn time, you two were meant to be, I always saw it," Sutan says firmly.

　

"I second that, I don't agree with cheating but you guys belong together," Isaac says and Sophie nods, clearly thinking the same as Isaac and this is the kind of reaction Adam had thought he could only dream of. He knows cheating on Ben makes him an asshole, but sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and his had wanted Tommy from day one. Well his dick had wanted Tommy from day one, his heart had followed not long after though, once he'd gotten to know Tommy.

　

"Well, I guess you are kind of perfect for each other, but I'm still pissed that I'm the last to know that Tommy was Bisexual," Brad says, rolling his eyes and Adam smiles. Brad is one of his best friends and he knows what Brad thinks of cheating, so it means a lot to him that Brad hasn't just walked away from him, Brad doesn't hate them.

　

"Remember when we went out for drinks?" Tommy asks and Adam isn't sure why.

　

"Yes?" Brad looks just as confused.

　

"I met a guy that night, went home with him, had this casual thing going for a while. So I wasn't like hiding it from you, you just didn't see," Tommy says smiling.

　

"Sneaky little shit," Brad says, but his tone is full of affection, making the insult sound more like a pet name and Tommy balls up his napkin and chucks it at Brad, hitting him in the face. Everyone bursts out into laughter, even Brad, between the curses.

　

This wasn't how Adam saw it going, he really thought telling his friends would have been hard when he had been thinking about it. He's not going to complain though, it was about time something in their relationship was just simple. Hopefully the complicated days are behind them and they can just be together, no more obstacles.

　

 

++++++++++++++++++++

 

　

"When Adam said I could handle announcing our break up, I don't think this is what he meant," Ben says doubtfully.

　

"Don't you want pay back? He's made a fool out of you, he's left you for some skinny little punk wannabe who probably knows nothing about being with a man. He deserves to be punished, he hurt you," Ryan says firmly.

　

"Alright, okay, the reporter’s waiting?" Ben asks.

　

"Right in the other room and I told her what it was all about and you know what to say to every question, it's all perfect," Ryan says, his finger brushing lightly over Ben's lower lip, like maybe he's thinking about kissing him, but Ben knows that he won't do that with a reporter around.

　

"What if he shows people the pictures of me and you?" Ben asks.

　

"I can handle that, now go give the interview." Ryan leads him into another room and Ben sits down in front of a female reporter in a grey suit and Ryan says that Ben is ready to starts. He knows what the questions will be and Ryan had prepared his answers to them all already, he’s ready for this.

　

"So Ben, when was the first time Adam hit you?"

　

TBC...


	35. Accusations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty five of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Broken for fanfic100. Adam feels broken by the lies Ben tells and Tommy makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

Adam feels his heart shatter into broken little pieces when he reads the article. Lane had been the one to send it to him. She didn't ask if was true, she just asked him what he wanted to do it. But Adam feels too broken to decide. He'd cheated on Ben, broken his vows to be faithful before he even took them. But there had been a time when Adam loved Ben and he can't believe Ben would do this, accuse Adam of beating him. It's all over Twitter, it's on the news and all Adam can do is break, hide in his room. He told Lane he didn't know what to do, because he didn't, still doesn't. He trusted Ben to deal with their break up in a way that wouldn't hurt either of them. Ben has broken that trust.

　

He has the picture of Ben with Ryan, but who would blame a battered spouse for turning to another man for some comfort? It'll look like retaliation, like he's trying to discredit Ben's accusations and that will just make people believe the lies more. He has no idea how to deal with this. He's used to dealing with the press, but he's never had a crowd of them in front of the gate to his house, cameras flashing every time he walks past a window. He goes to his room, pulls the curtains even though no one is behind the house. He hides under the covers and tries not to cry. He feels broken by Ben's lies and he doesn't know what to do or say to fix himself. 

　

His Mom calls, his brother calls, Monte calls, Cam calls, Isaac and then Sophie, Mike after that. Adam doesn't answer any of them. He just lets his cell ring, thinks about turning it off, but he doesn't. Lane will call him, she'll have suggestions about fixing his image, but not his broken heart. He had loved and trusted Ben once and even though he hurt Ben by cheating, he doesn't think he deserves this. It breaks something inside of him to realize Ben was never the man he thought he was. 

　

He also leaves it on in case Tommy calls, but Tommy's name doesn't flash on his phone once. By that afternoon it seems like every friend and family member he has, has tried to contact him, but not Tommy. He thought they were together, he thought Tommy cared about him, but it doesn't seem like that right now. He knows Tommy wouldn't believe he hit Ben, but he's so afraid that people will see it, so afraid that he doesn't dare look at Twitter. If his own friends were to turn against him he doesn't know what he would do. He thinks if that happened he would be truly broken.

　

When the doorbell rings he ignores it, it could be his Mom, but he can't face her right now. She won't believe Ben, she knows why he broke up with Ben, but he doesn't want her to see him broken like this. When his phone starts buzzing, he looks and finds Brad's number on the screen and the knocking gets louder. With a sigh Adam picks up his phone and accepts the call.

　

"Open your fucking door!" Brad yells so loud that Adam has to pull his ear away from the phone. 

　

"You’re outside?" Adam asks groggily. He's been trying to sleep, because he knows if he sleeps he won't have to think about anything anymore, unless he has dreams, well more likely nightmares.

　

"Yes, now come let me in before I punch a pap in the face," Brad growls and Adam, he doesn't think Brad is joking, so he gets out of bed. He doesn't want Brad to get into trouble because of Adam and his fucked up life.

　

He hangs up and heads for the door. Brad doesn't stop knocking, like he doesn't believe Adam is coming to let him. Only when Adam opens his front door he doesn't just find Brad on his doorstep, Sutan and Tommy are with him. He doesn't let surprise keep him from moving, he doesn't want pictures of himself letting friends into his house while he's in pajamas, looking a wreck. He doesn't want pictures that will confirm to him how he looks.

　

He leaves them to shut the door and goes to sit in his arm chair, leaving the couch free for the other three men. He wonders if Brad dragged Tommy here. He looks pale, tired, like maybe someone woke him up way too early, like Brad who would think nothing of going to Tommy's place and waking him up without a word of warning. 

　

"We were all worried," Brad says softly.

　

"Your Mom called me when you wouldn't answer, she's really worried," Tommy adds and Adam feels like an asshole, so he sends a quick text to his Mom, lying and saying he's fine, promising to call her later once he knows what he's doing. He'll call her, but he's not sure what he's going to do. He's had people spread lies and rumors, men he'd slept with had run to the press to spill the details and get five minutes of fame, but it's never been like this. So cold and cruel and he has no doubts that Ryan came up with the idea and Ben just went along with it out of spite.

　

"Do you know what you’re going to say to the press?" Sutan asks.

　

"I have no idea. I mean what could I possibly say to make this all better?" Adam asks, hating the way his voice sounds, the way it breaks, because he is so full of emotion, broken up on the inside.

　

"I don't know baby, but you can't let him get away with those lies," Brad says firmly and when Tommy gets to his feet all eyes turn to him.

　

"Where are you going?" Brad asks.

　

"Stay here with him," Tommy orders and Adam has never heard Tommy sound so commanding. He is the least bossy person Adam knows, so for him to give an order to Brad? It's beyond weird. Before anyone can say anything though, Tommy walks out of the room and Adam hears the front door slam.

　

"What's he doing?" Adam asks.

　

"I don't know, he called me an hour or so ago, asked if I'd seen the interview Ben had given, which I had. Sutan called after and we decided to all come here and check on you," Brad shrugs. So he'd been wrong, it was Tommy's idea to come here, he'd not been dragged along.

　

"He did his makeup in the car, covered up those dark circles. He looked like he'd hardly slept," Sutan sighs.

　

When Adam's phone suddenly goes nuts, text after text, all pouring into his inbox, all saying basically the same thing, to put on a channel that has a program about celebrity gossip. He finds it and he can see reporters and his house and Tommy against the front gate. The caption says who Tommy is and that the interview is going out live.

　

"So you’re claiming Adam's fïance Ben's accusations are untrue?" One reporter asks.

　

"I'm not claiming anything and he's not been Adam's faience for a long time. Those stories are nothing more than a bitter ex's lies," Tommy says firmly and Adam feels his jaw drop.

　

"I thought he hated reporters?" Brad says softly.

　

"He does," Adam nods.

　

"I did not expect this," Sutan says slowly and then they fall silent as another question gets asked.

　

"What makes you think this?" The reporter asks.

　

"Adam ended things with Ben because he'd met someone new. Ben didn't like that and now he's just being vindictive. Adam has never hit a partner in his life, everyone he's ever dated will back that up. Adam is a kind and gentle man. Ben is a petty liar and I think he is vile for lying about something as serious as spousal abuse. Lies like his make it harder for real abuse victims to come forward." Tommy looks calm, confident and so damn honest, he doesn't look like he's lying and Adam hopes other people see that too. He doesn't think he has ever seen Tommy say so much to any reporter. It's why Twitter is perfect for Tommy, the short word counts suit him. It's not that he's not smart enough to say a lot, he's just shy and doesn't like small talk, but he's out there, cameras in his face, talking to reporters live, for Adam's sake and he wishes he could hug Tommy right now, explain how much Tommy doing this means to him.

　

"If Adam Lambert broke off his relationship for another man why does no one know and why has no one seen that other man?" Another reporter asks.

　

"The man he left Ben for is Bisexual and not out. And Adam is seen with him all the time. Adam left Ben for me and ever since then, Ben has been trying to find ways to destroy us and hurt Adam," Tommy says softly and there is a few moments of silence before the reporters go crazy.

　

"Did he just come out on TV for me?" Adam asks, stunned. 

　

"Twitter is going to be broken after that. Fuck he's brave," Brad seems just as shocked.

　

"Knew our boy had it in him," Sutan says, sounding proud.

　

Tommy explains that he's been with men before Adam, but that Adam hadn't known he was Bi and that their relationship starting, changing from friendship was unexpected. He talks about how Ben and his manager made threats and when Adam dares to switch on Twitter, it is crazy. He's been tweeted so many times, hate from Ben's fans, love from his own and then things go from supportive, to crazy with excitement and finally Adam manages to pick up his phone and call Lane back.

　

"I'm watching Tommy right now, he's handling the press wonderfully for someone who's had no training on how to cope with it. You should have told me you were together," Lane says calmly.

　

"I was going to, but I know what to do now." Tommy going out and fighting for him has healed some of the broken parts in his chest. Ben might be a liar who had tried to destroy him, break him, but he has Tommy and Tommy is defending him.

　

"What would you like to do, Adam?" Lane asks and Adam loves the way she always takes what he wants into account. 

　

"I want to make a statement to the press, tell them I never hit Ben and that we separated months ago and if Ben doesn't retract his lies, I want to sue for slander." Adam says firmly and he can feel Sutan and Brad's eyes on him, but he has to do this now, letting it break him and hiding away is not the answer. 

　

"I'll set everything up and Adam? Congratulations. I think Tommy's showed today that he can be with you in the spotlight," Lane actually sounds really pleased for him and Adam can feel the ghost of a smile as he hangs up.

　

"Your boy has balls," Brad says as the news segment ends.

　

When Adam hears his front door open he's on his feet, right away, running to meet Tommy in the hallway, the door shutting before Adam gets in Tommy's space, pulling him into a hug before kissing him breathless.

　

"I can't believe you did that for me," Adam says softly as the kiss winds down.

　

"I didn't. I did it for us. I want to be able to walk down a street holding your hand without looking over my shoulder the whole time. And I don't want you getting hurt. I thought about doing that from the moment I was tweeted a link to the article and then I saw how broken you looked and I couldn't wait to say something. I won't just let him lie about you," Tommy says firmly and then he goes up on tip toes and kisses Adam again.

　

"I love you," Tommy says when he draws back from the kiss and Adam's broken heart is feeling a little less broken, more bruised rather than anything else.

　

"I love you so much. Maybe I don't deserve a man that would do that for me. I'm not perfect, but I'm so glad you love me. I feel so lucky to have you. I don't ever want to lose you," Adam says, not caring if Brad or Sutan overhear, it's all true, he doesn't care who knows.

　

"We'll get through this together, right?" Tommy says, brushing his lips across Adam's cheek.

　

"We will. I think I can handle anything as long as I have you," Adam says firmly and then he kisses Tommy, pretending not to hear when Brad yells to 'get a room'. Hedoesn't doubt that once Brad and Sutan have left, that they will get a room. And Adam knows it'll feel so much better getting into bed with Tommy than it had felt when he had gotten in there earlier as a broken man. Tommy heals him and Adam is determined that he won't let himself or anyone else tear them apart.

　

TBC...


	36. Truth And Lies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty six of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt light for fanfic100. Ben makes another announcement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

_"Ben is a petty liar and I think he is vile for lying about something as serious as spousal abuse. Lies like his make it harder for real abuse victims to come forward." ___

　

It's the one line that more than any other has stuck with him. It's been eating at him since he first saw the interview and he doesn't know what to do. He wants to call Ryan, his manager, his lover, but this was Ryan's idea to begin with. Ryan won't say that it was a bad idea, he'll never admit that any of his ideas are wrong. He has no one to call, no one to turn to and he can't help thinking that he has done the wrong thing here. He was so desperate to push his career, be successful. He's gay and out and he didn't want to be stereotyped. He didn't want to play the gay best friend or the camp character all his life.

　

So he'd talked to Ryan and his manager had said he'd need to do things to boost his popularity, to get noticed in a positive light. And Ryan had seemed to know what he was talking about. Every time he followed Ryan's plans, it did his career good, gave him a boost. He's been on TV, been in movies and he knows being with Adam helped with that a lot. He's never thought about hurting people, not when he went to Tommy and lied about what he knew about Adam's affair, not when he knew Ryan was blackmailing Tommy, but today, watching that interview, Tommy had made him see the light. He was playing with so much more than their careers.

　

He picks up his address book and flips through the pages, ignoring Ryan's name when he sees it on the first page, where he keeps all his most important contacts. He has a feeling if he does this he won't need Ryan's number anymore. He wants to believe that Ryan loves him, would want him if he wasn't famous, but he knows that is very unlikely. Ryan wants him, but he doesn't love him, has never loved him. Adam, Adam wanted him once and Adam had loved him once. And he paid him back by using him, hurting him and maybe hurting others. The bad thing about being in the light is he's getting a good look at himself and he's starting to not like the man he’s seeing, the person he’s become. 

　

Adam cheated on him and that hurt, he was humiliated and hurt and he'd lashed out. He'd let Ryan guide his actions and that was wrong. He feels sick to his stomach. The idea that he could have hurt real abuse victims with his lies sickens him. He wants to be famous, but not that badly. So he finds a reporter’s number and sets up an interview, making sure they know to contact him and not Ryan, his manager the way they normally would.

　

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

　

The next day he gets dressed and ignores a text from Ryan. It makes his chest feel tight, because he has feelings for Ryan and he's used to turning to Ryan for everything. He's not made a decision by himself in a long time. He walks out into the light and gets into the car the studio has sent. He feels sick, but he knows he’s doing the right thing here. By the time he gets to the studio the morning light has turned to grey and Ryan has text him again. He doesn't even read it, he knows the slightest thing could change his mind here. He has seen the light, seen how under Ryan's thumb he is. He's let another man rule his life, given up his freedom to get into the bright spot light, to be a star. 

　

He's taken to makeup and he tries to practice what he's going to say in his head, but he doesn't know what to say, where to even start. He knows he needs to tell the reporter Annie Williams, that Adam never hit him or hurt him physically in anyway; he wasn't abusive, not physically or emotionally. Because other than his affair with Tommy, Adam had never put a foot wrong in their relationship and people need to know that. Adam is not a violent man and no one should believe he is. He needs to apologize for that and he doesn't want to be the reason why people don't believe other abuse victims. 

　

Soon it is lights, cameras, action and he's in a chair, facing Annie, the studio lights making him sweat. He needs to do this, what Tommy had said in his interview haunts him, but it's still so hard to open his mouth and do it. So he freezes until Annie talks. 

　

"So Ben, you have something to say about your announcement yesterday? Since you made it, Adam's current boyfriend has made a statement saying you’re a liar. Brad Bell, Drake and Sauli have all either tweeted or gone on record to say Adam was never abusive, so what is it you have to say?" Annie asks.

　

"I lied. After Adam broke up with me, he said I could tell the press what I wanted and Ryan my manager thought it would boost my popularity if I lied. As a victim, people would take my side, so I lied," Ben admits, biting his lip.

　

"You retract your accusations?" Annie asks, her eyes shining like this is the best thing she has ever heard. Ben guesses he is handing her some great gossip.

　

"Yes, not a word of what I said was true. In fact, I've been lying for my whole relationship with Adam. To everyone, my fans, my family and Adam," Ben admits. He's seen the light, been up all night and he's ready to tell the whole truth, even though it terrifies him. He sees Annie's eyes light up as she realizes she'll be getting more gossip than she expected.

　

"What other lies have you told Ben and why?" Annie asks.

　

"My manager got me into an after party where he knew Adam would be and told me dating Adam would boost my popularity, improve my career. Adam was handsome, charming, nice and so much more real than most the men I had dated who were in the lime light before. So I didn't see the harm in trying to get with him," Ben sighs.

　

"So it was a lie from the beginning and Adam didn't know?" Annie presses.

　

"No, we went on a few dates and I liked him, he was nice and it was easy to be with him and it helped my career. I never told Adam I'd came to the party to get with him and after a while, I let myself act like that had never happened. It felt real to me as well, so when Adam ended it, it hurt and I wanted to spite him. Ryan suggested ruining Adam's career and I'm ashamed to say that I didn't take much convincing. I wanted to hurt him, but I know what I did was so much worse than I let myself think it was," Ben admits. He thinks he fell for Adam along the way, because he was a good man and even though Adam cheated on him, he still thinks Adam is a better man than him. He'd confessed to the affair such a long time ago and he'd seemed so sorry. Ben had run to Ryan, like he always did and asked for his advice and Ryan had come up with the idea of a sham relationship and marriage. It was wrong and Adam had been right to call things off. They'd had no place getting married.

　

He can't believe he was going to make a marriage equality video with a man who he wasn't really with. Adam had been in love with another man. He'd tried to tell himself that the affair was just about sex. Adam had just wanted to get with someone pretty. But he'd been proven wrong when Tommy went on live TV and defended Adam, he'd outed himself to the world, because he loved Adam and now he was trying to live in the light. He can admit to himself that Adam must be in love with Tommy.

　

"So the relationship was all a publicity stunt?" Annie says, looking shocked.

　

"Yes. It became real to me, I fell for him and I was hurt when he left me. I have lied and I have hurt people and I don't know how I can make up for any of it. I'm sorry for what I did, but I know that's not enough. I don't have anything else to say, there is nothing I can say," Ben sighs. He doesn't know what to do now, but his chest feels a little lighter, all the lies have been a heavy burden on him. He knows things won't be easy now; people will hate him, Adam's fans especially. But he knows he has done the right thing, he never wants to be the reason that someone doesn't report an assault. He would have been proved a liar eventually, he's sure of that, it's better this way.

　

The interview ends and the car that brought him takes him to his apartment. His phone keeps going off but he ignores it. He knows the interview will be aired that day, so he doesn't go onto Twitter or put the TV on. He just sits in his apartment, trying to think about what he'll do now. He's sure the film he was due to be in won't want him anymore, nor now. He's not with Adam and he's made a fool of himself, he never should have listened to Ryan. When he hears a knock at the door, he goes to answer it, even knowing that it won't be anyone good, won't be anyone coming with good news.

　

He opens the door and gets a fist straight to the face. His eyes watering because the fist caught his nose, he stumbles back, face aflame and when the lights stop dancing in his eyes, he sees who is standing in his door way and it isn't some crazed fan or one of Adam's friends, it's Ryan and he looks furious.

　

 

++++++++++++++++

 

　

When the interview is aired, Adam gets tweeted by everyone, when he saw the title 'actor sees the light' he hadn't even hoped. But he'd watched and it had been more than he could have asked for. Ben had admitted that the abuse was a lie, but he had shocked Adam with the rest of his announcement. He hadn't ever thought that Ben had planned for them to get together and he doesn't know how to feel about it. So Tommy suggests that they go talk to Ben. Ask for his reasons, see what he has to say away from the lights and the cameras. 

　

The last thing Adam expects when they arrive at Ben's apartment is to find the door open and Ben yelling inside. He sounds afraid and in pain and Adam rushes for the door, Tommy doing the same and somehow getting their faster.

　

He hears a second voice before he reaches Ben, who is on the floor. "You humiliated me," Ryan yells and before Adam can do anything, Tommy grabs Ryan, pulling him away from Ben, who is on the floor and bleeding. He's almost beside them when Tommy pulls his fist back and punches Ryan hard. Blood shoots out of his nose and Adam feels nothing but satisfaction at the sight. He doesn't want to see Tommy get hurt, but he knows he can handle himself, so he goes to Ben, helping him to his feet. His lips and nose are bleeding, his left eye already starting to swell closed.

　

"He's fucking crazy," Ben pants and Adam can see the tears on his face and despite everything, all the lies, he believes Ben's tears now.

　

"Call the police," Adam orders, shoving his cell phone into Ben's hands, but when he looks up. He sees that there isn't any rush. 

　

Ryan is on the floor. He looks like he's out cold. Tommy is rubbing his knuckles, but Adam can't see a single mark on him. He feels sorry for Ben, no man or woman deserves to be beaten like that and by a lover; it has to make it worse. Some people would say it was a perfect case of the boy who cried wolf. Ben accused one partner of hitting him and another went on to really hit him after the lies came to light. He should hate Ben, but as he goes to check Tommy over for himself, all he can manage to feel for Ben is pity and relief that his life with Ben is over.

　

TBC...


	37. Calm.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty seven of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Storm for fanfic100. It feels like the calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

It feels strange, being able to go to Adam's house, knowing no one is following him and if he is seen, well, everyone knows he's with Adam now. A picture of him going in to Adam's house will not cause a shit storm in the media. And when he knocks on Adam's door and is greeted with a smile, it feels good, to be pulled into Adam's warm arms after freezing his ass off from getting out of the car. It feels good to be in Adam's arms, feels right and he's pulled inside as it starts to drizzle. By the time they are curled up on Adam's sofa, glasses of red wine on the coffee table, a storm has started.

　

He sits watching Adam, his legs tucked under him and he can't help but smile, because this beautiful man is with him, he's finally with Adam. He's in love with this man, so in love and he can finally say it and feel it without feeling guilty. He feels like a weight has been lifted from him and even as the storm rages, he feels calm. Adam is his man, his boyfriend, his lover, no one else's, just his, all his and it makes him feel almost giddy. 

　

"The cops call you yet? They called me this morning," Adam asks, leaning forward to get his glass and Tommy just can't take his eyes off of Adam tonight. He wants to touch so badly, but they need to talk about this. The glass pressing to his lips as he drinks the wine, he can't help but watch and think of all the different things he'd like to do with that mouth. He wants to taste the wine on Adam's lips, his tongue. He has his own glass, but he doesn't care about it, he only wants to taste the wine on Adam. He's been drinking a lot less since they all stopped lying about everything and he's glad because he knows he was developing a problem that could have been a lot worse if he hadn't pulled himself out of it. 

　

"They called, told me Ben has pressed charges against Ryan and that they won't be pressing charges against me. Reasonable force or something like that, I'm not in trouble," Tommy explains, he had worried a little that he would get in trouble for hitting Ryan, but even when he'd been worried about getting in trouble, he hadn't regretted it. Hitting Ryan had been so satisfying. He's never been a violent man, but Ryan deserved what he got. He is twice the size of Ben and he'd attacked him just because Ben told the truth to the world. He can't believe that Ryan had planned to get Ben with Adam from the beginning; it was all just a set up. Maybe Ben did fall in love along the way, Tommy doesn't know, but he's glad the truth is out. 

　

"Good, they wouldn't tell me about that, I'm really glad you’re not in trouble. You saved Ben from getting really hurt, even after he'd been so cruel to you," Adam says, setting his wine down. He licks a drip of wine off of his lip and Tommy has to shake his head to try and clear it before he speaks because all he can think about right now is kissing Adam, licking at those lips. 

　

"Ben did some stuff wrong, but I don't hate him. I hate Ryan, he deserves to get in trouble, but I don't want to think about them, they’re the past right? Ryan and Ben aren't going to be a part of our lives anymore," Tommy says firmly. He still knows cheating was wrong, always will, what Ryan and Ben did doesn't make what he and Adam did okay, but it's in the past now, they need to move on. 

　

"Actually, that kind of brings me to something I wanted to talk to you about," Adam says, sounding hesitant and Tommy can't remember the last time that he saw Adam hesitate over anything, so he's more than curious and just a little worried. 

　

"Okay, what is it," He's nervous, he doesn't want anything bad to happen, for this evening to be ruined. He wants a calm night, hiding away from the storm together. 

　

"I want to move, this place, it was basically mine and Ben's place, so I want a new place, something with no memories of Ben or Ryan, a new start," Adam says softly.

　

"That's a really good idea. Christ, the way you sounded, I thought it was going to be something bad," Tommy admits, so relieved that he was wrong. 

　

"Well I'm nervous," Adam shrugs.

　

"Why?" Tommy asks. He's with Adam, but it's not like Adam needs Tommy's permission to sell his home. If Adam wants to move somewhere with no memories of Ben, well Tommy sure as hell won't say no to the idea. He doesn't feel uncomfortable being in this house, but it'd be nice to visit Adam somewhere that he doesn't have to think about Ben having been here. 

　

"Well I was thinking that when I moved, maybe instead of it being my place, it could be our place?" Adam says, looking hopeful.

　

"You’re asking me to move in with you?" Tommy asks, stunned.

　

"Yes, but I get it if you don't want to. I know it's fast, but yeah, if you did want to, I'd love that," Adam rambles and Tommy leans forward, kissing him, tasting the red wine he's been drinking.

　

"Is that a yes kiss or an I'm sorry but no kiss?" Adam asks.

　

"It's a hell yes kiss," Tommy smiles and the next thing he knows he's on his back, with Adam on top of him, kissing him breathless.

　

Adam wants him to move in. It's a big step, but he likes that, he likes that Adam is serious about him. Moving in together, it's, god it’s so far away from being someone’s dirty little secret. This isn't just some dirty affair anymore, it's a real relationship and Tommy's heart feels like it could race out of his chest. He loves this man and he's going to get to live with him, wake up every morning with him. He can't believe how far things have come from where they started out.

　

"I'll call a real-estate agent in the morning or is that too fast?" Adam asks, coming up for breath.

　

"Not too fast, I'll sort out my lease. I want to live with you. I thought I'd like living alone and I did, but sharing a bed with you every night sounds beyond awesome," Tommy says and he's grinning so hard, his cheeks hurt a little. He'd lived at home, with friends and alone; he's never lived with Adam, but the idea of buying a place together, of living together, now that he knows it's an option, he wants it and he wants it now. 

　

"We can go house shopping together, find a place that is perfect for us," Adam says happily, pressing a soft kiss to Tommy's mouth.

　

"I'm excited about this, like a lot. I've never picked out a house with someone, not like this," Tommy admits.

　

"I really want to live with you, I feel like I wasted a lot of time, I should have owned up to my feelings for you a long time ago," Adam says softly, pushing Tommy's hair off his face and he likes this, him and Adam cuddled together on the couch, no sound but them and the storm raging outside.

　

"No more regrets, we're here now, we got here eventually and that's what matters. So shut up and kiss me and I can't wait to be in our own place, on our own couch," Tommy says, grabbing onto Adam and pulling him closer so he can get his mouth on Adam's again.

　

"I want to fuck you in every room of our house when we get it, every single room," Adam gasps out and Tommy groans; he can just imagine that. Their home, every room in their house, he can't get over the fact that Adam has asked for that. 

　

It's cold and wet outside, but he's not out in the storm, he's in here, with Adam, warm in his arms, the kisses making lust coil through his stomach, getting him hard as the rain lashes against the windows, drowning out the sounds he makes, his moans and he never wants this night to end. They keep kissing and at some point Tommy loses his shirt and then Adam's is off and thrown to one side and the feel of skin against skin. When Adam stops kissing him Tommy groans out a complaint, till Adam starts pressing kisses to every bare patch of skin as his destination becomes clear. 

　

Adam makes quick work of undoing his jeans and soon his cock is out and Adam's mouth is on his cock. At that point Tommy's moans get loud enough that he can hear them above the storm. He never wants to stop touching Adam and he can just imagine when they have their own place together, they'll be able to be together whenever they want then and Tommy can't wait for that. He wants to wake up with Adam every morning, to go to sleep with him every night. 

　

"Oh fuck, Adam, so good, so fucking good," Tommy moans, looking at Adam's big body crouched between Tommy's legs. He looks so sensual, so beautiful and Tommy can't take his eyes off of him and the sight, it makes Tommy feel like he's about to fall over the edge. Adam's hand is on his hip, strong and holding him down and he loves it. Adam's strength turns him on and he doesn't buck up, he doesn't want to fuck Adam's mouth, he's happy to lay there and let Adam do all the work. 

　

He threads his hand into Adam's hair, but doesn't pull. He's close to the edge already. He doesn't need to do anything to make this better. He knows Adam will get him there. He's so close and he moans out a warning, but Adam doesn't pull off, his head keeps bobbing, taking Tommy down into his throat and Tommy's vision whites out. All he can feel is pleasure, all he hears is the storm and then while he's still lost in it, he feels Adam's mouth on his and he opens up for the kiss, tasting himself on Adam's tongue and he moans into the kiss, too boneless to do much more than get a hand on Adam's crotch, groping him through the denim, but Adam's more with it and he gets his jeans undone and pushes Tommy's hand inside, onto the heat of his cock.

　

Tommy jacks Adam slowly, never breaking the kiss. He loves kissing Adam, how it feels, how it tastes and he never wants to stop. He speeds his hand up a little, wanting to see Adam loose it, wanting to be the one who makes him. Adam moans into Tommy's mouth and he loves this, he wants to spend all his stormy nights with Adam. He wants to live his life with Adam, wants to share everything with him, not just sex.

　

When Adam comes, his face is so beautiful. It's a sight Tommy never thinks he'll get sick of. Adam comes over his hand, some spilling on both of their bodies and Tommy brings his hand up to lick it clean, wanting to taste Adam. The way Adam looks at him while he does it, makes Tommy sure that tonight this won't be their only time, as soon as they can both go again they will and Tommy is more than okay with that. When he's licked his fingers clean, Adam kisses him again and Tommy lets himself get lost in it. He's not fool enough to think they will never have problems, but right now, things are kind of perfect and Tommy couldn't ask for more. He finally has Adam all to himself and he's never going to let him go, not after he almost lost his chance. They made it through the storm of their personal lives and that's all that matters.

　

TBC...


	38. New House.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty eight of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Months or fanfic100. It takes months before they find a house, but it's worth it.

They've been looking for a new house for months and Adam knows he's the reason it's taking so long. He's not dragging his heels, he wants to move in with Tommy, but he wants it to be perfect, his and Tommy's place. He's lived with boyfriends before, but he has never bought a house with one, not like this. So after months of looking, they are finally moving into their own place. It's a beautiful building with a garden and a pool. A huge garden, even though neither of them cook a lot, but they say that they will: breakfast together in the mornings, romantic dinners. The bedroom is amazing, big and airy, with a huge bed that took almost as many months to find. Adam had started bed shopping the moment he started looking at houses. He had wanted a new bed, something that was just theirs. That no one else had ever been in, just them.

　

But after months they are finally dragging in boxes and unpacking furniture. Their families have been helping them move in all day, but now it's just them, Neil, Brad and Sutan and from the sounds he can hear upstairs, Adam has a feeling the work has stopped. When he suddenly hears a thump and then silence, he looks over at Neil.

　

"Your boyfriend, your friends, your house, you deal with it," Neil shrugs.

　

"They’re your friends as well," Adam says, but he puts down the DVD's he'd been dealing with and heads off to investigate. He keeps expecting Neil to give him shit about Tommy, after he'd spent years saying there was nothing between them, after all his talk of monogamy. Normally Neil would be giving him hell, but it hasn't happened yet and he doesn't think it will, not after all these months.

　

Adam goes upstairs and finds Brad and Sutan poking around his and Tommy's new walk in closet while Tommy sits on the bed trying to pull off some shoes that look like Sutan's.

　

"What happened here?" Adam asked.

　

"They tried to make me dress up," Tommy says quickly.

　

"Liar, he stole my shoes," Sutan yells.

　

"Bitch," Tommy yells back.

　

"You three call this unpacking?" Adam asks.

　

"We got bored," Brad admits. 

　

"Well maybe we should give up for the night, have a few drinks. We're never going to get it all unpacked in one night anyway," Adam suggests just as Tommy's cell goes off. He gives up on his shoes and answers his phone. He doesn't say a lot as Brad and Sutan stop playing with his clothes.

　

"We'll see you soon," Tommy says before hanging up.

　

"Who's we and who are we seeing?" Brad asks.

　

“We is me and Adam, and it's about that concert. I forgot it was coming up. There were some delays, but they still want me and Adam to do a PSA about gay marriage," Tommy says, fiddling with his phone.

　

"I knew the concert was still on, they just had trouble with getting a site and security, but I didn't think they'd want me to do the marriage PSA though," Adam frowns.

　

"It's been months since you broke up with Ben, the backlash is over, you’re not the first person to call off an engagement, doesn't mean you don't want marriage equality," Brad points out.

　

"And you say we? Do you mean you and Adam doing separate PSA's because you’re out or one together?" Sutan asks.

　

"Both I think," Tommy shrugs.

　

"Are you okay with that, you've not done many interviews about your sexuality," Brad frowns.

　

"I'm out. I can talk about it and this isn't some gossip rag looking for details on stuff that isn't anyone's business. These are people with a cause, trying to make a point using music, trying to make the world better, it's different," Tommy shrugs.

　

"It's weird that I never got a call," Adam comments.

　

"Sam is dealing with it, he wasn't sure you'd want him to call you," Tommy admits, looking sheepish.

　

"He's your ex, that doesn't bother me," Adam says firmly, even though he does feel a slight spark of jealousy. Sam was with Tommy, but they didn't date, it was casual and Sam always knew there was someone else for Tommy. But the fact that it wasn't serious doesn't mean it didn't happen. Sam has probably worked out by now that Adam was the other man in Tommy's life and he hasn't spilled the secret of their affair to anyone. Adam's not sure how to think about Sam phoning Tommy and not him.

　

"Well that won't be awkward, being around your ex and your current," Brad says lightly.

　

"It'll be fine, it was just sex, no ill feelings or any of that shit," Tommy shrugs, finally getting rid of Sutan's shoes and pushing his own on.

　

"Come on, it's a good day. Let’s not talk about a man from months ago, let’s have fun, go have a drink," Sutan suggests and Adam is happy to not talk about Sam anymore.

　

Neil decides that if they are giving up unpacking then so is he, so soon they are all out back, with beers in Tommy and Neil's case and wine for the rest of them. It's nice to sit out here, with people he cares about, loves, friends and family, in his and Tommy's home. He loves being able to say it. It was worth the months of waiting to be able to say that, his and Tommy's place. 

　

He goes to sit on one of the sun lounges they already have, slipping in behind Tommy, smiling when Tommy leans back against his chest. Adam wraps one arm around Tommy's waist, holding his glass of wine with the other. Months ago, he never would have imagined being here, in his and Tommy's place, open about his feelings and relationship with Tommy.

　

"You two look so cute together," Brad comments.

　

"Don't encourage them. I've been putting up with this for months. Shouldn't they be out of this stage by now, the honeymoon phase?" Neil asks, pulling a face, but Adam knows Neil is pleased with him, glad he's finally found the right man, because Adam has no doubts, Tommy is the man for him. With Ben there had always been doubts, but Adam doesn't want to think about him, not now, not here in his and Tommy's new home. Ben has all but dropped off the map. He's not given an interview in months. It seems he's sticking to not causing any more trouble and Ryan was charged with assault, he got away with a fine and probation, but he isn't around Ben anymore to influence him.

　

"I think they look cute together as well, don't be miserable Neil. It might last more than months, might last years and none of us will care if it does, because they look very pretty together," Sutan says brightly.

　

"He's pretty," Adam says, bumping his chin against the top of Tommy's head, pulling him just a little closer. It feels so good, has from the start and Neil's right. They've been like this for months, but Adam doesn't want it to stop. He likes how comfortable and easy things are between him and Tommy, so natural and easy and he never wants to stop holding Tommy, doesn't think he'll ever stop wanting to touch Tommy.

　

"You’re both pretty and you look good together. I'm jealous, just a little," Sutan laughs.

　

"I just can't believe Brad has resisted saying I told you so yet, I've been waiting months for it," Tommy comments, wiggling back a little between Adam's spread legs, pressing his ass right against Adam's dick and he is such a damn tease.

　

"What, about the straight thing? I was right, you’re not straight. I didn't really think about that. So when I used to tease you, I was right?" Brad says thoughtfully. 

　

"You weren't always right and I'm Bi, so it's not like I lied about liking girls, not to anyone, even myself. I like men too, but it took a while for me to realize," Tommy shrugs.

　

"Well I was still right," Brad huffs.

　

"Half right," Sutan corrects. 

　

They order takeout and sit talking and eating in a half unpacked house. Eventually Neil, Sutan and Brad leave and Tommy leads the way to the bedroom, which is the room they've finished the most of, because they had wanted to be able to sleep here tonight. Neither of them had wanted to have their house ready and not be able to sleep in it. This is their house now and Adam can't stop smiling all the way to their bedroom. He loves being able to think of this place as theirs, it feels right.

　

"You went weird for a little while," Tommy comments as he starts undressing.

　

"I got jealous," Adam admits, kicking off his own boots.

　

"I never loved Sam and he never loved me. I don't want him. I've never wanted him more than I wanted you," Tommy says, walking over to Adam to wrap his arms around him. He's shirtless and his shoes and socks are off and it feels good to have Tommy in his arms, in their bedroom, it their house. Waiting for months was worth it, because this feels perfect, this is their home and they can be together here, he loves it.

　

"I know it's stupid, but I can't help it," Adam sighs.

　

"I know. I get jealous too, but I promise I love you and I don't want Sam. He's a good guy. I had fun with him, but I will never want him more than I want you. I know we cheated, but I won't ever cheat on you. I know they say once a cheater, always a cheater, but I won't ever do that to you," Tommy promises, holding Adam closer. 

　

"I won't either. I talk about monogamy a lot and I've always meant it and then I was with Ben and cheated, which is something and I never thought I would do. But I'm so sure I won't ever cheat on you. I love you too much," Adam says, dipping his head down to press a gentle kiss to the top of Tommy's head.

　

"Mm, no more talking. Sam isn't important to us," Tommy says firmly before he moves so he can reach up and kiss Adam. He loves the way Tommy kisses him. There is always such passion in it, such need.

　

"Take me to bed?" Adam asks after slowing the kiss down to a gradual stop.

　

"When you say take you to bed?" Tommy asks.

　

"I mean I want you to fuck me in our bed, in our house," Adam purrs and he feels his stomach dip at the heat in Tommy's eyes and he knows this is going to be a good night.

　

Tommy strips them both off slowly and by the time he's naked, Adam is hard from the anticipation. Adam has always been big on control. He doesn't bottom for hook ups, but with Tommy, it's easy to let the other man take the lead. Adam ends up on his stomach on the bed, Tommy between his legs, warm tongue teasing him, licking and sucking until all Adam can do is beg and moan and plead for more. He's sure Tommy's the one who found and unpacked the lube, but he doesn't care enough to ask, because it means he gets Tommy's lube slicked fingers pressing up inside of him, rubbing over his prostate and driving him wild.

　

"Come on Tommy, come on," Adam begs and Tommy presses a tender kiss to the back of his neck and it makes Adam shiver and then moments later, Tommy is pressing into him, slowly, making Adam shake, because it feels so good. They've done this before, plenty of times over the months, but never in this bed, in this home and Adam is glad to have Tommy here with him, doing this. 

　

He thrusts back, loving the feel of Tommy inside of him, even more so when Tommy wraps a hand around Adam's cock and it makes Adam gasp, his hips twitching, jerking, because it feels so good and all he can do is clench his hands in the bed sheets, his arms shaking as Tommy controls their pleasure, fast and a little rough and it's perfect, so perfect. All Adam can manage to do is gasp out Tommy's name. He moans, panting and he's so close, so very close and he whimpers, asking for more and soon his hips are jerking as he comes all over Tommy's hands and the brand new sheets and moments later he feels Tommy lose it, his orgasm hitting him and then they are both slumped on the bed, wrapped up in each other, bodies sweaty, but sated. 

　

"I want to do that in every room of our house, including the pool," Adam says sleepily.

　

"No arguments from me. You want to get fucked or fuck me in every room? I'm cool with that," Tommy says, cuddling closer.

　

"How about both?" Adam asks.

　

"Both, I like that, but not like till tomorrow. I just want to sleep, moving is hard work," Tommy grumbles.

　

"Worth it though? Worth waiting months for?" Adam asks. Brushing Tommy's bangs off of his face, he almost can't believe that they are here after all this time. This didn't take months, really it took years. From the moment they met, they should have been able to have this a long time ago, but Adam refuses to spend time regretting this. He won't waste any more time, not on anything. 

　

"I think I would have waited forever to have this with you," Tommy says softly and Adam has to kiss him, pull him in close and get his mouth on Tommy's. They kiss lazily until sleep starts to drag them both under. 

　

TBC...


	39. The Meeting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part thirty nine of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt work for fanfic100. The boys go to a meeting about the concert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

Seeing Sam again shouldn't be awkward, it really shouldn't, but walking into a meeting with him and a few other guys in suits, Adam's hand in his, well it's a little awkward, Tommy can't lie and pretend it isn't. He takes a seat next to Adam and tries not to read anything into the look that Sam is sending this way. This is work. Sam won't let things get personal, he's sure of that. At least he's really hoping that Sam will keep work and their sex lives separate.

　

"We can't ignore the ups and downs in your recent love life," One of the other men, Greg, says and it puts Tommy's back up.

　

"It's been months since the situation with Ben. The press aren't even asking questions anymore," Adam says and Tommy can tell he's a little pissed off as well, so Tommy squeezes his hand a little tighter, trying to make it clear without words that he has Adam's back.

　

"Still, you'll be talking about marriage with a lover at your side, instead of a fiance," Greg says and he gives Tommy this look, like lover is a dirty word or something.

　

"They've been together for month and their fans love that. I don't think it'll be an issue we need to make a big deal out of," Sam says firmly and Tommy gives him a small smile, because as much as he had known Sam was a good guy, he hadn't expected Sam to side with him and Adam over his work colleagues. He hadn't thought Sam would be bitter, but it's still nice to know breakups, if that was what it was, well, they don't always end badly. It's not like they even dated, they just had sex, good sex, but still, it was sex and only sex and no one got their heart broken.

　

"Straight celebrities break up all the time, why should I be any different?" Adam asks.

　

"Well you shouldn't be different, but I just think you should say something," Greg says, seeming stubborn.

　

"This concert means a lot to me. I'm a supporter of gay rights and equal opportunities when it comes to marriage. But this is work and I won't let you tell me what to do about my private life. Tommy is out, we are together and that's all that matters. We've had enough people in our business already, I'm not having this PSA butt in as well," Adam says firmly.

　

"We can talk about having the right to marry without talking about us or Ben," Tommy adds.

　

"Alright, but we want to avoid any bad press, so I'd ask that you avoid anymore scandals," Greg says before changing the subject and it pisses Tommy off. If this wasn't work, if the concert wasn't for a good cause, Tommy would be telling Greg to go fuck himself and walking out, but it is work and he's dying to play again, especially knowing that it could help people. Charities will benefit from this concert, it'll raise awareness and it's mind blowing knowing he's going to be a part of that. This isn't just work, not just any old job, it's important, so he keeps his temper while mentally calling Greg every single cuss word he knows.

　

When the meeting is finally over and they are at the front of the building waiting for a car to come and get them, Sam shows up.

　

"I'm sorry about that. Greg should have let it go," Sam says right off the bat and Tommy feels Adam tense up a little beside him.

　

"He just needs to learn to keep work and private lives separate. We're not hiding being together. I don't even want to hide it, but we can stand up for gay rights without talking about Ben," Tommy says, pressing against Adam's side and Adam wraps an arm around his waist. Adam's body feels a little stiff and Tommy can guess why, he's jealous. Tommy would maybe be pissed if he didn't know how Adam felt. He's felt jealousy about every man around Adam, including Ben.

　

"I just wanted to apologize for him, like you both said, work is work. This is work, your private lives are yours alone," Sam sighs.

　

"He was the one who crossed a line, not you, you don't need to apologize," Adam says and Tommy's glad that Adam hasn't just stood there ignoring Sam. Adam isn't a petty guy, but everyone gets jealous. Tommy's pretty sure it's human nature to get jealous and it's not like Adam is taking it too far and being a dick about it. 

　

"Well I'll have a word in private. You probably won't have to work with him again, but just in case. You’re both doing a good thing here, giving your time up to help others, that should be enough for him, you should be allowed to keep your personal lives personal," Sam shrugs and Tommy's not forgotten what a nice guy Sam is. It's nice to see that Sam wasn't just being nice to him to get in his pants.

　

"Thank you," Tommy says softly and when Sam holds his hand out Tommy shakes it, watches it as Adam does the same. Sam takes a step back like he's about to leave, but then he stops.

　

"He's a good man, you’re lucky, take care of him," Sam says, and then he walks away before either of them can say anything.

　

"I've never have an ex say something like that," Tommy admits, not knowing what else to say. 

　

"He's right though, I am lucky to have you," Adam says softly, just as the car pulls up. He holds the door open for Tommy and he climbs into the car. As soon as the door closes, Tommy turns to Adam and kisses him.

　

"I'm lucky as well, because I get to have you. I love you, Adam," Tommy says softly. The divider is up, no one will hear, but he doesn't care if the driver does. He's in love with Adam, he's not ashamed of the way he feels, not anymore. He'd felt bad for loving someone else's man, but Adam is all his now.

　

"You probably think I'm an idiot for getting jealous after all this time," Adam says, blushing.

　

"No, I don't, I think I'll always be a little jealous of other men, of people who have been with you. I got so jealous of Ben all the time, so I get it," Tommy admits.

　

"I never noticed you getting jealous," Adam says softly, soft fingers cupping Tommy's jaw, holding him close.

　

"I hid it better than you just did," Tommy teases.

　

"I wish I'd noticed," Adam sighs.

　

"I wished it too, but come on, no regrets," Tommy says firmly, moving forward so he can claim a kiss.

　

"No car sex," Adam groans against his lips and Tommy laughs, slipping his hand up between Adam's thighs to cup him through his jeans and he can feel heat and hardness as he rubs over denim. 

　

"Are you sure?" Tommy asks. He doesn't think they should, like the music executives said, no scandals and getting caught fucking in a car would be a scandal, but when Adam kisses him, Tommy really doesn't give a fuck about work. He's got Adam's hands on him, his lips and that matters a whole lot more than work. Luckily for both of them, they pull up at their house pretty quickly and soon, they are stumbling through the front door and heading up toward their bedroom. They've fucked all over the house, but they only keep lube and condoms in the bedroom. Neither of them want their friends or family finding stuff like that and working out that their sex lives don't just stay in the bedroom. Only they don't make it to the bedroom. Tommy's not sure how, but he ends up on his back on the stairs, his clothes tossed who the hell knows where, and he doesn't care.

　

Adam's mouth is hot and hungry on his, his body warm between Tommy's spread legs and the stairs aren't the most comfortable place he's ever fooled around on, but he doesn't care. All he cares about is the way Adam makes him feel. If he ends up with some carpet burn and some bruises, fuck it, the pleasure will be worth it, it's always worth it with Adam.

　

"Want you," Tommy groans. They've been together for months now and it's been working well for them and Tommy is always desperate for more from the first time Adam touches him. Sex shouldn't be boring, but he had thought after a while that being with Adam would stop making his body feeling like its on fire, but every time the fire is still there, the passion never lessens.

　

Adam wraps his hand around both of their cocks and it makes Tommy squirm. He loves being touched by Adam and after a day at work, at a bullshit meeting that was more an interrogation, this is what he needs. Adam pinning him to the stairs, jerking them both off as they kiss long and deep, Adam's tongue fucking into his mouth and all Tommy can do is clutch at Adam, his fingers digging into Adam's back and he doesn't think he could ever feel like this with anyone else, ever again. He's had Adam and now no one will do and he's pretty sure Adam feels the same way.

　

"I'm close," Tommy gasps out. He's been hard since the car, from the moment he'd started feeling Adam up and he's all but shaking with the pleasure. Adam and his damn perfect hands always drive him crazy and make him fall apart, but he knows it's okay, because Adam will always be there to catch him.

　

Adam nips his lip before licking over the small pain and before Tommy knows it, he is coming between them, spilling over their bellies and Adam's hand and he kisses Adam hungrily as every wave of pleasure washes through him. Not long later Adam's hips are jerking against his as he orgasms as well and Tommy holds him close, not wanting to ever stop kissing him.

　

Eventually their position on the stairs becomes too uncomfortable and Adam gets to his feet and helps Tommy up, pulling Tommy into his arms.

　

"Shower?" Adam suggests.

　

"Um, yeah, we're a little gross," Tommy nods. He doesn't have a problem with being covered with come, but he knows better than to leave it on his skin long term. So they walk up the stairs, leaving their cloths on the floor, because it's their house, so no one is around to tell them not to. They can pick it up later. 

　

They get into the shower together and they've only been in a few minutes before Tommy hears the house phone ring. They ignore it the first time, but when they are half way through washing each other it happens again, but it's not just one phone, Tommy can hear his and Adam's cells as well. 

　

"Better not be work," Tommy grumbles as they grab towels and head for their phones. Adam’s is still ringing when they get out of the shower and he picks it up, trying to towel dry his hair at the same time. When he answers, his eyes go wide. Tommy is suddenly sure that whoever is calling, it's not work, it's not work at all.

　

"We'll be there," Adam says, hanging up.

　

"What's wrong? What's happening?" Tommy asks.

　

"Sophie's in labor,"

　

TBC...


	40. New Life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Birth for fanfic100. Tommy and Adam go to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

Adam probably broke a few speed limits, but Tommy would have broken even more if he'd been driving. All that matters is that within an hour of Isaac calling to say Sophia was in labor, they are at the hospital, in the maternity ward, a nurse telling Isaac they are here. He comes running into the hallway, face flushed.

　

"Her water's broke and they say she's like really dilated and I'm glad you're here, but I have to go back to her," Isaac says in a rush. He goes to run back into the room, but then he stops, comes back, hugs Adam hard and then Tommy. He hugs back, so pleased for his friends that he can't peal the grin off of his face. Isaac lets him go and runs back into the room, door shutting gently behind him.

　

"Isaac's going to be a Dad and Sophie a Mom, that kid is going to have the coolest parents ever," Tommy says and he is buzzing with happiness. He can't imagine how Isaac must be feeling as the father. He hugs Adam, not really thinking, he's just so happy. For so long it felt like a crushing darkness was weighing down on him, but not anymore, there is nothing to take away from this moment. He'd been so happy when he was told Sophie was pregnant, but he'd been generally unhappy at the time. But now he's here with his boyfriend, waiting to meet his God son or daughter.

　

"They really will be, God this is amazing," Adam says, cuddling him close and Tommy rests his head on Adam's shoulder, feeling warm and safe in Adam's arms and so happy to be here. Tommy tips his head up waiting for a kiss. Adam doesn't keep him waiting long, he leans down and presses a relatively chaste kiss to Tommy's lips, but it makes Tommy feel like he's glowing with warmth. He holds onto Adam and the kiss deepens a little, a hint of tongue flickering into Tommy's mouth and when the kiss finally ends, Tommy is grinning like an idiot and Adam has a goofy smile on his face.

　

They finally sit down, taking the seats outside the room and Adam slings an arm around Tommy's shoulders, encouraging him to cuddle close, till he's tucked up under Adam's shoulder. Sophie and Isaac are two of his favorite people, he's so happy for them, that they are having a baby. He feels like he's about to jump out of his skin he's so excited for them, it's like becoming an uncle all over again. He loves being an uncle, loves babies and kids and he can't wait to spoil the newest member of the Carpenter family rotten. 

　

"We should have bought something, but I wanted to get here quick," Adam says thoughtfully.

　

"We can shop once we know if they've had a boy or a girl," Tommy suggests.

　

"I like the idea of shopping with you for baby stuff, it's couply," Adam says softly.

　

"Yeah, this not sneaking around stuff is pretty awesome," Tommy says with a soft smile. He can't imagine being here with anyone other than Adam, this feels so right. It really isn't just sex anymore, they are together for real and he couldn't be happier.

　

"I never want to hide how much I love you ever again," Adam tells him gently and Tommy cuddles closer, loving how warm Adam feels. He thinks he could curl up against Tommy's side forever. 

　

They wait and after a while Tommy falls asleep with his head on Adam's chest. When he wakes up, he's drooling a little and Adam is just smiling at him fondly, like Tommy drooling all over him is the cutest thing ever.

　

"Isaac came out a minute ago. Sophie's really close, the baby will be here soon," Adam tells him, his fingers light on Tommy's forehead as he brushes Tommy's hair back and Tommy tries to straighten up a little, rub the sleep out of his eyes.

　

Tommy turns his head up to face Adam again, wanting another kiss. He's in such a good mood, so happy to be here, with Adam, waiting for Sophie to give birth. Adam kisses him gently and they are still kissing when Isaac comes running out of the private room.

　

"I'm a dad, I have a son," Isaac all but yells and Tommy's up and out of Adam's arms, hugging one of his best friends in the world. A little boy. Sophie has given birth to a little boy and Adam is up too, hugging them both before Isaac rushes back to Sophie. Tommy's not sure how long it is before Isaac comes back again and asks them to come in and see Sophie. He has to leave to go call his and Sophie's parents and it looks like it is hard for Isaac to make himself leave.

　

Sophie's in the bed, her tiny baby boy in her arms. She looks beautiful and so happy and Tommy goes over to her, hugging her gently, careful of the tiny bundle in her arms.

　

"He's perfect, you're amazing," Tommy says softly and she is. He can't imagine doing this, creating a life and she looks so happy, despite the strain, the hours of labor, she is beautiful.

　

"I can't stop looking at him, he's so tiny, it's amazing," Sophie says and she is beaming.

　

"He's so cute, congratulations," Adam says, coming over for his own hug. 

　

When Isaac comes back he's still grinning from ear to ear and he hugs them all, before going over to his wife and she passes the baby over to Isaac, who cradles the baby to his chest, so careful and you can see it on his face, how much he loves his own son. He brings him closer so Tommy and Adam can coo over the baby. Tommy strokes his finger over the little boy's hand, he can't imagine ever being so tiny. 

　

"These are your God fathers," Isaac says softly, introducing his son to them.

　

"I'm going to spoil you so much," Tommy tells the little boy.

　

"You had better," Sophie says, a smile in her voice.

　

"Should I tell him?" Isaac asks and Tommy is instantly curious.

　

"Yes," Sophie says happily. 

　

"Meet baby Thomas," Isaac says with a grin and Tommy's jaw drops.

　

"You're naming him after me?" Tommy asks, stunned.

　

"Yeah, we are, me and Sophie talked about it, his middle name is Adam," Isaac adds and Tommy can see the shock on Adam's face. 

　

They all get turns holding the baby, Tommy Adam Carpenter. Sophie understandably gets tired after a while, so they leave her to sleep, but before Tommy leaves he kisses his future God-son, a kiss on the forehead before he goes, he's so beautiful and tiny and it makes Tommy think, not for the first time that he'd be more than okay with having one of his own someday and he can't help but wonder how Adam feels about that, but he doesn't say anything until they are in the car.

　

"Have you ever thought about having kids, not like now obviously, but one day?" Tommy asks before Adam gets the key in the ignition.

　

"I've always wanted a family. One day I'd like to have a baby, through a surrogate maybe. I've not really thought about the details of how I'd get it, but I know I want it. How about you, have you thought about it?" Adam asks.

　

"I want a family someday, a kid of my own," Tommy nods. He can't help but think of Isaac and Sophie, such proud happy parents. He can see himself in their place, holding his own son or daughter. It's something he's always wanted on some level, but now he's getting older and he's been thinking about it more, especially when he sees his friends and families starting families and having children.

　

Adam starts up the car and drives them home, they can't stop talking about it, the birth, the baby, Sophie and Isaac, Tommy tweets his congratulations to Isaac once he sees that Isaac has announced the birth already, the fans are going crazy and Tommy finds it pretty damn cool that the fan's have so much love for them all. They cook dinner when they get home, still talking about the baby. Thomas Adam Carpenter, he'd been so beautiful and Tommy can't stop smiling, he's so happy for his friends and it is so good to have some good news, such a happy occasion. He's cleaning the dishes so that Adam can dry them when Adam comes over and presses himself against Tommy's back.

　

Adam kisses his neck softly, his hands coming to rest lightly on Tommy's hips. Feeling saucy Tommy presses back against Adam, smiling when he feels that Adam is half hard already. He arches his neck when Adam presses another kiss to his neck, his teeth just scraping over the skin of Tommy's neck, making Tommy shiver.

　

"Want something?" Tommy asks coyly. He knows exactly what Adam wants.

　

"Come to bed? We can clean up later," Adam says, breathing right in Tommy's ear before nipping at his earlobe.

　

"Fuck the dishes," Tommy says happily, spinning in Adam's arms, going up on his toes to get his mouth on Adam's, kissing him soundly and he's shocked as hell when Adam wraps his arms around Tommy and picks him up. Adam fucking carries him all the way to the bedroom, throwing Tommy down on the bed. 

　

He's naked in the blink of an eye, Adam's naked too, body pressed against Tommy's as they kiss deeply, bodies moving together and then Adam gets the lube out and slicks up his fingers. Tommy parts his legs, wrapping them around Adam, moaning at every touch. He can hardly wait to get Adam inside of him and he's a babbling mess by the time Adam rolls the condom on. His breath catches as Adam presses into him and in that moment, Tommy has never been surer that this is the man that he is meant to be with. It's not like he's been doubting that fact lately, but it's nice to be reminded that this works. He is Adam's and Adam is his. 

　

Tommy can't stop moaning, loving the feel of Adam inside of him, Adam's hand on his cock. It doesn't feel like a meaningless hook up, it's not just a fuck. Adam doesn't just fuck him, he makes love to him and every time he thinks about it, his heart beats just that little bit faster. His orgasm almost catches him off side. He comes hard, spilling over Adam's hand and over his and Adam's belly, come smearing into their skin. Adam kisses his neck, sucking hickeys into his skin and Tommy's hands tighten on Adam's back, his nails digging in and seconds later, Adam's hips turn jerky as he comes, moaning Tommy's name.

　

They lay together, neither of them bothering to get cleaned up yet, kissing lazily, sweat drying on skin, bodies warm and comfortable, sated. It feels kind of like the perfect day, Sophie giving birth to her and Isaac's son and then this, getting to come home to his and Adam's home and sleep with his lover in their bed. He can't wait for the concert or to film his PSA. He can't wait to tell the world that he loves Adam.

　

TBC.....


	41. Equal Rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty one of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt earth for fanfic100. If he could be anywhere on earth right now, it would be here with Adam, filming their PSA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

Tommy isn't really big on interviews with cameras and stuff. He always worries he's going to say something stupid, put his foot in his mouth, but he's not so worried today. The guy asking the questions, Jamie, isn't a reporter, he works for an equal marriage rights charity. He won't ask about Ben or the shit with Ryan and his pretty public arrest. This interview isn't about gossip or anything like that, it's a public service announcement, supporting gay marriage. Tommy would have done it even if he wasn't dating a man, because he believes everyone should have the right to marry who they want, but today he'll be speaking about it for the first time as an out bisexual man with a boyfriend.

　

His boyfriend who will be at his side doing the PSA with him and Tommy thinks if he could be anywhere on earth it would be with Adam, no matter where they are. He feels more confident about doing this now that he's out, no more hiding, no more secrets, no feeling like he's a liar. Everyone on earth who cares about his sexually knows about it now, so now he's just another out guy in the public eye.

　

At the studio he doesn't even get nervous, he just gets his makeup done and goes over lines with Adam while Adam gets made up. Some of the video will be scripted, to get across all the important points and information, like charities people can support, things people can do to make a difference and there are statistics, about gay men and women and marriage and Tommy is actually looking forward to getting in front of the camera. He doesn't think he'll mess this up and he doesn't want to, this means something to him.

　

They film the scripted parts first, sat into black chairs, facing the camera, Jamie in another chair, at a slight angle so they can all talk to the camera and each other. The back drop is white and it makes Tommy feel like they are the only people on earth. It's strange, but the whole thing has been going well so far. Jamie is nice, a little older than them, but he has a boyish look to him. That makes him look younger than he is, so does the starry look he gets in his eye when he looks at Adam. But Tommy's pretty sure that Jamie is just a fan, not eyeing Adam up. He knows he will have to get used to other people wanting his boyfriend, because a lot of people desire Adam. Tommy doesn't want to be the jealous guy all the time, the insecure dick of a boyfriend who makes a big deal out of every look. He's not a jealous man, not normally and he knows now that Adam is his, he's not worried about Adam straying. He knows other people might not think that, because of the way they got together, but Tommy has faith in them.

　

"So Tommy, what does having the right to marry a man if that's what you choose mean to you?" Jamie asks, kind warm smile, and maybe a few months ago Tommy would have wanted the earth to open up and swallow him instead of having to answer that question, but not anymore.

　

"It means a lot. I think everyone should have the right to marry the person they love, regardless of gender. If and when I get married, I don't think I should have to fight for the right to do something that other people can just do," Tommy says thoughtfully. He thinks of his parent's marriage, of Isaac and Sophie and the baby they have just had together. He thinks he should be allowed to want those things with a man, he doesn't see why two men or two women shouldn't have that.

　

"I've known people with good marriages and bad marriages, people who are perfect together without a wedding. But I think everyone should be allowed to have that and I hate that there are laws to stop it," Tommy says honestly and Adam squeezes his hand gently. They've held hands the whole time they have been doing this, but when Adam squeezes his hand, it makes his heart flutter and once again he can't help but think that at Adam's side is the only place on earth he ever wants to be. 

　

"Adam, what do you think is the most important reason to get married for, instead of a civil partnership," Jamie asks.

　

"I want to be practical and say things like getting the same legal rights, like being able to make medical conditions and stuff, but to me, I think love is the most important thing about marriage. Everyone should at least have the option to get married, to be someone's husband or wife," Adam says softly and Tommy wants to kiss him, but he behaves until they are done and then he pulls Adam in for a kiss, sweet and soft to begin with, but turning dirty when Adam's arms slide around him, his hands all over Tommy's ass.

　

Someone hoots and a few people clap and Tommy pulls back, surprised to realize he had gone up on his toes to kiss Adam deeper. He hadn't realized he'd even done that. He blushes, but more because he's a little shy than anything. He doesn't care that people saw them, it's not like they are hiding anymore. He still doesn't like the idea of other people getting into his and Adam's business, but it doesn't feel like the earth is going to end when reporters splash them over the news or on gossip blogs. He's with Adam, he loves him, let everyone else think what they want, they know the truth.

　

"Want to go out to dinner?" Adam asks.

　

"Lets just get takeout, we're up early tomorrow to go visit our god son and then we have the concert the next day," Tommy says, winding his arms around Adam neck, brushing his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of Adam's neck, fingernails scratching over Adam's scalp at the base of Adam's skull, the way he knows Adam loves.

　

"We do have a busy week. I just wanted to take you out on a date, but a date at home is good as well," Adam says, smiling.

　

"I don't want to share you with the rest of the earth tonight, Adam. The world doesn't get you, I do," Tommy says firmly.

　

"Oh, so it's that kind of lets go home early?" Adam asks, eyebrow raised and smile turning wicked and sexy.

　

"Yeah, it's that kind of early night, the kind when we go to bed real early but neither of us gets any sleep till it's really late and we've tired each other out," Tommy says, pressing himself closer to Adam.

　

"Fuck, that car had better hurry up," Adam groans and Tommy just laughs, because he could be anywhere on earth, here, home, anywhere and he'd want to be there as long as Adam is. He'd follow Adam anywhere if he asked. 

　

The car does get there fast though and they are soon back at their house, the one place on earth that is theirs, all theirs and soon they are in the bedroom, both deciding food can wait till later. They lose half of their clothes before they even make it to the bedroom and Tommy knocks over a lamp when he's taking off his jeans. It doesn't break and neither of them bother to pick it up. Soon he's on the bed, spread out and naked, waiting for Adam's touch, begging for it when it doesn't come fast enough. 

　

Adam doesn't make him wait though, kissing him all over, touching every spot that makes him shiver or whimper and by the time Adam is scrambling the lube out of the bedside drawer Tommy is a babbling mess. He feels like his muscles and bones have all turned to rubber and he lets Adam manhandle him into position, getting off on Adam's strength and the way he touches Tommy, like nobody else has ever touched him. Adam touches him like he matters, like he's the most important thing on earth to Adam.

　

When Adam is inside him Tommy holds on tight, clutching at Adam's back, probably marking him up, but neither of them mind marks. In fact, Tommy thinks they both get off on leaving them. As frantic as they had been leading up to this point, everything slows down, Adam thrusting into him, slow powerful thrusts that leave Tommy feeling breathless and weak and he wishes it could last forever, that he could stay in this moment forever. 

　

Adam works his body perfectly. He always seems to know exactly where to touch Tommy, how long, how soft or hard and he makes Tommy's toes curl and when he comes, it feels like the world stops spinning, as he comes without a hand on his cock, just from Adam inside him, from the other wonderful ways Adam touches his body.

　

"So beautiful," Adam whispers against Tommy's lips and Tommy doesn't argue, kissing Adam back. He thinks they are beautiful together. What they have is beautiful and rare and he never wants to lose something that feels so perfect, never wants to lose a man that makes him feel the way Adam does. 

　

Adam's thrusts get quicker, his kiss sloppier but still hot and Tommy just clings to him, kissing back as well as he can and when Adam comes, Tommy is the one to say beautiful, because Adam is breathtaking when he is lost in pleasure and Tommy loves that they get to share this, feel this together. He gets to see Adam, vulnerable and gorgeous. They kiss for a long time, till Tommy's lips feel bruised and he starts to ache and that's when Adam moves, pulling out and rolling to his side, like he knows Tommy needs to move, to stretch. They get up and clean up as fast as they can before getting back into bed together. Tommy uses Adam's chest as a pillow.

　

"Tommy?" Adam says softly and Tommy tips his head up a little so that he can see Adam's face. "Can I ask you a question?" Adam asks and Tommy has a feeling Adam doesn't mean about what takeout Tommy wants or if they should order it now or after round two. Adam has a serious look in his eyes.

　

"Yeah, okay," Tommy says softly and not for the first time that day, it feels like the earth has stopped spinning, as he waits.

　

The End.


	42. Will You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty two of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt If for fanfic100. Adam has a question for Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

His heart is racing, but he has to ask, has to know. Adam takes a breath, ready to ask. 

　

"If I ask you to marry me one day, will you?" Adam asks softly.

　

"Do you mean that?" Tommy asks, his hand finding Adam's under the covers and he's not freaking out and running away the way Adam had thought he might. 

　

"Yeah, I mean it. I know it's a weird time to ask, but I love you and I want to know if one day we could get married. If it freaks you out I'm sorry, but the PSA made me think about it, about marriage. I want to be with you forever and I just, I'm not doing this well. But I want to know if you'd ever want that," Adam rambles.

　

"Are you like asking if you can propose one day?" Tommy says softly.

　

"Um yes, I want to know if I ask you to marry me, will you? Or will it make you run to the hills. Because if it freaks you out I won't ask, like not for a really long time," Adam has never been this nervous, not even when he actually asked Ben to marry him.

　

"I wouldn't run away if you asked me," Tommy's voice is soft and he moves closer, so he's really not running away. He's cuddling closer, until he's actually on top of Adam, straddling him.

　

"It's too soon, right? If I asked you now it wouldn't be the right time, we've not been together long enough." Damn it, he was babbling enough before and now he has Tommy's ass resting on his dick. It is not making it easy to talk about it.

　

"We wasted a lot of time, fucked things up and then managed to get to this really good place. If we weren't meant to be together then I don't think we'd have survived what we did," Tommy tells him, his hands resting flat on Adam's chest. He's got a sweet smile curving his lips up, but a serious look in his eyes.

　

"So if I asked it wouldn't be too soon?" Adam asks, his heart feeling like it's about to beat its way out of his chest. 

　

"No, if you asked, whenever you asked, it would be the right time. Whenever you ask me, it'll be the right time, that's if you ask," Tommy tells him and Adam wraps his arms around Tommy's waist, holding him in place.

　

"If I propose in bed would that be okay? And without a ring. Would you say yes if I didn't manage to make it romantic?" Adam asks, his nervous not getting any better.

　

"If you asked me I'd say yes. I don't need some big romantic gesture to say yes. I just need you. If it's you asking for anything I'm always going to say yes," Tommy leans in and kisses him softly and it makes Adam feel brave, because Tommy loves him. If he's going to ask, now is the time. He shouldn't just talk about it, he should do this.

　

"So will you? Marry me?" Adam says the moment Tommy's lips leave his. 

　

"Yes, I'll marry you," Tommy tells him and Adam drags him in for a kiss, warm and wet and he doesn't care if anyone thinks this is too soon. It doesn't feel too soon to Adam and it seems like Tommy feels the same way. 

　

The kiss gets heated and even though they pretty much just had sex, he can feel himself getting hard. Tommy squirming around on his cock might have something to do with that. There had been a time when he'd never thought he would get married, wouldn't have been allowed to, but then he could and he asked Ben. Looking back now, he knows he didn't ask for the right reasons. He loved Ben, but he didn't love him enough to not be able to ever imagine being without him, no, he'd asked Ben because Ben was safe. If he'd married Ben, he would have never been alone and Ben would have never broken his heart, because he didn't own it. Adam knows he's asking Tommy for the right reason. If he gets to spend the rest of his life with one person, he wants it to be Tommy. He's in love and this time it's for real, for good. He's finally with the right man.

　

"I want you again," Tommy says, drawing back to nip at Adam's lip.

　

"I'm more than okay with that and look, we're both already naked, how convenient," Adam smiles. He's turned on, but he also feels almost giddy with happiness. If a year ago someone had told him he would be here, naked in bed with Tommy, he wouldn't have believed them. If they'd told him that he'd propose to Tommy naked and that Tommy would say yes, he would have thought they were crazy. Tommy reaches for the lube, coating Adam's cock again, before pushing a few fingers into himself and Adam guesses he's still a little loose from the last round, because he starts right off with three fingers. 

　

"I wanna ride you," Tommy says, so much heat in his eyes that Adam feels like he's risking getting burned. 

　

"Fuck, I love you," Adam groans as Tommy wraps a hand around Adam's cock, so that he can start sinking down on it.

　

Tommy laughs, loud and delighted. "You say the sweetest things when I'm on your dick," Tommy says, taking more of Adam in with a roll of his hips.

　

"Only because I mean them," Adam pants out, as Tommy takes in all of his length.

　

"I love you too, if you were still wondering. Shouldn't be though, I'm going to marry you, because I love you," Tommy says, starting to thrust, shallow, slow movements. Rocking his hips as he rides Adam.

　

"Do I get to call you my fiance?" Adam asks, breath hitching.

　

"Only if I get to call you mine," Tommy says as pleasure shoots up his spine when Adam's cock brushes right over his prostate, touching the spot that drives him crazy. 

　

"God I want that so bad," Adam admits and Adam likes the honesty they have now. There was a time when he knew Tommy wouldn't have believed those words coming from Adam, but they've gotten past that. He's so glad they got passed that.

　

Tommy speeds up his thrusts a little, and Adam speeds up to match him. Tommy might be on top, but Adam will never leave him to do all the work. Adam is anything but a lazy lover, he prides himself on keeping his lovers satisfied and from the way Tommy is moaning, Adam is doing his job right. He wraps his hand around Tommy's cock and starts jerking Tommy off, slow and firm the way he knows Tommy likes it. 

　

"Adam, oh God, Adam," Tommy pants, bringing his head down so that he can kiss Adam hungrily and before either of them can call out a warning, they fall apart almost at the same time and they have never come so close together before. Tommy slumps down on Adam's chest, panting, but lifting his head a little so he can kiss Adam again. It's slow and sweet and if Adam could do anything for the rest of his life it would be this: in bed with Tommy, the man he loves, the man he is going to marry.

　

TBC...


	43. Party.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty three of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt Home for fanfic100. Adam and Tommy throw a party in their new Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

Brad had been the one to point out they hadn't thrown a house warming party, so he's the one helping them set it up a week before they have the concert to perform. They had rehearsals that day and they'd come home to find that Brad was already half way done, place tidied, food and booze set out and music ready to play. Tommy can't lie, he's kind of excited to have a house to have a house warming party in. He's never had a house that was his, not his parents and now he has a home with Adam. It's pretty damn cool and Tommy's been on a high all week anyway, ever since Adam proposed. Tommy even has a ring, so does Adam, matching silver bands on their ring fingers, which they will add a gold band to once they are married.

　

Brad spots the rings on their fingers the moment they walk into the room.

　

"Are you two? Is that? Do those rings mean what I think they mean?" Brad asks, looking excited. 

　

"Yeah, we're engaged," Tommy nods. They have a home together and they are getting married, Tommy can hardly believe it some days. This party is different for him. He's had apartments before, but never a home with someone that wasn't blood. It's thrilling and he's not sure he'll ever get used to the fact that he has a home with Adam. There was a time when he had felt so low that he had thought he would never have a home with anyone, let alone a home with Adam and it makes him so happy that he can't stop smiling.

　

"Well it's about damn time," Brad says with a grin.

　

"We thought people might think we were rushing into this," Adam admits.

　

"Not the way I see it. You two should have been together for years by now, so as I say again, about damn time," Brad says firmly. 

　

"I hope you're not the only one who thinks that way," Tommy has told his Mom and Adam has told his parents and they'd all reacted pretty well, almost like they had seen it coming. Maybe they had, they'd got a home together. Tommy thinks it's pretty clear that they are serious about each other. 

　

"I won't be. The press might be a bitch, but all your friends will support you. We all want to see you both happy," Brad shrugs and he's right. The press might give them hell, but the people who know them, the people that care about them, they won't hate them for this or be mad. Their friends and family want what is best for them and seem to get that what is best for them, is each other. 

　

"We can deal with the press and thank you for helping us with this. I know we should maybe do it, because it's our home, but we've been so busy with work. This concert is going to be huge," Adam says with a smile and it is. Tommy's glad to be a part of it. It's a good cause and Sam has been really good about Tommy and Adam being together. He's not made things awkward at all. Adam still gets a little jealous, but he's not a dick about it or anything. 

　

"I didn't mind helping or getting to nose around the happy couple's home," Brad jokes, well at least Tommy thinks he's joking, but maybe he's not. It is Brad after all. 

　

It's not long before Adam and Tommy are welcoming people into their home, playing host and Tommy likes it, likes being the one on Adam's arm. He was so jealous when he used to see Ben all over Adam at parties, but now he doesn't have to feel like that, because Adam is with him now, they are finally together. They took the scenic route to get to where they are now, but it was worth the long trip, to be together now, in their own home and Tommy doesn't think he could be happier. Isaac and Sophie arrive late, baby Tommy in Sophie's arms and Tommy steals his God son the first chance he gets. He's not been drinking and doesn't plan to when he's holding the baby. He'd much rather cuddle his adorable God son than have a beer.

　

He's sat on the couch, holding the baby when Brad comes and sits next to him. Tommy wonders if he's going to be told off for hogging the baby, but that's not what Brad says.

　

"You're so good with him," Brad says softly, watching the baby and only glancing at Tommy as he speaks.

　

"I like kids," Tommy shrugs. People tell him he's good with them, but he's not sure. He knows he's not bad, but he's never had to deal with being a parent full time and he knows that's harder than getting to cuddle and fuss over a baby is. He doesn't have to get up at all hours to feed or change the baby. All he has to do is the fun stuff, cuddling and spoiling, the easy side of having a baby.

　

"Have you thought about having your own?" Brad asks.

　

"What, like adopt?" Tommy says, surprised Brad is asking him something so serious.

　

"Or use a surrogate?" Brad suggests and Tommy goes quiet. He has a home with Adam, he's going to marry him, could they have kids one day as well? Could he make his Mom a grandmother again, could he be a father?

　

"I'm not sure and I don't know about Adam. I don't know if I'm ready to be a father, but I'm not sure anyone is truly ready until they actually have the baby. Reading all the books in the world doesn't make a good parent, just an informed one. I'll have to babysit Thomas Adam some time, see if I'm really cut out for fatherhood," Tommy says thoughtfully, looking down at the baby in his arms. He's so perfect, tiny hands and tiny feet, so little but more solid in his arms than he had thought a baby would be before he held one for the first time. 

　

"I think Adam would like to be a father one day. He's big on family, but he was waiting for the right man to come along. I think you could be the right man. I really am pleased for you, you know. I know I used to tease you about your sexuality and Adam, but I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I think if there had been less pressure, you might have come out sooner," Brad sighs.

　

"Brad, it's not your fault I didn't come out. Those were my issues, not something you did and it doesn't matter now. I'm out, I have a home with the man I love and I'm going to get married. Life's kind of perfect and you helped with that, supported us being together, you have nothing to be sorry for," Tommy doesn't blame anyone for him not being able to be open about his sexuality. It was a choice he could only make on his own and he'd finally made peace with it. He wasn't living the life his parents had pictured for him, but he's living a good life with people and he's come to realize that that is all his parents want for him. His Dad wouldn't have cared about his sexuality, he's sure of that now. His Dad would have come to Tommy's home and he would have been happy because he knew his son was happy. He's happier now, with Adam than he thinks he has ever been.

　

"Well I'm really glad it worked out for you and Adam. And I'd have the kid talk at some point, because you should both know what the other wants out of life. I have a feeling that you'll both want the same things when it comes to family," Brad advises. 

　

"I will, but for now I'll stick to stealing my friend's babies, we've taken enough big steps for a while, with the house and getting engaged," Tommy points out. They've been in their new home for a while now, but it's still a big step for them both. Adam hadn't even lived with Ben. Ben had spent a lot of time in Adam's old home, but it hasn't been his or his and Adam's. Tommy has a home with Adam, a home they share as well as their lives.

　

"Engaged?" Sutan says loudly and suddenly half the room are looking at Tommy. Sutan had obviously heard Tommy as he'd come closer. He's about a step away from Tommy now.

　

Tommy looks over at Adam, raising his eyebrows. Adam was the one who asked him, so he can tell everyone what he asked and how Tommy answered. Tommy had thought being asked to make a home with Adam had been a big deal, but this, marrying Adam, that's big, but he likes it. He wants to be with Adam forever. 

　

"I asked Tommy to marry me, he said yes, so we're engaged," Adam says calmly and a lot of people look shocked, but after a few minutes everyone seems to be happy for them and Sophie takes her son back so that people can congratulate Tommy more easily. He goes over to Adam and tucks himself under Adam's arm, a place that feels like home as much as their house does.

　

"When are you going to tell everyone? Like the world everyone?" Cam asks and Tommy smiles, because that's a question they have already thought about.

　

"The concert, on stage. Adam's going too tell the fans then," Tommy grins.

　

"Wow, the fans will go crazy," Taylor says looking shocked, pleased and impressed all at once.

　

"I know, but I think it's better to tell them, be open. If it's a secret people will think we are ashamed or something stupid like that. We're happy, our real fans will want to know that. The press might not like that, but it's none of their business anyway," Adam shrugs.

　

"We're not going to let other people tell us how to live our lives or what we should do in our relationships. They don't know we're sharing a home either yet, so we'll probably mention that as well," Tommy says, snuggling in closer to Adam's side. He loves how warm Adam is and the way Adam holds him close, like he maybe never wants to let go and Tommy is more than okay with that. 

　

"God, this is so great. Are you planning on a long engagement or a short one?" Sutan asks and Tommy tips his head up to look at Adam. They haven't really decided on that yet.

　

"Somewhere in the middle of both," Adam suggests and Tommy can't help but smile. It's not like he's in a rush to get married or anything, but he doesn't want to be engaged forever. He wants to marry Adam and live in their home together as husbands, not boyfriends. When people stop crowding around them, Adam leans down to kiss him and when the kiss end, he says one word that means so much more.

　

"Soon."

　

TBC...


	44. Need You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty four of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt air or fanfic100. The concert and Tommy needs Adam like he needs air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

The air is cold, feels almost damp, but Tommy isn't feeling it much, wrapped up backstage with Adam, waiting to go on and perform as part of the Gay rights awareness concert. People are running around everywhere, like they have no idea what they are doing and everyone's worrying about getting it all right. But Tommy isn't nervous or worried or anything bad, because he's with Adam. Adam is leant against a wall and Tommy is leant against him, Adam's arms wrapped around his waist, Adam's chin rested on his shoulder and every now and then, Adam will kiss his neck or whisper something in his ear and Tommy's content. He could stay here forever. He needs Adam like he needs air and if he has Adam with him, he's good.

　

"Your Mom still coming for dinner tomorrow?" Adam asks.

　

"Only if you're still cooking," Tommy says with a smile. He burnt toast this morning, he's not cooking a big meal.

　

"Of course I'm cooking, I want to impress your Mom," Adam laughs.

　

"She likes you, it's been months. You don't have to be perfect all the time. She's happy that we are together," Tommy points out.

　

"She's been awesome about us being together, about you being with a man. I just don't want to think you made the choice and this will be the first time we've seen her since we got engaged," Adam says lightly, but there is a hint of worry hidden in his voice, that Tommy doesn't think many people would pick up on. Tommy's Mom knows they're engaged. Tommy had told her over the phone, but they haven't seen her. But she's happy for them. Tommy knows she is and Tommy's about to say something, when he hears Sam's voice.

　

"You're engaged?" Sam says, sounding shocked. 

　

"Yes," Tommy nods and he feels Adam's arms tighten a little, his body tense and Adam trusts him, but he gets jealous anyway, of Sam at least, because he knows Tommy was with him for a while, hell at one point he'd been sleeping with Sam and Adam in the same week, days apart, so Tommy's not expecting for either of them to ever really like each other that much. 

　

"Congratulations, you should have said something in your PSA," Sam says and he doesn't look pissed or anything, it's not like what he had with Sam was ever about more than sex. He didn't need Sam like he needs Adam. Sam was never the vital air that he needed to breathe. What he had with Sam was based on lust, a need to feel something, anything good, but what he has with Adam now is love.

　

"Can I have a word alone?" Sam asks and reluctantly, he steps out of Adam's arms, turning to give him a quick kiss before he walks with Sam to a reasonably empty hallway. 

　

"What is it? We go on soon," Tommy asks, folding his arms over his chest. He hates confrontation and he doesn't want to fight with Sam.

　

"Are you sure, about marrying him, after everything?" Sam asks bluntly.

　

"I love him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. So yes, I'm sure," Tommy nods.

　

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, he hurt you before," Sam points out.

　

"He didn't know he was hurting me. I never told him I was in love with him back then," Tommy shrugs, because yes Adam did hurt him and Tommy probably hurt Adam, but they have gotten passed that, passed the hurt and the lies and now they have a good relationship and that is all that matters. 

　

"Okay, it's just you're an amazing guy, Tommy, you deserve to be with someone who sees that," Sam sighs.

　

"Adam treats me like the world revolves around me." Adam might be Tommy's air, but he knows he is the same for Adam. They love each other, need each other, they are better when they are together. 

　

"He should," Sam says firmly.

　

"I'm going to go back, do the show," Tommy says. It's nice for Sam to worry about him, but it's not needed. They might have not started off strong, they both made a lot of wrong choices, but what they have now is perfect. Sam walks back with him and Tommy can feel the tension in the air, but Sam leaves him to talk to someone official looking and Tommy goes back to Adam, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck and cuddling as close as he can, till he can't feel the chill in the air. All he can feel is Adam and that's what he wants, just Adam and that is all he wants, there is no other man for him.

　

"You okay?" Adam asks softly.

　

"I have you, so I'm fine," Tommy says firmly, and he's glad to hear they are up next. He loves playing shows and he can't wait to play with Adam and the air is electric when they get out on stage. Adam sings, gets the crowd going and he flirts with Tommy on stage. They stay close for the whole show, Adam wrapping an arm around him, kissing him, singing to him and Tommy loves it, loves the smile on Adam's face and the look in his eyes. Sometimes when Adam looks at him, it's like there is no air to breathe and his heart stops.

　

Adam gets up on stage and sings his heart out, every song they sing, all five sound perfect. There is so much passion in Adam's voice and half way through their set, Adam stops to do is usual band intro, but when he gets to Tommy, things go differently. Adam comes to him and puts his arm around Tommy's shoulders, leans in to kiss him on the cheek.

　

"I want to thank all of you for the support you have already given us. And I hope you will all support us in this. I'd like you all to meet Tommy Joe Ratliff, the man I'm going to marry, the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with." Adam presses another kiss to the side of his head and then another right by the corner of Tommy's mouth and all Tommy can bring himself to do is grin as the crowd goes wild. 

　

As well as being happy, he's also relieved, because a part of him had thought people would say it was too soon after Ben. He had been afraid that some of the fans wouldn't think he was good enough to be Adam's husband, but no one is booing. All the fans are happy for them, the people at the concert who aren't even fans seem happy for them, because they are two men getting married, because they have the right to now and everyone here supports that and it's such a good feeling and it lasts the whole show. 

　

It's an amazing feeling and the show puts him on a high, so much so that the moment that they get off stage and he gets rid of his bass, he's on Adam, kissing him with all the passion he is feeling. 

　

"Take me home," Tommy demands, his hands fisted in Adam's shirt.

　

"We should sign stuff for fans," Adam points out and Tommy groans. The fans have been great, there was even girls in the audience holding up 'Adommy Forever' banners and Tommy loves the fans. He gets himself under control enough to go outside and sign for the fans who have come out to meet them. But once they are done and they get in the car to take them home, his control snaps and he climbs into Adam's lap, licking into Adam's mouth. Who needs air when he can have Adam's tongue? If the driver hears anything through the patrician he doesn't say anything, not even when Tommy gets his hand on Adam's zipper before shoving it inside his pants and Adam gasps, hips bucking up into his hand.

　

"We can't, not here," Adam groans, but he doesn't pull Tommy's hand out of his pants, doesn't push Tommy off his lap, so Tommy takes that as a green light and slides down into the foot well of the car, scrunching up to fit. He wraps his hand around the base of Adam's cock and pulls it out, licking over the head before sucking it down, keeping his eyes on Adam, who bites into his own arm to keep from being too loud. 

　

"Shit Tommy," Adam whispers, pulling his arm away from his mouth as Tommy runs his tongue over the vein on the underside of his cock.

　

Tommy just hums and keeps going, determined to make Adam come before they get home. He licks and sucks and hums, taking more and more of Adam, till the head of Adam's cock is touching the back of his throat and he swallows around Adam's cock and Adam's hand goes to his hair, fingers threading through his hair, not taking over, just holding on while Tommy does his thing. Adam's trying to keep the noise down, but it's not really working. Tommy pulls off when he needs more air than he can get in through his nose.

　

But he gets back to it after a few seconds and soon all Tommy can hear is Adam saying his name and Tommy loves it. He can make Tommy fall apart with nothing but his mouth and it gives him a thrill every time. He doesn't care that his position is a little uncomfortable, it's worth it to make Adam sound this way and he's never had any kind of sex in a moving car before, but he thinks he'll be doing this again. Adam moans out a warning when he's about to come and Tommy swallows, licking every drop that spills out of Adam and then he scrambles back up into the seats and kisses Adam. Adam kisses him back, his hand going to Tommy's groin just as the car comes to a stop and Adam pulls away quickly, trying to get zipped up before the door is opened.

　

Tommy's bright red face feels too hot when they step out into the night air and from the look in the driver's eye he heard every second of what went down in his back seat and from his smile, he liked it. It makes Tommy blush and he all but runs into the house. Adam comes in looking smug and Tommy throws a pillow at him. He loves Adam, needs him like air, but sometimes he wants to strangle him.

　

TBC...


	45. When.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty five of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt choices for fanfic100 and undressing for kinkbingo. They have some choices to make and an old face gets them both thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

When they get home from visiting Tommy's Mom, the last thing Adam expects to find is Ben shoving something in their mail box. Adam stops the car outside the gate. They have a few choices. Te could just tell Ben to leave, but he wants to know why he's here.

　

"I don't want any trouble. I'm not here to cause any," Ben says when Adam rolls the window down.

　

"Why are you here?" Adam asks, hoping Tommy agrees to the choice he's taken to talk to Ben instead of insisting he just leave.

　

"I wrote a letter to you both," Ben says softly and they are faced with another choice, ask Ben to say what he came to say or they could just read the letter once Ben was gone. 

　

"About what?" Tommy asks and Adam's surprised Tommy is even willing to talk to Ben, not after all the lies Ben said to Tommy, after the way Ben tried to hurt him.

　

"I wanted to thank you, Tommy, for helping me when it came to Ryan. I fucked up a lot and I thought I should say sorry for it. And I just, I feel awful for all of what happened. I had choices and I made a lot of wrong ones. I don't think you're both blameless, you did cheat, but what I did was worse. I'm trying to change, to get my life together. I don't want to be the man I was when I was with Ryan," Ben says softly and Adam doesn't think he's lying. Ben really does regret the things that happened between them. 

　

"It's good that Ryan's out of your life. I think he helped you make those bad choices," Tommy tells Ben and Adam would have to agree. Ben wasn't a perfect person, but his real nasty side had a lot to do with Ryan and his influence over the choices Ben made.

　

"I know we'll never be friends, but I was hoping we could not be enemies." Ben sounds hopeful and Adam finds himself nodding. He doesn't want an enemy. He can choose not to hate Ben and he thinks it is the healthier option.

　

"I heard you're going to get married," Ben doesn't look angry or like he resents them for being happy together now. He's okay with them choosing each other. 

　

"Yeah, we are," Adam nods.

　

"I'm happy for you, but I should go now," Ben waves faintly and then he walks away and Adam sees him get into his car up the road. 

　

"That was weird," Tommy says as Adam gets out to grab the letter from the mailbox. He opens the gate and starts driving down the drive to get to the garage. 

　

"It kind of was. I think he did just want to say sorry," Adam shrugs.

　

"I don't think I even hate him anymore. I don't like him, but I don't hate him. I can choose not to have him in my life and I will, because we were never friends, but yeah. I'm kind of glad that he tried to clear the air," Tommy shrugs. They get out of the car and head into the house. Adam puts the letter down on the coffee table, not sure if he wants to read the apology or not. Like Tommy he is choosing not to have Ben be a part of his life. 

　

"I don't want to read it," Adam says as Tommy drops his jacket on the floor and Adam always love watching Tommy undressed, even stuff like his jacket or shoes. 

　

"That's your choice," Tommy kicks off his boots.

　

"Are you going to read it?" Adam asks, throwing his own coat onto the couch.

　

"No, he said sorry. I don't need to hear anything else from Ben," Tommy's hands go to the hem of his T-shirt and Adam doesn't question why Tommy is getting undressed, he just starts doing the same, kicking his boots off, because getting undressed with Tommy is always a good thing, for both of them.

　

"Neither do I, all I want is you," Adam gets distracted, watching Tommy undress instead of getting rid of his own clothes. He loves watching Tommy undress. He's so beautiful, his face, his body and all Adam wants to do is lick over every inch of skin on show. He watches Tommy undress until he's down to his boxers and then Adam moves forward, wrapping an arm around Tommy's waist and drawing him in for a slow kiss. 

　

"Finish undressing please," Adam begs and Tommy smiles at him, taking a step back and shimmying out of his boxers and Adam loves this, Tommy undressing for him and he grabs Tommy for another kiss.

　

"Nope," Tommy says pulling away.

　

"What?" Adam groans, his eyes on Tommy. He can never get enough of Tommy. He could watch him undress a thousand times and he would still want to see him do it again and he will never get tired of touching the other man.

　

"You, undress, I want some skin, too," Tommy says firmly, and Adam knows how to follow orders when they are said like that. Adam's never thought of himself as obedient, it's more like Tommy has just never asked Adam for something that he's not willing to do.

　

Adam undresses quickly and the moment he is free of his clothes, he's back in Tommy's arms.

　

"Upstairs," Tommy says against his mouth and Adam nods and they rush through the house naked until they are in their room and Tommy is sprawled out on the bed with Adam going down on him. He loves the taste of Tommy on his tongue, in his mouth, but Tommy pulls away and Adam is confused for a few moments before Tommy moves so that his mouth is on Adam and Adam can still reach Tommy's cock. They've done this before, gone down on each other at the same time, but it never gets boring. Adam could do this forever. 

　

Adam sucks and licks, teasing Tommy, even though he can barely think with Tommy's mouth on him. Everything is hot and slick and Adam is glad they chose to get undressed and come up here and do this instead of reading Ben's letter. Ben is the past, they are each other's future. Tommy comes first and Adam swallows around his cock. Tommy moans out Adam's name the whole time, taking his mouth off Adam's cock to do so. Tommy starts sucking Adam harder the moment Adam lets Tommy's softening cock out of his mouth. Adam doesn't last much longer, coming into Tommy's mouth. They lay there, spent and warm and Adam turns on the bed so that he can pull Tommy into his arms and a thought comes to him, a choice he wants to make and not just because he wants to see Tommy undress every day.

　

"Marry me?" Adam asks.

　

"You already asked me and I said yes," Tommy says, frowning.

　

"I didn't say when. I mean I want to marry you now, as soon as possible, I don't want to wait," Adam says, not trying to hide his urgency.

　

"Okay, as soon as we can make it happen we do this. I want to be your husband," Tommy says and then they are kissing again.

　

Adam knows he made the right choice when he chose Tommy, and he will always choose Tommy.

　

TBC...


	46. Preparation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty six of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt smell for fanfic100. He can smell Adam on the pillow. Adam has a surprise for Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

The smell of coffee hits him before he even has his eyes open and he stretches, eyes still closed and he can still smell Adam on the pillow beside him. Adam is possibly the only smell in the world better than fresh coffee. Tommy opens his eyes in time to see Adam coming through the bedroom door holding a tray heavy with breakfast and steaming cups of coffee.

　

"How did I get so lucky?" Tommy asks, rolling on to his back.

　

"I ask myself that all the time. I feel so lucky to be with you, so I decided to surprise you with breakfast in bed," Adam says getting into bed, careful with the tray so that it doesn't spill.

　

"I love you," Tommy says happily, grabbing the coffee before he even looks at the food, bringing it close to his face so that he can enjoy the smell first. He does love the smell of fresh coffee. 

　

"I love you and the way you look right now. Surprising you is so worth it when you look like that," Adam smiles and Tommy has to lean in to kiss him, loving the soft, warm way Adam smells in the morning, shower gel and fabric softener from the sheets, and Tommy could roll around in that smell forever.

　

"I'm a slut for coffee," Tommy says happily.

　

"Gonna smell it all day or drink it?" Adam asks, amusement softening his voice and it makes Tommy smile. He can't believe he was in such a dark place at one point. He's so much happier now. It's like what happened before was all some nightmare and now he gets to live in a dream instead.

　

"Smell it, drink it, marry it," Tommy shrugs.

　

"Speaking of marriage, I have another surprise," Adam says with a shy smile.

　

"A marriage related surprise?" Tommy asks.

　

"Yeah, I've been trying to prepare a little and I found this place I want you to look at, a wedding venue," Adam says and Tommy has to put the coffee down so he can lean over and hug Adam.

　

"You've been looking at places? Why didn't you tell me?" Tommy asks.

　

"Most places are booked out way in advanced. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find a place we could get married in any time soon. But this place had a cancellation, so we wouldn't have to wait too long," Adam says, sounding excited as Tommy lets him go.

　

"If we pick this place when would it be; the wedding?" Tommy asks.

　

"A month," Adam says with a smile and this time Tommy has to kiss him, fast and hard and he almost knocks the tray of food over but he doesn't. The smell of food has nothing on Adam right now. He wants them to get married, with in a month, not to wait and wait and wait like some people do. Adam wants him.

　

"It's not too soon for you?" Adam asks.

　

"No, not even tomorrow would be too soon. I want to be with you forever and I want to marry you as soon as I can," Tommy says firmly, because he does, he wants to be married to this man. He wants to spend the rest of his life with him.

　

"So we can look at the place?" Adam asks.

　

"I don't need to look, we could get married in a parking lot for all I care, just as long as we get married. I don't care where it is, book it," Tommy says happily, claiming back his coffee and it tastes as good as it smells. He can't keep the smile off of his face. He's going to be married in a month's time. Adam will be his husband.

　

"We have so much to prepare, it seems crazy, but I think we can do it. We might need help, but our friends and family will help, right? All I want is to marry you, but I want it to be special. I want to give you a special day you'll always remember," Adam says, fiddling with a slice of toast instead of eating it.

　

"It'll be special because it'll be us. I don't need fancy, I need you. But we'll make it perfect, I know we can," Tommy is so sure that they can do this. They can organize a wedding in a month. It'll probably take calling in every favor they are both owed from everyone in their lives, but they will get there, sooner rather than later. He will marry Adam next month.

　

"Things are so easy with you, but like in a really good way," Adam says softly.

　

"I guess good things don't always have to be hard," Tommy shrugs. They were hard, but not anymore.

　

They eat breakfast, go shower and then they go to the venue to book it, Tommy writing down a list of things they need to do while they are in the car. Things like suits, wedding licenses, a guest list, food/catering, they need to decide if they are going to write their own vows. Tommy kind of wants to, he wants to tell Adam how he feels, even though he's not always the best with words.

　

They spend the day getting the ball rolling on the wedding and they stop by Adam's Mom's place to tell her what they have planned and to ask for help. It's not like either of them really know anything about organizing a wedding. They are going to ask Tommy's Mom for help when they meet her for dinner the next day.

　

"A month?" Leila repeats when they tell her about the venue.

　

"I know it's crazy, but we both really want this," Adam shrugs, then he puts his arm around Tommy's shoulder and Tommy relaxes into his touch, loving the slightly spicy scent of Adam's after shave.

　

"You boys are crazy, but if anyone can do it, it's you. We have a lot to prepare, show me your list," Leila asks and Tommy hands it over. Leila takes one look at it and grabs a pen and starts adding to the list. It's almost overwhelming how much they have to do, but Tommy knows that it will be worth it. It'll take a lot of preparation, but it will be worth it once they say I do and swap rings, once they are married, together forever. Tommy can't wait.

　

TBC...


	47. Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty seven of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt sunset for fanfic100. sex at sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Lots of angst. little bit late due to lots of bigbang writing, a few illness and a holiday.

Wedding planning is stressful, Tommy never knew there was so much stuff you had to do, even if you only wanted a small wedding. His and Adam's Mom have both been helping and he thinks he would have gone crazy if they weren't. His stress levels must have been showing, because out of the blue, in the middle of looking for venues and arranging flowers, Adam surprises him with a holiday. It's just a weekend away, but it's what Tommy needs.

　

They spend the day lounging around by a private pool and no one says the word wedding once. Their phones are in their suitcases, switched off. Their families have the number of the hotel for emergencies and Adam has made it clear that they will only get called with real emergencies, not wedding emergencies. Tommy had never thought he'd see the day that someone would call him with a cufflink emergency. 

　

It's not till dinner that Adam brings up the wedding, but the topic he chooses is not a stressful one. 

　

"So Neil agreed to be my best man, even said he'll give a speech," Adam smiles and Tommy can't help but think about how he was almost Adam's best man, not his husband. He doesn't know how he would have got up in front of all their friends and families to give a speech about Adam and his new groom. He's so glad that in this wedding his role won't be best man, even if the organization is stressful. 

　

"Did he promise to not embarrass us?" Tommy asks.

　

"You he promised not to embarrass, me he refused to make any such promise. Little brothers are such little shits sometimes," Adam grumbles, but he's smiling and Tommy knows Adam really wanted Neil to be the best man at their wedding. He's been so supportive of them being together, even though they didn't get together in the best way. It had been messy and painful and it had hurt like hell at times, but they are here now and that is all that matters.

　

"Cool, I mean Mike's my best man. I'm still going to get embarrassed, nice to know it'll only be in one best man's speech though. Mike promised to keep it PG, mainly because my Mom would kill him if he swore or told a dirty story at my wedding. Mom's are awesome," Tommy grins. His Mom has been helping with the wedding planning and she always seems so happy for him, happy for him and Adam, he's really glad that she approves. Her opinion matters a lot to him, it would have broken his heart if she hadn't approved of Adam.

　

"Maybe I should ask my Mom to make sure Neil's speech is family friendly. He knows some pretty un-PG stories," Adam laughs.

　

"Any I don't know?" Tommy ask with a raised eyebrow. He'd known a lot about Adam as his friend, but as his partner he's got a ton of stories from Adam's family, yet another perk of being engaged to a man he loves more than anything.

　

"Nope, but would you like Neil to tell the story of how he walked in on me and you last week?" Adam asks.

　

Tommy blushes. They'd been at the house. Neil had been coming to meet them to go for a suit fitting, they had thought they had more time before they needed to be ready to leave. Neither of them had heard the knock and Neil, who had a key had let himself in when no one answered. He'd found them fucking on the living room floor. He claimed to be scared for life and refused to sit on any of the furniture in case they had had sex on it. Tommy had thought it was best not to tell Neil that they had in fact fucked around on most of their furniture, including both couches and the arm chair. Tommy had a feeling Neil won't let himself into their home again in a hurry.

　

"He wouldn't tell that story, would he?" Tommy asks, biting his lip. He does not need Neil telling everyone at his wedding about how he had ended up with rug burn on his ass. 

　

"I don't know," Adam shrugs.

　

"Okay, when we get home you're talking to your Mom about making sure Neil's speech does not included any details of our sex life," Tommy's a fan of dirty jokes and stories, but some things are meant to stay private, like how Tommy looks when Adam has him pinned to the floor, bent over almost in two, calling out Adam's name so loudly that he's surprised Neil hadn't heard them from outside the house. Tommy can't remember, but he might of had his mouth full when Neil first knocked.

　

"I can't believe we're getting married in two weeks. It's going so fast, but slow at the same time, if that makes sense?" Tommy asks. He kind of hates wedding planning, but he'd do it ten times over if it meant getting to marry Adam. He's so in love, he never imagined he could love like this, so completely, with all of his heart. One of the best things about it is knowing that he's loved back the same way. He means just as much to Adam.

　

"I know, I really can't wait to marry you," Adam says softly and Tommy has to kiss him.

　

They get offered dessert, but both of their minds are elsewhere and instead they head back to their room, holding hands the whole way, making out in the elevator like they are already newlyweds. They crash into their hotel room and the whole room is so bright, a warm glow filling the room from the sunset and Tommy makes a choice. He grabs lube and heads for the balcony, stripping on his way there. Adam follows, because Tommy is sure Adam would follow him anywhere when he is taking his clothes off.

　

He ends up on the balcony, naked, skin glowing as the sun sets. Adam is still dressed, but he doesn't need to be naked to look breathtaking in the setting sun.

　

"I want to watch the sun set while you fuck me," Tommy says, tossing the lube to Adam.

　

"You sure no one can see us up here? I don't want anyone seeing you but me," Adam purrs, possessively.

　

"Balcony faces the private pool remember? Just me and you out here. I wouldn't want anyone to see us either. You're all mine, Adam, no one else's. Now get naked and fuck me," Tommy says firmly, turning his back on Adam to look out at the sunset, his hands gripping the railings, fists curled tight as he stares out at the setting sun.

　

He had hear Adam stripping and then he gets to feel the heat of naked skin against his back, Adam's cock pressing against him, skin warm from the setting sun, fingers cool from the lube. Tommy bites his lip and lets Adam take his time, prepping him with an aching slowness and he's a quivering mess by the time Adam pushes into his body and even though he closes his eyes, he can still see the glow of the setting sun.

　

"Adam," he moans out, beyond caring if someone does overhear them. The balcony is private but not risk free, but he doesn't care. He needs Adam and he wants to have him, here at sunset, watching as the sun goes down, almost gone now as Adam starts to rock inside of his body.

　

It's more making love than fucking, but Tommy has no complaints. Adam thrusts into him sweet and slow, his hand on Tommy's cock making the pleasure spike higher and Tommy comes before the sun has even fully set, still a line of gold on the horizon. It's dark and the stars are coming out when Adam comes, but the heat of the sunset is still on his skin as he presses close to Tommy and when they kiss over Tommy's shoulder, all he's thinking of is sunlight.

　

Two weeks to the wedding, he can hardly wait.

　

TBC...


	48. Something Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty eight of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt blue for fanfic100. The day before the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz

"Oh my God," Tommy says softly as Sutan brushes powder onto his face.

　

"Something wrong, Boo?" Sutan asks.

　

"No, apart from the fact that I'm having a heart attack," Tommy says, biting his lip.

　

"You are not having a heart attack. But I'm guessing you mean your nervous, you drama queen?" Sutan says not unkindly.

　

"Yes, I'm nervous. I'm getting married in like an hour and Mike still hasn't found something blue for me to wear and it's meant to be bad luck and I'm totally not superstitious, but I don't want to jinx this wedding, not after all it took to get us here," Tommy says in a fast rush of words. He'll be surprised if Sutan even heard it all. 

　

Sutan stops applying Tommy's makeup, putting the brush he'd been using to one side, but he uses a gentle grip on Tommy's chin to make sure Tommy is looking and paying attention.

　

"Stop freaking out," Sutan says softly.

　

"I'm not freaking out," Tommy lies. He is freaking out, but just because he wants today to be perfect.

　

"You really are, hun," Sutan sighs.

　

"Okay, maybe a little," Tommy admits.

　

"Why? You've been so excited since you and Adam came back from your trip, counting down the days, even the hours till you got married," Sutan isn't lying. Tommy had actually sat down and worked out the hours, hell even the minutes till he got to marry Adam.

　

"I'm more than excited, I want to marry Adam more than I want anything in the world. But the wedding and all the people? Kind of scares me shitless. I don't want to mess it up. Why didn't anyone reminded me that we should have something blue?" Tommy groans. He's not sure why he's fixating on that tradition, but he has been, ever since Neil made some joking comment that morning when he'd brought Tommy flowers from Adam. 

　

They'd spent the night before the wedding apart. Tommy had stayed the night at his Mom's, trying to get some traditions right. Mike said it didn't count because Tommy and Adam had been texting each other all night, but Tommy thinks it does count. He missed Adam, missed sharing a bed with his lover and the flowers and a simple note to let him know he had been missed as well, it had helped. Maybe Tommy thinks he would be less jittery if he'd seen Adam today. It feels weird not being allowed to see Adam whenever he wanted to.

　

"You want your wedding to be perfect?" Sutan asks.

　

"Well yeah," Tommy nods.

　

"Tommy, baby, today is just a day. It'll be great if nothing goes wrong, if it's a perfect ceremony. And I happen to think it will be perfect. But if it's not? That doesn't matter. What matters is getting married. Today is just your wedding day, what matters is your marriage and that I know will be amazing, because you two are a match made in heaven. So take a breath, relax and just enjoy knowing that by the end of the day, you will be married to Adam," Sutan says calmly, his hand resting softly on Tommy's cheek and Tommy takes a breath and takes in what Sutan is saying.

　

"Fuck, you're right, even if our wedding is a circus, I still get to marry Adam, as long as I get married, it doesn't matter what happens. You're right, I was being stupid. Okay, finish doing my makeup, I don't want to be late to my own wedding. I know you're right and it doesn't need to be perfect, but my mom will kill me if I'm late," Tommy says with a smile. He can walk up the aisle without something blue, hell he can trip walking up there, but as long as Adam is waiting for him at the end of that aisle, that is all that matters and Tommy doesn't doubt for a second that Adam will be waiting for him.

　

"Don't fret, I'll make you look your best, which isn't hard. You're already damn pretty," Sutan says with a warm smile and before he can pick up his makeup brush again, Tommy pulls him in for a hug.

　

"Thank you so much for all of this. Not just doing my makeup, but for being here, for helping us plan the wedding, for everything really. You were there for me and Adam before we got our acts together and I can't thank you enough for that," Tommy has to blink to stop himself from tearing up a little, but he thinks fuck it. It's his wedding day, if he ever has a reason to be getting emotional, he has one today, marriage is a big deal. But he doesn't want to cry and spoil the makeup Sutan has already put on him.

　

"Tommy, it is a pleasure. I'm more than happy to be a part of your big day. I love you and Adam both and it makes my heart glad to see the both of you together and happy. I've known Adam longer than I've known you, but you both mean the world to me and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world today but here," Sutan smiles widely and Tommy hugs him again, hiding his face against Sutan's neck and Tommy really likes Sutan's hugs, but they still aren't quite as good as Adam's.

　

"I can't believe he asked me some days you know, let alone that our wedding day is here already," Tommy says, leaning back in his chair so that Sutan can get back to work on his makeup. Tommy's not kidding, his Mom really would kill him if he was late to his own wedding.

　

"Believe it pretty boy. He's so in love with you it's unreal. I can't believe it took him as long as it did to pop the question. Hell when the two of you went on that break? I thought for sure Adam had plans to elope and the two of you would come back married," Sutan hums, working on Tommy's face.

　

"Our folks would have killed us. Not to mention we'd planned most of it by then. But I might have said yes anyway, if he suggested it. I really want to marry him. I never thought I'd be so keen on the idea you know? I had nothing against the idea of getting married, but I never thought I'd want it as badly as I do right now," Tommy admits.

　

"Things change when you fall in love," Sutan says simply.

　

"You're damn right there," Love had turned Tommy's world upside down. There had been ups and downs, good parts and bad parts, but he thinks it has all been worth it to end up at this point. He loves Adam so much, wants to be his husband more than anything and today they get to promise to be together forever in front of all of their friends and family. Tommy likes the idea of everyone seeing what they mean to each other. He thinks he made it pretty damn clear to the world how important Adam was to him when he defended him to the press, but he'll never get sick of showing Adam and everyone else how much he loves Adam. Being in love, caring for someone so deeply, it feels like an emotion that should be shared, he doesn't want to hide how he feels.

　

"God you are the cutest. I'm so happy for you boys," Sutan sounds so happy for them and Tommy can't help but smile back, it's nice knowing the people who care about Adam think that Tommy is the right choice for him. 

　

There is a knock and Sutan calls for them to come in.

　

"I wanted to make sure you weren't naked," Mike says and Tommy can tell by the tone of his voice that he's damn well smirking.

　

"He's in his wedding suit, not his birthday suit," Sutan chuckles.

　

"Did you find something blue?" Tommy asks, his eyes are shut so Sutan can do his makeup, so he can't see for himself.

　

"The only thing I could find was blue boxers. So once your face is finished get out of your pants and put them on. I'm a kick ass best man. I went to every shop you can imagine. Reminded me to not thank Neil for reminding you about the something blue tradition," Mike says, coming closer, Tommy can tell by his voice.

　

Sutan finishes his makeup and then Tommy takes his suit pants off, changes into the blue boxers before getting dressed again. He straightens his tie in the mirror, laughs at Sutan trying to make sure Mike looks presentable. He's so glad he's doing this with these people. It might have been easier, less stressful if he and Adam had eloped, but he is glad they didn't. The day he marries Adam, today is a very special day and he wants to share that with his friends and family.

　

"Are you ready?" Sutan asks.

　

Tommy takes a deep breath and lets it out. He has on his Dad's old cufflinks from when he got married, a new suit and thanks to Mike he has something blue. He's done nothing to jinx himself, including not seeing the groom the night before the wedding. They've planned every detail. The guests have all arrived. Adam is waiting for him.

　

"I'm ready," he's never been more ready for anything in his life.

　

TBC...


	49. Wedding Day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part forty nine of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt white for fanfic100. They don't need to be dressed in white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Almost the end, so if anyone is still reading, thanks for sticking with me.

Adam could remember planning his and Ben's wedding. Ben had wanted white suits, even though white was meant to be for virgins and neither he or Ben could claim to be 'pure' as it where. Adam had thought white suits would be tacky. Ben had thought it would be a good twist on an old tradition. As Adam smoothes his black suit down, he can't help but think he should have known marrying Ben wasn't what he should be doing. Not because Ben liked white suits and Adam didn't, that would be a silly difference to end things over, but because from white suits to a dozen other things, he and Ben had wanted different things, not just from a wedding, but life.

　

Two people in a relationship didn't have to be exactly the same for it to work. Adam thinks being too similar to someone might actually be a bad thing, that he'd get bored. He and Tommy have differences, but none of them make Adam not want to be with Tommy. So he's dressed in black not white, and he's marrying Tommy, not Ben, and he doesn't think for a second that he's making the wrong choice.

　

"Are you ready?" Eber asks. He has white in his hair. He's getting older and earlier today, he had told Adam he was glad to have lived long enough to see Adam become truly happy. He thinks his Dad is prouder of him today than he has ever been. His family all support his career. They are all proud of the music he's made, the success he has had, but he knows they all knew he was looking for something else. He's been looking for a lover, looking for his forever for a long time.

　

"I'm ready, is he ready?" Adam asks, running his hands over his white shirt again, even though Eber has told him over and over that it's not wrinkled. 

　

"He's running on time. I just spoke to Mike. You need to get out there first, don't keep him waiting," Neil says with a grin and Adam's not sure he has ever seen Neil so happy for him. When they were younger, Neil had always thought Adam was a dreamer, his head firmly in the clouds. He doesn't think back then that Neil would have believed Adam if he'd said he was marrying someone: too flighty, not responsible enough. He's a different man now and Neil knows that.

　

"Okay, let's do this," He's nervous, but excited, so excited that his hands are almost shaking. He's marrying Tommy today, the day is finally here and he almost can't believe it. He keeps pinching himself because it feels like a dream. 

　

He adjusts his suit one last time, making sure the white rose on his jacket is perfectly in place. He doesn't want to do a thing to make this day anything but perfect. Not that he thinks Tommy would care if he turned up with his white rose falling off and his white shirt turned pink or grey, because Tommy doesn't care what Adam is wearing, he never does. All Tommy wants out of today is to get married. He let Adam pick out the suits and the venue, Adam thinks he got final say on anything, right down to the white roses and silver cufflinks. 

　

"So he's still here, not run out on me?" Adam asks jokingly. He's not seen Tommy for a day, but he's certain Tommy wouldn't just walk out on him. It took them a long time to get to this point, but now they are here and he's sure neither of them will get cold feet. Tommy might not have cared about what shade of white the flowers or table cloths ended up being, but he'd still been eager to get married. When Adam wanted to do things quickly, he'd agreed, because they both just want to get married.

　

"He's still here. I mean, I told him he should dump your ass, but he wouldn't go for it," Neil smirks.

　

"Neil," Eber groans.

　

"I hate you," Adam sighs. Neil looks nice in his suit, white rose pinned perfectly in place. Adam's sure that was someone else's work, maybe their mom's. He looks the part of best man, even if he is being a jackass. 

　

"I was only kidding. I'm happy for you, you know I am," Neil says seriously.

　

"I know you are," Adam smiles. He can forgive Neil for trying to wind him up a little. He's in such a good mood that it just bounces off of him.

　

"Let's go then," Eber says firmly with one last check to make sure his white shirt and black suit still look sharp, fashionable. Tommy would still marry him if he showed up looking like a slob, but he wants to give Tommy the best, a wedding he'll remember because it was an amazing day.

　

Adam can feel all eyes on him as he walks up the aisle. All his and Tommy's friends are there, their family and they all look great. Adam is so glad to see them all here. He wants everyone in his life to see how much he loves Tommy. God, does he love him, more than anything. He can't imagine life without him, not now that he's been with him for real. 

　

He stands there for a few moments and then the doors open and Tommy walks in with his Mom and Mike. Adam knows Tommy would have liked his Dad to have been here today, to see this, but Adam likes to think that somewhere, he is looking down on them today. He hopes if Tommy's Dad's spirit is watching them that he approves. Adam loves Tommy, he'll look after him in every way he can and he thinks that's all Tommy's Dad would have wanted. 

　

Tommy looks incredible in his black suit, his white rose pinned onto the left, just like Adam's and he's not sure they even talked about that. Adam's not sure if having a flower on one side or the other means anything. He knows flowers have meanings, but he'd only picked the white roses because they were beautiful and he wanted Tommy to wear a beautiful flower for their wedding. 

　

When Tommy draws level with him, Adam takes his hand, smiling, his world narrowing down to just Tommy. They might as well be alone for all he cares. Tommy is the only person who truly matters to him in this room right now. They are going to say their vows and then they will be lead through the ceremony to make their marriage official.

　

He has to clear his throat before he can start because his throat is tight with emotion. He can't believe this is happening now. He can't believe he's finally marrying the man of his dreams. He's almost overwhelmed with the love he's feeling for Tommy right now.

　

"Today, as I give myself to you, my mind is clear and my commitment is strong and without reservation. I take you to be my life's partner. I will never leave you nor forsake you; I will spend all my days at your side. We will share a lifetime of eternal, immeasurable love." 

　

Adam has his vows memorized and he had looked at so many ceremonies, but those words, they were the ones that spoke to him, made him think of Tommy. He wants to spend his whole life with Tommy, he can't imagine loving anyone more. Tommy hasn't heard his vows before today, but from the smile on his face, the shine in his eyes, Adam thinks he got it right. He can't wait to hear what Tommy picked to say to him.

　

"I love you. You are my best friend. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

　

Tommy's voice shakes at the end, but he's smiling softly and Adam knows that Tommy doesn't really like speaking in public, not in front of a lot of people, so it means a lot to Adam that Tommy found such beautiful words. He doesn't think Tommy could have said anything better. Tommy loves him, Adam knows he does and he couldn't imagine Tommy saying anything more perfect to him.

　

"Okay, now Adam, if you would like to repeat after me," Adam doesn't look away from Tommy, he just nods.

　

"I, Adam, take you, Tommy, to be my husband."

　

"I, Adam, take you, Tommy, to be my husband," Adam holds onto Tommy's hand a little tighter. He feels like he's so full of emotion that he's going to burst, but he knows he just has to listen and repeat.

　

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." Adam repeats and he's almost glad it's Tommy's turn now, because he doesn't think he can talk anymore. He wants to cry and laugh at the same time, he wants to kiss Tommy so badly. He wants them to be married so badly.

　

"I, Tommy, take you, Adam, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. " Tommy's voice doesn't shake this time, but he looks like Adam feels and his eyes are on Adam only.

　

"The rings," The man who is marrying them asks and Neil and Mike get out the rings and Adam puts his ring on Tommy's finger first, then Tommy slips Adam's wedding band on, Adam's hand shaking just a little.

　

"With the power invested in me, I now pronounce you married and you may now kiss each other," Adam can tell from his voice that the man is smiling, but Adam can't be bothered to turn and look at him to check, because he has permission to kiss Tommy now. They are married now.

　

He pulls Tommy close and kisses Tommy. He tries to keep it chaste, it's a wedding, not the honeymoon, but he wishes he could kiss Tommy for longer. When they break apart, they are both smiling and Adam doesn't ever, ever want to let go of Tommy. 

　

"I love you," Adam says softly, his arms still around Tommy.

　

"I love you, too," Tommy almost whispers and Adam can't keep the smile off of his face.

　

They go off to one of the dressing rooms first, to have a little private time, which Adam spends making out with his new husband. He presses Tommy against the door as soon as they get inside and he's probably wrinkling his suit, but he doesn't care. His white rose is getting a little bit flattened, but he doesn't care about that either, all he cares about is Tommy's lips under his.

　

"I can't believe we're finally married," Adam says against Tommy's lips.

　

"I know. I was so nervous, but it went so quick and now we're together and I literally cannot stop smiling right now. I think giddy is the right word to describe how I feel right now," Tommy says and his smile is so beautiful that Adam never wants to see him doing anything but smile like this.

　

"We have a party to go to," Adam groans. They have a big meal planned, all their closest friends and family and then more of a party, dancing, drinking, a whole day of celebrating and Adam wants to celebrate with everyone, but he kind of wishes he could have some real alone time with Tommy right now.

　

"The sooner we go to it, the sooner we can leave. I love everyone and I want to party with them, but I also really want to see you naked," Tommy tells him.

　

"Me too, so much. I wish we could just slop off for an hour," They're considering it, he can tell Tommy is when someone starts pounding on the door.

　

"The car's here, you can fuck later!" Neil yells, following it up with another thud.

　

"Sometimes . . . I hate my brother," Adam groans.

　

"Come on, he won't leave us alone now. Just remember, we have a swanky hotel room tonight, the honeymoon suite and then in the morning we fly off to spend two weeks away from the world. No work, no family, no friends, just us and a big ass bed. The place has room service, we don't even have to leave the room if we don't want to," Tommy's voice has something sultry to it that goes straight to Adam's dick. He has to kiss Tommy again, he can't resist. He groans and curses when Neil bangs on the door again.

　

"Alright, alright, we'll be out in a minute," Adam yells, drawing reluctantly away from Tommy, from his husband.

　

When Tommy steps away, the white petals of Adam's rose falls between them and it makes Adam think of the red rose petals he's asked to have on the bed in the hotel. Tommy sometimes says he's bad at romance, but Adam knows that he loves romantic things. He thinks Tommy will like the way the red rose petals look on the white bed sheets.

　

"Later," Tommy promises.

　

Adam gets rid of the stem on his jacket and tries to clean up the white petals and then he takes Tommy's hand and they leave the room. Neil's waiting, looking more amused than annoyed and he leads them to the car that is waiting and before he knows it, they are sat in a huge room, decorated in white and black, eating a wonderful meal and then it's time for the speeches and Neil is going first and Adam can't help being nervous.

　

"Well you all probably know that I'm Adam's little brother. Having Adam as a big brother was actually kind of awesome. He never tried to steal my toys when we were kids or my computer games when we were older. Adam didn't beat me up or pick on me, don't get me wrong, we fought like cats and dogs anyway, but I couldn't ask for a better big brother." Neil pauses and Adam has to hold Tommy's hand tighter, he'd been spending so much time worried that Neil would make jokes or tell stories that would embarrass him that he hadn't really thought about what Neil would say.

　

"We were always different. Adam's more artistic, creative, he's a free spirit. But I think we both always believed in love, believed that when you found the right person that it could last forever," Neil looks at them both and Adam's throat feels tight again and he never thought he'd be the type of guy to cry at his own wedding.

　

"I'm still looking for that kind of love, but I know for sure that Adam has found that. It's in the way he looks at Tommy, in the way that Tommy looks back at him and honestly? I couldn't be happier for both of you. You have the kind of love that people dream about finding and I know you'll show each other that every day," Neil blushes a little and he's good at talking in public. Adam never expected to see Neil blushing as he gave his speech.

　

"I love you both and I wish you all the best, you both deserve to be happy and I guess that's all I have, so to Adam and Tommy," Neil raises his glass and they all toast and Adam's heart feels too big for his chest.

　

Mike goes next and Tommy is hiding his face against Adam's arm before he even begins. Adam pets his head, trying to comfort him.

　

"I've known Tommy for a long time, through good and bad years. Finding and losing people. But through it all, he's always been a good friend, a good brother, because to me, Tommy is family. I promised no embarrassing stories, so I won't be telling any, I think we all know plenty anyway," Mike says with a grin and Tommy slowly stops hiding.

　

"Tommy didn't have a lot of luck in love before Adam. To me, it always looked like he was searching for something that he couldn't find, but he found it in Adam. I don't know Adam as well as I probably should, but I know what matters. He makes Tommy smile, makes him happier than I've ever seen him. I'm not sure if soulmates are a real thing, but if they are, I think that description fits Tommy and Adam. So all I have to say is have a kick ass future guys, because you deserve it," Mike holds his glass up and there is another toast and they're all a little emotional. Adam hadn't imagined he'd feel so much today. He's not just feeling love for Tommy, but for all the people who are here and happy for them.

　

After dinner and the speeches are done, Adam leads Tommy out to the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple. They both plan to dance with their mothers next, seen as neither of them thought a first dance with their fathers would work and Tommy didn't even have that option, because he had sadly lost his father already. Adam thinks his Dad was relieved when Adam had said he wouldn't make him dance. Eber wasn't exactly known for his grace and style on the dance floor.

　

Adam wraps his arms around Tommy and smiles as a slowed down cover of Enter Sandman starts playing. When they'd planned the first dance it had seemed like the perfect choice to Adam, it seemed like thier song to him.

　

"You're lucky this is a slow dance," Tommy ways softly, his white rose getting crushed instead of Adam's this time, but they have lots of pictures already, nothing has to be perfect. 

　

"You're not as bad at fast as you think," Adam smiles.

　

"Do you remember playing Enter Sandman for my birthday in Auckland?" Tommy asks, but Adam knows he's not actually asking if Adam remembers, because of course he does, he's just reminiscing.

　

"Like it was yesterday," Adam can remember thinking of the idea, deciding to do the song at the show and he remembers Tommy's face when he realized they were going to play it for real, to a huge audience that seemed to love Tommy's present as much as Tommy had.

　

"That night, when you kissed me, I never wanted you to stop," Tommy admits.

　

"I never wanted to stop kissing you either," Adam sighs. They wasted so much time, he wishes he'd pressed for more sooner, but maybe then hadn't been the right time. They needed to grow more before they could really be together. Adam's not going to spend today regretting missed chances, because they are together now and that is all that matters.

　

"Sing it for me again sometime?" Tommy asks.

　

"I'll sing any song you want. I might not be a metal head, but I can rock and I'll rock whatever you want me to," Adam promises.

　

"Even Manson?" Tommy says with a wicked grin.

　

"Even Manson," Adam nods, because even though Manson is nothing like his singing style, he would sing any song for Tommy, anything to see him smile.

　

"I love you so much," Tommy says as the song changes and other people come onto the dance floor. Adam kisses Tommy before they both pull back, ready to find their mothers.

　

"I love you, too, more than anything," He has to drag himself away, but he likes dancing with his Mom, seeing her so happy for him. But he gets back to Tommy as soon as he can. It's their wedding day, he is allowed to spend as much of it as he likes with Tommy, with his husband.

　

It's dark by the time they get to the hotel and Adam puts on a lamp before he starts taking off his suit, watching Tommy take off his as well. Tommy smiles when he sees the bed, the rose petals against the bright white sheets and he falls back on the bed, watching Adam with hungry eyes and Adam can't resist, not even a second. He gets some lube out of a bag ready. This isn't the first time they haven't used a condom when they were together, but Adam doesn't think they will ever use one again, unless it's in a situation where they need to avoid a mess, like if they are together outside of the bedroom or if they are trying to be quick about things. He doesn't need to be quick now. Their flight isn't till tomorrow, he can take his time with Tommy.

　

Adam presses between Tommy's legs and kisses him, hard and fast, deep. He loves that he is kissing his husband now, that Tommy is his husband. They make out till Tommy is whimpering, his legs spread as wide around Adam as they can go and Adam can't hold on any longer, he has to touch him. So he slicks up his fingers with lube and starts working Tommy open, loving every little sound that his husband makes. 

　

He opens Tommy up slowly and then presses into his body slowly. He wants to make love with his husband, not to fuck him. Tommy clings to him, meets Adam's lazy thrusts, it's sweet and slow and so intense. Adam hadn't known sex could be like this before Tommy. It's not that he didn't enjoy sex before, but there is just something about being with Tommy that makes his heart race.

　

The pleasure builds between them and Adam wraps a hand around Tommy's cock when he feels himself getting close, wanting them to finish as close together as he can. He comes first anyway, but Tommy is only moments behind him and they both moan out each other's names, holding on to each other. They lay together, skin slick with sweat, white sheets tangled, red petals stuck to their skin and Adam has never felt better.

　

"I love you," Adam says, because he doesn't think he can ever say it enough.

　

"I love you, too, forever," Tommy promises.

　

"Forever," Adam echoes, because he means it, too. 

　

They fall asleep in each other's arms, together as husbands for the first time, but Adam knows it won't be the last.

　

TBC...


	50. Happy Ending.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part fifty of the Broken vows verse' and a fill for the prompt new year for fanfic100. There first party since the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Really long fic that does included cheating, so if you hate reading that this probably isn't the fic for you. Almost the end, so if anyone is still reading, thanks for sticking with me. This is the end here, the happy ending I promised.

Three months after there wedding and a honeymoon spent completely in the hotel room, it's New Year's and they decided to throw a party in their house. It's the first big party since the wedding and Tommy is happy that he's going to see all his favorite people in one place, but it doesn't mean he's learned to like party planning any better. Luckily he has a husband and a mother in law who are more than happy to take charge. So he can't take credit for how good the house and garden look. The amazing food spread out isn't anything he picked, neither is the booze on ice or the music on the stereo. But Adam says it's still their party, even if Tommy did skip out on pretty much all the party planning. 

　

It's dark by the time most of the guests start arriving, but Adam has all kinds of lights in the garden and Neil had arrived earlier to get started on the BBQ, to cook the hot food options for the party. He's in the back while Tommy and Adam are inside, greeting each guest as they arrive. Tommy's never hosted a New Year's party before, he's been to plenty, but he was never the host and he sure as hell hasn't hosted as part of a couple, because when he had been dating on New Year's Eve, he didn't think it had ever been serious, but things with Adam are very serious. Some days, Tommy can't believe he's actually married, that he got the man of his dreams, but he did and he does and he doesn't need the ring on his finger to prove it, but he sure as hell likes having a reminder.

　

Isaac and Sophie arrive, without his godson and Sophie explains that her mom is baby sitting for the night.

　

"She's not bringing him back till tomorrow afternoon. I'm torn between being happy that I can drink for once and freaking out because I miss my baby," Sophie sighs and Tommy has to pull her in for a hug.

　

"I miss him, too, I don't get a hug?" Isaac asks and Tommy laughs, pulling Isaac in for a hug without letting go of Sophie. He feels Adam crowd close, joining in the hug and Tommy can't stop himself from grinning like an idiot. He's so fucking happy, it's like a dream. He won't ever forget lonely nights where it felt like his only friend was the bottle he went to bed with, but he knows now that there are people who will always be there for him, people who are his family, even though they're not his blood.

　

"Come on, you should join the party," Adam says, drawing back and Tommy lets go as well, taking a step back so that he can lean against Adam's chest. He's always been a cuddler, but he can't seem to keep his hands off Adam these days. But then why should he? He's allowed to touch his husband all he wants.

　

"I want to get tipsy and kiss you at midnight," Sophie says to Isaac with a smile. She's tucked in under Isaac's arm and Tommy knows they get it. Isaac and Sophie are totally and completely in love with each other. They get him wanting to touch Adam all the time, get him wanting to always be with Adam.

　

Tommy doesn't understand how Isaac manages to go on tour and leave Sophie, but a new tour is coming up soon and Isaac is signed up for it. He won't just be leaving his wife this time either, he'll be leaving his son. But Tommy knows that Sophie has promised to come and visit as often as possible. She probably won't make it to shows in places like Japan, but while they are in America, Sophie and his and Adam's adorable little godson will be regular visitors. 

　

"I like the way you think, but first, food. I'm starving," Isaac says with a happy grin and Adam points the way out back, even though Isaac and Sophie have both been over before. But Adam's a good host, he's always making sure guests are comfortable and have everything that they need. Sophie and Isaac go and join the other guests and Tommy and Adam wait for the last few people to show up.

　

Brad and Sutan are last to arrive, which doesn't surprise anyone. Tommy would put even money on at least one of them running stupidly late when getting ready for a party. But he knows there is no point in asking them who's fault it is. They will both just blame the other any way, and they'll never get to the truth. So Tommy skips asking and just throws himself at Sutan for a hug, making sure he clings like a monkey, because he might be a married man, but he still gets to cuddle with other people. It's just that Adam's his favorite, but then that's been true for a lot longer than they have been married.

　

"Baby," Sutan says happily, more than used to Tommy by now. He's always been taller than Tommy, even today when Tommy's boots have a bit of a heel to them and Sutan is in flats. But being short doesn't bother him the way it once had. He finds that a lot of things don't bother him the way they used to. His Mom says it's because he's content, happily married and so blissed out that the little things that had once seemed a lot bigger just don't effect him the way they once had. Being with Adam has been good for him. Maybe not when they were sneaking around. Back then, he thinks they were both bad for each other, causing so much drama, but now, now they are together with no secrets, no lies, no other people in the picture. It's better than good, they are great for each other now, perfect for each other.

　

"You both look very smart," Brad says, looking them both over before giving them each a hug. Tommy elbows Adam when it looks like he might say something. Brad totally doesn't need to know that Adam picked out Tommy's outfit for the party. From Sutan's smirk he's guessed anyway, but then there have been plenty of times that Tommy called up Sutan for fashion advice. Normally he got half way through dressing and decided he didn't like what he was wearing and he knew Sutan would know what he should wear to suit any situation.

　

"You both look amazing, but you're late. Now go get some damn food before it strikes midnight, and find someone to kiss, unless you want to go a year without a kiss," Adam orders and Sutan and Brad both smile, heading for the back of the house and Tommy would swear that he sees a look pass between them.

　

"I have to be seeing things," Tommy says once they are out of ear shot. 

　

"Seeing what?" Adam asks.

　

"The way they looked at each other, it was like they already knew who they were kissing at midnight, each other," Tommy says slowly.

　

"Really? I wasn't looking. I mean do you think they're together, like dating? Or hooking up? Sutan would have told you, right? And Brad can't keep a secret for shit," Adam says thoughtfully.

　

"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if they do kiss at midnight," Tommy suggests, taking Adam's hand, ready to go join his friends and family.

　

"Oh, I won't be looking at Brad and Sutan at midnight. The only person I need to see then is you," Adam says, using his hand to tug Tommy closer to his side and then he steals a kick kiss, making Tommy smile.

　

"Yeah, I think you're right. We are going to be much too busy at midnight for you to be looking at anyone other than me," Tommy says with a grin.

　

"You're cute as hell when you're cocky," Adam laughs.

　

"I thought I was always cute as fuck?" Tommy asks, stopping them in the kitchen doorway, wanting a second before they go into the garden. This is his last chance for a little alone time with Adam, because from now till some time after midnight, they are going to be surrounded by people. Which is one of the many reasons Tommy used to get Adam to spend a few hours in bed that afternoon, a few very satisfying hours.

　

"Of course you are, cute as fuck, hot as fuck, lots of things to do with fucking," Adam grins and Tommy has to drag him in for a kiss.

　

"Break it up, it's not midnight," A voice interrupts loudly and Tommy pulls back from Adam to find Neil smirking at them.

　

"We're married, we don't need to wait till midnight to kiss," Adam says with a glare.

　

"You're also hosts, which means you actually need to talk to your party guests, not just hide away in the kitchen making out," Neil complains.

　

"Alright, alright, party time," Tommy groans, pulling himself away from Adam in an effort to be social.

　

They join the party, but even when they are talking to other people, Tommy can't keep himself from searching out Adam in the crowed and he can feel Adam's eyes on him whenever his back is turned. After a while, they give up trying to circulate separately and just go around the party together, hip to hip, but not lip to lip because Neil is a total Kiss Nazi who thinks no one should kiss until midnight. If he wasn't so good at cooking, Tommy might tell him to fuck off, but he actually likes his brother-in-law, always has. Neil's been kind of awesome about the wedding and everything else.

　

The count down to midnight comes soon enough though and Tommy is in Adam's arms the moment everyone starts counting while people are still coupling up, because there is only one person he wants to kiss, tonight and for the every New Year's Eve from this one on. He wants to kiss Adam every night, every day, for the rest of his life.

　

"Ten," Adam calls out in time to everyone else. Tommy doesn't bother counting, he just watches Adam's lips move as he forms each number. 

　

And then Adam kisses him, and he knows it must be midnight, not that he really cares if Adam has jumped the gun and kissed him early. They are still kissing long after the fireworks start to go off, kissing each other deep and slow and when Adam finally breaks the kiss, he nips gently at Tommy's lip and it makes Tommy moan softly.

　

"Happy New Year's," Adam says softly, taking a step back, ready to celebrate with everyone else. 

　

"Happy New Year's," Tommy says, letting go so that Adam can walk away from him. 

　

Adam walks over to his mom, but he stops a second, turning back to face Tommy over his shoulder. He smiles softly and Tommy's heart flips. He thinks that as long as Adam has the power to make him feel like that, they will be okay. Adam always has made his heartbeat just a little bit faster, and Tommy's sure he always will.

　

The End


End file.
